"I grabbed the wing pits. I leaned back."
February 18, 2011 8:46 AM Subscribe
What it's like to ride an ostrich. As compared to what it's like to ride a horse.
Q: How do you get down off an ostrich?
A: You don't. You get down off a duck.
posted by komara at 8:53 AM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]
A: You don't. You get down off a duck.
posted by komara at 8:53 AM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]
8 seconds before falling off? She'll never get to Mysidia at that rate! Wark
posted by ignignokt at 8:55 AM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by ignignokt at 8:55 AM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]
The man yanked the bag off the ostrich's head. The ostrich exploded.
I just wanted to see those two sentences sitting by themselves out of context.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:55 AM on February 18, 2011 [7 favorites]
Fuck! We're never going to get Knights of the Round Table from that fucking island at this rate.
posted by boo_radley at 9:02 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 9:02 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
I won't ride a horse without a helmet, pants, and sturdy leather shoes
I won't ride a horse with a helmet, pants and sturdy leather shoes.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:03 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
I won't ride a horse with a helmet, pants and sturdy leather shoes.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:03 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
Not so different from riding a hippogriff, then?
posted by brina at 9:03 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by brina at 9:03 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ok, so I'm one step closer to being able to play a real life version of the game Joust.
posted by quin at 9:21 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by quin at 9:21 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]
I don't see why someone has to go all the way to Africa to be cruel to animals. You could just put a bag over your cat's head, then sit on its back and blog about it. You'd be equally lacking in good sense and empathy, and the whole experience would have a much smaller carbon footprint.
posted by grounded at 9:29 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by grounded at 9:29 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]
You could just put a bag over your cat's head, then sit on its back and blog about it.
Well, there goes my blog-to-book tumblr book deal.
posted by mothershock at 9:31 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Well, there goes my blog-to-book tumblr book deal.
posted by mothershock at 9:31 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Close as humans will ever get to riding a dinosaur, I suppose.
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:37 AM on February 18, 2011
posted by bonobothegreat at 9:37 AM on February 18, 2011
The man yanked the bag off the ostrich's head, who blinked dazedly as he took in his surroundings. The walls and floor were unshadowed concrete; peering upward, he descried a high ceiling barred with fluorescence. He nearly wrenched his neck trying to look behind, to catch some glimpse of his captor, but canvas straps held him fast to his high-backed chair.
"Are you quite at ease, Mister Dromaius?" The words, drawled in a light Alsatian accent, came from just behind him, close enough to disturb the down on his neck. "It was difficult to find a chair suitable for a seven foot bird; harder still to build in safe, comfortable restraints."
The ostrich exploded. "Dromaius?" he clacked indignantly. "The name's Struthio, dammit! You've got the wrong bird!"
posted by Iridic at 9:41 AM on February 18, 2011 [9 favorites]
"Are you quite at ease, Mister Dromaius?" The words, drawled in a light Alsatian accent, came from just behind him, close enough to disturb the down on his neck. "It was difficult to find a chair suitable for a seven foot bird; harder still to build in safe, comfortable restraints."
The ostrich exploded. "Dromaius?" he clacked indignantly. "The name's Struthio, dammit! You've got the wrong bird!"
posted by Iridic at 9:41 AM on February 18, 2011 [9 favorites]
Great, just when I was getting over not finding the answer to this.
posted by cashman at 9:42 AM on February 18, 2011
posted by cashman at 9:42 AM on February 18, 2011
grounded: "You could just put a bag over your cat's head"
my cat does this to itself anyway. To whom should I report my cat?
posted by boo_radley at 9:43 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
my cat does this to itself anyway. To whom should I report my cat?
posted by boo_radley at 9:43 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
my cat does this to itself anyway. To whom should I report my cat?
Was it your cat that left a suffocation hazard lying around?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:55 AM on February 18, 2011
Was it your cat that left a suffocation hazard lying around?
posted by Sys Rq at 9:55 AM on February 18, 2011
I won't ride a horse without a helmet, pants, and sturdy leather shoes
I see what you're doing wrong, the horse should have iron shoes.
posted by atrazine at 10:59 AM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]
I see what you're doing wrong, the horse should have iron shoes.
posted by atrazine at 10:59 AM on February 18, 2011 [4 favorites]
Was it your cat that left a suffocation hazard lying around?
