10 Drogen

September 5, 2009 1:45 AM

Ten drugs you should never take when driving a car Meinte ich, lustig noch wieder, und dann nochmal.

They forgot peyote. My orbital wait they can't peppermint th

posted by hypersloth (65 comments total)

Ten drugs you should never take when posting.
posted by bardic at 1:51 AM on September 5, 2009 [4 favorites]

Ten drugs that make driving more fun.
posted by clearly at 1:54 AM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

My orbital wait they can't peppermint th!
posted by phrontist at 2:03 AM on September 5, 2009 [7 favorites]

I do the ecstasy dance/driving thing all the time. It's practically my calling card.
posted by Avenger at 2:03 AM on September 5, 2009

The bitch about absinth is that there is no place to keep the sugar cubes where they aren't going to be stuck together next time around.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 2:30 AM on September 5, 2009

Ihr nehmt doch alle Drogen!

ACHTUNG ZOMBIES!!
posted by chillmost at 2:33 AM on September 5, 2009

they forgot driving on salvia.

also, they certainly can peppermint, wait.
posted by sexyrobot at 2:35 AM on September 5, 2009

Par for the course for drivers from Köln.
posted by Dagobert at 2:35 AM on September 5, 2009

And BMW drivers too, now that I think about it.

Double whammy!
posted by Dagobert at 2:36 AM on September 5, 2009

SLGYT...

(The ecstasy one was funny though! And the LSD rabbit...)
posted by benzo8 at 2:37 AM on September 5, 2009

they forgot driving on salvia.

Within about five seconds of starting that video I thought, "There's no way that, with the car off and in the driveway, they're going anywhere after he does a rip."

Nobody functions on salvia--at all. My parents-in-law have taken to offering it to their houseguests. They apparently think it's quite hilarious.

[I'm ashamed, but I've driven on a massive dose of mushrooms at peak. The park we were tripping in closed, and we got kicked out. We were miles and miles from home, and they wanted the car gone too. I remember it only as thirty hours of terror. I'm sure it only took us ten minutes to drive the five miles. But it was an eternity of terror. I wouldn't do that again if you paid me.]
posted by Netzapper at 2:46 AM on September 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

One day, someone will post a clip that completely falsifies the notion that Germans have no sense of humour.

Sadly, that hasn't happened today.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:13 AM on September 5, 2009 [9 favorites]

They forgot peyote.

You can't even LOOK at a car while on peyote. Cars are evil big deadly things that go RRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr and are made of FUCKING METAL AND RUBBER AND SATAN AND BAD SMELLS when you are on peyote.
This is all because you are more fucked up, in more ways, than you have ever been in your life.

I mean, you might see God, and God is in no way prepared help you drive that infernal machine.




Also , it's worth it. It better be because it tastes like dogshit marinaded in the sweat from a hobo's nutsack and Aqua Net, swaddled in a crust punk's left sock (th one he's only been wearing fr 23 days- Parade dress) and buried under a pile of oozing chemical matter that Dow denies they have any business with.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:25 AM on September 5, 2009 [19 favorites]

I'm ashamed, but I've driven on a massive dose of mushrooms at peak.

There's a chilling thought.
posted by tastydonuts at 3:26 AM on September 5, 2009

Also , it's worth it. It better be because it tastes like dogshit marinaded in the sweat from a hobo's nutsack and Aqua Net, swaddled in a crust punk's left sock (th one he's only been wearing fr 23 days- Parade dress) and buried under a pile of oozing chemical matter that Dow denies they have any business with.

Seriously. I've never been able to eat enough of them to actually trip.
posted by Netzapper at 3:34 AM on September 5, 2009

I didn't get the one where he had something glued to his hand or the last one where his car is gone...
posted by scrutiny at 3:51 AM on September 5, 2009

Seriously. I've never been able to eat enough of them to actually trip.
Tea. Make a strong tea.
posted by blixco at 4:15 AM on September 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

Eat as much as you can before you puke. When you finish throwing up all your organs, still attached to your spine, you will be in a state where it tastes like crackers. Also, orange juice.
posted by dirty lies at 4:24 AM on September 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

scrutiny -

"klebstoff" means "adhesive", so I assume he was huffing model glue. "Alle zusammen" means "everything together", so I guess he was supposed to be high on all 10 drugs at once. I felt that one was kind of a letdown after the individual drug reactions.

