Daisy Boo Biscuit Potter (cat obituary by Ned Potter)
August 12, 2022 9:28 AM Subscribe
(Thread posted by Ned - @ned_potter - on Twitter) OBIT 🧵 “Daisy Boo Biscuit Potter today departed for the great litter tray in the sky, aged 18. Daisy was voted ‘objectively worst cat in the world’ 3 years running, and her hobbies included vomiting and ignoring us...”
“Daisy was adopted with her ‘sister’ Wellie from the RSPCA.
The two of them slept in the shelter curled round one another to trick potential buyers into thinking they were adorable.
Once home they never interacted with each other again.”
“Wellie and Daisy had one shared aim: to annihilate our soft furnishings.
Daisy’s weapon of choice was vom, whilst Wellie chose the feacal route, constantly urinating on our sofa; on special occasions she’d also sneak a dump on there too.
In desperation we took her to the vet.”
“The vet prescribed Feliway, a sort of cat marijuana, to relax Wellie.
This certainly worked a treat.
Rather than furtive soiling, Wellie would now jump down from the sofa, stroll casually to the corner of the room, flick us a peace sign, and shit confidently on the floor.” 😎
“Daisy would eat incredibly quickly, always, and was sick at least once a day. Sometimes several times.
Once again we went to the vet. Was she ill? Was her stomach working? What could we do?
The vet described her condition as - verbatim quote here - ‘a lifestyle choice.’”
👍
“Happy in the knowledge that vomming was now sanctioned by a professional, Daisy set about expanding her repertoire.
She developed ‘the waterfall sick’ where she’d perch at the top of a soft furnishing, and cascade vom down every possible surface of it.” 🤮🛋
“The sofa, which had been replaced literally the day after Wellie (who was much older) died, started to be defined by the copious voms Daisy covered it with, as did our carpets.”
“Daisy become famous at my place of work for her vomming. Has she vommed today, colleagues would ask?
Of *course* she has, I’d reply.
I’d meet @mkhokhar to discuss marketing the library and our 1-to-1s would start with Masud asking: “how is the vom-cat?”” 😄
“Meanwhile the vet prescribed incredibly expensive wet food which made Daisy’s breath smell like a woodland creature had died and lain undiscovered, in a tin of tuna, for 3 years, then been eaten, digested, and passed, and the resulting effluence used by Daisy as mouthwash.”
“Aged around 13, Daisy decided she couldn’t be arsed to go outside in winter any more.
Even though that was where her litter tray was.
Very much holding all the cards in this scenario, Daisy was delighted to find her litter tray brought inside - to our bathroom.”
“A year or so later, Daisy no longer felt troubled by the need to cover up anything she did in the litter tray, instead spending a long time meticulously scraping the plastic above the litter line, for no reason at all.
At least we couldn’t smell the vom as much now.”
“Daisy loved nothing more than waiting till someone was having a bath, coming into the bathroom, shitting, leaving the shit uncovered and sauntering off whilst the smell of death lingered and the bather frantically tried to escape the bath, the room, ideally the house entirely.”
“Aged about 16, Daisy decided to add ‘waking us up’ to her box of tricks. Pretty much every night, she’d wait till around 1am and then wander round meowing loudly.
She’d come into each of our rooms, and really give it the beans, meow-wise.”
“Sometimes we’d go downstairs and fetch her. Here we are, we’d say. Oh phew, she’d say. I’ll go back downstairs then.
Then she’d meow loudly again for ages.
It was great times. None of us wanted to be well rested anyway.”
“Having been kitten-like her whole life, Daisy suddenly got very old very quickly. Her final days were spent on the sofa, being stroked and adored.
If there is an afterlife, it will start smelling considerably worse right about… now. 😽
So long, Daise.”
“ADDENDUM: I forgot this, she waited till we got covid and lost our sense of smell then vommed INTO THE RADIATOR behind the sofa.
We only realised later when our sense of smell came back and the wave of radiator-warmed months-old vom struck us.
Truly, special times.”
“Daisy was adopted with her ‘sister’ Wellie from the RSPCA.
