LET HER IN COMING SOON

August 3, 2012 7:02 AM

Just when you thought summer movies couldn't get any dumber... here comes HEIGLR, a series of almost plausible films starring professional Hollywood casualty Katherine Heigl.
posted by hermitosis (115 comments total)

Lost it at That's The Way Love Ghost. Mainly because I watched that Mark Ruffalo is a hallucinating alcoholic/Reese Witherspoon is a ghost movie recently.
posted by griphus at 7:06 AM on August 3, 2012 [5 favorites]

I sincerely hope her arm doesn't really look like that.
posted by tommasz at 7:07 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

professional Hollywood casualty

She's on a bus to your heart and she's dead-on cute!
posted by octobersurprise at 7:10 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'd watch the shit out of The Farmer's Daughter on a plane.
posted by nathancaswell at 7:10 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Movie poster designers have gotten so lazy.
posted by mediated self at 7:12 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Hey, wait -- THAT'S THE SAME PHOTO.
posted by eoden at 7:13 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh man she has such a rad imdb URL
posted by theodolite at 7:14 AM on August 3, 2012 [29 favorites]

Let the record show that she's not the only victim. A whole separate blog could be made riffing on this poster.
posted by hermitosis at 7:15 AM on August 3, 2012

Frances McDormand's character from Burn After Reading would love all of these movies.
posted by Sticherbeast at 7:18 AM on August 3, 2012 [7 favorites]

If they are going to use the same picture of her every time, they could have at least taken 15 minutes to decent a decent job in Photoshop. I'm flagging this. We shouldn't promote this level of hackery with Photoshop. (not really)
posted by COD at 7:18 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Did anyone else think this was going to be another variation on QWOP?
posted by fight or flight at 7:21 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

According to Harry Knowles, Taco Twos-Day and The Farmer's Daughter are rated NC-17.
posted by cog_nate at 7:25 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

"Meet the pretty that never sleeps" is like some kind of zen koan mid-level marketers hum to themselves at night
posted by The Whelk at 7:25 AM on August 3, 2012 [7 favorites]

"Or the president is a dog! Who cares?" (NSFW)
posted by "But who are the Chefs?" at 7:27 AM on August 3, 2012 [8 favorites]

also, makeover fairy
posted by The Whelk at 7:28 AM on August 3, 2012

Whoops! Wrong link! But that last one is hilarious, safe for work, and you should click on it.

"Or the president is a dog! Who cares?"
posted by "But who are the Chefs?" at 7:29 AM on August 3, 2012

theodolite: "Oh man she has such a rad imdb URL"

Coming Soon:

Hack-Her

Anonymous has never been so cute!

Starring Katherine Heigl and Jesse Eisenberg
posted by Rock Steady at 7:34 AM on August 3, 2012 [7 favorites]

Isn't there a name for that pose where women on movie posters/magazine/book/comic covers are pointing their rear end at the camera and craning their necks around to look over their shoulder?
posted by mediated self at 7:34 AM on August 3, 2012

Someone's graduating from pretty school.



With honors.
posted by cashman at 7:35 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

I have a certain fondness for Katherine Heigel because her appearance in the trailers for My Father, the Hero* were the first time I remember being sexually attracted to someone, but God she is in some terrible movies. My Father, the Hero might well be one of those movies, I only ever saw the trailers because I couldn't think of a way to convince my parents that "you can totally see her butt in that bathing suit" was a good reason to take me to see a movie.

*I was, many years later, disturbed to see those pictures show up on a celebrity nudes website. 15 year olds in skimpy bathing suits were great when I was 11, but putting them on a site meant for adult men is creepy.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:37 AM on August 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

mediated self, I don't know if a name came up , but it was pretty heavily discussed
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:42 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

You sometimes read about how there are hardly any roles in Hollywood for women who aren't rail-thin, blandly beautiful, and willing to make out with male leads old enough to be their grandfathers. And that seems like it's true.

But then I think about the career of someone like Ms. Heigl, and I feel like all of the actresses who aren't getting those roles are in some way dodging a bullet. I'm not sure what would be worse: not to realize your dream of being a movie star, or to try to take your craft seriously while doing these skinny, blandly beautiful male-wish-fulfillment roles.

I don't intend this as a criticism of Heigl at all as much as just further evidence that Hollywood has a real problem with women being their own people, being the subjects of their own stories, and that while this rewards certain types of actresses with plenty of work, those rewards must themselves feel somewhat dubious and ill-gotten.