Please note: all translations from Babelfis. IDNSG.
posted by starvingartist at 4:25 AM on September 5, 2009

Are you familiar with Bill Hicks, Rooster?

Too bad he passed away, I bet he totally would have agreed with me and we would have been the best of friends.
posted by Dumsnill at 4:27 AM on September 5, 2009

Klebstoff? What's...

Oh.
posted by koeselitz at 4:45 AM on September 5, 2009

Never, never, never go driving around with a friend after dropping microdot. And don't take water pistols with you.
I'm just sayin'...
posted by Thorzdad at 4:58 AM on September 5, 2009

They didn't do meth: tweakers don't drive, they take the entire car apart on the front lawn and then can't figure out how to reassemble it.
posted by bwg at 5:11 AM on September 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

The barfing and windshield wipers was pretty funny.
posted by digsrus at 5:54 AM on September 5, 2009 [4 favorites]

Ten drugs you should never take when driving a car

DMT, DXM, ambien, nitrous oxide, overdose-level amounts of dramamine, PCP, salvia, freon, ketomine, and yeah, alcohol -- we'll go ahead and put alcohol on there, too.
posted by Sloop John B at 5:55 AM on September 5, 2009

Kid Charlemagne, here's your tip for the day: Get one of those compartmented pill boxes. Like this one, or this one.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:09 AM on September 5, 2009

Ten drugs you should never always take when posting.
posted by loquacious at 6:13 AM on September 5, 2009

It's also fairly impossible to drive on 2C-B, as driving would interfere with your important and busy schedule of seeing how many times you can get yourself off just by gently brushing your own hair.
posted by elizardbits at 6:38 AM on September 5, 2009 [3 favorites]

Back in 1991, I had a car with a broken speedometer. Well, sort of; it worked perfectly when I was on acid* (well, sort of; the needle was red fire and the numbers were glimmering emeralds).

*ADHD + hallucinogens = terribly unbright things. I was always the adamant one about grabbing someone's keys from them when they were too drunk to drive, but when I was on acid, I would often forget that I was on acid. Besides, my friends couldn't tell the difference between me tripping and not tripping anyway.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:55 AM on September 5, 2009

Hey do we have any of that plutonium niborg left? Yeah, just one bag it is in the transmitter compartment.
posted by geoff. at 7:02 AM on September 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

"One day, someone will post a clip that completely falsifies the notion that Germans have no sense of humour."

Would Forklift Driver Klaus do? I can't tell because i'm german and thus unable to tell if this is funny or not.
posted by kolophon at 7:54 AM on September 5, 2009 [2 favorites]

I said *falsify*. There's mountains of material that supports the hypothesis.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 8:05 AM on September 5, 2009

"One day, someone will post a clip that completely falsifies the notion that Germans have no sense of humour."

a typical german family's you tube channel - the irony is indeed quite humorous
posted by pyramid termite at 9:08 AM on September 5, 2009

Kolophon, I've definitely met funny Germans, but you have to admit, the German media does a good job of making it look like Germans have no sense of humor. I mean, have you seen the sketch shows here? And what passes for stand-up? Ausbilder Schmidt?

Can we reach a compromise? There are in fact plenty of Germans with a sense of humor, but you have to go deep undercover to meet them, and coincidentally none of them work in German comedy.
posted by creasy boy at 9:21 AM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

One day, someone will post a clip that completely falsifies the notion that Germans have no sense of humour.

It never occurred to me that my lack of a sense of humour could be a genetic defect. Maybe you're on to something. I couldn't tell a joke to save my life.
posted by sunshinesky at 9:22 AM on September 5, 2009

Meinte ich, lustig noch wieder, und dann nochmal.
you do not speak german.

"klebstoff" means "adhesive", so I assume he was huffing model glue. "Alle zusammen" means "everything together", so I guess he was supposed to be high on all 10 drugs at once.
correct, but: Klebstoff.

german humor is different. they love puns and consider those making them witty. the german brand of ad hominem sarcasm doesn't fly very well in the states either, at least that's my experience. americans always think you are being a dick, so all you can do is throw it overboard and adopt whatever the local kind of humor is. that whole 'taking an uncomfortable situation and dragging it out for ages' thing works pretty well with yanks and brits, as evident from the office.
posted by krautland at 9:50 AM on September 5, 2009

I think the cocaine bit is closer to how people drive on LSD.

ZOOM ZOOM CARTOON CAR BEEP BEEP

[I'm honestly amazed I survived my 20s]
posted by empath at 9:51 AM on September 5, 2009

they love puns and consider those making them witty.

