Great gifts for (other people's) Kids!
December 8, 2011 10:48 AM Subscribe
The Seven Worst Gifts for Children! This year’s list of the worst toys is brought to you by plastics, those bright synthetic polymers that threaten to overtake the living rooms of middle-class parents.
The Play-Doh dentist thing has been around forever. I remember the commercials freaking me out when I was a kid.
posted by JoanArkham at 10:53 AM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by JoanArkham at 10:53 AM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
That post was pretty snarky (and pretty funny, really) for coming from the normally staid Christian Science Monitor.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 10:53 AM on December 8, 2011
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 10:53 AM on December 8, 2011
I've taken to giving T-Pain microphones instead of outright telling people their kids can't sing worth a shit.
posted by Dark Messiah at 10:54 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Dark Messiah at 10:54 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Yeah, they would rather you just buy a nice green lawn for your kids to get off of. These are really not that bad. If that Moxie doll is the skankiest one they could find, they are not trying very hard.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:56 AM on December 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 10:56 AM on December 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
If the T-Pain microphone were a few bucks cheaper, it would make the perfect White Elephant Swap contribution.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:57 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:57 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
YOUR CHILD SHOULD NOT HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO SING IN PUBLIC
UNLESS IT IS IN CHURCH
AND EVEN THEN WE ARE SUSPICIOUS
posted by mightygodking at 10:58 AM on December 8, 2011 [18 favorites]
UNLESS IT IS IN CHURCH
AND EVEN THEN WE ARE SUSPICIOUS
posted by mightygodking at 10:58 AM on December 8, 2011 [18 favorites]
So I notice that the Very Worst Present In All The Land is a fairly average, not especially "skanky" girl doll with light brown skin who wears fashions not unlike those teen girls have worn since I was a teen back in the dark ages. I feel that there's some race and gender panic in here somewhere. I mean seriously, Bratz and Barbie dolls wear much, much creepier stuff and have much more exaggerated bodies and faces. If anything, the monster girl dolls are creepier and more sexualized.
posted by Frowner at 10:58 AM on December 8, 2011 [13 favorites]
posted by Frowner at 10:58 AM on December 8, 2011 [13 favorites]
So elitist.
Some parents can't affort an iPod and have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, they grab that battered McDonalds funburger so thier kids will have something.
Christian Science Monitor not being very christian.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:59 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Some parents can't affort an iPod and have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, they grab that battered McDonalds funburger so thier kids will have something.
Christian Science Monitor not being very christian.
posted by Ad hominem at 10:59 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
You can save a lot of money on that T-Pain microphone, however, by just "singing" into an oscillating fan. Same effect.
posted by Dark Messiah at 11:00 AM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Dark Messiah at 11:00 AM on December 8, 2011 [4 favorites]
I don't like websites that make you click through for every piece of the article to get more views on their ads. A website is not a freaking magazine.
Still, I clicked through some of them. The dentist thing is pretty awesome.
posted by Malice at 11:00 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Still, I clicked through some of them. The dentist thing is pretty awesome.
posted by Malice at 11:00 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
YOUR CHILD SHOULD NOT HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO SING IN PUBLIC
UNLESS IT IS IN CHURCH
AND EVEN THEN WE ARE SUSPICIOUS
This is a genius idea; I should buy a T-Pain Microphone and bring it to church. "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is going to sound a ton more poignant when sung by a robot.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:03 AM on December 8, 2011 [21 favorites]
UNLESS IT IS IN CHURCH
AND EVEN THEN WE ARE SUSPICIOUS
This is a genius idea; I should buy a T-Pain Microphone and bring it to church. "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is going to sound a ton more poignant when sung by a robot.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 11:03 AM on December 8, 2011 [21 favorites]
"O Come, O Come Emmanuel" is going to sound a ton more poignant when sung by a robot.
The producers of Jeopardy beat you to it.
posted by griphus at 11:05 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
The producers of Jeopardy beat you to it.
posted by griphus at 11:05 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
How did I know each one would be on its own page. And that Arizona, the mocked Moxie Teen(z), would link to the CSMonitor's topic page on the U.S. state?
