This is perhaps the greatest video in the history of music
May 31, 2006 7:13 AM   Subscribe

 
and perhaps not
posted by beno at 7:17 AM on May 31, 2006


This is perhaps the greatest comment in the history of the internets.
posted by milquetoast at 7:21 AM on May 31, 2006


my ears are bleeding
posted by onhazier at 7:25 AM on May 31, 2006


iron maiden, anyone?
posted by Acey at 7:25 AM on May 31, 2006


um, let me guess -- you're posting from 1985, right?
posted by angrycandy at 7:26 AM on May 31, 2006


I thought Scrantonicity's video was greatester.
posted by dios at 7:26 AM on May 31, 2006


Hmm. It's bad in all ways, but not so bad it's good. When I was of an age when I actually listened to Malmsteen, this was clearly the greatest video in the history of music. I guess it was a hormonal thing.
posted by nowonmai at 7:29 AM on May 31, 2006


People love Yngwie. A good friend of mine loves Yngwie. I don't understand these people. Sort of reminds me of the way I feel about people who love opera. They're not dumb, but I don't get it. Maybe I'm dumb.

On the other hand, I saw Led Zeppelin at the Myriad in Oklahoma City in 1977 and still think it was the high point of my life. Anybody else catch that show?
posted by MarshallPoe at 7:29 AM on May 31, 2006


Why, if you shoot laser beams at wizards running away from fire breathing dragons do you need to try and look like you are singing live by using a microphone?

I lost interest quickly, having grown up listening to this junk, and moved on to the video about the teen girls making fun of emo kids on myspace.
posted by chemoboy at 7:30 AM on May 31, 2006


wow I bet you can't get that on PirateBay anymore.
posted by econous at 7:31 AM on May 31, 2006


Worst. Letdown. From-a-FPP. Evar.
posted by Balisong at 7:31 AM on May 31, 2006


C'mon Sgt., you know that superlatives don't go over well here.
posted by Mapes at 7:31 AM on May 31, 2006




Also in the running.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 7:32 AM on May 31, 2006


wow I bet you can't get that on PirateBay anymore.

:(
posted by Ryvar at 7:32 AM on May 31, 2006


OK, so I'll admit it outright: I have a completely unironic love of Yngwie. The man can shred, and spawned my love of 80's metal. In fact, if you ever want to hear the single cheesiest (but TOTALLY AWESOME) song ever to come out of that era of rock, look up "Heaven Tonight".

Also, I love this video, even if VH1 has kind of killed it. Totally unapologetic about its use of that damned dragon from the Conan set.
posted by Mayor West at 7:33 AM on May 31, 2006


The guitar solo with the dragon in the background was hilarious. The singer is really uncomfortably camp.
posted by BobsterLobster at 7:33 AM on May 31, 2006


I'm really tired of this recent trend where shitty powermetal is kitschy and amusing.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 7:35 AM on May 31, 2006


No, I was at a Sun Ra concert that night, so you'll understand why I don't think Yngwie Malmsteen videos are watchable. I love Ethiopian food. I don't like Pepsi. I like Led Zeppelin. Wow, two worthless threads in a row on who likes what.
posted by kozad at 7:35 AM on May 31, 2006


Sorry , the crown was already claimed by Solid Potato Salad !
posted by bonaldi at 7:38 AM on May 31, 2006


Scalloped fretboard is the key.
posted by bardic at 7:43 AM on May 31, 2006


hot stuff but not quite as awesome as broken social scene.
posted by dydecker at 7:43 AM on May 31, 2006


I wanted to say that it's so bad, it's actually kind of good.

But then I thought someone might make a metafilter tag line out of it:

Metafilter: So bad, it's actually kind of good.

And that's not really fair, is it?

Actually, I think this is a Tribute to the greatest music video, etcetera.
posted by anotherpanacea at 7:45 AM on May 31, 2006


does anyone else remember when someone made an fpp that was just a link to some new nick cave video and said it was the best music video ever made?

yeah, that sucked, too.
posted by shmegegge at 7:45 AM on May 31, 2006


manowar
posted by sgt.serenity at 7:46 AM on May 31, 2006


So, do the Indian Beatles have Parkinson's or something? Why are they shaking like that?
posted by sbrollins at 7:50 AM on May 31, 2006




I'm trying to understand why I still enjoy listening to the Tenacious D song.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:55 AM on May 31, 2006


Two words: Jack Black.
posted by anotherpanacea at 8:01 AM on May 31, 2006


This is the greatest video in the history of the history. Because I wanted to touch her all night long. Yes.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:02 AM on May 31, 2006


Could someone please get Mr. Malmstein a legitimate left handed guitar?
posted by drezdn at 8:03 AM on May 31, 2006


Good one. Unintentionally funnier than watching "American Idol".
posted by wfc123 at 8:04 AM on May 31, 2006


*cough*Total Eclipse Of The Heart By Bonnie Tyler*cough*
posted by PenDevil at 8:05 AM on May 31, 2006


So, do the Indian Beatles have Parkinson's or something?