The two of them slept in the shelter curled round one another to trick potential buyers into thinking they were adorable.
Once home they never interacted with each other again.”
“Wellie and Daisy had one shared aim: to annihilate our soft furnishings.
Daisy’s weapon of choice was vom, whilst Wellie chose the feacal route, constantly urinating on our sofa; on special occasions she’d also sneak a dump on there too.
In desperation we took her to the vet.”
“The vet prescribed Feliway, a sort of cat marijuana, to relax Wellie.
This certainly worked a treat.
Rather than furtive soiling, Wellie would now jump down from the sofa, stroll casually to the corner of the room, flick us a peace sign, and shit confidently on the floor.” 😎
“Daisy would eat incredibly quickly, always, and was sick at least once a day. Sometimes several times.
Once again we went to the vet. Was she ill? Was her stomach working? What could we do?
The vet described her condition as - verbatim quote here - ‘a lifestyle choice.’”
👍
“Happy in the knowledge that vomming was now sanctioned by a professional, Daisy set about expanding her repertoire.
She developed ‘the waterfall sick’ where she’d perch at the top of a soft furnishing, and cascade vom down every possible surface of it.” 🤮🛋
“The sofa, which had been replaced literally the day after Wellie (who was much older) died, started to be defined by the copious voms Daisy covered it with, as did our carpets.”
“Daisy become famous at my place of work for her vomming. Has she vommed today, colleagues would ask?
Of *course* she has, I’d reply.
I’d meet @mkhokhar to discuss marketing the library and our 1-to-1s would start with Masud asking: “how is the vom-cat?”” 😄
“Meanwhile the vet prescribed incredibly expensive wet food which made Daisy’s breath smell like a woodland creature had died and lain undiscovered, in a tin of tuna, for 3 years, then been eaten, digested, and passed, and the resulting effluence used by Daisy as mouthwash.”
“Aged around 13, Daisy decided she couldn’t be arsed to go outside in winter any more.
Even though that was where her litter tray was.
Very much holding all the cards in this scenario, Daisy was delighted to find her litter tray brought inside - to our bathroom.”
“A year or so later, Daisy no longer felt troubled by the need to cover up anything she did in the litter tray, instead spending a long time meticulously scraping the plastic above the litter line, for no reason at all.
At least we couldn’t smell the vom as much now.”
“Daisy loved nothing more than waiting till someone was having a bath, coming into the bathroom, shitting, leaving the shit uncovered and sauntering off whilst the smell of death lingered and the bather frantically tried to escape the bath, the room, ideally the house entirely.”
“Aged about 16, Daisy decided to add ‘waking us up’ to her box of tricks. Pretty much every night, she’d wait till around 1am and then wander round meowing loudly.
She’d come into each of our rooms, and really give it the beans, meow-wise.”
“Sometimes we’d go downstairs and fetch her. Here we are, we’d say. Oh phew, she’d say. I’ll go back downstairs then.
Then she’d meow loudly again for ages.
It was great times. None of us wanted to be well rested anyway.”
“Having been kitten-like her whole life, Daisy suddenly got very old very quickly. Her final days were spent on the sofa, being stroked and adored.
If there is an afterlife, it will start smelling considerably worse right about… now. 😽
So long, Daise.”
“ADDENDUM: I forgot this, she waited till we got covid and lost our sense of smell then vommed INTO THE RADIATOR behind the sofa.
We only realised later when our sense of smell came back and the wave of radiator-warmed months-old vom struck us.
Truly, special times.”
.
posted by tomsk at 9:51 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by tomsk at 9:51 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
🐈💩🥇
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:52 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:52 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
The things we do for love.
posted by missinformation at 9:55 AM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by missinformation at 9:55 AM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
... Yeah, I've had cats like that.
Although TBH it would take three to keep all of Daisy's bad habits covered!
posted by cstross at 10:02 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
Although TBH it would take three to keep all of Daisy's bad habits covered!
posted by cstross at 10:02 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
.
posted by praemunire at 10:08 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 10:08 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
I read this aloud and had to stop twice to let my laughter subside.
