Like Fake Steve Jobs with more snark
January 10, 2012 12:20 PM Subscribe
Overheard on the Goldman Sachs elevator Single Link Twitter Feed
There is actually no such thing as turtleneck weather.
So is that
posted by nathancaswell at 12:28 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
So is that
posted by nathancaswell at 12:28 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I wrote a whole slew of these guys asking them to pay me back the money I lent them. I figured they could cut out the middleman and just cut me a check. Failing this I wanted a thank your card or an apology for offing up in the first place. AIG, GS, as many banks as I was aware that took a bailout. Wrote 'em all. No one wrote back.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:30 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by cjorgensen at 12:30 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
Well, this is a somewhat accurate description of the Dunning-Kruger effect.
Of course, another example of the effect is apparently the people in this building thinking that no one's listening to them.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:31 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Of course, another example of the effect is apparently the people in this building thinking that no one's listening to them.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:31 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Hey asshole, which one of the P90X steps is it where you have to tell everyone in the fucking office that you're doing it?
Okay, stopped clock, right twice a day...
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 12:31 PM on January 10, 2012 [8 favorites]
Okay, stopped clock, right twice a day...
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 12:31 PM on January 10, 2012 [8 favorites]
Fish meet barrel.
if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
this is actually totally true
Totally untrue. I care. I am somebody.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:32 PM on January 10, 2012 [15 favorites]
if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
this is actually totally true
Totally untrue. I care. I am somebody.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:32 PM on January 10, 2012 [15 favorites]
This is bogus. Everyone knows they have more than one elevator.
posted by drowsy at 12:33 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by drowsy at 12:33 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
#1: Only 55% of Americans between the ages of 16-29 have jobs. #2: Fuck them. They got that ass clown elected in the first place.
Well, let's see ... even if this were true ... everyone between the ages of 16 and 18 is still technically a child. And people below the age of 18 can't vote. So, I'm calling bullshit on th ... hey, is that a new Rolex you've got? Sweet!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:34 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Well, let's see ... even if this were true ... everyone between the ages of 16 and 18 is still technically a child. And people below the age of 18 can't vote. So, I'm calling bullshit on th ... hey, is that a new Rolex you've got? Sweet!
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:34 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
heh
posted by rocket88 at 12:34 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
heh
posted by rocket88 at 12:34 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
ED#1 (to 1st year analysts): If I ever hear about something I say mentioned on Twitter, I'll fucking kill you.
LOL
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:36 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
LOL
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:36 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Similar and related: Bloomberg
A Christmas Message From America's Rich (previously)
...
also previously:
"Let's find as many suckers as we can as fast as we can, because we'll only make more money as more and more shit hits the fan"
posted by mrgrimm at 12:36 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
A Christmas Message From America's Rich (previously)
...
also previously:
"Let's find as many suckers as we can as fast as we can, because we'll only make more money as more and more shit hits the fan"
posted by mrgrimm at 12:36 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Skirt #1: I love it when a guy hits on me & then gives me a business card with a gmail account. Asshole, I work at Goldman Sachs.
I think it's kind of weird how anyone would be really proud to be working at Goldman Sachs. I can understand being really proud of earning $1 million+ a year, but just for working there as an analyst or somebody equally dispensable?
Whenever we had on-campus interviews, most of us always felt slightly nauseous as we walked into our interviews and encountered the uptight, high strung, and annoying alums that seemed to be simultaneously afraid of a boogeyman jumping out of the corner from behind a fern plant and angry/bored.
It's such empty self-esteem. I mean, I'm not the expert on how to develop unbreakable self-esteem, but if you're basing it on the place that employs you....sad.
posted by anniecat at 12:36 PM on January 10, 2012 [8 favorites]
I think it's kind of weird how anyone would be really proud to be working at Goldman Sachs. I can understand being really proud of earning $1 million+ a year, but just for working there as an analyst or somebody equally dispensable?
Whenever we had on-campus interviews, most of us always felt slightly nauseous as we walked into our interviews and encountered the uptight, high strung, and annoying alums that seemed to be simultaneously afraid of a boogeyman jumping out of the corner from behind a fern plant and angry/bored.
It's such empty self-esteem. I mean, I'm not the expert on how to develop unbreakable self-esteem, but if you're basing it on the place that employs you....sad.
posted by anniecat at 12:36 PM on January 10, 2012 [8 favorites]
if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
I care. I care enough to notice the nametag and read it, unlike some sociopaths.
posted by anniecat at 12:38 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
I care. I care enough to notice the nametag and read it, unlike some sociopaths.
posted by anniecat at 12:38 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
#1: Groupon… Food stamps for the middle class.
Damn!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:38 PM on January 10, 2012 [10 favorites]
Damn!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:38 PM on January 10, 2012 [10 favorites]
I wrote a whole slew of these guys asking them to pay me back the money I lent them. I figured they could cut out the middleman and just cut me a check. Failing this I wanted a thank your card or an apology for offing up in the first place. AIG, GS, as many banks as I was aware that took a bailout. Wrote 'em all. No one wrote back.