These were too normal to be funny. No Digg. #CSMonitorFail
posted by mrgrimm at 11:08 AM on December 8, 2011
These were too normal to be funny. No Digg. #CSMonitorFail
posted by mrgrimm at 11:08 AM on December 8, 2011
I think I need to start boycotting websites that spread content over multiple pages solely for the purpose of boosting pageviews.
posted by crunchland at 11:08 AM on December 8, 2011 [15 favorites]
posted by crunchland at 11:08 AM on December 8, 2011 [15 favorites]
More on Arizona (sanity and ear warning):
"Oh no! If I keep talking about Gavin, I’m going to be late to work! Ok, more about Gavin next time!"
posted by mrgrimm at 11:09 AM on December 8, 2011
"Oh no! If I keep talking about Gavin, I’m going to be late to work! Ok, more about Gavin next time!"
posted by mrgrimm at 11:09 AM on December 8, 2011
MetaFilter: Beware of vacuuming up their hands.
posted by Polyhymnia at 11:09 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Polyhymnia at 11:09 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
So Crunchy, would you prefer to pay for all the content you read online? How much do you think a daily dose of Metafilter would cost if all the commercial sites linked to were pay-only and not ad-supported?
posted by FreezBoy at 11:11 AM on December 8, 2011
posted by FreezBoy at 11:11 AM on December 8, 2011
All the kids on my list are getting the timeless classics: Snare drums, oil paint, poorly-assembled bicycles, and books of postmodern knock-knock jokes.
posted by 0xFCAF at 11:12 AM on December 8, 2011 [9 favorites]
posted by 0xFCAF at 11:12 AM on December 8, 2011 [9 favorites]
I know the worst gift for your dog: the Humunga Stache.
posted by mrgrimm at 11:12 AM on December 8, 2011
posted by mrgrimm at 11:12 AM on December 8, 2011
One of the things I like about phones that run apps is that they partially replace the need for crap like the T-Pain microphone - you can get an app that does the same thing for a tenth of the price, and you don't have to buy a piece of crappy plastic. Granted, not everyone has a phone like that now, and certainly not every kid, but I'm enjoying the long view of this trend.
Also eliminates the embarrassment of grandpa buying the wrong gift again, gee thanks for the T. Paine microphone, yes it will "radicalize" my singing...
posted by mikepop at 11:13 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also eliminates the embarrassment of grandpa buying the wrong gift again, gee thanks for the T. Paine microphone, yes it will "radicalize" my singing...
posted by mikepop at 11:13 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
You know what would be awesome, an American Idol contestant who requires the T-Pain mic to perform.
posted by drezdn at 11:14 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by drezdn at 11:14 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I don't normally comment on the presentation of the content linked. But I would prefer 10 ads on one page so I don't have to click next and wait for yet another page to render.
Maybe I am still bitter over some of the gifts I got. I got pencils one year. Another year I got a coffee table book on mushrooms and toadstools, I think I still have it.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Maybe I am still bitter over some of the gifts I got. I got pencils one year. Another year I got a coffee table book on mushrooms and toadstools, I think I still have it.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I accidentally clicked over to a tabbed article about Romney/Gingrich with big head shots of them, and thought, yes, those are the worst gifts you could give your children.
posted by Big_B at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by Big_B at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
postmodern knock-knock jokes.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Joseph Bueys
*Uncomfortable Silence*
posted by drezdn at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [12 favorites]
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Joseph Bueys
*Uncomfortable Silence*
posted by drezdn at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [12 favorites]
Also, the real "10 Worst Toys of 2011" list, from the totall real and not fake at all (I think) WATCH (World Against Toys Causing Harm).
posted by mrgrimm at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mrgrimm at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
So elitist.
Some parents can't affort an iPod and have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, they grab that battered McDonalds funburger so thier kids will have something.
So the choices are an iPod or a funburger? Last I checked there were tons of cheap gift options for low-income families. I don't think it's elitist to make fun of toy options that fail on multiple levels. Some of these, such as the Rock Star Mickey, aren't even cheap.
posted by hermitosis at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011
Some parents can't affort an iPod and have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, they grab that battered McDonalds funburger so thier kids will have something.
So the choices are an iPod or a funburger? Last I checked there were tons of cheap gift options for low-income families. I don't think it's elitist to make fun of toy options that fail on multiple levels. Some of these, such as the Rock Star Mickey, aren't even cheap.
posted by hermitosis at 11:16 AM on December 8, 2011
I know the worst gift for your dog: the Humunga Stache.
I am deeply unnerved by its resemblance to a ball gag.
posted by elizardbits at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am deeply unnerved by its resemblance to a ball gag.
posted by elizardbits at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Meh, I've seen worse.
Let's chalk this article up to class-ism and call it a day.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
Let's chalk this article up to class-ism and call it a day.
posted by clvrmnky at 11:19 AM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
I know the worst gift for your dog: the Humunga Stache.
