Are you a dynamic, results orientated team player that excels at fast paced problem solving?
December 16, 2010 10:42 AM Subscribe
LinkedIn has analyzed the millions of resumes stored on the site and revealed the top 10 most overused, cliched, buzzwords used on resumes this year. Number 1 is "Extensive Experience."
Five bucks says "entrepreneurial" is misspelled at least half the time.
posted by griphus at 10:47 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by griphus at 10:47 AM on December 16, 2010
Somehow, this feels mean-spirited on their part. "Look at our lame users and how they all say the same thing, yuk yuk yuk!" Maybe the issue is not that everybody in the US is using "Extensive Experience" in their LinkedIn profile, maybe the issue is that a majority of the unemployed people using LinkedIn have "extensive experience" and still can't find a job.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:47 AM on December 16, 2010 [47 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:47 AM on December 16, 2010 [47 favorites]
1, 4, and 5 are all present in the first 2 sentences of my resume. Sigh... In my defense though, all 10 buzzwords seem to be littered throughout every job listing I respond to. Unfortunately, it's what the first level of screeners in corporate HR departments are looking for. You need a buzzword resume for the HR department, and a real one for your future manager.
posted by COD at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by COD at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2010
My girlfriend said she had "extensive experience," but I told her I was not looking to hire a receptionist.
posted by Postroad at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2010 [5 favorites]
posted by Postroad at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2010 [5 favorites]
My resume contains no buzzwords, just the solid information about my education and experience. All the embellishing goes in the cover letter.
posted by naju at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by naju at 10:48 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
As an innovative, results-oriented problem solver with a proven track record for being a team player but only limited experience, I am outraged at the resume padding going on at LinkedIn. I will be sharing this mission-critical information when I connect with colleagues on a go-forward basis.
posted by gompa at 10:49 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by gompa at 10:49 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
There's no internet tradition more embarrassing than "look at our dumb users". This is right up there in cruelty with those sites that post bad cover letters.
I mean, seriously. Many people aren't great writers, and business writing tends to be extra lame? Stop the presses!
posted by downing street memo at 10:50 AM on December 16, 2010
I mean, seriously. Many people aren't great writers, and business writing tends to be extra lame? Stop the presses!
posted by downing street memo at 10:50 AM on December 16, 2010
Don't blame the candidates, blame the recruiters. People tend to put in their resumés what recruiters look for in their job adverts.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:50 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by MuffinMan at 10:50 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
Best line I ever used in a resume: "I've been told I have a pleasant speaking-voice." Man I gotta throw that back on there.
posted by facetious at 10:53 AM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by facetious at 10:53 AM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
And in a conservative business setting, believe it or not, cliches might be valued. You want to be a team player after all, don't rock the boat too hard. Just put in the same adjectives everyone else does. Otherwise, who do you think you are, T.S. Eliot?
posted by naju at 10:54 AM on December 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
posted by naju at 10:54 AM on December 16, 2010 [4 favorites]
Your LinkedIn profile is an extension of your brand
No cliche there, of course...
posted by bumpkin at 10:54 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
No cliche there, of course...
posted by bumpkin at 10:54 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
What makes "extensive experience" a buzzword? It's plain English that describes exactly what it means. Clunky? Sure. But we're not writing novels here.
posted by me & my monkey at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by me & my monkey at 10:55 AM on December 16, 2010 [7 favorites]
Number 2: Freestyle DJ
Number 3: Sartorial Madman
Number 4: Interpol Fugitive
Number 5: I will say whatever you need to hire me, please help.
and so on.
My first reaction is to reminisce about the number of recruiting companies who "prefer" (will not accept without) a skill list broken down into 3-or-5 strength categories. When a large number of employers prefer seeing "Extensive/Strong/Some" experience in a bulleted list, of course people are gonna mimic that instinctively.
posted by boo_radley at 10:56 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Number 3: Sartorial Madman
Number 4: Interpol Fugitive
Number 5: I will say whatever you need to hire me, please help.
and so on.
My first reaction is to reminisce about the number of recruiting companies who "prefer" (will not accept without) a skill list broken down into 3-or-5 strength categories. When a large number of employers prefer seeing "Extensive/Strong/Some" experience in a bulleted list, of course people are gonna mimic that instinctively.
posted by boo_radley at 10:56 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Too prolix.
posted by scratch at 10:57 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by scratch at 10:57 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Ok now someone has to analyze the most over-used, cliched, meaningless phrases used in job descriptions and by HR drones evaluating resumes.
posted by spicynuts at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by spicynuts at 10:58 AM on December 16, 2010 [7 favorites]
I have Expensive Experience.
posted by LordSludge at 10:59 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by LordSludge at 10:59 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
The good news: "Buzzword" itself is approaching the tipping-point, after which all these expressions will be reset for acceptable usage.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
me & my monkey: "What makes "extensive experience" a buzzword? It's plain English that describes exactly what it means. Clunky? Sure. But we're not writing novels here."