Not to be a bailout apologist, but most of them already paid you back.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:39 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
Not to be a bailout apologist, but most of them already paid you back.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:39 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
Or rather, most of your money was paid back.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:39 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by shakespeherian at 12:39 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm having trouble telling whether this is satire or not. That probably says something about how investment bankers are perceived.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:40 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by backseatpilot at 12:40 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
anniecat: "I think it's kind of weird how anyone would be really proud to be working at Goldman Sachs. I can understand being really proud of earning $1 million+ a year, but just for working there as an analyst or somebody equally dispensable? "
The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
posted by notsnot at 12:40 PM on January 10, 2012 [19 favorites]
The fact that most people are too stupid to know how dumb they really are is the fabric holding our society together.
posted by notsnot at 12:40 PM on January 10, 2012 [19 favorites]
anniecat: "Skirt #1: I love it when a guy hits on me & then gives me a business card with a gmail account. Asshole, I work at Goldman Sachs.
I think it's kind of weird how anyone would be really proud to be working at Goldman Sachs. I can understand being really proud of earning $1 million+ a year, but just for working there as an analyst or somebody equally dispensable?
Whenever we had on-campus interviews, most of us always felt slightly nauseous as we walked into our interviews and encountered the uptight, high strung, and annoying alums that seemed to be simultaneously afraid of a boogeyman jumping out of the corner from behind a fern plant and angry/bored.
It's such empty self-esteem. I mean, I'm not the expert on how to develop unbreakable self-esteem, but if you're basing it on the place that employs you....sad"
#1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You'll probably still make millions, but it's just not the same.
posted by Perplexity at 12:40 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I think it's kind of weird how anyone would be really proud to be working at Goldman Sachs. I can understand being really proud of earning $1 million+ a year, but just for working there as an analyst or somebody equally dispensable?
Whenever we had on-campus interviews, most of us always felt slightly nauseous as we walked into our interviews and encountered the uptight, high strung, and annoying alums that seemed to be simultaneously afraid of a boogeyman jumping out of the corner from behind a fern plant and angry/bored.
It's such empty self-esteem. I mean, I'm not the expert on how to develop unbreakable self-esteem, but if you're basing it on the place that employs you....sad"
#1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You'll probably still make millions, but it's just not the same.
posted by Perplexity at 12:40 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm having trouble telling whether this is satire or not.
Given the startlingly regularity of the posts I'm going to go with satire. Either that or the poster rides the elevator six hours a day waiting for someone to say something stupid.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:41 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Given the startlingly regularity of the posts I'm going to go with satire. Either that or the poster rides the elevator six hours a day waiting for someone to say something stupid.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:41 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
@anniecat
Next you're going to tell us that we should define happiness by quality of life and the relationships we build. Get out of here.
posted by jjmoney at 12:41 PM on January 10, 2012
Next you're going to tell us that we should define happiness by quality of life and the relationships we build. Get out of here.
posted by jjmoney at 12:41 PM on January 10, 2012
startlingly ---> startling
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:41 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:41 PM on January 10, 2012
I must make a Things Heard in the Death Star/Enterprise Turbolift
posted by hellojed at 12:42 PM on January 10, 2012 [16 favorites]
posted by hellojed at 12:42 PM on January 10, 2012 [16 favorites]
I must make a Things Heard in the Death Star/Enterprise Turbolift
I'd read it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:44 PM on January 10, 2012 [9 favorites]
I'd read it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:44 PM on January 10, 2012 [9 favorites]
Sounds like Patrick Bateman is no longer at Pierce & Pierce.
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:45 PM on January 10, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:45 PM on January 10, 2012 [7 favorites]
Next you're going to tell us that we should define happiness by quality of life and the relationships we build. Get out of here.
I'm willing to say it's about how strong your sense of personal and financial security is, but these goons seem incredibly insecure.
posted by anniecat at 12:45 PM on January 10, 2012
I'm willing to say it's about how strong your sense of personal and financial security is, but these goons seem incredibly insecure.
posted by anniecat at 12:45 PM on January 10, 2012
Here's some background from Dealbook, in which the poster purports to be a GS banker in a client-facing role.
I'm giving odds that it's real, though I've been wrong before.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:46 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm giving odds that it's real, though I've been wrong before.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 12:46 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
"#1: I asked him what his life goal is, and he said 'to make the obituary in The Economist.' #2: Great answer. #hired"
"#1: If people never trust a skinny chef, they shouldn't want their bankers to be poor."
These do amuse, though I still like that ALLCAPS mom better.
posted by of strange foe at 12:49 PM on January 10, 2012
"#1: If people never trust a skinny chef, they shouldn't want their bankers to be poor."