And what's the Indian Elvis doing in there, dancing around with a bow tie and wearing Beatle drag?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:07 AM on May 31, 2006


I just had a shit. I admit it wasn't all that large, not when compared to the shits I had as a youngster. Nevertheless I find my self more than a little satisfied with my accomplishment, smug even. After 8 flushes the tenacious little bugger was just visible at the horizon. I probably shouldn't
posted by econous at 8:08 AM on May 31, 2006


The best video ever.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:11 AM on May 31, 2006


Um...I nominate David Hasselhoff's - Hooked on a Feeling
posted by mr.curmudgeon at 8:13 AM on May 31, 2006


Hot, erotic, sensual - and multiple layers, wow!!! HOT!!
posted by iloveit at 8:14 AM on May 31, 2006


C'mon now. Here's the undisputed BEST VIDEO EVER.
posted by mert at 8:14 AM on May 31, 2006


Ignore the naysayers, Sgt.

And hey, have you discovered the rock-without-irony that is DragonForce yet? Truly glorious.
posted by grabbingsand at 8:16 AM on May 31, 2006


Amateurs. (nsfw)
posted by bardic at 8:16 AM on May 31, 2006


unleash the fukkin fury:

http://www.frogbrother.com/2002/12/yngwie-malmsteen-threatens-to-unleash.html
posted by breakfast_yeti at 8:17 AM on May 31, 2006


Kurt Cobain killed it - and yet it keeps crawling back for another 14 minute guitar solo.

No one is left to save us.
posted by Mean Mr. Bucket at 8:17 AM on May 31, 2006


Has Yngwie legally changed his middle name to "Fucking" yet?

And you should have totally posted this video to METALCHAT.
posted by Eideteker at 8:22 AM on May 31, 2006


Sorry, changed my mind, here is the best video ever.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:23 AM on May 31, 2006


A good friend of mine loves Yngwie. I don't understand these people. Sort of reminds me of the way I feel about people who love opera. They're not dumb, but I don't get it.

I am flabbergasted by this comparison.

And be careful folks, you may unwittingly unleash the fooking fury.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:24 AM on May 31, 2006


Aw, breakfast_yeti beat me to it.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:25 AM on May 31, 2006


I can see why the guy in bardic's video is so angry. But only just.

So far, no one's beating the tourettic waiter with the hopping Indian Beatles.
posted by NinjaTadpole at 8:25 AM on May 31, 2006


I second Hasselhoff. Unsurpassable.
posted by fire&wings at 8:25 AM on May 31, 2006


DEVO!
posted by oddman at 8:27 AM on May 31, 2006


Wow ... I thought that stage looked familiar. Isn't that the Conan the Barbarian attraction Disneyland had about 20 years ago? Budget.
posted by itchylick at 8:33 AM on May 31, 2006




Der Hässle wins, and in a side-by-side Pepsi Challenge, exposes Allin for the uninteresting dullard he always was.

Horrifically bad greenscreen trumps smearing yourself with poo any day of the week; has violating obscenity laws always been so dull?

Was never much of a fan of scat music anyway.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:06 AM on May 31, 2006


WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? CERTAINLY NOT RAPED.

OMG, jack_mo, you are officially my hero! Hahah!

My friend and I had a cd we would play at the end of parties to get everyone to go home. We would start out with Diamanda Galas (whom I love, but most of her stuff is not good party music), then move on to Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music, and last but not least was Whitehouse. If they didn't leave by the end of Whitehouse's "My Cock's On Fire" our plan was to turn the firehose on them.

Needless to say, we never had to resort to that.
posted by evilcupcakes at 9:07 AM on May 31, 2006


Bentrazor: I'm really tired of this recent trend where shitty powermetal is kitschy and amusing.