No, but my cat is in favor of fewer government regulations for consumer products. He was a Republican appointee to the Federal Trade Commission during the Bush administration. He spent the meetings licking himself and other committee members, in which regard he was indistinguishable from the other political appointees. Last I heard he was preparing Libertarian policy papers for a militant faction within the St. Louis Fed.
posted by atrazine at 11:04 AM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]
No, but my cat is in favor of fewer government regulations for consumer products. He was a Republican appointee to the Federal Trade Commission during the Bush administration. He spent the meetings licking himself and other committee members, in which regard he was indistinguishable from the other political appointees. Last I heard he was preparing Libertarian policy papers for a militant faction within the St. Louis Fed.
posted by atrazine at 11:04 AM on February 18, 2011 [5 favorites]
man, cats really are assholes, aren't they?
posted by dinty_moore at 11:06 AM on February 18, 2011
posted by dinty_moore at 11:06 AM on February 18, 2011
I'm kind of annoyed that this woman called the ostrich dumb because she couldn't read it's emotions by looking at it. Birds and mammals are evolutionarily pretty far apart.
posted by delmoi at 11:26 AM on February 18, 2011
posted by delmoi at 11:26 AM on February 18, 2011
I'm kind of annoyed that this woman called the ostrich dumb because she couldn't read it's emotions by looking at it.
Maybe she has Asbirder's.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:45 PM on February 18, 2011 [6 favorites]
Maybe she has Asbirder's.
posted by Sys Rq at 12:45 PM on February 18, 2011 [6 favorites]
from article: “I won't ride a horse without a helmet, pants, and sturdy leather shoes.”
Mister Fabulous: “I won't ride a horse with a helmet, pants and sturdy leather shoes.”
Neither will I. In my experience, any horse that has the wherewithal to don riding gear is a horse that can't be trusted.
posted by koeselitz at 12:57 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
Mister Fabulous: “I won't ride a horse with a helmet, pants and sturdy leather shoes.”
Neither will I. In my experience, any horse that has the wherewithal to don riding gear is a horse that can't be trusted.
posted by koeselitz at 12:57 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
There's a place in Great Barrington that serves great ostrich burgers
We're about due for a remake of Joust
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 1:13 PM on February 18, 2011
We're about due for a remake of Joust
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 1:13 PM on February 18, 2011
Came for chocobo comment, leaving satisfied.
posted by knave at 3:16 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by knave at 3:16 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm kind of annoyed that this woman called the ostrich dumb because she couldn't read it's emotions by looking at it.
I kinda know what she was saying there, though. I had a dog like that. We said when we looked deep into her eyes, we could see the neon flashing "VACANCY" sign where her brain should be.
I miss that dog.
posted by galadriel at 6:51 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
I kinda know what she was saying there, though. I had a dog like that. We said when we looked deep into her eyes, we could see the neon flashing "VACANCY" sign where her brain should be.
I miss that dog.
posted by galadriel at 6:51 PM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]
You could just put a bag over your cat's head
Nah, scotch tape on opposing feet or a balloon round the tail are FAR more entertaining. At least compared to ostrich riding.
posted by wkearney99 at 10:45 AM on February 19, 2011
Nah, scotch tape on opposing feet or a balloon round the tail are FAR more entertaining. At least compared to ostrich riding.
posted by wkearney99 at 10:45 AM on February 19, 2011
I'm amazed that I didn't even *consider* the chocobo comments, considering that was my favorite part of the Final Fantasy games. Subliminal, I guess.
posted by gusandrews at 8:10 PM on February 19, 2011
posted by gusandrews at 8:10 PM on February 19, 2011
I rode an ostrich a while ago in the Karoo, and thought it was a bit unkind in hindsight.
posted by mdoar at 12:42 PM on February 21, 2011
posted by mdoar at 12:42 PM on February 21, 2011
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posted by louche mustachio at 8:51 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]