RIP Vom-Cat
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:24 AM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
RIP Vom-Cat
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 10:24 AM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
OMG the cat I lived with for a while, in a house that had a second story that was bedrooms around a central atrium balcony with the stairwell running up the middle, and the cat realized its maximum volume level could be achieved by sitting on the landing to the stairwell and yowling. At 2am. Every morning. EVERY FUCKING MORNING. Like a really annoying buddhist ritual, something like 60-70 yowls over the course of enough time that you'll never get back to sleep easily.
posted by hippybear at 10:32 AM on August 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 10:32 AM on August 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
I love the photos of Daisy looking loved and at ease.
Re: cats who don't cover their poop, someone on Metafilter suggested that the results of an all/mostly poultry diet might smell better than a majority fish diet and I am convinced! One of our cats also completely fails to cover their poop, but then spends upwards of 5 minutes scraping their paws against any nearby cardboard or wall.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:37 AM on August 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
Re: cats who don't cover their poop, someone on Metafilter suggested that the results of an all/mostly poultry diet might smell better than a majority fish diet and I am convinced! One of our cats also completely fails to cover their poop, but then spends upwards of 5 minutes scraping their paws against any nearby cardboard or wall.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:37 AM on August 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
This is just wonderful.
One of mine always vomits in threes - a huge, lumpen one, a middling slop and then a runny trickle. The wonderful thing being, of course, that when you find one, you know there are more gifts waiting. And she's good at mixing up where she throws up, so having found two can be soul sapping
Anyway. Best obit, and as they said, the responses in the thread from other people with horror cats they can't help adore are just glorious, too.
posted by onebuttonmonkey at 11:33 AM on August 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
One of mine always vomits in threes - a huge, lumpen one, a middling slop and then a runny trickle. The wonderful thing being, of course, that when you find one, you know there are more gifts waiting. And she's good at mixing up where she throws up, so having found two can be soul sapping
Anyway. Best obit, and as they said, the responses in the thread from other people with horror cats they can't help adore are just glorious, too.
posted by onebuttonmonkey at 11:33 AM on August 12, 2022 [4 favorites]
I don't find this funny but terribly sad. Poor kitty. Wandering around meowing at 16 years old suggests dementia. I cannot laugh at that. And I'm annoyed at her pawrents for apparently never even trying a slow feeder, if the cause of the vomiting was eating too quickly. And no mention of brushing her to cut down on furballs. The litter box issues probably could have been addressed as well, had they actually tried instead of just complaining about it. Almost all "bad" cat behavior makes sense if you look at things from the cat's point of view.
Rest in peace, precious cat.
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 11:33 AM on August 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
Rest in peace, precious cat.
posted by Flock of Cynthiabirds at 11:33 AM on August 12, 2022 [6 favorites]
This is just wonderful. One of mine always vomits in threes
The brain parasites are doing absolutely world class work, gotta say. Just astounding.
posted by mhoye at 11:42 AM on August 12, 2022 [10 favorites]
The brain parasites are doing absolutely world class work, gotta say. Just astounding.
posted by mhoye at 11:42 AM on August 12, 2022 [10 favorites]
.
One dot does not seem enough for such a magnificent bastard.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 11:47 AM on August 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
One dot does not seem enough for such a magnificent bastard.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 11:47 AM on August 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
I think perhaps the multiple mentions of vet visits could reassure us that this obit is edited to play up annoying cat behaviors. I would assume it is not a comprehensive listing of things her servants tried to manage her foibles.
I have just brought a 5 year old mix home from the humane society, who is simultaneously the sweetest dog possible and an extremely boisterous terrorist. It is nice to be reminded that though I will certainly do my best to train and care for him so he can be the bestest dog he can be, he will enrich my life just as much when some of his weird bratty behaviors inevitably stymy my efforts.
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
posted by the primroses were over at 12:14 PM on August 12, 2022 [10 favorites]
I have just brought a 5 year old mix home from the humane society, who is simultaneously the sweetest dog possible and an extremely boisterous terrorist. It is nice to be reminded that though I will certainly do my best to train and care for him so he can be the bestest dog he can be, he will enrich my life just as much when some of his weird bratty behaviors inevitably stymy my efforts.
