Hoff crabs

January 5, 2012 5:52 AM

Here are those hairy chested deep sea crabs you were asking about. We have named them "Hasselhoff Crabs" after David Hasselhof, because he is also known for his hairy chest.
posted by Meatbomb (43 comments total)

As a man of a Certain Age, I mainly know David Hasselhof for his car.
posted by DU at 5:58 AM on January 5, 2012 [9 favorites]

It's sad what passed for a hairy chest these days.
posted by oddman at 5:58 AM on January 5, 2012 [4 favorites]

Not to steer and pilot the thread, but I'll be coming in to shout down any Hasselhoff hate. Poking fun at him is also not going to be allowed here, thanks. Please notice that his chest here is quite hairy but not so visible because much of it is grey.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:01 AM on January 5, 2012

Those crabs are way too pallid to be Hasselhofs.
posted by drlith at 6:03 AM on January 5, 2012

Why do the live on the seafloor when it's so dark down there? I guess some crabs stand in the darkness, afraid to come into the light.
posted by Jehan at 6:03 AM on January 5, 2012 [6 favorites]

Thousands of Available Hot Huge Hairy Manchested Crabs are in your area - click now.
posted by The Whelk at 6:07 AM on January 5, 2012 [4 favorites]

As a man with an almost hairless chest I think I'm insulted.
posted by tommasz at 6:08 AM on January 5, 2012

Does David Hasselhof also use his chest hair to grow bacteria? Perhaps he can settle the debate about whether or not the crabs use the bacteria to detoxify the water around them, or simply as food.
posted by KokuRyu at 6:13 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Do they crawl in slow motion and have better looking crab sidekicks?
posted by arcticseal at 6:14 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is exactly what I wanted for my birthday. Thank you, science.
posted by Faint of Butt at 6:14 AM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have a feeling these crabs are going to be very popular in Germany.
posted by argonauta at 6:14 AM on January 5, 2012 [3 favorites]

Needs more shell jiggle.
posted by reverend cuttle at 6:18 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Why do the live on the seafloor when it's so dark down there? I guess some crabs stand in the darkness, afraid to come into the light.

Maybe they just want to lay on the floor and enjoy a tasty hamburger?
posted by fijiwriter at 6:24 AM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

As a man of a Certain Age, I mainly know Hasselhof Crabs as something else entirely.
posted by Capt. Renault at 6:27 AM on January 5, 2012 [8 favorites]

Metafilter: a motley collection of hairy crabs
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:31 AM on January 5, 2012

This is as good a place as any, I suppose, to mention my discovery of oyster crabs last week.
posted by MrMoonPie at 6:34 AM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

In 1989, they named a louse after the Far Side's Gary Larson:

"I considered this an extreme honor. Besides, I knew no one was going to write and ask to name a new species of swan after me. You have to grab these opportunities when they come along."

Also this octopus from the first link is ADORABLE.
posted by griphus at 6:35 AM on January 5, 2012 [2 favorites]

I love whimsically named things in science. Yay!
posted by rmd1023 at 6:37 AM on January 5, 2012

They are a type of yeti crab (my favorite type of course). The Kiwa hirsuta announced in 2006 is pretty wild. Previously on Mefi.
posted by yeti at 6:37 AM on January 5, 2012

Imagine the highs and lows of reading that second link to find out that a species is being named in your honor, while at the same time calling you a "cheese-ball pop-star."
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:39 AM on January 5, 2012

or rather...

Metafilter: vent organisms
posted by panaceanot at 6:40 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Speaking of Far Side and whimsically named things in science, nothing beats the thagomizer (after the late Thag Simmons).
posted by DU at 6:44 AM on January 5, 2012

Wow, if throwing a crab can intimidate others into compliance, just think of what throwing a Hoff could do.
posted by kinnakeet at 6:50 AM on January 5, 2012

I await the inevitable photoshoppings. Perhaps the (in)famous shot of a naked Hoff covered in puppies photoshopped to have him covered in Hoff crabs.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:52 AM on January 5, 2012

I dont' think of The Hoff for his chest but for taking awesome pictures.
posted by stormpooper at 6:59 AM on January 5, 2012

It's nice, but I would have gone with "Hoffed Shell Crab", given the chance.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:00 AM on January 5, 2012

With a link from the Hoffington Post no less.
posted by Kabanos at 7:18 AM on January 5, 2012

Um, well googling "hairy chest" in order to post a rebuttal on Hoff's alleged hairiness is interesting. (I mean, the results aren't my bag, but I gotta admit those are some good looking guys.)
posted by oddman at 7:28 AM on January 5, 2012

This is as good a place as any, I suppose, to mention my discovery of oyster crabs last week.
posted by MrMoonPie

Its like a seafood Turducken
posted by ShawnString at 7:39 AM on January 5, 2012

This seems like a good time to include a link to the infinte hoff, which includes chest hair. CAUTION: NOT SAFE FOR SANITY. (also, contains a picture of a guy in a speedo-type suit, in case you don't want to see that in your current viewing environment)
posted by rmd1023 at 7:42 AM on January 5, 2012

Oh god, we found that Hasselhoff/puppies shot. The shar pei makes it all the more disturbing.

So we set it as our coworker's desktop background.
posted by maryr at 7:45 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

rmd1023, minus 10 points for not clicking the links in the post. Do you really think a Hoff related post would not include the Hassalhoffian recursion as a main link?
posted by Meatbomb at 8:38 AM on January 5, 2012

Alec Baldwin wuz robbed.
posted by argonauta at 8:41 AM on January 5, 2012

The species was discovered by an unmanned, deep-diving, robotic submersible called Isis, during a fact-finding cruise.

I'm sure we can all think of a number of public figures who would benefit from a manned version of such a vehicle.
posted by Anything at 8:59 AM on January 5, 2012

Meatbomb: *facepalm* of *course* it would've. I read all about the crabs, but not about The Hoff. silly me!
posted by rmd1023 at 9:03 AM on January 5, 2012

But...are they delicious?

(The crabs, I mean...not The Hoff.)
posted by JoanArkham at 9:04 AM on January 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Those crabs are way too pallid sober to be Hasselhofs.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 9:20 AM on January 5, 2012

I always think of this whenever Hasselhoff comes up.. Also, that kind of creepy scene from the Spongebob Squarepants movie.
posted by annsunny at 9:56 AM on January 5, 2012

These crabs are Hasselhoffs, as there's no way anyone would call 'em Sellecks.
posted by Smart Dalek at 10:23 AM on January 5, 2012

600 per square meter sounds edible to me. Let's dig in.
posted by Malice at 11:16 AM on January 5, 2012

rmd1023: I know you warned me, but cannot unsee infinite Hoff. Must scour eyeballs with bleach.
posted by arcticseal at 12:09 PM on January 5, 2012

So how long until they end up in vending machines?
posted by maryr at 12:15 PM on January 5, 2012

The crabs are ok, but I am obsessed with the octopus at the end of the video - that thing is seriously beautiful.
posted by naoko at 5:11 PM on January 5, 2012