Living death Doll
January 18, 2012 10:34 AM Subscribe
The future looks bleak for Rob Lowe.
posted by Navelgazer at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2012 [8 favorites]
posted by Navelgazer at 10:39 AM on January 18, 2012 [8 favorites]
In real life, Cliff Richard laughs at you.
posted by chavenet at 10:40 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by chavenet at 10:40 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
oh its a tumblr
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:41 AM on January 18, 2012
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 10:41 AM on January 18, 2012
If you're only vaguely aware of who Cliff Richard is, you're probably not reading the sub–text in this.
posted by Jehan at 10:45 AM on January 18, 2012
posted by Jehan at 10:45 AM on January 18, 2012
To quote MST3K "It's like they xeroxed her expression and taped it to her face"
posted by The Whelk at 10:47 AM on January 18, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 10:47 AM on January 18, 2012 [5 favorites]
This is a good idea. I'd like it more with funnier text, but jolly good. The chequered flag one is superb, really hammering home the main point: Cliff Richard is a fascinatingly strange man. How does he really feel? How does he feel about being Cliff? Great unknowables.
posted by cincinnatus c at 10:53 AM on January 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by cincinnatus c at 10:53 AM on January 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
Anyone who is professionally obligated to SMILE REAL WIDE ALL THE TIME tends to get that "dying inside" look after a while.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:58 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:58 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
I have only heard of Cliff Richard in The Young Ones when Rick (a big Cliff Richard fan) recites this poem. I found this tumblr feed enlightening.
posted by stinker at 11:00 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by stinker at 11:00 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
These are photoshopped. You can tell because there aren't any Shadows.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:04 AM on January 18, 2012 [38 favorites]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 11:04 AM on January 18, 2012 [38 favorites]
All you need to know about Cliff Richard - he used to be the British Elvis about 200 years ago, now he makes wine.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
stinker: “I have only heard of Cliff Richard in The Young Ones when Rick (a big Cliff Richard fan) recites this poem. I found this tumblr feed enlightening.”
The point of that joke is that the theme song for "The Young Ones" (and its namesake, in fact) is an old Cliff Richard song.
posted by koeselitz at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
The point of that joke is that the theme song for "The Young Ones" (and its namesake, in fact) is an old Cliff Richard song.
posted by koeselitz at 11:05 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
He is but a shadow of his former self.
posted by stinkycheese at 11:06 AM on January 18, 2012
posted by stinkycheese at 11:06 AM on January 18, 2012
All you need to know about Cliff Richard - he used to be the British Elvis about 200 years ago, now he makes wine.
This is not true.
These are photoshopped. You can tell because there aren't any Shadows.
I actually went and found a link to a Daily Mail article to prove you wrong before I got the joke.
posted by cincinnatus c at 11:08 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
This is not true.
These are photoshopped. You can tell because there aren't any Shadows.
I actually went and found a link to a Daily Mail article to prove you wrong before I got the joke.
posted by cincinnatus c at 11:08 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
he used to be the British Elvis about 200 years ago
In the way that Croydon used to be the British Manhattan.
posted by Decani at 11:08 AM on January 18, 2012 [9 favorites]
In the way that Croydon used to be the British Manhattan.
posted by Decani at 11:08 AM on January 18, 2012 [9 favorites]
There is a lot of "potential crossover" with the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks:
"Throw down a line"
What a "Wonderful Life"
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:09 AM on January 18, 2012
"Throw down a line"
What a "Wonderful Life"
posted by 2bucksplus at 11:09 AM on January 18, 2012
I really should have written my Philosophy thesis on these pics. "My Kinda Life": Sartrean Duality in the Eyes of Cliff Richard.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:12 AM on January 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:12 AM on January 18, 2012 [4 favorites]
cliff richard dying inside
Whereas the outside is merely being held in stasis. Once that static state is broken, the imploding darkness of Mr. Richards soul will extinguish all light from of the universe.