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
posted by the primroses were over at 12:14 PM on August 12, 2022 [10 favorites]
Wow. That's a loooooooooooong list of stuff they put up with for a long time.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:24 PM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:24 PM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
ok he was a very cute kitty
.
I will try to be more patient with my kitties, they are both very sweet and affectionate, really very loving cats. but Bella is so demanding she drives us crazy, and Herbert has been on a barf-a-thon lately. my poor baby (he is under a vet's care for his various issues).
posted by supermedusa at 12:55 PM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
.
I will try to be more patient with my kitties, they are both very sweet and affectionate, really very loving cats. but Bella is so demanding she drives us crazy, and Herbert has been on a barf-a-thon lately. my poor baby (he is under a vet's care for his various issues).
posted by supermedusa at 12:55 PM on August 12, 2022 [2 favorites]
.
posted by mcbeth at 1:09 PM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by mcbeth at 1:09 PM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
I don't find this funny but terribly sad. Poor kitty.
Flock of Cynthiabirds,
Please take heart.
It's terribly sad AND very funny.
I wish I'd thought to do cat obits when our beloveds perished.
"Poor kitty" is generic. This obit, on the other hand, is a proper personal tribute.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 2:26 PM on August 12, 2022 [8 favorites]
Flock of Cynthiabirds,
Please take heart.
It's terribly sad AND very funny.
I wish I'd thought to do cat obits when our beloveds perished.
"Poor kitty" is generic. This obit, on the other hand, is a proper personal tribute.
posted by Jody Tresidder at 2:26 PM on August 12, 2022 [8 favorites]
.
Oh, bless.
In the last couple of years of my poor old pup's life, she didn't have much going on except her troubles. At least once a day I'd say to myself love is a doing word, which helped. Even now I worry that I didn't do enough for her dementia or pain, but since I was also worrying about that at the time, I guess I did the best I could with what I knew. As painful as it was, there was a certain sense of satisfaction in taking care of her when things were just hard.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:42 PM on August 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
Oh, bless.
In the last couple of years of my poor old pup's life, she didn't have much going on except her troubles. At least once a day I'd say to myself love is a doing word, which helped. Even now I worry that I didn't do enough for her dementia or pain, but since I was also worrying about that at the time, I guess I did the best I could with what I knew. As painful as it was, there was a certain sense of satisfaction in taking care of her when things were just hard.
posted by Countess Elena at 2:42 PM on August 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
.
We just said goodbye to our elderly, terminally-ill, wonderfully-fluffy boy two days ago. It's never easy, it's never as long as you'd like, but it's always a wonderful time you have with them.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:11 PM on August 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
We just said goodbye to our elderly, terminally-ill, wonderfully-fluffy boy two days ago. It's never easy, it's never as long as you'd like, but it's always a wonderful time you have with them.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:11 PM on August 12, 2022 [9 favorites]
My cat is 16 and rapidly declining. He, too, has stopped covering his litter box leavings. He has also taken to yowling at the top of his lungs at 4 am for no reason (although we always come to assure him that we're there). He's a horrible cat, but we sure will miss him when he's gone.
posted by acrasis at 5:21 PM on August 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by acrasis at 5:21 PM on August 12, 2022 [3 favorites]
The brain parasites are doing absolutely world class work, gotta say. Just astounding.
I, for one, welcome anything that mediates reality as things currently stand. Welcome, brain parasites. It's better now you're here
posted by onebuttonmonkey at 5:31 PM on August 12, 2022 [5 favorites]
Mod note: One deleted. I think it's safe to say that this piece of writing was not meant to be a thorough and exacting record of all medical / behavioral interventions and veterinary attention Daisy received, and probably not a good basis for assuming the worst of her owners.
posted by taz (staff) at 12:12 AM on August 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by taz (staff) at 12:12 AM on August 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
« Older All I really wanna do is kiss you one more time | No Such Thing as Perfect Security, Only Varying... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Gorgik at 9:43 AM on August 12, 2022 [1 favorite]