These do amuse, though I still like that ALLCAPS mom better.
posted by of strange foe at 12:49 PM on January 10, 2012
if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
this is actually totally true
Remember that the next time you are in the hospital
posted by TedW at 12:50 PM on January 10, 2012 [27 favorites]
this is actually totally true
Remember that the next time you are in the hospital
posted by TedW at 12:50 PM on January 10, 2012 [27 favorites]
Real or not, this is the best twitter feed out there. 100% of it is funny, 10% of it is genius.
posted by falameufilho at 12:50 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by falameufilho at 12:50 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
Tell Me No Lies: "Either that or the poster rides the elevator six hours a day waiting for someone to say something stupid."
Or Goldman Sachs employees say a lot of dumb things.
But yeah, almost certainly fake.
As an aside, I have known people who have landed jobs with six-figure-starting-salaries at Goldman Sachs to actually proclaim, in all seriousness, that they planned on using "the Goldman Sachs" card to get laid, so, y'know.
posted by Phire at 12:51 PM on January 10, 2012
Or Goldman Sachs employees say a lot of dumb things.
But yeah, almost certainly fake.
As an aside, I have known people who have landed jobs with six-figure-starting-salaries at Goldman Sachs to actually proclaim, in all seriousness, that they planned on using "the Goldman Sachs" card to get laid, so, y'know.
posted by Phire at 12:51 PM on January 10, 2012
Having socialized with six figure bankers, this is most likely fake but not that far off at all
posted by The Whelk at 12:54 PM on January 10, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 12:54 PM on January 10, 2012 [5 favorites]
hellojed: "I must make a Things Heard in the Death Star/Enterprise Turbolift"
"I already have half a pound of cocaine, so why don't you shut up"
posted by aerotive at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2012
"I already have half a pound of cocaine, so why don't you shut up"
posted by aerotive at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2012
I think it's kind of weird how anyone would be really proud to be working at Goldman Sachs.
Huh? It's the Google or Apple of the financial world ... which is the industry that really does control a shitload of power.
"Goldman Sachs rules the world."
Given the startlingly regularity of the posts I'm going to go with satire. Either that or the poster rides the elevator six hours a day waiting for someone to say something stupid.
I would assume it's easy to find willing sources inside the company/building.
It's almost certainly not real.
How on Earth can you be certain? This is a collection of supposedly overheard comments ... verification seems impossible.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2012
Huh? It's the Google or Apple of the financial world ... which is the industry that really does control a shitload of power.
"Goldman Sachs rules the world."
Given the startlingly regularity of the posts I'm going to go with satire. Either that or the poster rides the elevator six hours a day waiting for someone to say something stupid.
I would assume it's easy to find willing sources inside the company/building.
It's almost certainly not real.
How on Earth can you be certain? This is a collection of supposedly overheard comments ... verification seems impossible.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:58 PM on January 10, 2012
When I worked for the big C, I saw a senior trader ripping a junior trader a new one verbally. Because the senior thought the junior's tie didn't 'project' properly, whatever the hell that meant.
Oh, and got sneers from traders for working IT instead of a real position in the bank (but watch them scream if their machine glitched stall...)
so yeah, totally believable.
posted by mephron at 12:59 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Oh, and got sneers from traders for working IT instead of a real position in the bank (but watch them scream if their machine glitched stall...)
so yeah, totally believable.
posted by mephron at 12:59 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
My contention would be that these aren't funny enough to be fake. My vote is mostly real (though I don't know how you could possibly verify contributions).
posted by mrgrimm at 1:00 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by mrgrimm at 1:00 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
this is actually totally true
Military. Cops. Firefighters (sometimes). A lot of medical professionals. And yes, sales associates in a lot of stores.
I'll take "People I like more than snotty assholes for $500, Alex."
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:01 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
this is actually totally true
Military. Cops. Firefighters (sometimes). A lot of medical professionals. And yes, sales associates in a lot of stores.
I'll take "People I like more than snotty assholes for $500, Alex."
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:01 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Wow. It's like cooking "douchebag" down in a spoon and slamming it right into a vein.
posted by JoanArkham at 1:03 PM on January 10, 2012 [17 favorites]
posted by JoanArkham at 1:03 PM on January 10, 2012 [17 favorites]
Caveat: I briefly worked for "the firm" as a general office ape, and I have no love for it at all. I'm perfectly happy to see GS turned into a public punching bag, and I generally believe all the things I've heard.
That said -- with no context, an awful lot of these things could have been said by many of my friends, from the ones with awesome jobs to the ones on minimum wage or even those who've exhausted unemployment. Some people just enjoy being crass and inappropriate with their humor when speaking with friends. Sometimes people engage in hyperbole, or speak with a callous tongue that doesn't reflect their true feelings because really, they're just being silly. Shit happens.
(That, and I don't know if I really buy this as legit. But some of this shit is really genuinely goddamn funny.)
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:04 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
That said -- with no context, an awful lot of these things could have been said by many of my friends, from the ones with awesome jobs to the ones on minimum wage or even those who've exhausted unemployment. Some people just enjoy being crass and inappropriate with their humor when speaking with friends. Sometimes people engage in hyperbole, or speak with a callous tongue that doesn't reflect their true feelings because really, they're just being silly. Shit happens.