You almost certainly misspelled "best."
posted by uncleozzy at 11:21 AM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
You almost certainly misspelled "best."
posted by uncleozzy at 11:21 AM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
Another year I got a coffee table book on mushrooms and toadstools, I think I still have it.
Awesome present! I would like a book on mushrooms and toadstools.
And yes the presentation of thois article was obnoxious, but did you expect much more than a "Top n xs" article?
posted by Joe Chip at 11:21 AM on December 8, 2011
Awesome present! I would like a book on mushrooms and toadstools.
And yes the presentation of thois article was obnoxious, but did you expect much more than a "Top n xs" article?
posted by Joe Chip at 11:21 AM on December 8, 2011
Yes. I too want a book on mushrooms and toadstools.
For my neice's gifts (of the birthday, christmas, and I'm her aunt and I get to spoil her dammit varieties), I told my brother that I would buy her gifts that made noise. Lots and lots of noise. Just not battery operated noise. Because that's awful.
posted by sandraregina at 11:23 AM on December 8, 2011
For my neice's gifts (of the birthday, christmas, and I'm her aunt and I get to spoil her dammit varieties), I told my brother that I would buy her gifts that made noise. Lots and lots of noise. Just not battery operated noise. Because that's awful.
posted by sandraregina at 11:23 AM on December 8, 2011
Play-doh!
I just wanted an excuse to say that.
I actually kind of want it, though.
posted by katillathehun at 11:23 AM on December 8, 2011
I just wanted an excuse to say that.
I actually kind of want it, though.
posted by katillathehun at 11:23 AM on December 8, 2011
When I got to the Play Doh Dentist thing, I realized that these weren't really that bad.
Certainly no Bag O' Glass or lawn darts, for sure.
posted by no relation at 11:26 AM on December 8, 2011
Certainly no Bag O' Glass or lawn darts, for sure.
posted by no relation at 11:26 AM on December 8, 2011
Here is another worst toys list. I want a Gelli Baff!
posted by 2ghouls at 11:26 AM on December 8, 2011
posted by 2ghouls at 11:26 AM on December 8, 2011
Ok, Ok,
I retract my comments about CSM. And I guess a book about toadstools was ok, I would have preferred a transformer or something but I guess I still have the book on mushrooms so I could find it and go pick mushrooms or something. Not much I could do with a transformer.
I am still sad about the pencils though, I got school supplies for christmas!!
posted by Ad hominem at 11:27 AM on December 8, 2011
I retract my comments about CSM. And I guess a book about toadstools was ok, I would have preferred a transformer or something but I guess I still have the book on mushrooms so I could find it and go pick mushrooms or something. Not much I could do with a transformer.
I am still sad about the pencils though, I got school supplies for christmas!!
posted by Ad hominem at 11:27 AM on December 8, 2011
Humunga Stache that your dog bites it and it plays any of a number of recorded phrases
fake wizened faces that go over boobs
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 11:29 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
fake wizened faces that go over boobs
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 11:29 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I want a Gelli Baff!
I bought my wife two boxes of that for Christmas last year and we're still married.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:30 AM on December 8, 2011
I bought my wife two boxes of that for Christmas last year and we're still married.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:30 AM on December 8, 2011
postmodern knock-knock jokesMy favorite was always:
"I heard a great knock-knock joke! You have to start it."
"Okay...? Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?"
...awkward confused silence...
posted by roystgnr at 11:30 AM on December 8, 2011 [10 favorites]
So elitist.
Some parents can't affort an iPod and have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, they grab that battered McDonalds funburger so thier kids will have something.
This is either sarcasm or bullshit.
You can get a small Lego kit for $12.99. You can get an inexpensive harmonica, or many balls of multicoloured Play-Doh, or the travel version of Battleship my daughter's crazy about right now, or any of a thousand or a hundred thousand books. Crayons and paper, beads and string, a dollar-store soccer ball. You can find a million things to give a kid so they'll "have something" that does not tell them they should aspire to minimum-wage work serving profoundly unwholesome food, and you can do this while still not being an elitist in any economic sense.
Of course, in contemporary America, I understand valuing arts, crafts and engineering and seeking out nutritious food is only for latte-sipping bike-riding pinko elites only. But hey, not everyone wants their kid to grow up to be a Herman Cain booster, do they?