posted by doctor_negative at 11:20 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Whereas the outside is merely being held in stasis. Once that static state is broken, the imploding darkness of Mr. Richards soul will extinguish all light from of the universe.
posted by doctor_negative at 11:20 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
Whose whacky idea was it to pose him like that, like...omg, he's actually a Living Doll! In lieu of Barbie we have:
- Hanglider Cliff
- Racer Cliff
- Magic Johnson Cliff
- Spaceman Cliff
- Equestrienne Cliff
It might not be immediately obvious why a 71-something former popstar would be posing for pictures like these. Cliff is one of those British institutions that's a little hard to explain outside of the isles and it turns out that his popularity among women-of-a-certain-age means that he is the calendar king there. He's been outselling younger popstars and poptarts for years. You can buy his 2012 calendar from his website, of course.
posted by rh at 11:26 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by rh at 11:26 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by rh at 11:29 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
When going into space, Cliff prefers the Jr. Astronaut Space Helmet. $49.99.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:35 AM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:35 AM on January 18, 2012 [3 favorites]
All you need to know about Cliff Richard - he used to be the British Elvis about 200 years ago, now he makes wine.
In fact, there are loads of things you need to know about Cliff. Here are some for starters:
1. He was the only artist to get hits (or even number one hits?) in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. He lost out on the 00s and is not happy.
2. He is a classic example of the celebrity with indeterminate sexuality. He is very, very celibate.
3. Having said that, he was romantically linked with UK tennis player Sue Barker in the 1970s.
4. Tennis is a big thing with him. One rainy Wimbledon afternoon in the 90s, he led an excruciating sing-song in Centre Court while the crowd waited for play to resume.
5. Yes, Cliff was the British Elvis and has been making music for ever, but he has hardly any good songs. Exceptions include Wired for Sound (this performance is very Cliffy) and In the Country (ripped off completely by Scottish indie legends Belle & Sebastian in their song Wrapped up in Books).
6. He is known as "The Peter Pan of Pop" because despite being a 70-year-old washed-up pop star he doesn't look a day older than 60. Half of any interview with Cliff will be about his youthful good looks. He never succeeds in concealing his obvious delight with his title.
7. Once in a while, he will appear in the news bemoaning the fact that radio stations refuse to play his records. This really began to be an issue when Millennium Prayer, his version of the Lord's Prayer and one of the worst singles of all time but also one of the best selling songs of 1999, received virtually no airplay (WARNING: the song is awful. Not in an ironic or funny way. It will just make you boak). He continues to bear grudges.
Honestly, this is the MINIMUM you need to know.
posted by cincinnatus c at 11:39 AM on January 18, 2012 [24 favorites]
In fact, there are loads of things you need to know about Cliff. Here are some for starters:
1. He was the only artist to get hits (or even number one hits?) in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. He lost out on the 00s and is not happy.
2. He is a classic example of the celebrity with indeterminate sexuality. He is very, very celibate.
3. Having said that, he was romantically linked with UK tennis player Sue Barker in the 1970s.
4. Tennis is a big thing with him. One rainy Wimbledon afternoon in the 90s, he led an excruciating sing-song in Centre Court while the crowd waited for play to resume.
5. Yes, Cliff was the British Elvis and has been making music for ever, but he has hardly any good songs. Exceptions include Wired for Sound (this performance is very Cliffy) and In the Country (ripped off completely by Scottish indie legends Belle & Sebastian in their song Wrapped up in Books).
6. He is known as "The Peter Pan of Pop" because despite being a 70-year-old washed-up pop star he doesn't look a day older than 60. Half of any interview with Cliff will be about his youthful good looks. He never succeeds in concealing his obvious delight with his title.
7. Once in a while, he will appear in the news bemoaning the fact that radio stations refuse to play his records. This really began to be an issue when Millennium Prayer, his version of the Lord's Prayer and one of the worst singles of all time but also one of the best selling songs of 1999, received virtually no airplay (WARNING: the song is awful. Not in an ironic or funny way. It will just make you boak). He continues to bear grudges.