But it has always been kitchy and amusing. So pretty much nothing has changed. The only thing that has changed is Steve Perry--damn him for leaving Journey. Damn his amazing rock vocals straight back to whatever amazing galaxy of amazing rock he came from.
posted by RobertFrost at 9:08 AM on May 31, 2006


That Ygnwie video is shot on the stage of The Conan Experience (or whatever it was called), one of the goofy set pieces they would have at Universal Studios from time to time (others have included a Backdraft show, with fake flames n' shit, and a Waterworld Stunt Extravaganza). I went to Universal a bunch as a kid (pretty much once a year, same for Disneyland), and I remember the goofy wizard & snake from the pit vividly. Eventually, a fake Conan (i.e., not Arnold Schwarzenegger) would leap on stage and kill the snake, sending it back to the pit.
posted by jonson at 9:08 AM on May 31, 2006


THE BEST MUSIC VIDEO IN THE WORLD EVER! (part 17-or-so)
posted by NinjaTadpole at 9:14 AM on May 31, 2006


MarshallPoe, I was at that show and remember that Duck Dunn sat in on bass.
posted by stevil at 9:18 AM on May 31, 2006


evilcupcakes said 'My friend and I had a cd we would play at the end of parties to get everyone to go home.'

Sounds like the sort of CD I'd play at the end of parties to stop everyone going home!
posted by jack_mo at 9:19 AM on May 31, 2006


fungible showed us the spectacular video merits of Supercar just recently.
Not even The Hoff should be able to shake you after seeing those.
posted by NinjaTadpole at 9:22 AM on May 31, 2006


Is it better than the anaconda regurgitating a capybara video? 'Cos I need to know before I am clicking on that link.
posted by longbaugh at 9:23 AM on May 31, 2006


I put Bonnie Tyler ftw by providing a second vote for Total Eclipse of the Heart.

The thing about watching all this 80's stuff is that you realize we have gone from that sort of stuff to "My Humps, My Humps, My Lovely Lady Lumps" and want to die a little.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:28 AM on May 31, 2006


Tim, you and I have different mortality thresholds.
posted by NinjaTadpole at 9:31 AM on May 31, 2006


This one has crazy Roisin Murphy dressed as a nurse. It is therefore, clearly, the best video ever.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:37 AM on May 31, 2006


2 Minutes to Midnight
posted by papakwanz at 9:49 AM on May 31, 2006




This is perhaps the greatest worst video in the history of music.

[WARNING: may cause bleeding ears, uncontrollable laughter, fits of headbanging]
posted by quin at 9:52 AM on May 31, 2006


RE-U-NITRO!!!!
posted by hellbient at 9:54 AM on May 31, 2006


Are nominations still open?
posted by dgaicun at 10:01 AM on May 31, 2006


Nitro wins!
posted by BobsterLobster at 10:10 AM on May 31, 2006


I'm sorry but you are all wrong.

THIS is the best video ever (possibly NSFW).
posted by donth at 10:10 AM on May 31, 2006


WTF. I'm surprised Jan Terri didn't make the list. Hands down, the best music video evar on teh intarweebs!!!
posted by freakystyley at 10:13 AM on May 31, 2006


You've unleashed the fucking fury.
posted by redteam at 10:23 AM on May 31, 2006




This isn't the greatest song in the world, it's just a TRIBUTE!
posted by any major dude at 10:26 AM on May 31, 2006




...for me to poop on.
posted by anomie at 10:43 AM on May 31, 2006


Judas Priest uses the powers of ROCK to rob a bank.
posted by Meatbomb at 10:43 AM on May 31, 2006


Marshallpoe - I was in the thirteenth row.
posted by yhbc at 10:56 AM on May 31, 2006


Nobody's mentioned the other Total Eclipse of the Heart yet, so I'll remind people of it. I live to serve.

This is still not the perfect video though, or even the ultimate version of TEitH. The ultimate version would have had them dressed as Sandmen from Logan's Run instead of in tracksuits.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:08 AM on May 31, 2006


On the other hand, I saw Led Zeppelin at the Myriad in Oklahoma City in 1977 and still think it was the high point of my life. Anybody else catch that show?

Saw them at the old Met Center in Bloomington Minnesota that year, 10th row. It was like standing in the face of an angry god for 3 1/2 hours. I recall in particular after "Kashmir", there was an awestruck moment of silence before the crowd started roaring in applause.