(Also Play-Doh Drill 'n' Fill is kind of awesome and in any case is so much less toxic - literally and figuratively - than that Perfumery thing that I do have to question CSM's ranking criteria at the very least.)
posted by gompa at 11:34 AM on December 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
Some parents can't affort an iPod and have to scrape the bottom of the barrel, they grab that battered McDonalds funburger so thier kids will have something.
This is either sarcasm or bullshit.
You can get a small Lego kit for $12.99. You can get an inexpensive harmonica, or many balls of multicoloured Play-Doh, or the travel version of Battleship my daughter's crazy about right now, or any of a thousand or a hundred thousand books. Crayons and paper, beads and string, a dollar-store soccer ball. You can find a million things to give a kid so they'll "have something" that does not tell them they should aspire to minimum-wage work serving profoundly unwholesome food, and you can do this while still not being an elitist in any economic sense.
Of course, in contemporary America, I understand valuing arts, crafts and engineering and seeking out nutritious food is only for latte-sipping bike-riding pinko elites only. But hey, not everyone wants their kid to grow up to be a Herman Cain booster, do they?
(Also Play-Doh Drill 'n' Fill is kind of awesome and in any case is so much less toxic - literally and figuratively - than that Perfumery thing that I do have to question CSM's ranking criteria at the very least.)
posted by gompa at 11:34 AM on December 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
UNLESS IT IS IN CHURCH
Say what you will about organized religion, at least they make a decent attempt at keeping caterwauling children off the streets and out of earshot.
posted by chambers at 11:36 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Say what you will about organized religion, at least they make a decent attempt at keeping caterwauling children off the streets and out of earshot.
posted by chambers at 11:36 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
That playdough drill'n fill was actually kind of cool. My kids love play-dough and I can see them having a ball playing Dr. Szell (Is it Safe? Is it Safe?) with this thing...
posted by Chrischris at 11:37 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Chrischris at 11:37 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
postmodern knock-knock jokes
A: Knock knock!
B: Who’s there?
A: Knock!
B: Knock who?
A: ‘sthere.
posted by cortex at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2011 [19 favorites]
A: Knock knock!
B: Who’s there?
A: Knock!
B: Knock who?
A: ‘sthere.
posted by cortex at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2011 [19 favorites]
That playdough drill'n fill was actually kind of cool. My kids love play-dough and I can see them having a ball playing Dr. Szell (Is it Safe? Is it Safe?) with this thing...
Yeah, uh, Chrischris, thanks for the invite to the playdate, but - yeah, geez, we're just real busy. Yeah. Some other time, sure. [sotto voce:] Maybe next cold day in hell, Torture Boy.
*hangs up*
*shudders*
*hugs quietly weeping daughter*
There, there, dear, we're not going to let that strange man make you play Marathon Man ever again.
posted by gompa at 11:44 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Yeah, uh, Chrischris, thanks for the invite to the playdate, but - yeah, geez, we're just real busy. Yeah. Some other time, sure. [sotto voce:] Maybe next cold day in hell, Torture Boy.
*hangs up*
*shudders*
*hugs quietly weeping daughter*
There, there, dear, we're not going to let that strange man make you play Marathon Man ever again.
posted by gompa at 11:44 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
If nothing else, it will serve as a nice lesson on why you must always brush your teeth (with toothpaste! Every morning! and every night!).
posted by Chrischris at 11:47 AM on December 8, 2011
posted by Chrischris at 11:47 AM on December 8, 2011
This just struck me as cheap snobbery and vague snark. There are far worse gifts you can give your child for the holidays.
How about a toy electric chair?
How about a mink penis bone?
How about a surgery doll whose entrails spill out?
How about toys with genitalia to teach children that it feels good to touch them?
How about a yarn fetus filled with catnip?
How about jelly beans that taste like skunk, rotten eggs, and vomit!
Honestly, I could go on all day.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:50 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
How about a toy electric chair?
How about a mink penis bone?
How about a surgery doll whose entrails spill out?
How about toys with genitalia to teach children that it feels good to touch them?
How about a yarn fetus filled with catnip?
How about jelly beans that taste like skunk, rotten eggs, and vomit!
Honestly, I could go on all day.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 11:50 AM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
This is either sarcasm or bullshit.
Can't it be both? Anyway, impying that there is something wrong with aspiring to minumum wage work is somewhat elitist no? Minimum wage work is in no way a reflection on their worth as a human being. Not everyone needs to be a hedge fund manager to be fulfilled.
How is that for excluding the middle. Either McDonalds or hedge fund manager.