Honestly, this is the MINIMUM you need to know.
posted by cincinnatus c at 11:39 AM on January 18, 2012 [24 favorites]
For those who doubt the "British Elvis" bit.
As you can see, your doubt is well-founded.
posted by Decani at 11:53 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
As you can see, your doubt is well-founded.
posted by Decani at 11:53 AM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
(WARNING: the song is awful. Not in an ironic or funny way. It will just make you boak).
Now I have to listen to the song to find out what "boak" means.
*listen for 30 seconds*
Well, that was extremely unpleasant. Whatever "boak" is I do not like it.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:03 PM on January 18, 2012 [6 favorites]
Now I have to listen to the song to find out what "boak" means.
*listen for 30 seconds*
Well, that was extremely unpleasant. Whatever "boak" is I do not like it.
posted by louche mustachio at 12:03 PM on January 18, 2012 [6 favorites]
I wonder how he could be so popular in the UK but barely known in North America. The only song of his I've ever heard is Devil Woman and that was a minor hit at best over here.
posted by rocket88 at 12:04 PM on January 18, 2012
posted by rocket88 at 12:04 PM on January 18, 2012
he used to be the British Elvis about 200 years ago
And you call yourself a Cliff Richard fan? It's like Devil Woman had never even been written!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:05 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
And you call yourself a Cliff Richard fan? It's like Devil Woman had never even been written!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:05 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
(WARNING: the song is awful. Not in an ironic or funny way. It will just make you boak).
Huh. Well, this confirms that I'm one of those folks predisposed to liking the genre of PBS Fundraising Music - Celtic Woman, Josh Groban, Susan Boyle. Because I kinda enjoyed that.
posted by jbickers at 12:10 PM on January 18, 2012
Huh. Well, this confirms that I'm one of those folks predisposed to liking the genre of PBS Fundraising Music - Celtic Woman, Josh Groban, Susan Boyle. Because I kinda enjoyed that.
posted by jbickers at 12:10 PM on January 18, 2012
I think Special Patrol Group is a stupid name for a hamster.
posted by incomple at 12:11 PM on January 18, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by incomple at 12:11 PM on January 18, 2012 [7 favorites]
Whatever "boak" is I do not like it.
He means it's gipping.
posted by Jehan at 12:24 PM on January 18, 2012
He means it's gipping.
posted by Jehan at 12:24 PM on January 18, 2012
I wonder how he could be so popular in the UK but barely known in North America.
The second part of that question is completely understandable. It's the first bit that really begs answering.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:25 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
The second part of that question is completely understandable. It's the first bit that really begs answering.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:25 PM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]
Ran across this bit the other day: Cliff's first hit Move it was written by Ian Samwell, a guitarist for the first 'Drifters'. He soon left, while continuing to write music. In 1961 Ian became the first resident DJ at the Lyceum Ballroom for a while (not to mention certain Soho basements) before moving on to produce.
posted by Twang at 12:29 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Twang at 12:29 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
My first real awareness of Cliff Richard was via "We Don't Talk Anymore," which AM radio stations played about 1,100 times a day when I was 11.
Years later, I find the video horrifying, yet compelling.
(The Summer Holiday tribute that closes The Young Ones, on the other hand, is epic, full stop.)
posted by bakerina at 12:31 PM on January 18, 2012
Years later, I find the video horrifying, yet compelling.