Not only that, but at some point the movie-going public turns on the actress as being someone who is cashing in on shallow rom-com roles. Or when she is critical of the limited portrayal of women in movies, we tell her she should be happy to have work, there are a million up-and-coming actresses who are younger and prettier and would be happy to do these roles, she should stop shitting on the efforts of her collaborators and just promote the damn movie already.

Compromise abounds.
posted by gauche at 7:44 AM on August 3, 2012 [11 favorites]

They all should have had a January release date like the first one.
posted by Egg Shen at 7:45 AM on August 3, 2012

Ok, 'The Farmer's Daughter' gets even funnier if you think of the co-stars as voicing the animated animals at the bottom of the poster.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 7:47 AM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Isn't there a name for that pose where women on movie posters/magazine/book/comic covers are pointing their rear end at the camera and craning their necks around to look over their shoulder?

I suggest "peekabutt".
posted by likeso at 7:54 AM on August 3, 2012 [11 favorites]

Oww, the funny, it hurts.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:05 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

She's a sofa tester looking for love in the big city, can the handsome architect show her how to really life? Find out this January in SITTING PRETTY.
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on August 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

When I have to explain to a non-technical new friend what it is I do, I use the following lines.

"You know when you put a disc in your player and you can't skip past the FBI warning or the trailer for that awful Katherine Heigl movie? That's my fault. I'm really sorry."
posted by infinitewindow at 8:07 AM on August 3, 2012 [10 favorites]

can the handsome architect show her how to really life?

I don't know but I would like to learn how to really life.
posted by sweetkid at 8:13 AM on August 3, 2012 [7 favorites]

If she can pull it off in "One for the Money," Heigl will have one heck of a resurgence. That would be a wonderful series of movies to be involved in; the books have a great following, and there are a lot of them.

Is she a good Stephanie Plum? I have my doubts. If she is, though, she's found a great niche.
posted by NedKoppel at 8:17 AM on August 3, 2012

Surprised no one at MetaFilter was contacted about film options for A Tale of Two Pretties.
posted by hermitosis at 8:18 AM on August 3, 2012

If she can pull it off in "One for the Money," Heigl will have one heck of a resurgence.

"One for the Money grossed $26.4 million domestically and $10.4 million globally to a total of $36.8 million worldwide, below its $40 million budget... It currently holds a 2% rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on 54 reviews."
posted by hermitosis at 8:20 AM on August 3, 2012

If she can pull it off in "One for the Money," Heigl will have one heck of a resurgence.

It's already come and gone. It flopped at the box office and critics hated it. Which makes me wonder why it took 8 months to come up with some shoddy photoshops to parody it.
posted by Dr-Baa at 8:21 AM on August 3, 2012

One for the Money is pretty much the canonical awful Katherine Heigl movie.
posted by infinitewindow at 8:23 AM on August 3, 2012

Hollywood has a bajillion problems with women, but Heigl's appallingly bad taste in projects is nobody's fault but her own. You can have the career you want - not necessarily in big Hollywood movies, but in smaller projects. For example, Kristen Bell has been in her share of flops, but she's also had excellent roles - I imagine that turning down big, idiotic projects was difficult from time to time, but the strategy has ultimately paid off.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:24 AM on August 3, 2012

I'm not sure what would be worse: not to realize your dream of being a movie star, or to try to take your craft seriously while doing these skinny, blandly beautiful male-wish-fulfillment roles.

Do we know that Heigl is trying to take her craft seriously?
posted by adamdschneider at 8:25 AM on August 3, 2012

I was going to complain about the C-list photoshoppery and tepid copy at first but once the consistency of the aesthetic settled in it gained a new kind of zen stupid that I'm enjoying.

Also:

She's a Nigerian princess...who's inherited your heart! Here's Looking @ You.com
posted by cortex at 8:27 AM on August 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

I take it as a given that people do, generally, want to be good at what they do. Particularly when what they do is as difficult to break into and succeed at as being a professional entertainer for a living. Note that I didn't say anything, one way or another, about talent.
posted by gauche at 8:29 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

She's pretty, and everything works out in the end: Pretty Much Every Mainstream RomCom - playing everywhere, all the time!
posted by owtytrof at 8:36 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Cortex beat me to it - I felt the lazy/sloppy photoshop added some charm to these. The constant use of the mangled hand seemed to extend the joke just enough to make even the lame ones funny.

I mean, the lame copy is just more evidence that the joke is as much about lazy movie promoters as about poor, cute Katherine Heigl.

And I have to second peekabutt!
posted by arkham_inmate_0801 at 8:38 AM on August 3, 2012

The lame copy is awesome. "Sometimes the places you end up, are the places you go to."
posted by mediated self at 8:42 AM on August 3, 2012 [9 favorites]

What if I never thought summer movies could get any dumber?
I'll qualify that statement with one pie-in-the-sky exception...
posted by obscurator at 8:43 AM on August 3, 2012

nathancaswell: "I'd watch the shit out of The Farmer's Daughter on a plane."