Would it kill them to shake it up a bit?
"experienced as all get-out"
"a metric fuckton of experience"
"hella experienced"
Eh... never mind.
posted by brundlefly at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2010 [18 favorites]
Would it kill them to shake it up a bit?
"experienced as all get-out"
"a metric fuckton of experience"
"hella experienced"
Eh... never mind.
posted by brundlefly at 11:00 AM on December 16, 2010 [18 favorites]
Apparently, I have extensive experience ahead of the curve. I've been using that catchphrase for a decade. Apparently it's time to whip out the dynamism and innovate with some new terms for that resumé.
posted by wierdo at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by wierdo at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
weapons-grade pandemonium: "The good news: "Buzzword" itself is approaching the tipping-point..."
*BZZZZZZ!*
posted by brundlefly at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2010 [7 favorites]
*BZZZZZZ!*
posted by brundlefly at 11:01 AM on December 16, 2010 [7 favorites]
extensive experience in being ahead of the curve, even. I really do proofread most of the time, even if it doesn't show on Mefi.
posted by wierdo at 11:02 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by wierdo at 11:02 AM on December 16, 2010
Give your profile a makeover now by making your it more actionable, from start to finish and lose those clichéd terms.
Good thing we have LinkedIn to teach us all meaningful, clear and correct English.
posted by Curious Artificer at 11:02 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
Good thing we have LinkedIn to teach us all meaningful, clear and correct English.
posted by Curious Artificer at 11:02 AM on December 16, 2010 [10 favorites]
My resume is just a GURPS character sheet.
posted by empath at 11:03 AM on December 16, 2010 [28 favorites]
posted by empath at 11:03 AM on December 16, 2010 [28 favorites]
I'm still trying to figure out why so many LinkedIn users use the kind of MySpace-angle photos that OKCupid says is surprisingly effective. Maybe the entire net is turning into a single Borg-like social networking site.
[Your comment is 65% complete! Start a pointless fight in MetaTalk to get to 75!]
posted by maudlin at 11:08 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
[Your comment is 65% complete! Start a pointless fight in MetaTalk to get to 75!]
posted by maudlin at 11:08 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I like "results-oriented." It doesn't really say anything, does it? Producing results is sort of implicit in being hired for a job.
I do think management-speak can be a whole lot more grating, though, especially in a meeting context. Like starting what you want to say with, "Here's the thing." This is like saying, "I am about to say something" before you say it. It's utterly redundant, unless you follow it by putting a box on the table, opening it, and having a human hand rise out of it, snapping its fingers.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:11 AM on December 16, 2010 [11 favorites]
I do think management-speak can be a whole lot more grating, though, especially in a meeting context. Like starting what you want to say with, "Here's the thing." This is like saying, "I am about to say something" before you say it. It's utterly redundant, unless you follow it by putting a box on the table, opening it, and having a human hand rise out of it, snapping its fingers.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 11:11 AM on December 16, 2010 [11 favorites]
My resume is just a GURPS character sheet.
It shows you're flexible.
posted by drezdn at 11:11 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
What makes "extensive experience" a buzzword? It's plain English that describes exactly what it means. Clunky? Sure. But we're not writing novels here.
I think the problem is that "extensive" doesn't really indicate a particular amount of experience. How many varieties of cheese are in an extensive cheese selection? If a buzzword is something vague that is supposed to sound good, then this surely is one.
posted by snofoam at 11:13 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I think the problem is that "extensive" doesn't really indicate a particular amount of experience. How many varieties of cheese are in an extensive cheese selection? If a buzzword is something vague that is supposed to sound good, then this surely is one.
posted by snofoam at 11:13 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Here's the thing: at the end of the day, a buzzword is a buzzword is a buzzword.
posted by snofoam at 11:16 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by snofoam at 11:16 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
THIS JUST IN: "OKCupid has analyzed millions of wedding vows, and revealed the top 10 most overused, cliched, buzzwords used this year. Number 1 is 'I Love You.'"
Seriously. Some phrases are overused in certain contexts, because they make perfect sense in that context!
posted by schmod at 11:16 AM on December 16, 2010 [15 favorites]
Seriously. Some phrases are overused in certain contexts, because they make perfect sense in that context!
posted by schmod at 11:16 AM on December 16, 2010 [15 favorites]
Give your profile a makeover now by making your it more actionable, from start to finish and lose those clichéd terms.
Like "actionable" and "makeover".
posted by mikepop at 11:16 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Like "actionable" and "makeover".
posted by mikepop at 11:16 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Just because a term or phrase is used often does not mean it is overused or bad to have on your resume.