I think the plah-doh dentist kit is cool as well. But I also think the perfume chemistry kit is cool, nothing is wrong with getting kids, boys and girls, who are into perfume interested in chemistry.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:54 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Can't it be both? Anyway, impying that there is something wrong with aspiring to minumum wage work is somewhat elitist no? Minimum wage work is in no way a reflection on their worth as a human being. Not everyone needs to be a hedge fund manager to be fulfilled.
How is that for excluding the middle. Either McDonalds or hedge fund manager.
I think the plah-doh dentist kit is cool as well. But I also think the perfume chemistry kit is cool, nothing is wrong with getting kids, boys and girls, who are into perfume interested in chemistry.
posted by Ad hominem at 11:54 AM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
One of our children got the dentist toy a few years ago. Even after the playdoh dries out or gets stuck in your carpet, that electric drill will be providing laughs for ages (you can press the point into your brother or sister and drill them - it actually feels kinda nice). My youngest loves playing with the wee mirror and tweezers too.
posted by stinkycheese at 12:00 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by stinkycheese at 12:00 PM on December 8, 2011
I still remember the play-doh dentist thing from when I was a kid several millenia ago. One of my elementary school friends had invited me over after school one day, and there was the odd looking "Mr. Mouth full 'o play-doh teeth" (in the middle of their kitchen table no less). I asked him why it was there (as the only kid of a single mom, he had no younger siblings) and he said, "Oh, my mom's a dental hygienist and she uses that to practice on."
I never did bother to confirm the veracity of that statement, but it does go a long way to helping explain my fear of dentists now that I think about it.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 12:00 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
I never did bother to confirm the veracity of that statement, but it does go a long way to helping explain my fear of dentists now that I think about it.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 12:00 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
posted by griphus at 12:08 PM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by griphus at 12:08 PM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
We bought the Play Doh dentist set for my eldest this Christmas...so yes, thank you CSM for confirming I am the worst parent ever.
posted by mittens at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by mittens at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2011
The niece and nephew Renault will be receiving a Zube Tube, which is either a great gift or a terrible one, depending on one's long-term proximity to said Zube Tube.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:21 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:21 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
DID NOT GET THE ITEM GULLOTINE THAT I ORDERED FROM AMAZOM.COM I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY OR SEND ME A REFUND.
(Actually, that was the only bad review. I know what I want for Christmas!)
posted by IndigoJones at 12:22 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
(Actually, that was the only bad review. I know what I want for Christmas!)
posted by IndigoJones at 12:22 PM on December 8, 2011 [2 favorites]
There need to be warning labels on that Gigan.
WARNING: THIS TOY MAY BE TOO AWESOME FOR SOME CHILDREN.
and
HEALTH WARNING! UPON BEING GIVEN TO YOUR CHILD, GIGAN IS GOING TO ABSOLUTELY KICK THE SHIT OUT OF ALL YOUR KID'S OTHER ACTION FIGURES. HE IS GOING TO WIN EVERY TIME, BUT MAYBE SUPERMAN CAN BEAT HIM SOMETIMES, BUT PROBABLY NOT. PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOU AT LEAST HAVE ONE OF THOSE FISHER-PRICE DOCTOR ACTION FIGURES, BECAUSE THE GOOD GUYS ARE GOING TO NEED ONE.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:24 PM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
WARNING: THIS TOY MAY BE TOO AWESOME FOR SOME CHILDREN.
and
HEALTH WARNING! UPON BEING GIVEN TO YOUR CHILD, GIGAN IS GOING TO ABSOLUTELY KICK THE SHIT OUT OF ALL YOUR KID'S OTHER ACTION FIGURES. HE IS GOING TO WIN EVERY TIME, BUT MAYBE SUPERMAN CAN BEAT HIM SOMETIMES, BUT PROBABLY NOT. PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOU AT LEAST HAVE ONE OF THOSE FISHER-PRICE DOCTOR ACTION FIGURES, BECAUSE THE GOOD GUYS ARE GOING TO NEED ONE.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 12:24 PM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
print page for the article so it's all on one page. warning, it might try to print something.
posted by nadawi at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by nadawi at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2011
Everyone knows the best toy is a Log.
posted by clvrmnky at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by clvrmnky at 12:25 PM on December 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
Isn't it better that you kids practice with the Playdough set prior to administering anesthetic to the cat via either a heavy book or handfull crushed Mommie's Ambien? Kitty is going to be way happier with results of the bridge work if the kid has a little experience first.