(That, and I don't know if I really buy this as legit. But some of this shit is really genuinely goddamn funny.)
posted by scaryblackdeath at 1:04 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I wonder if they fart gold flecks that look like Goldschlagger?
posted by stormpooper at 1:06 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by stormpooper at 1:06 PM on January 10, 2012
#1: Dave Matthews 'Crash' is responsible for at least 50% of the 14-year olds you meet in Connecticut. #90sSongsPeopleFuckedTo
Holy hell. Day made.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:16 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Holy hell. Day made.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 1:16 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
I know a man who works for Goldman Sachs. Right now he is in Hong Kong and he is perpetually afraid of being laid off. He has a 600 sq ft condo mortgage for 700 thousand he is way upside down on. Also he has a wife and child
posted by bukvich at 1:18 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by bukvich at 1:18 PM on January 10, 2012
Also, some of these are clearly the same people on different days.
12/5 - "#1: Seeing Jerry Seinfeld tonight at Lincoln Center. #2: I'd be jealous if it was 1996."
12/28 - "#1: I'm a regular at 4 different Nobu's. #2: 2002 me would have been impressed."
I'm sure some of these could be fake, but my bet is the general premise is to use actual overheard quotes.
That said -- with no context, an awful lot of these things could have been said by many of my friends, from the ones with awesome jobs to the ones on minimum wage or even those who've exhausted unemployment.
Yep. That's what makes it seem real to me. Some of them aren't douchey at all:
#1: Mitt Romney would be the kid who tries to run out the clock in Madden football.
#1: FYI… Every time one of you says 'epic', all I hear is 'fucking stupid'
#1: My wife thinks alcoholism is totally acceptable as long as she calls it 'brunch' and does yoga first.
etc etc
The whole thing reeks of financial privilege and materialism, but it's just people peopling.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:18 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
12/5 - "#1: Seeing Jerry Seinfeld tonight at Lincoln Center. #2: I'd be jealous if it was 1996."
12/28 - "#1: I'm a regular at 4 different Nobu's. #2: 2002 me would have been impressed."
I'm sure some of these could be fake, but my bet is the general premise is to use actual overheard quotes.
That said -- with no context, an awful lot of these things could have been said by many of my friends, from the ones with awesome jobs to the ones on minimum wage or even those who've exhausted unemployment.
Yep. That's what makes it seem real to me. Some of them aren't douchey at all:
#1: Mitt Romney would be the kid who tries to run out the clock in Madden football.
#1: FYI… Every time one of you says 'epic', all I hear is 'fucking stupid'
#1: My wife thinks alcoholism is totally acceptable as long as she calls it 'brunch' and does yoga first.
etc etc
The whole thing reeks of financial privilege and materialism, but it's just people peopling.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:18 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
#1: Dave Matthews 'Crash' is responsible for at least 50% of the 14-year olds you meet in Connecticut. #90sSongsPeopleFuckedTo
Holy hell. Day made.
Oh, I guess I didn't read far enough to catch that one. That's hysterical--and probably accurate. It's creepy how much 90s CT loved their Dave Matthews Band.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:32 PM on January 10, 2012
Holy hell. Day made.
Oh, I guess I didn't read far enough to catch that one. That's hysterical--and probably accurate. It's creepy how much 90s CT loved their Dave Matthews Band.
posted by dlugoczaj at 1:32 PM on January 10, 2012
I don't know, folks. Just for a second think about all the times you joke around with your close friends - all the inside jokes, all the subtle sarcasm. Honestly if someone was writing down every single thing my friends and I said all day long I'm pretty sure Metafilter would be completely horrified at what terrible people we are. No, we are not republican bankers.
posted by solmyjuice at 1:43 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by solmyjuice at 1:43 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
..Metafilter is where I indulge my inside jokes and subtle sarcasm
posted by The Whelk at 1:47 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Whelk at 1:47 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
There is no way to verify these so many of them are probably fake. And too I am not sure some of the things said here would be said with a stranger or a fellow worker who you didn't know well [with a potential twitter feed] standing right there. And, think about it, if guy #1 is talking to guy #2 with intern guy # 3 present it would be pretty obvious to #1 and #2 that #3 is the one feeding twitter.
Also, I would think if these were suspected of being true GS would send out a memo that tells everyone to not talk in the elevator for fear of lawsuits and such.
posted by Rashomon at 1:49 PM on January 10, 2012
Also, I would think if these were suspected of being true GS would send out a memo that tells everyone to not talk in the elevator for fear of lawsuits and such.
posted by Rashomon at 1:49 PM on January 10, 2012
I want to know for stone-cold fact that I don't have to feel so much as an iota of guilt when these worthless sacks of shit are first up against the wall.
You know, they're only going to be up against the proverbial wall once we put them there. As in, actually go out and drag them into a firing line. Mass executions don't just happen, it takes a lot of hard work and a little bit of luck, people!
posted by FatherDagon at 1:51 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
You know, they're only going to be up against the proverbial wall once we put them there. As in, actually go out and drag them into a firing line. Mass executions don't just happen, it takes a lot of hard work and a little bit of luck, people!
posted by FatherDagon at 1:51 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
And, think about it, if guy #1 is talking to guy #2 with intern guy # 3 present it would be pretty obvious to #1 and #2 that #3 is the one feeding twitter.