Nor does it mean that you need to update your resume and log into LinkedIn again and upload your new resume.
posted by stevenstevo at 11:18 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Nor does it mean that you need to update your resume and log into LinkedIn again and upload your new resume.
posted by stevenstevo at 11:18 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ok now someone has to analyze the most over-used, cliched, meaningless phrases used in job descriptions and by HR drones evaluating resumes.
Oh christ yes. And how about that nonsense where your cover letter should be like three sentences because the recruiter can't be bothered to read anything longer and yet the job description is like four pages and the online application form takes an hour and a half.
posted by scratch at 11:19 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Oh christ yes. And how about that nonsense where your cover letter should be like three sentences because the recruiter can't be bothered to read anything longer and yet the job description is like four pages and the online application form takes an hour and a half.
posted by scratch at 11:19 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Shows what the US's problem is though: the rest of the world is busy being innovative and dynamic, and we're still trying to get by on our extensive experience
posted by jermsplan at 11:19 AM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by jermsplan at 11:19 AM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
"experienced as all get-out"
"a metric fuckton of experience"
"hella experienced"
supercalifragilisticexperiencedalidocious
posted by blucevalo at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
"a metric fuckton of experience"
"hella experienced"
supercalifragilisticexperiencedalidocious
posted by blucevalo at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Interestingly enough, the most-used phrase in my resume is "took ownership", and it's no small thing to say that it's overwhelmingly a "problem solver" resume, even without said phrase occurring in it.
That being said, while perfectly happy where I am now, I keep mine updated for the "oh shit" moment, and make sure I'm on friendly terms with the headhunters that call on occasion.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
That being said, while perfectly happy where I am now, I keep mine updated for the "oh shit" moment, and make sure I'm on friendly terms with the headhunters that call on occasion.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:20 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Problem: you really do have extensive experience in the subject being asked for. To quantify: you have done more projects, for more clients and over a longer period than 95% of those in your field. But you know your prospective recruiters appreciate concision - so there is no way in hell you are going to list all the details and expect them to read through it.
For these people just summarising with "extensive experience" sounds like a reasonable solution.
Problem: you don't have extensive experience in the field -just a little - but you really need a job - and you feel once you had your feet under the desk you could do it OK. You could say "some experience" and be truthful but you know that the recruiters are trying to filter through mounds of applications by setting their automatic resume filters to be as stringent as possible.
For for those people "extensive experience" is also a reasonable option.
What is odd - in an article coming from LinkedIn - is that they fail to promote the fact that it is increasingly your network of links and recommendations which are likely to land you a job - not your resumé so much.
posted by rongorongo at 11:21 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
For these people just summarising with "extensive experience" sounds like a reasonable solution.
Problem: you don't have extensive experience in the field -just a little - but you really need a job - and you feel once you had your feet under the desk you could do it OK. You could say "some experience" and be truthful but you know that the recruiters are trying to filter through mounds of applications by setting their automatic resume filters to be as stringent as possible.
For for those people "extensive experience" is also a reasonable option.
What is odd - in an article coming from LinkedIn - is that they fail to promote the fact that it is increasingly your network of links and recommendations which are likely to land you a job - not your resumé so much.
posted by rongorongo at 11:21 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
I believe there's a "wide experience" on mine, but none of the others. Still haven't got a job. Maybe I should take "wide experience" out. Or maybe that bit that says "Look, I'm fucking awesome. Seriously, do yourselves a favour and just give me the job already."
posted by Decani at 11:21 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by Decani at 11:21 AM on December 16, 2010
empath: My resume is just a GURPS character sheet.
Okay, I totally want to see that now.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:23 AM on December 16, 2010
Okay, I totally want to see that now.
posted by Old'n'Busted at 11:23 AM on December 16, 2010
#1 reason why people continue on in jobs they hate - health insurance. I'll bet a very close second is the mere thought of having to update their resume.
posted by any major dude at 11:25 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by any major dude at 11:25 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Skills:
- I will actualize the fuck out of your core competencies.
- Stock up on diapers because I'm gonna make brain-babies in every last one of your strategic initiatives.
- I hope your budget is kinky, because I'm coming in under it.
posted by cortex at 11:27 AM on December 16, 2010 [59 favorites]
- I will actualize the fuck out of your core competencies.
- Stock up on diapers because I'm gonna make brain-babies in every last one of your strategic initiatives.
- I hope your budget is kinky, because I'm coming in under it.
posted by cortex at 11:27 AM on December 16, 2010 [59 favorites]
Maybe it's not my resume that's the problem, but the online applications that insist on knowing my salaries for the last three jobs (none of your *&*%% business!) and exactly what salary I will work for (so now I have no room to negotiate). Some will let you leave those blank, but others will not. It's enraging.