Why do they hate cats so much over at the CSM?
posted by Keith Talent at 12:26 PM on December 8, 2011
Why do they hate cats so much over at the CSM?
posted by Keith Talent at 12:26 PM on December 8, 2011
Mink penis bone? I think my wife keeps one of those in her "special" bag.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:30 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:30 PM on December 8, 2011
Special bag is not a euphemism for vagina.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:30 PM on December 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:30 PM on December 8, 2011 [6 favorites]
The niece and nephew Renault will be receiving a Zube Tube
Oh man. I have been looking for annoying gifts for my cousin's daughters. I think I'll go with Zube Tubes and nose flutes.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:34 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Oh man. I have been looking for annoying gifts for my cousin's daughters. I think I'll go with Zube Tubes and nose flutes.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:34 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
More than once I have walked past that horrible Mickey Mouse toy at Target, triggering its abrupt rendition of "You Really Got Me." It never fails to provoke in me a desire to kick both Davies brothers in the nuts.
posted by pinky at 12:35 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by pinky at 12:35 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I am still sad about the pencils though, I got school supplies for christmas!!
My five-year-old wrote out her own Christmas list to the best of her ability. One of the items on it is NOOPENSL CULRPENSL PURPL.
(Also on the list: rnbo dsh plaan, ezebac uuvn, spidr puzl, scrf penc, and my favorite but hardest to decipher: pesawul purplwul)
posted by KathrynT at 12:59 PM on December 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
My five-year-old wrote out her own Christmas list to the best of her ability. One of the items on it is NOOPENSL CULRPENSL PURPL.
(Also on the list: rnbo dsh plaan, ezebac uuvn, spidr puzl, scrf penc, and my favorite but hardest to decipher: pesawul purplwul)
posted by KathrynT at 12:59 PM on December 8, 2011 [5 favorites]
Oh man. I have been looking for annoying gifts for my cousin's daughters. I think I'll go with Zube Tubes and nose flutes.
Airzooka
posted by mrgrimm at 1:10 PM on December 8, 2011
Airzooka
posted by mrgrimm at 1:10 PM on December 8, 2011
Wow. Author doesn't understand kids, or toys. Or s/he misspelled "parents" as "kids".
Ironically, the reverse is also true.
There is a boutique toystore near here that appeals to the parents. It's all designer rustic chic, with stocked full of stuff like overpriced crude wooden "trainset" bullshit that kids uniformly DESPISE being expected to play with, but which looks so adorable for making a kitsch playroom reek of pseudo-nostalgia.
Christain Science Monitor FAIL. Kids will love those "worst" toys a lot more than the shit you get when what-the-parents-like is the focus of the toy.
posted by -harlequin- at 1:13 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
Ironically, the reverse is also true.
There is a boutique toystore near here that appeals to the parents. It's all designer rustic chic, with stocked full of stuff like overpriced crude wooden "trainset" bullshit that kids uniformly DESPISE being expected to play with, but which looks so adorable for making a kitsch playroom reek of pseudo-nostalgia.
Christain Science Monitor FAIL. Kids will love those "worst" toys a lot more than the shit you get when what-the-parents-like is the focus of the toy.
posted by -harlequin- at 1:13 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I thought the Perfumery kit and Play-Doh dentist's kit actually looked like fun toys.
I'm always a little bemused by the idea of there being a year's best or worst or hottest toy. A co-worker of mine years back bitched on and on about how she'd gone to the store to buy the year's top-rated toy and found it was just too expensive for her to buy. Her child wasn't even born yet, for heaven's sake. These toy review lists just seem like a way to get parents to shell out because so many of them have fallen for the idea that if they do everything "right" they can raise a genius or launch their child into a successful life. I've yet to be all that impressed by any of the "hot toys". And I bet Einstein never got the year's top-rated toy, and he failed a grade in grade school (I think it was grade two) and yet he still turned out to be Einstein.
posted by orange swan at 1:15 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm always a little bemused by the idea of there being a year's best or worst or hottest toy. A co-worker of mine years back bitched on and on about how she'd gone to the store to buy the year's top-rated toy and found it was just too expensive for her to buy. Her child wasn't even born yet, for heaven's sake. These toy review lists just seem like a way to get parents to shell out because so many of them have fallen for the idea that if they do everything "right" they can raise a genius or launch their child into a successful life. I've yet to be all that impressed by any of the "hot toys". And I bet Einstein never got the year's top-rated toy, and he failed a grade in grade school (I think it was grade two) and yet he still turned out to be Einstein.
posted by orange swan at 1:15 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think I'll go with Zube Tubes and nose flutes.
