This is definately a fine cocktail.

September 30, 2001 9:53 AM

This is definately a fine cocktail. Although not one that I would drink.
posted by Wet Wednesday (17 comments total)

Thursday morning, Juan Sanchez-Marchez, 41, a machine operator at Foothills Mail and Supply, was at work, taking his usual sips from a 20-ounce bottle of Ora Potency Fruit Punch.

He gave his name to the newspaper??? Okay, okay, maybe they got it from the police report. Still, wouldn't you tell the police something like: "Yeah, I thought I saw something suspicious, so I poured half of it out on the ground ... " Sheesh!! Wonder if ol' Juan asked for the rest of his soda back after the police left.
posted by RavinDave at 10:05 AM on September 30, 2001

Not Mr. Perfect here. But for future reference: It's "definitely."
posted by raysmj at 10:32 AM on September 30, 2001

I like spelling it that way, as that's how I prenounce it. Do you have a problem with that. You definately shouldn't.
posted by Wet Wednesday at 11:00 AM on September 30, 2001

"Police do not believe that Sanchez-Marchez put the penis in the bottle. "

My vote for the best line in a news story. Ever. Anywhere.
posted by TiggleTaggleTiger at 11:23 AM on September 30, 2001

That is an outstanding story. How sick would you feel after drinking most of it and then seeing a penis at the bottom. He must be able to sue for that; he will never be able to drink without fear again.
posted by Atom Heart Mother at 12:22 PM on September 30, 2001

Police do not believe that Sanchez-Marchez put the penis in the bottle.

All things being equal, that's a sentence I'd never dreamed I'd see in any newspaper. What a fucked up story.

As I finished this comment I realized TTT said the same thing an hour ago. Nonetheless, I'm weighing in too.
posted by crasspastor at 12:50 PM on September 30, 2001

Remarkable: the drink was called "Ora Potency Fruit Punch".
posted by mmarcos at 1:02 PM on September 30, 2001

They left out the initial reaction, "Man this juice tastes like piss!"
posted by shagoth at 1:04 PM on September 30, 2001

Remarkable: the drink was called "Ora Potency Fruit Punch".

Maybe the penis is supposed to be there. Always check the ingredients.

From the article, "His boss told him that it looked like a penis."

I'm concerned that he needed help identifying it.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:52 PM on September 30, 2001

You'd think they'd at least put a bigger penis inside a potency drink?!? The chinese have a saying for this... "yee ying bo ying" meaning "You are what you eat"
posted by PWA_BadBoy at 1:58 PM on September 30, 2001

Talk about your stiff drinks!
posted by Down10 at 6:05 PM on September 30, 2001

COCKtail. Oh...I get it.
posted by ColdChef at 7:05 PM on September 30, 2001

eeyew==maybe a new color font for verging-on-rotten.com links?
posted by y2karl at 11:00 PM on September 30, 2001

Possible advertising slogan:

"If our drink leaves you feeling incomplete, maybe you're just nuts!"
posted by ColdChef at 8:00 AM on October 1, 2001

And you thought getting the worm in your tequila shot was gross!

*or*

And you thought it was hard to build SHIPS in bottles.

every one a maserati!!
posted by Kafkaesque at 12:31 PM on October 2, 2001

Turns out it was a chunk of bacteria mold.

But my! The girth!
posted by crasspastor at 12:25 PM on October 4, 2001

Well, THAT'S a relief. It was just a chunk of bacteria mold.

...shudder...
posted by Fofer at 8:40 AM on October 5, 2001