I came in here to say pretty much the same thing. In fact, let me go on record to say I'd watch the shit out of any movie in which Ice Cube and Ellen Degeneres were co-stars.

mediated self: "The lame copy is awesome. "Sometimes the places you end up, are the places you go to.""

I agree that the text really takes it to a place of true awesomeness. And the punctuation.

My favorite is "She's judge, jury and exe-cute-tioner." and not just because it shows that only bad Hollywood ad people don't use the serial comma.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:48 AM on August 3, 2012 [4 favorites]

"You know when you put a disc in your player and you can't skip past the FBI warning or the trailer for that awful Katherine Heigl movie? That's my fault. I'm really sorry."

You're that guy? I mean this in the nicest possible way, but DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:50 AM on August 3, 2012 [5 favorites]

For example, Kristen Bell has been in her share of flops, but she's also had excellent roles - I imagine that turning down big, idiotic projects was difficult from time to time, but the strategy has ultimately paid off.

I have a big soft spot for Bell for her work in Veronica Mars, but my impression has been that she, too, has taken her share of the kinds of roles I was talking about.
posted by gauche at 8:51 AM on August 3, 2012

This is absolutely brilliant. My favorite was the one on page 2. Genius.
posted by slogger at 8:54 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have a big soft spot for Bell for her work in Veronica Mars, but my impression has been that she, too, has taken her share of the kinds of roles I was talking about.

She has taken those roles, but she has also established a career far beyond that. Between Veronica Mars and Reefer Madness and Forgetting Sarah Marshall and that Yeasayer video and that new Showtime show, she has a full-throated career. She has clearly sought out interesting projects, even if she also winds up in some crap.

Also, FWIW, I saw When In Rome (blame my girlfriend), and it's shockingly not-terrible as far as those things go. If nothing else, it has Kate Micucci in a key supporting role, which is fun.
posted by Sticherbeast at 8:58 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

"You know when you put a disc in your player and you can't skip past the FBI warning or the trailer for that awful Katherine Heigl movie? That's my fault. I'm really sorry."

You're dead to me.
posted by phearlez at 9:01 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

See how much I know.
posted by NedKoppel at 9:06 AM on August 3, 2012

He tries to go cold turkey at a lake-side retreat, but finds a new obsession. Smoke on the Water
posted by cortex at 9:12 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

If she can pull it off in "One for the Money," Heigl will have one heck of a resurgence.

It's already come and gone. It flopped at the box office and critics hated it. Which makes me wonder why it took 8 months to come up with some shoddy photoshops to parody it.

IT WAS A VERY BAD MOVIE. i like that the photoshop is re-using the image from that movie's poster. but seriously.. you know how sometimes you just know a film is going to be gross but you're like "how bad can it be, it's still a movie". it's the kind of film where it ruins your night and you just turn off the screen and go to sleep.
posted by ninjew at 9:21 AM on August 3, 2012

I had that with "Jack and Jill" recently. A friend told me that she actually got a lot of laughs out of it, terrible as it was. I decided to give it a go in the name of cheap, tacky, brain-dead humor and was STILL totally disappointed and depressed. Like, I officially defy them to produce a rough draft of that script, there is no possible way that anyone wrote more than one -- and I suspect that in the existing draft, the backspace key was never used.
posted by hermitosis at 9:31 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

She's a workaholic building a Brooklyn real estate empire, he's a punk poster artist squatting in her deceased uncle's old warehouse loft. Together they go condo this summer in Pretty Vacant.

Also: obligatory link to Patton Oswalt discussing the new Jennifer Aniston romcom, Tryin' to Fuck.
posted by gompa at 9:42 AM on August 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

Caffeine is pretty good.
posted by Rocket Surgeon at 9:43 AM on August 3, 2012

IT WAS A VERY BAD MOVIE.

I will not have anyone disrespect the oeuvre of Fisher Stevens in my house.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:45 AM on August 3, 2012

The lame copy is awesome. "Sometimes the places you end up, are the places you go to.

That's not lame! That's just a less well-known corollary to the Banzai Theorem's proof that "Wherever you go, there you are."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:56 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

He's a lovelorn stockbroker with a bad case of dropsy, she's a physical therapist about to get more than she bargained for. This summer, things are going to get...Pretty Gross
posted by mediated self at 9:57 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

So, how long until this game accidentally turns into porn film titles? Because you know it will. Yes, it will...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 10:06 AM on August 3, 2012

Be careful, if any of these get over 200 reblogs it gets greenlit.
posted by M Edward at 10:06 AM on August 3, 2012

Be careful, if any of these get over 200 reblogs it gets greenlit.