I tell ya, man -- I found them in a corner of the toy store, had no idea what they were, picked it up and figured it out, and started a fucking rumble on those things. I had every kid in the store running over to figure out what was making those awful, wonderful noises, and how they could get them for themselves. In no time, the store was filled with the terrible, magnificent noises of Zube Tubes. I was like the Pied Pier of Annoyance. Parents were clearly hating on me as I walked out, which was the sign I needed that I'd found the perfect gift.
I did nose flutes last year.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:41 PM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
I tell ya, man -- I found them in a corner of the toy store, had no idea what they were, picked it up and figured it out, and started a fucking rumble on those things. I had every kid in the store running over to figure out what was making those awful, wonderful noises, and how they could get them for themselves. In no time, the store was filled with the terrible, magnificent noises of Zube Tubes. I was like the Pied Pier of Annoyance. Parents were clearly hating on me as I walked out, which was the sign I needed that I'd found the perfect gift.
I did nose flutes last year.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:41 PM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
How weird. I was thinking, "Huh. Zube tube. Sounds strange, maybe something for the husband's stocking." I clicked on the link and realized that at some point in my childhood I had had one. I still remember the feeling of plucking the wires.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 2:08 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 2:08 PM on December 8, 2011
The gap between what adults think are awful toys and what kids think are awful toys is often very large. Kids know better.
posted by chavenet at 2:11 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by chavenet at 2:11 PM on December 8, 2011
For some reason, I see the "Seven Worst Toys for Children" and immediately think of the "Seven Joys of Mary":
The first bad toy that Mary had
It was the toy of one
To see her blessed Jesus
Distort his voice for fun
Distort his voice for fun Good Lord
And happy may we be
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost
To all eternity
The second bad toy that Mary had
It was the toy of two
To see her blessed Jesus
Setting teeth askew...etc.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:22 PM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
The first bad toy that Mary had
It was the toy of one
To see her blessed Jesus
Distort his voice for fun
Distort his voice for fun Good Lord
And happy may we be
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost
To all eternity
The second bad toy that Mary had
It was the toy of two
To see her blessed Jesus
Setting teeth askew...etc.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:22 PM on December 8, 2011 [8 favorites]
I hope to God Bunny Ultramod is my Secret Quonsar.
posted by Lou Stuells at 3:14 PM on December 8, 2011
posted by Lou Stuells at 3:14 PM on December 8, 2011
So there's no way staying "true to yourself" includes wanting to pair white leggings with black boots? That outfit wasn't actually too bad - I might yoink it for myself. Boo slut/skank-shaming.
posted by divabat at 3:16 PM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by divabat at 3:16 PM on December 8, 2011 [3 favorites]
"You're slut shaming" vs. "You're sexualizing youngsters and perpetuating unrealistic body images" is one of the great MeFi debates.
Personally I think the play-doh dentist kit and T-pain mic are awesome. Actually I'm going to buy a T-pain mic.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 4:43 PM on December 8, 2011
Personally I think the play-doh dentist kit and T-pain mic are awesome. Actually I'm going to buy a T-pain mic.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 4:43 PM on December 8, 2011
For my neice's gifts (of the birthday, christmas, and I'm her aunt and I get to spoil her dammit varieties), I told my brother that I would buy her gifts that made noise. Lots and lots of noise. Just not battery operated noise. Because that's awful.
If you have or intend to have kids of your own, this can escalate quickly - in my family, it started when my aunt gave me one of these, and turned into a decades-long war between siblings about who could give whose kids the most obnoxious presents (noisy, lots of tiny pieces, etc.) - years of drums, rock tumblers, bead kits, rockets, etc. would have been avoided had my aunt not started this toy arms race. My cousins and I sure enjoyed it, though!
posted by naoko at 5:33 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you have or intend to have kids of your own, this can escalate quickly - in my family, it started when my aunt gave me one of these, and turned into a decades-long war between siblings about who could give whose kids the most obnoxious presents (noisy, lots of tiny pieces, etc.) - years of drums, rock tumblers, bead kits, rockets, etc. would have been avoided had my aunt not started this toy arms race. My cousins and I sure enjoyed it, though!
posted by naoko at 5:33 PM on December 8, 2011 [1 favorite]
I beg to differ, Bunny Ultramod, that surgery doll is awesome!
posted by Harald74 at 1:30 AM on December 9, 2011
posted by Harald74 at 1:30 AM on December 9, 2011
I got school supplies for christmas!!
This made me realize that I've come to a certain point in my life, where I really do want school supplies for Christmas. And I'm not sure how to feel about that.