Do you realize how crowded the elevators you are referring to are? And how many strangers/visitors/messengers use them?
I would think if these were suspected of being true GS would send out a memo that tells everyone to not talk in the elevator for fear of lawsuits and such.
No, it wouldn't.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:54 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Do you realize how crowded the elevators you are referring to are? And how many strangers/visitors/messengers use them?
I would think if these were suspected of being true GS would send out a memo that tells everyone to not talk in the elevator for fear of lawsuits and such.
No, it wouldn't.
posted by mrgrimm at 1:54 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Meet the Goldman Sachs Banker Behind @GSElevator
posted by mrgrimm at 1:55 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by mrgrimm at 1:55 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
The whole thing reeks of financial privilege and materialism, but it's just people peopling.
That's the point. From the Dealbook interview with the poster I linked above:
Q: Why did you start this thing?
A: Again, I wanted to amuse myself during the summer lull and while market volatility keeps capital markets transactions to a minimum. I also thought that despite the disdain out there that exists for Wall Street professionals, people still really have no idea really how bad it is — and how shallow the industry really is, and frankly, how unimpressive 98 percent of the employees are.
I have worked with GS as a lawyer (both for them and for their counterparties), and with all of the other leading US (and some non-U.S.) investment banks, and for some of the leading PE shops. The twitter account sounds very, very real to my ears--though I hasten to acknowledge that the poster admits in that interview that 1) some of these were submissions (and thus are unverifiable), and 2) the conversations he overheard were over the course of his career (and thus faded, perhaps, by time). They're clearly presented to amuse, edited for length, etc. I don't think they're verbatim; they're more of a pastiche meant to show that even if you have bankers, you really don't hate them enough.
But real or not, many of these just zing: It's not a hangover if you're dead inside.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:55 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
That's the point. From the Dealbook interview with the poster I linked above:
Q: Why did you start this thing?
A: Again, I wanted to amuse myself during the summer lull and while market volatility keeps capital markets transactions to a minimum. I also thought that despite the disdain out there that exists for Wall Street professionals, people still really have no idea really how bad it is — and how shallow the industry really is, and frankly, how unimpressive 98 percent of the employees are.
I have worked with GS as a lawyer (both for them and for their counterparties), and with all of the other leading US (and some non-U.S.) investment banks, and for some of the leading PE shops. The twitter account sounds very, very real to my ears--though I hasten to acknowledge that the poster admits in that interview that 1) some of these were submissions (and thus are unverifiable), and 2) the conversations he overheard were over the course of his career (and thus faded, perhaps, by time). They're clearly presented to amuse, edited for length, etc. I don't think they're verbatim; they're more of a pastiche meant to show that even if you have bankers, you really don't hate them enough.
But real or not, many of these just zing: It's not a hangover if you're dead inside.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:55 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Q: People tried to out the @CondeElevator guy. (Note: John Jannuzzi of Lucky magazine has said he is not the author.) Are you afraid Goldman’s compliance department will find you?
A: This could be a concern. However, I don’t possibly see how I could be outed. I have not told anyone that I am doing this. And I am using a Twitter and Gmail account that have no connection to me. Furthermore, I do not tweet from my mobile phone. I am using an unregistered laptop that I paid for with cash. I will not tweet from home, only from wi-fi hotspots. But since you asked…should I be concerned about being outed?
posted by mrgrimm at 1:56 PM on January 10, 2012
A: This could be a concern. However, I don’t possibly see how I could be outed. I have not told anyone that I am doing this. And I am using a Twitter and Gmail account that have no connection to me. Furthermore, I do not tweet from my mobile phone. I am using an unregistered laptop that I paid for with cash. I will not tweet from home, only from wi-fi hotspots. But since you asked…should I be concerned about being outed?
posted by mrgrimm at 1:56 PM on January 10, 2012
This account is very interesting satire. I assume at first it was a straight up parody, "lol investment bankers", with dumb jokes about lighting cigars with hundos. But it's not that, it's way more subtle. Those lines about nametags and GroupOns are painful zingers, funny, but I'm not exactly sure who is being mocked.
posted by Nelson at 1:57 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by Nelson at 1:57 PM on January 10, 2012
Full disclosure: junior banker here
I can absolutely believe 95% - hell, maybe even 100% - of those quotes are real. But I suspect that the vast majority were said as part of a conscious effort to emulate the financial stereotype of hypermasculinity and aggression.
When working late (and I mean late) or on the obligatory weekends, I've had conversations with colleagues along the lines of the more profane and less idiotic tweets. It's mostly an effort to blow off steam by being utterly and obviously ridiculous.