This is perhaps the greatest video in the history of music.
posted by Ber at 11:12 AM on May 31, 2006


TheOnlyCoolTim, you're right - that Total Eclipse of the Heart video could well lay claim to being The Worst Ever, because it desecrates an otherwise great song (memories of grade school dances, sigh). It's just so conceptually fucked up: the song refers to somebody with 'bright eyes', ergo the video has them with Glowing Eye Sockets. Is that what Kris Kristofferson meant when he penned the song? I sorta doubt it. How could probably dozens of grown-ups collaborate on something so utterly stupid?!
And the white doves.
posted by Flashman at 11:15 AM on May 31, 2006


one word: camel toe
posted by Shike at 11:16 AM on May 31, 2006


How could probably dozens of grown-ups collaborate on something so utterly stupid?!

Cocaine.
posted by NationalKato at 11:32 AM on May 31, 2006


Is that what Kris Kristofferson meant when he penned the song?

I sorta dout it, because Kris Kristofferson didn't write it. I'm frankly stunned that anyone could listen to that song and not recognise the dread hand of Jim Steinman, who probably was thinking of children with glowing eyes when he wrote it!
posted by jack_mo at 11:43 AM on May 31, 2006


My submission.
posted by Cyrano at 12:07 PM on May 31, 2006


Looks like I'll have to salvage the thread. *sigh*.
posted by Scoo at 12:26 PM on May 31, 2006


I've watched all the videos on this page, and I can confirm that I had sexual thoughts during at least 4 of them. I'll leave it to interested readers to guess which ones, but rest assured GG Allin wasn't one of them.
posted by nylon at 12:47 PM on May 31, 2006


Y'know, I was really hoping that this would be something funny and ironic, but it's actually just some stupid video that you happen to like a lot.

lame.
posted by Afroblanco


While granted, the original post did lend itself to satire, you have to admit the followup posts and videos have been downright hysterical.
posted by dejah420 at 12:51 PM on May 31, 2006


My submission.

Is that Billy Squier or Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:03 PM on May 31, 2006


I am actually quite fond of this video and it is one of my favorite songs of all time as well.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 1:06 PM on May 31, 2006 [1 favorite]


And this is just FUNNY AS HELL.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 1:10 PM on May 31, 2006


This is funny, but in a good way.
posted by ikalliom at 1:19 PM on May 31, 2006


Man, can someone post some kittens or something?
posted by ancientgower at 1:22 PM on May 31, 2006


Man, can someone post some kittens or something?

OK
posted by Scoo at 1:26 PM on May 31, 2006


Gracias.

(Kitten and a Mac.)
posted by ancientgower at 1:31 PM on May 31, 2006


The best thing about Yngwie? His name, obviously, but second his choice of guitars. In an age of angular, eldritch lookin' BC Rich's and ESP V-shapes, he kept it real with 1950's Strats.

I salute you, Yngwie. For keepin' in real.
posted by bardic at 1:53 PM on May 31, 2006


jack_mo, thank-you, I salute you.

Also, anyone, me not wanting to wade through all of these no doubt equally execrable suggestions, which is the GG Allin vid?
posted by Flashman at 2:33 PM on May 31, 2006


Don't worry, found it.
1. Seeing Dwarves at Call The Office in London Ontario, c.1990 was definitely more 'extreme', apparently this is something even that band agree on in retrospect.
2. That chap seemed rather poorly endowed - had he lopped a bit off or something?
posted by Flashman at 2:46 PM on May 31, 2006


YouTube tags on that video:

Tags: Yngwie Malmsteen comedy music

toss up between Jan Terri and The Doo Wops.

i got nothin.
posted by 3.2.3 at 2:47 PM on May 31, 2006


This is not the greatest video in the world...
(it's just a tribute)
posted by uftheory at 3:26 PM on May 31, 2006


oh wow the Indian Beatles made my day lol.. thx Armitage Shanks!
posted by zenzizi at 3:39 PM on May 31, 2006


Heh - if you like the Indian Beatles, then this (from the Indian film Gumnaam - and used in clip form in Ghost World) will knock your socks off.
And give you a sympathetically sore neck.
posted by John Smallberries at 4:15 PM on May 31, 2006


Wow! Cathy fucking Dennis! Haven't seen that in 20 or so years. She still gives me a boner. Thanks Weretable.
posted by vronsky at 4:46 PM on May 31, 2006


hellbient: Here is a better version of that Immortal song.
posted by Falconetti at 5:00 PM on May 31, 2006


Heh - if you like the Indian Beatles, then this (from the Indian film Gumnaam - and used in clip form in Ghost World) will knock your socks off.