Used to be those were instant "not applying" situations for me, but in this economy, I've been tempted. Instead, I just stay where I am and wait for better times.
People doing the hiring do not really read resumes anyway; they skim them. "Got A, B, and C? Not got anything that makes me wonder about them/sounds iffy? Give 'em a call." And there is always a risk that refusing the cliches and doing something "creative" will just earn you a fast trip to the circular file, because now they can't skim you and categorize you quickly, and hey, there's 100 other resumes to go through too.
posted by emjaybee at 11:29 AM on December 16, 2010
Used to be those were instant "not applying" situations for me, but in this economy, I've been tempted. Instead, I just stay where I am and wait for better times.
People doing the hiring do not really read resumes anyway; they skim them. "Got A, B, and C? Not got anything that makes me wonder about them/sounds iffy? Give 'em a call." And there is always a risk that refusing the cliches and doing something "creative" will just earn you a fast trip to the circular file, because now they can't skim you and categorize you quickly, and hey, there's 100 other resumes to go through too.
posted by emjaybee at 11:29 AM on December 16, 2010
How about the Top 10 under used?
"drug-addled"
"child-porn"
"cock-master"
"Pigspittle, OH"
"dripping-wet"
"Jew-Fro"
"He was a total dick."
"blood donor"
"Refrigerator box"
"soup line"
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:30 AM on December 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
"drug-addled"
"child-porn"
"cock-master"
"Pigspittle, OH"
"dripping-wet"
"Jew-Fro"
"He was a total dick."
"blood donor"
"Refrigerator box"
"soup line"
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:30 AM on December 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
I have gotten two jobs in a row using a resume which contains the bullet point, "Approximately cyborg-level proficiency with leading audio middleware." This probably wouldn't work in other industries.
posted by jake at 11:34 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by jake at 11:34 AM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
That top-10 list reads like the top-10 list of reasons why I'll probably never be able to work in an office again. I simply can't take anyone seriously who actually uses those terms as if they mean anything beyond the empty business-speak they are.
posted by Thorzdad at 11:38 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by Thorzdad at 11:38 AM on December 16, 2010
downing street memo: "There's no internet tradition more embarrassing than "look at our dumb users". This is right up there in cruelty with those sites that post bad cover letters.
I mean, seriously. Many people aren't great writers, and business writing tends to be extra lame? Stop the presses!"
Yep. And how many resume "consultants" will tell people to put that stuff in their resumes. Answer: a LOT. After being outsourced and partaking in resume classes offered by my former employer, I'm convinced that the only real lucrative career path is becoming a resume consultant.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:38 AM on December 16, 2010
I mean, seriously. Many people aren't great writers, and business writing tends to be extra lame? Stop the presses!"
Yep. And how many resume "consultants" will tell people to put that stuff in their resumes. Answer: a LOT. After being outsourced and partaking in resume classes offered by my former employer, I'm convinced that the only real lucrative career path is becoming a resume consultant.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:38 AM on December 16, 2010
Is it wrong to bookmark this for CV writing purposes?
posted by Acey at 11:39 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by Acey at 11:39 AM on December 16, 2010
half of the words on that list aren't words but phrases.
posted by krautland at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by krautland at 11:40 AM on December 16, 2010
I say these are the Top 10 underused:
"apathetic"
"impressionable"
"feelings-driven"
"inconsistent"
"process-oriented"
"disillusioned"
"inefficient"
"antisocial"
"feckless"
"slapdash"
I bet they're not the ten least common traits of job seekers, however.....
posted by Go Banana at 11:41 AM on December 16, 2010 [8 favorites]
"apathetic"
"impressionable"
"feelings-driven"
"inconsistent"
"process-oriented"
"disillusioned"
"inefficient"
"antisocial"
"feckless"
"slapdash"
I bet they're not the ten least common traits of job seekers, however.....
posted by Go Banana at 11:41 AM on December 16, 2010 [8 favorites]
This reminds me so much of Carlin's "and this is the language you will NOT be hearing tonight...."
posted by Dark Messiah at 11:41 AM on December 16, 2010
posted by Dark Messiah at 11:41 AM on December 16, 2010
btw, my linkedin resume says my mom thinks I'm awesome. also: you're cute.
can't say it got me any jobs but damnit, it'll stay.
posted by krautland at 11:43 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
can't say it got me any jobs but damnit, it'll stay.
posted by krautland at 11:43 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Somehow, this feels mean-spirited on their part.
Yeah... I wonder a list of the top ten most-used phrases in job postings would look like.
Probably very similar.
posted by entropone at 11:47 AM on December 16, 2010
Yeah... I wonder a list of the top ten most-used phrases in job postings would look like.
