All your corn are belong to us

November 28, 2011 11:36 AM

Teddy Bear does not believe in caring and sharing when it comes to corn on the cob. Snickers pretty much feels the same way. (Sorry, no dubstep remix -- yet.)
posted by maudlin (31 comments total)

So hard to say "Back off, bitch" without lips. Teddy does a pretty good job.
posted by yoink at 11:41 AM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was going to say that that woman was pretty brave for trying to take food away from an angry porcupine. But they bring these animals to children's birthday parties so I guess that bravery pales in comparison to the bravery in facing potential lawsuits.

(sugar + excitement + 6 year old + porcupine = ?)
posted by DU at 11:43 AM on November 28, 2011

At about 0:46 Teddy makes a sound that I swear sounds like, "It's my corn!"
This illusion is only reinforced when the lady behind the camera says, "Oh, really?"
posted by Mister Moofoo at 11:47 AM on November 28, 2011 [8 favorites]

Yeah, I don't know how porcupines usually react, but that seemed pretty restrained. Try touching a dog's food while he's eating it and you'll get a more violent reaction, even if its your pet. Defending food is a hardwired instinct.
posted by Kevin Street at 11:49 AM on November 28, 2011

Those teeth, red with the blood of former victims, are especially horrifying.
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:22 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Its a shame about the quills and the razor sharp teeth, because porcupines are actually pretty charming animals. In the wild, they're really fairly shy (provided you don't surprise them or threaten them). I've only encountered one bloke in captivity - atScience North - but he was a very pleasant fellow.

Anyhow, while its probably for the best not to keep wild animals as pets, porcupines can apparently be domesticated fairly easily, can learn their name, and can learn to recognize specific people. Just don't hold them in your lap when a door slams, I suppose.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:45 PM on November 28, 2011

Does feeding them a corn based diet make the meat taste better somehow?
posted by Keith Talent at 12:48 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

It's easy to miss because Teddy Bear is so cute, but that woman's voice is angelic. :)
posted by rahnefan at 12:55 PM on November 28, 2011

Porcupines are the cutest animals that you can't pet.
posted by tommasz at 12:58 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

What a couple of pricks.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 1:03 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Honey badger would take corn away from a porcupine.
posted by not_on_display at 1:35 PM on November 28, 2011 [3 favorites]

Well, now I want a porcupine. I've never heard that noise before and would gladly hear it again every day forever.
posted by troublewithwolves at 1:58 PM on November 28, 2011 [4 favorites]

"Hey good looking where have you been all my life. Hu a hu ha hu ha hu!"
posted by Fizz at 2:03 PM on November 28, 2011

The only way to get corn away from a porcupine is to offer it a bunch of balloons in trade.
posted by orme at 2:37 PM on November 28, 2011

Is Teddy a young North American Porcupine or something? I ask because from the video it doesn't seem like he has any spikes, just a lot of spikey hair.

He also displays a lot of teenage behavior; eating a lot, receiving food then asking to be left alone, asking his mom to stop filming him, etc.
posted by pyrex at 2:41 PM on November 28, 2011

The quills are interspersed with the hair, and the hair is longer. There are more quills further back on the rump. You can see quills a bit better in this video: http://youtu.be/kpMhYzN9ZcY
posted by Lou Stuells at 3:11 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ahhh I see. Not quite as fluffy, but equally beautiful.
posted by pyrex at 3:20 PM on November 28, 2011

Ok, I watched with the sound off since I'm at work, and I wasn't sure why this was posted... I mean, cute, and all, but it's an animal eating...

Watch it with the sound, seriously.
posted by Huck500 at 3:47 PM on November 28, 2011 [2 favorites]

I had no notion porkypines made Adorable Squeaky Toy sounds like that.
posted by tspae at 4:46 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I was once camping alone in the woods in a reinforced concrete dome that had wooden doors. One night very late I awoke to a horrific sound; it was as though the entire structure were a cornflake in the mouth of God. The noise was mainly coming from the door, which was bolted. Armed with my rifle and trembling, I ran to the door and pounded on it, screaming as loudly as I could, hoping to scare whatever the HELL it was away.

There was silence... followed by the same weird squeaking Teddy Bear makes here, then I heard the stones in the entryway shift as something heavy made its exit. I was both terrified and confused... surely, the building was being attacked by a gigantic squeak toy?

The next day when I saw the chew marks I knew. And was very much relieved.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:01 PM on November 28, 2011 [11 favorites]

One night very late I awoke to a horrific sound; it was as though the entire structure were a cornflake in the mouth of God.

That just made my evening.
posted by maudlin at 6:32 PM on November 28, 2011

Christ almighty, it sounds like a Mogwai.
posted by Doofus Magoo at 6:41 PM on November 28, 2011

It just dawned on me that when Teddy's keeper hands him the corn, she says "What is that? Oh my goodness!" to him in exactly the same way I speak to my cat when I give him a treat.
posted by Joey Michaels at 6:58 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

I never ever thought to wonder what porcupines say. That is going into Old MacDonald right away.
posted by artychoke at 7:02 PM on November 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

That is going into Old MacDonald right away.
And on that farm he had some Porcupines
Ee-i ee-i O
With a [my corn!] there and a [fuck off!] there
Here a [mogwai] there a [mogwai!] everywhere a [snneregheah mogwai!]
posted by Cold Lurkey at 7:38 PM on November 28, 2011 [8 favorites]

surely, the building was being attacked by a gigantic squeak toy?

That just made me laugh until I wheezed.
posted by sarcasticah at 11:21 PM on November 28, 2011

Every time I think, "OK, now I've seen the absolute most adorable thing on the entire internet!" it turns out I'm wrong.

I want a sweary porcupine!
posted by Space Kitty at 4:41 PM on November 29, 2011 [1 favorite]

Dammit I watch this porcupine and all I can think is "I wanna pet it!" (In full-on Troy Barnes voice.)

That's some cruel shit, nature.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:53 PM on November 29, 2011

fretful porpentine.
posted by exlotuseater at 6:22 AM on November 30, 2011

Apparently they can be pretty lovable and cuddly - check out this happy big guy.
posted by madamjujujive at 7:32 PM on December 1, 2011 [2 favorites]

I have now seen everything: a porcupine with the zooms.
posted by maudlin at 7:55 PM on December 1, 2011