Some Americans will make puns too, but those that do (who I know of anyway) tend to make them for their own amusement. Most people seem to be too slow to get them anyway.

Hell, I'm pretty sure I don't get them all the time. It's kind of fun when it happens though, like a secret joke layered inside the conversation that only a few people know about.
posted by scrutiny at 10:06 AM on September 5, 2009

krautland, I actually do sprech, but I wasn't speaking very good English either; that was the point. Way to back up the claim about German humor. Schade, keine Witze heute...
posted by hypersloth at 11:09 AM on September 5, 2009

hypersloth: Nun, es klang, als würdest Du kein deutsch sprechen und die Sprache vergewaltigen wollen. Vielleicht habe ich mich geirrt, in dem Falle mea culpa.
posted by krautland at 11:13 AM on September 5, 2009

Wow. I donät know if the Klebstoff or the Absinthe one was better. I need to see more German television.
posted by dunkadunc at 11:27 AM on September 5, 2009

I'm sure it only took us ten minutes to drive the five miles. But it was an eternity of terror. I wouldn't do that again if you paid me.

Sounds like one of those white-out fogs, where two passangers each with one hand on either front bumper, grope forward with the other hand, reporting all along back to the car's driver, banging on the fender for urgent signals.

The driver can fly at zero visibility, given information updates from his handy explorers.
You're supposed have learned and trained it, or at least pull it off now, to visualize the path while flying blind and not get caught up in little looping circles. but when suddenly Yogi Bear shows up, bright and clear, emerging from the zero visibility, then you must have expected that too. If you drive on mushrooms. The intrusive new characters might be enlisted in finding home, or getting lost. They may turn out to be, insistent presences, on about some sort of product or service that needs to be paid. Occasionally involving handcuffs.

Making a run for it, could work, but only if there was a reasonable chance we could all get away together. Jumping off a ship, quite near shore, of course.
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:34 AM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

donät

heavy metal donut?
posted by nebulawindphone at 12:00 PM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Some Americans will make puns too, but those that do (who I know of anyway) tend to make them for their own amusement. Most people seem to be too slow to get them anyway.

Yes, I wish I was faster at getting puns so that I could be certain to slit the teller's throat before he told a second one.
posted by digsrus at 12:03 PM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

A wise man once told me "You should never drive on LSD because you might stop looking through the windshield and start looking at the windshield."
posted by vibrotronica at 12:06 PM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

I hate hate hate driving on LSD or shrooms or peyote. (Well, I've never tried to drive on peyote, actually.) I prefer to have set aside a block of time when I can just be a child and play and explore while I'm tripping, and driving is one of those adult responsibility things that kills my buzz and sets in the paranoia when I should just be watching the paisley crawl. I've had to do it more than once, and never had a good time doing it.

Now, once I get past the giggle phase, it's great fun to be on a commercial airliner while tripping. But if you get the giggles in such a confined space, it can be a bit TOO telltale and these days would likely result in arrest.

(I'm not talking about flying an airplane, just flying as a passenger.)
posted by hippybear at 12:31 PM on September 5, 2009

"You should never drive on LSD because you might stop looking through the windshield and start looking at the windshield."

I may have told this story before, but i tried driving on LSD and K, once, because my partner in crime that evening was on his 3rd e pill and we couldn't decide which was worse to drive on. (For some reason, taking a cab was not an option.) That ended when I stopped my car in the middle of the highway at 4am because the lane markers had lifted off the road and i couldn't tell if the windshield was fogging up or my brain was, but either way, I couldn't see anything, but those yellow lane markers going off into blank white space.

I just sat in the car in the right lane (or the shoulder, or the opposing lane of traffic, i really had no idea) and kept saying "No, No, not driving any more.." until rolling kid decided it was probably better for him to drive. He was more concerned about finding the right mix CD to put in the car stereo, honestly.