Probably very similar.
posted by entropone at 11:47 AM on December 16, 2010
"process-oriented"
Good point. I hate applicants that are overly "results-oriented", which really means "I don't give a fuck if there's a stinking corpse in the washroom as long as I get my bonus". That's de rigeur for salespeople but not so good for QA people or researchers.
posted by benzenedream at 12:02 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
Good point. I hate applicants that are overly "results-oriented", which really means "I don't give a fuck if there's a stinking corpse in the washroom as long as I get my bonus". That's de rigeur for salespeople but not so good for QA people or researchers.
posted by benzenedream at 12:02 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
I see. And we all know how original corporations are when they put out their cattle calls. Almost every one of those buzzwords you hear and read in their commercials, press releases, press conferences, annual reports, etc. We just live in an age where people in power love to hear big words -- no substance behind those words are necessary...
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 12:10 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Alexandra Kitty at 12:10 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
In the Basque country, when the shadows pile deep on the pilota courts, they still talk of me with wonderment, their voices hushed as in prayer.
"Esperientziaduna!" the old men say, tipping a little extra cola in their kalimotxoak. "They say he can pivot easily between data entry and reception work. No product born of Microsoft or Apple may best him, and - by the Tree of Gernika, I speak no lies! - he regularly carries loads in excess of forty pounds."
If any fools are listening, they might interrupt at this point to ask why it is that I, Esperientziaduna, am chronically looking for work if I'm so damned experienced.
"By Saint Balentin's golden orbs, you answer your question as you ask it! He looks always for work because he is so experienced. Finance, marketing, law - he has tasted the fruit of each orchard and found it bitter. But still he seeks, even as he pushes his typing rate higher, even as he picks up a little CSS, for that one job that deserves the full measure of his labor. And if someone, someday, offers him at least nineteen an hour plus benefits in a rewarding environment, perhaps his wanderings will end at last."
posted by Iridic at 12:10 PM on December 16, 2010 [36 favorites]
most used descriptors != "most overused buzzwords"
posted by Sys Rq at 12:11 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Sys Rq at 12:11 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
"Dynamic" and "Fast-Paced" = I enjoy "crunch-time-all-the-time" environments.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:12 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by Thorzdad at 12:12 PM on December 16, 2010
(P.S. The word is cliché, and it's already in the past tense.)
posted by Sys Rq at 12:12 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by Sys Rq at 12:12 PM on December 16, 2010
I use the "birdshot" approach and just pepper my resume with every programming language I've used ever. Except Visual Basic.
posted by hellojed at 12:16 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by hellojed at 12:16 PM on December 16, 2010
You should ask Alex Blagg of Bajillionhits.biz what buzzwords you should use on LinkedIn so you can, you know, jack your strat.
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 12:20 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by l33tpolicywonk at 12:20 PM on December 16, 2010
Go Banana: "I say these are the Top 10 underused"
"court-ordered"
posted by boo_radley at 12:21 PM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
"court-ordered"
posted by boo_radley at 12:21 PM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
Someone should action that.
Also:
"You keep using words like "Pasghetti" and "Momatoes" You make numerous threatening references to the UN and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again."
posted by blue_beetle at 12:22 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Also:
"You keep using words like "Pasghetti" and "Momatoes" You make numerous threatening references to the UN and at the end you repeat the words "Screw Flanders" over and over again."
posted by blue_beetle at 12:22 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
I use the "birdshot" approach and just pepper my resume with every programming language I've used ever. Except Visual Basic.
I work somewhere we have applications with a very wide variety of skills -- office and not -- on the back. An applicant clearly used the birdshot approach on that section. Before I realized what she had done, I wondered what sort of an exciting life an individual must have to be able to do contracting, mainframe programming and be able to drive a forklift by the age of 25. Although the bigger mystery was why she she could use Access but not Word.
posted by griphus at 12:24 PM on December 16, 2010
I work somewhere we have applications with a very wide variety of skills -- office and not -- on the back. An applicant clearly used the birdshot approach on that section. Before I realized what she had done, I wondered what sort of an exciting life an individual must have to be able to do contracting, mainframe programming and be able to drive a forklift by the age of 25. Although the bigger mystery was why she she could use Access but not Word.
posted by griphus at 12:24 PM on December 16, 2010
I get all my best job interview advice from YouTube.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:26 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:26 PM on December 16, 2010
My resume contains no buzzwords
And the poor, dumb HR person with no knowledge of the subject matter scans over the resume, sees no buzzwords, and files in the trashcan.
There's a reason certain words and expressions are overused.
posted by splice at 12:27 PM on December 16, 2010
And the poor, dumb HR person with no knowledge of the subject matter scans over the resume, sees no buzzwords, and files in the trashcan.