While some of the comments may have been said without a trace of self-awareness, the most common line I've heard in banking is a very ironic "I'm living the dream", commonly deployed while wearing a crumpled sweatshirt and hunching over Excel on Sunday night: the idea that you while you might wear a nice tie and fancy cufflinks to work, for the first portion of your career you are spending your life in the office and doing nothing remotely glamorous. The deliberate embrace of the stereotype is done with a nod and a wink, as a way to laugh at public perceptions that are vastly different from reality.
(On the other hand, there are dicks everywhere so...who knows?)
posted by emergent at 2:07 PM on January 10, 2012 [7 favorites]
I can absolutely believe 95% - hell, maybe even 100% - of those quotes are real. But I suspect that the vast majority were said as part of a conscious effort to emulate the financial stereotype of hypermasculinity and aggression.
When working late (and I mean late) or on the obligatory weekends, I've had conversations with colleagues along the lines of the more profane and less idiotic tweets. It's mostly an effort to blow off steam by being utterly and obviously ridiculous.
While some of the comments may have been said without a trace of self-awareness, the most common line I've heard in banking is a very ironic "I'm living the dream", commonly deployed while wearing a crumpled sweatshirt and hunching over Excel on Sunday night: the idea that you while you might wear a nice tie and fancy cufflinks to work, for the first portion of your career you are spending your life in the office and doing nothing remotely glamorous. The deliberate embrace of the stereotype is done with a nod and a wink, as a way to laugh at public perceptions that are vastly different from reality.
(On the other hand, there are dicks everywhere so...who knows?)
posted by emergent at 2:07 PM on January 10, 2012 [7 favorites]
I'm not exactly sure who is being mocked.
No one and everyone.
"I've just had a text! I LOVE getting texts!"
posted by mrgrimm at 2:08 PM on January 10, 2012
No one and everyone.
"I've just had a text! I LOVE getting texts!"
posted by mrgrimm at 2:08 PM on January 10, 2012
Mission Impossible 4 is the coolest commercial I've ever seen.
This is just an accurate description of the film.
posted by brundlefly at 2:09 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
This is just an accurate description of the film.
posted by brundlefly at 2:09 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
the most common line I've heard in banking is a very ironic ...
There is "banking," and there is "Goldman Sachs." You cannot compare the two.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:09 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
There is "banking," and there is "Goldman Sachs." You cannot compare the two.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:09 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
I can absolutely believe 95% - hell, maybe even 100% - of those quotes are real. But I suspect that the vast majority were said as part of a conscious effort to emulate the financial stereotype of hypermasculinity and aggression.
That sounds quite true, and reminded me of the movie "Margin Call" in which the brilliant, some how rather cocky youngsters were the unwitting accomplices of a scheme conceived by the people they most admire and whose attention and approval they covet.
posted by elpapacito at 2:13 PM on January 10, 2012
That sounds quite true, and reminded me of the movie "Margin Call" in which the brilliant, some how rather cocky youngsters were the unwitting accomplices of a scheme conceived by the people they most admire and whose attention and approval they covet.
posted by elpapacito at 2:13 PM on January 10, 2012
There is "banking," and there is "Goldman Sachs." You cannot compare the two.
Disagree - I know and have worked with a lot of current and ex-Goldies, and have spent time in the same role at a number of different firms. To me, the culture across banks seems pretty homogenous, with the same pressures, same frustrations, same personalities and same jokes.
(FWIW, all my friends at Goldman find the vampire squid thing hilarious)
posted by emergent at 2:15 PM on January 10, 2012
Disagree - I know and have worked with a lot of current and ex-Goldies, and have spent time in the same role at a number of different firms. To me, the culture across banks seems pretty homogenous, with the same pressures, same frustrations, same personalities and same jokes.
(FWIW, all my friends at Goldman find the vampire squid thing hilarious)
posted by emergent at 2:15 PM on January 10, 2012
My personal favorite (had me in stitches for 5 min):
Hey. When you get head, do you put your hands on the dumpster or on the homeless guy's shoulders?
posted by zia at 2:17 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Hey. When you get head, do you put your hands on the dumpster or on the homeless guy's shoulders?
posted by zia at 2:17 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Lets see if I can match a joke from a QI to the average level of taste in those tweets:
What do Goldman Sachs employees and sperm have in common? A rather small chance of becoming a human being.
posted by Slackermagee at 2:24 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
What do Goldman Sachs employees and sperm have in common? A rather small chance of becoming a human being.
posted by Slackermagee at 2:24 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
Well, since you asked so nicely: https://twitter.com/#!/TNG_Turbolift
posted by hellojed at 2:45 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
posted by hellojed at 2:45 PM on January 10, 2012 [6 favorites]
Sound eerily similar to working for Mitch and Murray...
posted by JudgeIto at 3:11 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by JudgeIto at 3:11 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm kind of depressed by how completely unsurprising these were.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 4:09 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Narrative Priorities at 4:09 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
FWIW, all my friends at Goldman find the vampire squid thing hilarious
And the Bush administration had a weekly agenda setting conference they called "The Strategery Meeting."