They never had PSA's about not doing cocktails of exotic club drugs and driving, but they really should have.
posted by empath at 12:35 PM on September 5, 2009

You should never take drugs while driving. You should take the drugs, then drive. Otherwise, it's too confusing.
posted by klangklangston at 1:34 PM on September 5, 2009

I drove on L a few times, mostly out of dire necessity. It usually was pretty challenging and only short distances. But one trip back in high school, after I was pretty well-seasoned on L, a friend and I ditched school and dropped some very clean but mild blotter, and I ended up driving around town with him in the passenger seat for eight hours. We didn't plan it, just sort of worked out that way. I wouldn't recommend it, but after the first 20 minutes or so it became very natural and easy, like I was locked into the driving system of doing things and just kept along that mental path. Dealing with rapidly changing traffic and all that was not hard at all, as long as I was completely focused on the road, and that also came naturally. Also, I had a Monty Python tape playing, the one with Traffic Lights on it, which played over and over the entire trip. It started out funny but ended up sounding very surreal by the end. It wasn't the best trip, but the experience was unique and not unpleasant, although my much older self today would be much more reluctant to try this than my 18-year-old self at the time.
posted by krinklyfig at 1:45 PM on September 5, 2009

Where were you guys when we totally dumped on someone for trying to beat a drunk driving ticket on AskMe? He could have used your support.
posted by RussHy at 1:51 PM on September 5, 2009

This is all "Dumb Stuff I Did 10 years ago"
posted by empath at 1:56 PM on September 5, 2009

Metafilter: My orbital wait they can't peppermint th
posted by Hollow at 1:56 PM on September 5, 2009

Where were you guys when we totally dumped on someone for trying to beat a drunk driving ticket on AskMe? He could have used your support.

I don't think it's necessarily a good idea to drive under the influence, but the influence of each substance is not identical, nor is the detriment to motor coordination. I can't really morally "support" anyone who has driven under the influence, but everyone deserves their day in court.
posted by krinklyfig at 2:25 PM on September 5, 2009

No, no, see, psychedelics are cool. Alcohol is uncool. Except that drinking obscure cocktails and going to bars is cool. Unless you drive there or back, which is uncool.

Driving to the bar while tripping might be cool, I guess, unless you were so confused you ordered an uncool drink once you got there.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:39 PM on September 5, 2009 [1 favorite]

Seriously, though, tripping people are usually VERY VERY CAUTIOUS drivers, which is really not ideal but a bit better than being VERY VERY RECKLESS the way drunk drivers are. If you're going to drive with an illegal amount of something in your system, I'd almost rather it be LSD, because you'll just wind up pulled over somewhere contemplating gravel and feeling overwhelmed and then I can pass you.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:45 PM on September 5, 2009

I once sat at a stop sign for five minutes waiting for it to change.

I don't like driving dosed.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:52 PM on September 5, 2009 [14 favorites]

BitterOldPunk: You just made me snort my beer everywhere. Damn you! and Thank you!
posted by hippybear at 3:15 PM on September 5, 2009

I remember going on a drive once while I was waiting for the 2C-E to kick in. Then the road started bending and the universe didn't feel real anymore, and I decided that driving on drugs wasn't such a good idea.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:25 PM on September 5, 2009

Has there been any research done on driving on acid? Every time I've been in a car with someone driving on acid, I was on acid, too, so its hard to say how well they were driving, but it didn't seem that bad at the time.
posted by empath at 6:46 PM on September 5, 2009

Some pal of Mr. F's was driving dosed on I-75 once and stared off into the median, only to find a U-2 reconaissance plane pacing him, level to the ground, with chickens dancing on the wings, sort of a la the "Sledgehammer" video.

As for Mr. F's own (one-time, I emphasize) experiences, he just sort of snorted and went "Drivin' a hovercraft, man!" when cocaine was mentioned upthread.

Somehow, I'm not sorry that I've never had a driver's license.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 9:09 PM on September 5, 2009

digsrus, I think you're trachealing the punsters too seriously. For me, most of the time I carotid even stand them myself, and then I have to give my self a sternum warning not to do it again.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 10:26 PM on September 5, 2009

what a snoczh
posted by web-digger at 10:41 PM on September 5, 2009

Acid driving! w00t!
posted by supyo at 3:59 PM on September 6, 2009

The one time I ended up driving while dosed I had all kinds of bad luck. The road I took was really poorly maintained- all gooey and melty - and it kept pouring out! And for some reason it was faster than usual. I had to stop the tape deck to make it slow down.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:28 PM on September 7, 2009

"You should never drive on LSD because you might stop looking through the windshield and start looking at the windshield."

I knew a guy who drove on LSD. He had a special technique where all he had to do was watch the streetlights reflecting on the hood, and make sure the little white dots stayed on the ornamental crease in the shiny metal.
posted by StickyCarpet at 12:36 PM on September 15, 2009 [1 favorite]