There's a reason certain words and expressions are overused.
posted by splice at 12:27 PM on December 16, 2010
I wonder a list of the top ten most-used phrases in job postings would look like.
We�re a fast-growing company looking for a �Self-starter� who thrives in a dynamic and fast-paced environment.
posted by benzenedream at 12:30 PM on December 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 12:30 PM on December 16, 2010 [6 favorites]
"Self-starter", that's a great one, too. Usually translates as "willing to work without overtime".
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:31 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:31 PM on December 16, 2010
Y'all seem to be taking this awfully personally. While a resume ain't exactly the format to channel James Joyce, finding your inner Strunk can't be a bad thing. After the 900th time reading about some's "extensive experience," the one guy who phrases it differently "completed 50 projects over five years using...." might be the one who actually manages to get the reader to think they can maybe do the job.
posted by Diablevert at 12:35 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Diablevert at 12:35 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
For hackneyed buzzwords, the one that just blows the stays on my corset is: "thought leader."
What the BLOODY HELL is a THOUGHT LEADER?????????????
...sorry, I apologize, I almost never yell in a public forum, but, jeez, "thought leader," leader of thoughts? What does this mean? ....
posted by cool breeze at 12:36 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
What the BLOODY HELL is a THOUGHT LEADER?????????????
...sorry, I apologize, I almost never yell in a public forum, but, jeez, "thought leader," leader of thoughts? What does this mean? ....
posted by cool breeze at 12:36 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
My inner tech writer pings "extensive" as an issue precisely because it's not quantified. But yes, as long as HR is scanning in resumes looking for keywords, the buzzwords will continue to show up, because they get results.
posted by immlass at 12:37 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by immlass at 12:37 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
This reminds me of one of the Great Moments with My Stepdad (yes, he of Threat Level Noodle). Though really, he's not the one providing the punchline, he is instrumental in the story.
One of my mom's friends, we'll call him Mark (because that's his name) is a teacher in NYC and was in the habit of spending his summer vacations in Vermont. And by "Vermont," I mean "in my mom's house, for reasons beyond my comprehension." So, anyhow. My mom, my stepdad, and Mark. Chillin'.
Except that my stepdad and Mark get on each other's nerves. Which definitely makes you wonder why Mark keeps going up there (and eventually, yes, he did stop because WHYYYY are you doing this?). So, there are all sorts of little spats and arguments which I'm sure are excruciating for them both but are just really... funny to watch.
Such as. Mark went out to the store and got some chips or something to have with dinner. Or cleaned something. I don't know, some small household task. And, trying to be nice, my stepdad thanked him the best he knew how.
"Thanks for being pro-active, Mark!"
The response has become part of our household lexicon when it is somehow necessary to be totally and utterly dismissive in every way.
"Pro-active? What does that even mean? That's not a word. That's a bullshit word."
I think about this incident a lot when I hear terms like "extensive experience." "What does that even mean? That's not a word. That's a bullshit word."
posted by sonika at 12:38 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
One of my mom's friends, we'll call him Mark (because that's his name) is a teacher in NYC and was in the habit of spending his summer vacations in Vermont. And by "Vermont," I mean "in my mom's house, for reasons beyond my comprehension." So, anyhow. My mom, my stepdad, and Mark. Chillin'.
Except that my stepdad and Mark get on each other's nerves. Which definitely makes you wonder why Mark keeps going up there (and eventually, yes, he did stop because WHYYYY are you doing this?). So, there are all sorts of little spats and arguments which I'm sure are excruciating for them both but are just really... funny to watch.
Such as. Mark went out to the store and got some chips or something to have with dinner. Or cleaned something. I don't know, some small household task. And, trying to be nice, my stepdad thanked him the best he knew how.
"Thanks for being pro-active, Mark!"
The response has become part of our household lexicon when it is somehow necessary to be totally and utterly dismissive in every way.
"Pro-active? What does that even mean? That's not a word. That's a bullshit word."
I think about this incident a lot when I hear terms like "extensive experience." "What does that even mean? That's not a word. That's a bullshit word."
posted by sonika at 12:38 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
My resume contains no buzzwords
And the poor, dumb HR person with no knowledge of the subject matter scans over the resume, sees no buzzwords, and files in the trashcan.
I don't know, I've been doing okay and getting hired and stuff. I'd bet there are a lot of folks who find a no-bullshit resume refreshing. Assuming you have the impressive credentials to be able to do that. And everyone tells me that my resume should be one page, so I barely even have room to list what I've done, let alone pad it with meaningless words.
posted by naju at 12:46 PM on December 16, 2010
And the poor, dumb HR person with no knowledge of the subject matter scans over the resume, sees no buzzwords, and files in the trashcan.