/grad student
posted by pemberkins at 5:21 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
This made me realize that I've come to a certain point in my life, where I really do want school supplies for Christmas. And I'm not sure how to feel about that.
/grad student
posted by pemberkins at 5:21 AM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
In defense of the Play-Doh Dentist set, it's both awesome in my personal belief but more importantly, it's one of only two toys on that list (the other being the McDonald's bucket, ugh) which are not based on and further perpetuate gender stereotypes.
All the others are clearly aimed at either boys or girls, though I guess you could also give Rockin' Mickey to either. Anyone can play dentist (or McDonald's consumer) with those, and I think that's important.
posted by Spatch at 12:10 PM on December 9, 2011
All the others are clearly aimed at either boys or girls, though I guess you could also give Rockin' Mickey to either. Anyone can play dentist (or McDonald's consumer) with those, and I think that's important.
posted by Spatch at 12:10 PM on December 9, 2011
How is the microphone gender specific? I can't figure out which gender you think is appropriate to use a microphone. I can't even figure out which gender you think Mickey Mouse is for. Maybe you think music in general is only appropriate for one specific gender?
The dolls definitely do not perpetuate gender stereo types. In fact that seems to be the complaint about the dolls. Monsters fall in the stereotype for boys. Those dolls are braking the stereotype, not perpetuating it. And the ugly doll doesn't meet the stereotype for girls that I've been exposed to.
And I can understand that reaction to the science kit, but the stereotype for girls is against science, not for it. That science kit also brakes the stereotype. They didn't start off with "Let's make a science kit for girls. What should it focus on?". It started from "We have made science kits focused on making mold, making slime, making candy, making soda. We can make a science kit focused on making smells. What are options?" Can you think of any other aroma based science kit? The only I can even come up with would be focused on making disgusting smells like farts and rotten eggs. This would be a bad thing.
posted by BurnChao at 1:55 PM on December 9, 2011
The dolls definitely do not perpetuate gender stereo types. In fact that seems to be the complaint about the dolls. Monsters fall in the stereotype for boys. Those dolls are braking the stereotype, not perpetuating it. And the ugly doll doesn't meet the stereotype for girls that I've been exposed to.
And I can understand that reaction to the science kit, but the stereotype for girls is against science, not for it. That science kit also brakes the stereotype. They didn't start off with "Let's make a science kit for girls. What should it focus on?". It started from "We have made science kits focused on making mold, making slime, making candy, making soda. We can make a science kit focused on making smells. What are options?" Can you think of any other aroma based science kit? The only I can even come up with would be focused on making disgusting smells like farts and rotten eggs. This would be a bad thing.
posted by BurnChao at 1:55 PM on December 9, 2011
This made me realize that I've come to a certain point in my life, where I really do want school supplies for Christmas. And I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I asked for things like towels and measuring spoons, and I couldn't be more excited. :-\
posted by nonmerci at 4:17 PM on December 9, 2011
I asked for things like towels and measuring spoons, and I couldn't be more excited. :-\
posted by nonmerci at 4:17 PM on December 9, 2011
All you need to know about this woman's position on gender is located in the byline she wrote for her article. She focuses exclusively on what could "skankify our daughters," but has nothing to say about the moral implications certain toys might hold for our sons. Her examples are low-hanging fruit, as others above have mentioned, and she has nothing valuable to say about the sexualization of children, e.g.; she only mocks and derides the appearance of the toy and, as divabat notes above, engages in obvious slut-shaming.
Some of her reviews were funny, but there was an overall self-righteous, classist undertone to the piece that put me off.
posted by nonmerci at 4:21 PM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
Some of her reviews were funny, but there was an overall self-righteous, classist undertone to the piece that put me off.
posted by nonmerci at 4:21 PM on December 9, 2011 [1 favorite]
I asked for things like towels and measuring spoons, and I couldn't be more excited. :-\
Kitchen supplies are the other half of my list. I genuinely want new measuring cups! My plastic ones are all bendy.
posted by pemberkins at 4:27 AM on December 10, 2011
Kitchen supplies are the other half of my list. I genuinely want new measuring cups! My plastic ones are all bendy.
posted by pemberkins at 4:27 AM on December 10, 2011
I genuinely want kitchen supplies too! I asked for all kinds of stuff I don't want to and can't afford to buy (even simple things like a new baking sheet or a new sauté pan)...
posted by nonmerci at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2011
posted by nonmerci at 9:52 AM on December 10, 2011
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