Oh no you din'nt. Gone and given me scopitone fever!
posted by dgaicun at 5:14 PM on May 31, 2006


Immortal reminds me of The Shaggs somehow.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 5:22 PM on May 31, 2006


Thanks for those DEVO videos, Meatbomb. The one with Neil Young may, in fact, be the greatest thing ever.
posted by mr_roboto at 5:23 PM on May 31, 2006


You know, that Yngwie video reminds of pretty much every GWAR show I've ever seen.. and those were live. Ol' Yngvie can swing an axe... but he sure can't SWING AN AXE....
posted by elendil71 at 5:50 PM on May 31, 2006


The Bonnie Tyler version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" should get some kind of award. How many other videos manage to pack in:
1: Private school boys.
2: Swimmers
3: Angels
4: Flying doves
5: Dancing ninjas
6: Fencers
7: Dancing leathermen
8: Dancing American football players
9: Demonic choir boys
10: Stereotypically lesbian clergy
11: A dozen Peter Pans, or Greek Pans, or the Lost Boys, or something.
and then to wrap it all up.
12: A bear in an academic robe!

Perhaps its just because this is the first time I've seen it in over two decades, but it is a video that manages to out-camp the entire ABBA and Village People canon in 5 minutes.

And I don't think any discussion of 80s music video can be complete without mentioning this 80s parody of the music video industry.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 6:32 PM on May 31, 2006


If this doesn't prove it's time for bed, nothing does.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:28 PM on May 31, 2006


Thanks for that reminder of why I stopped listening to metal when all my pubic hair finally grew in.
posted by HTuttle at 7:34 PM on May 31, 2006


Going back for a replay of Mance Lipscomb from another thread.
posted by HTuttle at 7:35 PM on May 31, 2006


My apologies, but, this is perhaps the greatest video in the history of music.
posted by id at 8:15 PM on May 31, 2006


No, sorry, I must nominate this as perhaps the greatest (also the most devoid of meaning) video in the history of music.
posted by Lynsey at 9:07 PM on May 31, 2006




/me promises to hunt down and slaughter ROU_Xenophobe in his sleep with a blunt object...

...just as soon as he stops cowering and shaking under the desk and he can exorcize that blasted Hobbit song out of his head.
posted by loquacious at 1:47 AM on June 1, 2006


Best. Video. Ever.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:51 AM on June 1, 2006


The spastic tourette style of dance in some of these videos is much more viewable if you think of the individuals as muppets crafted to look like humans. Loved the Devo links. It rubs the lotion is going to be stuck in my brain for a while.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:57 AM on June 1, 2006


Two more for BrotherCaine: 1 2
posted by hydrophonic at 7:21 AM on June 1, 2006


Flashman: I saw the Dwarves on that tour, in Guelph, probably the following night. Was there a naked girl onstage, just sort of lying there, letting herself be abused? I recall also that Blag got beat up by the crowd at one point that night.

Also, I am getting really tired of defending GG Allin on Metafilter, but the guy was more than just a tiny penis and poo flinging. Jeepers people, he was the last true rock'n'roller left!!! Now that he's dead, I guess there are no more rock'n'rollers, I don't know...

And I don't know what the greatest video in the history of music would be, but I do know what video I'd sure love to see again - and that's "Big Pimpin'" by Jay-Z.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:50 PM on June 1, 2006


the guy was more than just a tiny penis and poo flingin

If only I, one day, can garner a eulogy so touching.
posted by dgaicun at 2:45 PM on June 1, 2006


This Big Pimpin'?
posted by BrotherCaine at 3:13 PM on June 1, 2006


That's the one!

Thanks BrotherCaine, I should've known it would be on YouTube. I saw that video once or twice when it came out & ever since then it seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. It existed only in my memories and dreams.

If there is a Heaven, and I go there when I die, I hope it's a lot like "Big Pimpin'".
posted by stinkycheese at 3:35 PM on June 1, 2006


BC, thanks for reminding me to listen to "And Fools Shine On." That song was my favorite for like two years in high school.
posted by Eideteker at 8:22 PM on June 1, 2006


I didn't even know there was a group called BrotherCane until now.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:06 AM on June 3, 2006


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