I don't know, I've been doing okay and getting hired and stuff. I'd bet there are a lot of folks who find a no-bullshit resume refreshing. Assuming you have the impressive credentials to be able to do that. And everyone tells me that my resume should be one page, so I barely even have room to list what I've done, let alone pad it with meaningless words.
posted by naju at 12:46 PM on December 16, 2010
TOP VERBS APPEARING ON RESUMES:
- Spearheaded
- Embezzled
- Impregnated
- Narrowly averted
- Harpooned
- Dislocated
- Vanquished
- Honey-glazed
- Hypertyped
- Faggoted up
- Larry-Kinged
- Megafiled
- Estimatated
- Did
And the poor, dumb HR person with no knowledge of the subject matter scans over the resume, sees no buzzwords, and files in the trashcan.
Nobody's scanning a resume for "extensive experience". They're scanning it for what your experience is in. As I said above, I used to have a huge paragraph at the top of my resume detailing what I had "extensive experience" in, "deep experience" in, "strong experience" in, etc. Now? I just list my skills in descending order of how comfortable I am with them. Even an uninformed HR person is going to be doing pattern matching on specific skills rather than "extensive experience".
Not really related, but one thing I added to my resume eventually which might have helped, not sure, was "fully fluent in English, US citizen". I wondered if some HR folks threw me in the dump pile upon seeing my foreign name and thinking they didn't want to deal with the hassle of sponsoring a visa and whatnot.
posted by kmz at 1:02 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Nobody's scanning a resume for "extensive experience". They're scanning it for what your experience is in. As I said above, I used to have a huge paragraph at the top of my resume detailing what I had "extensive experience" in, "deep experience" in, "strong experience" in, etc. Now? I just list my skills in descending order of how comfortable I am with them. Even an uninformed HR person is going to be doing pattern matching on specific skills rather than "extensive experience".
Not really related, but one thing I added to my resume eventually which might have helped, not sure, was "fully fluent in English, US citizen". I wondered if some HR folks threw me in the dump pile upon seeing my foreign name and thinking they didn't want to deal with the hassle of sponsoring a visa and whatnot.
posted by kmz at 1:02 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Bad: I have extensive experience in x. (What a coincidence. I have an extensive penis.)
OK: I have x years of experience in y / I have been an x / xing since year. (And you could've spend the whole time on Facebook.)
Good: As an x since year, I have {overview of important achievements / contributions}. (Now I can see what you've done - well, what you claim to have done, but it's enough to get you through to the next round.)
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:05 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
OK: I have x years of experience in y / I have been an x / xing since year. (And you could've spend the whole time on Facebook.)
Good: As an x since year, I have {overview of important achievements / contributions}. (Now I can see what you've done - well, what you claim to have done, but it's enough to get you through to the next round.)
posted by obiwanwasabi at 1:05 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
LinkedIn makes me want to punch someone, preferably hard and ideally someone in HR or recruiting.
posted by milarepa at 1:11 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by milarepa at 1:11 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Thanks for the Strat link, l33tpolicywank! I am now a fan of Alex Blagg. I love how the fake favicons on his site set among the usual Twitter, Facebook, etc. His include an Abraham Lincoln and
This pearl of wisdom from his "50 Power Twitter Tips I just Made Up" is priceless. I cannot wait to try it out:
If you want to seem like a cool insider, but don’t have the time/money to go to tech conferences, just make a conference up, give it a hashtag (like #ConnectorConf), and pretend as if you’re there on Twitter. Normal people don’t know which tech conferences are and aren’t real, so nobody will notice.
I'm thinking Metafilter has a "conference" coming up...
posted by misha at 2:13 PM on December 16, 2010
This pearl of wisdom from his "50 Power Twitter Tips I just Made Up" is priceless. I cannot wait to try it out:
If you want to seem like a cool insider, but don’t have the time/money to go to tech conferences, just make a conference up, give it a hashtag (like #ConnectorConf), and pretend as if you’re there on Twitter. Normal people don’t know which tech conferences are and aren’t real, so nobody will notice.
I'm thinking Metafilter has a "conference" coming up...
posted by misha at 2:13 PM on December 16, 2010
This FPP made me go through my and a few friend's resumes looking for mistakes and the entire time I'm thinking "These could be punched up some" because none of them contain buzzwords, or mention education lower than they should. and in the middle of it I'm like "this is such horeshit, nobody's going to get a job unless they know somebody"
posted by hellojed at 2:41 PM on December 16, 2010
posted by hellojed at 2:41 PM on December 16, 2010
Like starting what you want to say with, "Here's the thing." This is like saying, "I am about to say something" before you say it. It's utterly redundant
In meetings I preface contributions by strumming a guitar in A minor then starting in the traditional time-honoured format set for officer meetings in NSW state-owned corporations and public sector agencies:
Oh gather round good people
here's a story sad and true
my name's Fiasco da Gama
Agenda Item Number Two.