posted by shothotbot at 4:10 PM on January 10, 2012
And the Bush administration had a weekly agenda setting conference they called "The Strategery Meeting."
posted by shothotbot at 4:10 PM on January 10, 2012
Also, for more Wall Street jerkoffs with their heads up their own asses w/r/t the bailout, check out this story from Planet Money/This American Life.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 4:14 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Narrative Priorities at 4:14 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
The vast majority of these have been around since I was involved in the mid 80's. I hate to think that the same drivel is still spilling out of the mouths of a second generation of the same kind of people. But I'd be willing to bet that it is. That's what mentors are for.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 4:24 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by halfbuckaroo at 4:24 PM on January 10, 2012
What is that famous French guy's quip that you could give him a page from the most upright guy in the country and he could find five things there to hang him with? Context is everything. I know a guy who likes to describe this phenomenon as context-rape.
Anyway I once was confronted with two clenched fists by my boss's boss's boss waiting for the elevator. This guy I knew and I were talking about what some guy at another company got in his severance package. It was a measly two days pay for each year of service. We were having layoffs and nobody had seen the paper with their severance (a lot more than that) and all the boss's boss's boss heard me say was "two days pay for each year of service".
He stuck his face in my face, vessels bulging in his neck, fists clenched, demanding to know what I was talking about. I told him about the person (all three of us knew this person) who had just gotten his papers. After the boss's boss's boss deduced I was not spreading rumors he calmed down.
If I had been spreading rumors I wonder if he would have started a fistfight there on the company property in front of a witness, which is the only thing anybody I knew personally ever actually got fired for doing.
posted by bukvich at 4:27 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
Anyway I once was confronted with two clenched fists by my boss's boss's boss waiting for the elevator. This guy I knew and I were talking about what some guy at another company got in his severance package. It was a measly two days pay for each year of service. We were having layoffs and nobody had seen the paper with their severance (a lot more than that) and all the boss's boss's boss heard me say was "two days pay for each year of service".
He stuck his face in my face, vessels bulging in his neck, fists clenched, demanding to know what I was talking about. I told him about the person (all three of us knew this person) who had just gotten his papers. After the boss's boss's boss deduced I was not spreading rumors he calmed down.
If I had been spreading rumors I wonder if he would have started a fistfight there on the company property in front of a witness, which is the only thing anybody I knew personally ever actually got fired for doing.
posted by bukvich at 4:27 PM on January 10, 2012 [1 favorite]
I had to stop reading. The hubris and inhumanity of the speakers make me too sad.
posted by francesca too at 4:30 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by francesca too at 4:30 PM on January 10, 2012 [3 favorites]
#1: He's got 1,800 Facebook friends, and can't get 40 people to go to his wedding.
Maybe it catches up with a few.
posted by -harlequin- at 4:35 PM on January 10, 2012
Maybe it catches up with a few.
posted by -harlequin- at 4:35 PM on January 10, 2012
Fuck Mitch and Murray. I'm going to Jerry Graff!
posted by thelonius at 4:35 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 4:35 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
Hellojed: you, Sir, are a genius. Following you so hard.
I think the Goldman Saks sentiments could very well be a true representation, but I doubt they were ever actually voiced so well IRL.
And I'd be more likely to shy away from, rather than admire, anyone I discovered who worked at Goldman Sachs and thought that made them superior in some way to anyone else. So what if the banks are powerful and influential? So is Newt Gingrich, and I certainly don't admire him.
Character counts for more than affluence with me. You can have both, but if you don't have the first, the second doesn't make up for the lack.
posted by misha at 4:59 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
I think the Goldman Saks sentiments could very well be a true representation, but I doubt they were ever actually voiced so well IRL.
And I'd be more likely to shy away from, rather than admire, anyone I discovered who worked at Goldman Sachs and thought that made them superior in some way to anyone else. So what if the banks are powerful and influential? So is Newt Gingrich, and I certainly don't admire him.
Character counts for more than affluence with me. You can have both, but if you don't have the first, the second doesn't make up for the lack.
posted by misha at 4:59 PM on January 10, 2012 [2 favorites]
For all the dismissal and mocking of OWS, it gets brought up a fair bit. I don't know if that's representational.
rather than admire, anyone I discovered who worked at Goldman Sachs and thought that made them superior in some way to anyone else.
I create wealth. I'm not sure that many people in GS can say the same. I suspect that "I enabling wealth-creators" is generally the best that can be claimed for finance.
posted by -harlequin- at 5:06 PM on January 10, 2012
rather than admire, anyone I discovered who worked at Goldman Sachs and thought that made them superior in some way to anyone else.
I create wealth. I'm not sure that many people in GS can say the same. I suspect that "I enabling wealth-creators" is generally the best that can be claimed for finance.
posted by -harlequin- at 5:06 PM on January 10, 2012
The GS tweeter claims the posts are real. From the Dealbook interview linked above:
posted by exphysicist345 at 6:30 PM on January 10, 2012
Q. How many of the submissions are actually yours?He's got people at GS sending him material. He doesn't have to ride the elevator all day!