(The Summer Holiday tribute that closes The Young Ones, on the other hand, is epic, full stop.)
posted by bakerina at 12:31 PM on January 18, 2012
I wonder how he could be so popular in the UK but barely known in North America.
male pop singers are a dime a dozen here, have been for decades and he wasn't bringing anything we didn't already have - same goes for the shadows
posted by pyramid termite at 12:33 PM on January 18, 2012
male pop singers are a dime a dozen here, have been for decades and he wasn't bringing anything we didn't already have - same goes for the shadows
posted by pyramid termite at 12:33 PM on January 18, 2012
> It will just make you boak
Favourited for bringing the term "boak" to my attention.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:39 PM on January 18, 2012
Favourited for bringing the term "boak" to my attention.
posted by The Card Cheat at 12:39 PM on January 18, 2012
I've got to admit having a bit of a soft spot for Devil Woman... he totally sells it here.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:45 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:45 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
same goes for the shadows
The Shadows did give you hip hop (sort of)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:48 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
The Shadows did give you hip hop (sort of)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:48 PM on January 18, 2012 [1 favorite]
now he makes SHIT wine.
posted by MuffinMan at 12:40 PM on January 18 [+] [!]
I would take Cliff over Gordon Ramsay any day. And if you RTFA you'll find his wine is actually just fine.
posted by chavenet at 1:08 PM on January 18, 2012
posted by MuffinMan at 12:40 PM on January 18 [+] [!]
I would take Cliff over Gordon Ramsay any day. And if you RTFA you'll find his wine is actually just fine.
posted by chavenet at 1:08 PM on January 18, 2012
I am not keen on Cliff Richard. At all.
(There. I said it.)
posted by Hartham's Hugging Robots at 2:33 PM on January 18, 2012
(There. I said it.)
posted by Hartham's Hugging Robots at 2:33 PM on January 18, 2012
> As for Ramsay's claim that Richard pulled him close and whispered, 'Young man, go f*** yourself,' he said, 'The f-word isn't in Cliff's vocabulary.'
odd, that.
posted by stonepharisee at 2:58 PM on January 18, 2012
odd, that.
posted by stonepharisee at 2:58 PM on January 18, 2012
"Used to think that life was sweet
Used to think we were so complete
I can’t believe you’d throw it away
Used to feel we had it made
Used to feel we could sail away
Can you imagine how I feel today?"
We don't Talk Anymore - Cliff Richards 80's hit.
posted by djrock3k at 3:08 PM on January 18, 2012
Used to think we were so complete
I can’t believe you’d throw it away
Used to feel we had it made
Used to feel we could sail away
Can you imagine how I feel today?"
We don't Talk Anymore - Cliff Richards 80's hit.
posted by djrock3k at 3:08 PM on January 18, 2012
9. He held his school's javelin record for umpteen years
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:12 PM on January 18, 2012
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:12 PM on January 18, 2012
They keep school records in the UK on how long your 'javelin' is? Wow.
posted by koeselitz at 5:02 PM on January 18, 2012
posted by koeselitz at 5:02 PM on January 18, 2012
Flashman, you're thinking of Adam Ant. (Says the 14 year-old me, who was obsessed with Adam Ant.) I had a momentary little thrill when I thought they might share the same birth name. But Wikipedia says Cliff's real name is Harry Webb.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 3:31 AM on January 20, 2012
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 3:31 AM on January 20, 2012
I would take Cliff over Gordon Ramsay any day. And if you RTFA you'll find his wine is actually just fine.
Good for you. You're welcome to him.
I RTFA and it has Richard himself describing his own wine as ‘rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that, it’s tainted, it’s insipid. It tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.’
It's overpriced fun juice for Cliff Richard fans - at nearly £9 a bottle it bloody well should be palatable.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:47 AM on January 23, 2012
Good for you. You're welcome to him.
I RTFA and it has Richard himself describing his own wine as ‘rubbish. I wouldn’t pay for that, it’s tainted, it’s insipid. It tastes like vinaigrette. I’d never buy that.’
It's overpriced fun juice for Cliff Richard fans - at nearly £9 a bottle it bloody well should be palatable.
posted by MuffinMan at 10:47 AM on January 23, 2012
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posted by koeselitz at 10:37 AM on January 18, 2012 [2 favorites]