It's the story of deliverables
Far behind their KPIs
Priority frameworks all askew
(And a pair of sad, dark eyes).
Come listen to my story now,
Hark, Australians young and free,
You'll hear how public policy
Was foiled by Treasury...
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:41 PM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
In meetings I preface contributions by strumming a guitar in A minor then starting in the traditional time-honoured format set for officer meetings in NSW state-owned corporations and public sector agencies:
Oh gather round good people
here's a story sad and true
my name's Fiasco da Gama
Agenda Item Number Two.
It's the story of deliverables
Far behind their KPIs
Priority frameworks all askew
(And a pair of sad, dark eyes).
Come listen to my story now,
Hark, Australians young and free,
You'll hear how public policy
Was foiled by Treasury...
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:41 PM on December 16, 2010 [3 favorites]
Give your profile a makeover now by making your it more actionable
When did actionable stop meaning 'Able to get yo ass sued'?
posted by Sparx at 3:01 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
When did actionable stop meaning 'Able to get yo ass sued'?
posted by Sparx at 3:01 PM on December 16, 2010 [2 favorites]
It occurred to me recently that when someone you used to work with wants to "connect" with you on LinkedIn, it means he or she just got laid off.
I have a LinkedIn profile which I visit and update - every time I get laid off.
posted by mmrtnt at 3:56 PM on December 16, 2010
I have a LinkedIn profile which I visit and update - every time I get laid off.
posted by mmrtnt at 3:56 PM on December 16, 2010
"experienced as all get-out"
"a metric fuckton of experience"
"hella experienced"
- I will actualize the fuck out of your core competencies.
- Stock up on diapers because I'm gonna make brain-babies in every last one of your strategic initiatives.
- I hope your budget is kinky, because I'm coming in under it.
You're friggin' hired, dude! Get IN here!
posted by mmrtnt at 4:03 PM on December 16, 2010
"a metric fuckton of experience"
"hella experienced"
- I will actualize the fuck out of your core competencies.
- Stock up on diapers because I'm gonna make brain-babies in every last one of your strategic initiatives.
- I hope your budget is kinky, because I'm coming in under it.
You're friggin' hired, dude! Get IN here!
posted by mmrtnt at 4:03 PM on December 16, 2010
"Self-starter", that's a great one, too. Usually translates as "willing to work without overtime".
Either that, or you can make your own meth.
posted by mmrtnt at 4:09 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
Either that, or you can make your own meth.
posted by mmrtnt at 4:09 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
(P.S. The word is cliché, and it's already in the past tense.)
It's natural for English speakers to adapt foreign words to their grammar. Anyway, the first citation the OED gives for clichéd/cliché'd is from 1928, 31 years before the first for cliché in 1959 (as an adjective - it had been used as a noun since at least 1892).
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 5:11 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
It's natural for English speakers to adapt foreign words to their grammar. Anyway, the first citation the OED gives for clichéd/cliché'd is from 1928, 31 years before the first for cliché in 1959 (as an adjective - it had been used as a noun since at least 1892).
posted by two or three cars parked under the stars at 5:11 PM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]
"When did actionable stop meaning 'Able to get yo ass sued'?"
Sparx - This hasn't actually happened. "Able to get yo ass sued" is what actionable means.
People miss-use words and say things all the time that don't mean jack. My best guess is that they focus on certain nouns and verbs and somehow generally know what they're trying to talk about so long as they are blathering with their own horrible, horrible kind. This “language” is similar to when babies say, "goo goo gah gah Daddy drool burble" and people think because the word “Daddy” is in there they know what the baby means.
My point is, these people all make more money than I ever will. Very proactive of them, I guess.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:49 AM on December 17, 2010
Sparx - This hasn't actually happened. "Able to get yo ass sued" is what actionable means.
People miss-use words and say things all the time that don't mean jack. My best guess is that they focus on certain nouns and verbs and somehow generally know what they're trying to talk about so long as they are blathering with their own horrible, horrible kind. This “language” is similar to when babies say, "goo goo gah gah Daddy drool burble" and people think because the word “Daddy” is in there they know what the baby means.
My point is, these people all make more money than I ever will. Very proactive of them, I guess.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:49 AM on December 17, 2010
« Older “Who knows what the truth is? We broadcast facts.... | Gotta Catch Em All! Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
Ha, so guilty. Until I finally had some friends look over my crappy resume and suggest some major changes. Though I did like to vary it a bit. "Extensive experience with [blah]. Deep experience with [blah2]. Experienced with [blah3]. Knowledgeable on [blah4]."
Man, my resume really sucked.
posted by kmz at 10:46 AM on December 16, 2010 [1 favorite]