A. The first few were either conversations that I have overheard directly, or that have been told to me by colleagues. Having said that, I have avoided tweets that would be too closely connected to me or any of my friend/colleagues. Once it started to get some attention, I started to receive some good submissions.
posted by exphysicist345 at 6:30 PM on January 10, 2012
When that foreclosure firm had that company Christmas party with a fancy-dress theme of foreclosed-on homeless people, it was really hard to understand how that happened, how it got approved, how no-one suggested something else might be better, and how everyone actually got into the spirit of it for the party.
But now I start to understand.
posted by -harlequin- at 7:27 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
But now I start to understand.
posted by -harlequin- at 7:27 PM on January 10, 2012 [4 favorites]
People at GS don't talk in the elevator that much. This is more like "shit my buddies said that I thought was funny to send to this account" than anything else. Said by GS people, maybe, but probably not in the elevator.
posted by ch1x0r at 8:02 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by ch1x0r at 8:02 PM on January 10, 2012
I rode in an elevator with John Mack once. He didn't say anything.
posted by mlis at 8:25 PM on January 10, 2012
posted by mlis at 8:25 PM on January 10, 2012
Well, I learned something. There is actually something called Finance Meets Fashion.
I don't know New York, but from the outside it just sounds so New York.
posted by eye of newt at 9:24 PM on January 10, 2012
I don't know New York, but from the outside it just sounds so New York.
posted by eye of newt at 9:24 PM on January 10, 2012
I care. I care enough to notice the nametag and read it, unlike some sociopaths.
A sociapath won't care, but will notice, and use its knowledge of to manipulate you...
posted by fistynuts at 2:50 AM on January 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
A sociapath won't care, but will notice, and use its knowledge of to manipulate you...
posted by fistynuts at 2:50 AM on January 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
people still really have no idea really how bad it is
To judge from that, their elevator chatter is certainly no worse than the kind of bullshit I would hear on a factory floor or various other places I spent time in for student jobs. The NY banker version has more wit, more financial references, fewer outright racist jokes. Still quite a lot of racist jokes though, I guess that's a universal American thing. Seems typical of any workplace where people are a bit crass.
I mean the "nametag" bit is pretty bad, but it's not much different than some of the more idiotic things I've seen written on metafilter about banksters.
posted by sfenders at 3:30 AM on January 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
To judge from that, their elevator chatter is certainly no worse than the kind of bullshit I would hear on a factory floor or various other places I spent time in for student jobs. The NY banker version has more wit, more financial references, fewer outright racist jokes. Still quite a lot of racist jokes though, I guess that's a universal American thing. Seems typical of any workplace where people are a bit crass.
I mean the "nametag" bit is pretty bad, but it's not much different than some of the more idiotic things I've seen written on metafilter about banksters.
posted by sfenders at 3:30 AM on January 11, 2012 [2 favorites]
I must make a Things Heard in the Death Star/Enterprise Turbolift
I see you already started the TNG lift account. I think the Death Star ones should all be comments that get cut off by someone being Force-choked to death:
"I mean a cape? Really? That just arrGGHHCHHCHK!"
"Had some sicko heavy breather call at 3am but at first I thought it was work achhelpchhKKHHK!"
posted by mikepop at 10:25 AM on January 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
I see you already started the TNG lift account. I think the Death Star ones should all be comments that get cut off by someone being Force-choked to death:
"I mean a cape? Really? That just arrGGHHCHHCHK!"
"Had some sicko heavy breather call at 3am but at first I thought it was work achhelpchhKKHHK!"
posted by mikepop at 10:25 AM on January 11, 2012 [1 favorite]
these are all pretty douchey
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 5:51 PM on January 11, 2012
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 5:51 PM on January 11, 2012
Sound eerily similar to working for Mitch and Murray...
I'm going to have your job, shithead. I'm going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murrray, and I'm going to LEMKIN! I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on....
posted by porn in the woods at 6:37 PM on January 11, 2012
I'm going to have your job, shithead. I'm going downtown and talk to Mitch and Murrray, and I'm going to LEMKIN! I don't care whose nephew you are, who you know, whose dick you're sucking on....
posted by porn in the woods at 6:37 PM on January 11, 2012
Also, for more Wall Street jerkoffs with their heads up their own asses w/r/t the bailout, check out this story from Planet Money/This American Life.
Sounds like a really sensitive issue. Let me push ahead a little and suggest a new name for these folks --
The Bailout class.
posted by Anything at 11:18 PM on January 12, 2012
Sounds like a really sensitive issue. Let me push ahead a little and suggest a new name for these folks --
The Bailout class.
posted by Anything at 11:18 PM on January 12, 2012
Lame Hacker Didn’t Spy on Goldman Sachs Board Meetings Even Though He Could Have
posted by homunculus at 6:28 PM on January 23, 2012
posted by homunculus at 6:28 PM on January 23, 2012
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this is actually totally true
posted by nathancaswell at 12:24 PM on January 10, 2012 [38 favorites]