> Ensure each film gets greenlit
> Studios go bankrupt from the massive failures
> Their stocks' value plummet to pennies apiece
> MeFites buy all the stocks
> METAFILTER NOW OWNS HOLLYWOOD
> Mission Accomplished
posted by Sticherbeast at 10:10 AM on August 3, 2012 [6 favorites]

Isn't there a name for that pose where women on movie posters/magazine/book/comic covers are pointing their rear end at the camera and craning their necks around to look over their shoulder?

Scolio-sass.
posted by psoas at 10:10 AM on August 3, 2012 [7 favorites]

So, how long until this game accidentally turns into porn film titles? Because you know it will. Yes, it will...

THIS SUMMER, KATHERINE HEIGL, PETER BERG, AND KATE BECKINSALE HAVE AN ORGY

IN

THE HEIDL-BERG KATE-JISM

"This summer, get on your knees!"
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:11 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

Is that the sequel to The Heidl-Berg Dis-ASS-ter?

Oh god, I'm sorry...
posted by sodium lights the horizon at 10:18 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

Katherine Heigl is the headmistress of a school for aspiring Hollywood cat trainers. Hilarity ensues when they meet their newest classmate – 50 Cent?

Coming this summer: The Pretty Fiddy Kitty Committee
posted by mintcake! at 10:22 AM on August 3, 2012 [10 favorites]

She's crazy about him, but will her family be? Katherine Heigl and Sidney Poitier star in...Guess Who's Coming At Dinner
posted by cortex at 10:29 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

She tries out for the US Men's Olympic Volleyball team to impress her boyfriend... and makes it?! * record scratch noise*

Watch Katherine Heigl bump, set and spike her way right into your heart, this summer in...

Pretty Priddy
posted by Rock Steady at 10:29 AM on August 3, 2012

gauche: "But then I think about the career of someone like Ms. Heigl, and I feel like all of the actresses who aren't getting those roles are in some way dodging a bullet. I'm not sure what would be worse: not to realize your dream of being a movie star, or to try to take your craft seriously while doing these skinny, blandly beautiful male-wish-fulfillment roles."

That's weird, because when I think of her, I tend to think of chick-flicks, i.e. movies targeted at women (e.g. 27 Dresses), certainly not "male-wish-fulfillment".
posted by I am the Walrus at 10:33 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

"You know when you put a disc in your player and you can't skip past the FBI warning or the trailer for that awful Katherine Heigl movie? That's my fault. I'm really sorry."

My hacked DVD player skips straight to the feature automatically, so I forgive you.

I haven't seen any of her recent movies, but Under Siege 2 and Bride of Chucky were certainly bad. My wife and I tried to watch that Gray's show and it was just unbearable.
posted by Huck500 at 10:34 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Heigl's appallingly bad taste in projects is nobody's fault but her own. You can have the career you want - not necessarily in big Hollywood movies, but in smaller projects.

Maybe. There's always a pretty large dose of luck in this, though. One of the things that people involved in film often talk about is just how many different ways a film can be fucked up--and so many of them you can't know about ahead of time. A lot of times actors will sign up to a movie with a terrific script and a director who's work they respect: then the script gets mangled by the studio and the director gets replaced by an idiot. Or not even that: the film is just cut incredibly badly or scored incompetently or a minor but crucial supporting actor role is hopelessly miscast or...

Actors usually have no idea at all if the movie they're working on will be great or dreck by the time it's done. It's no wonder they can end up being neurotic or prima donnaish--so much of the ultimate value of the work they do depends entirely on forces over which they have no control.
posted by yoink at 10:42 AM on August 3, 2012

when I think of her, I tend to think of chick-flicks, i.e. movies targeted at women (e.g. 27 Dresses), certainly not "male-wish-fulfillment".

It's the roles which are about male wish-fulfillment. Beautiful accomplished woman needs a man to make her life complete. This message is targeted at women, but it is about male wish-fulfillment.
posted by gauche at 10:51 AM on August 3, 2012

My hacked DVD player skips straight to the feature automatically, so I forgive you.

My hacked DVD player shows nothing but FBI warnings.

THIS IS NOT A VICTIMLESS CRIME.
posted by griphus at 10:52 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

He's the only caucasian at his high school, and the only girl he's every loved has been turned into an insect. Katherine Hegel and John Francis Daley star in Pretty Fly For a White Guy.
posted by SpiffyRob at 10:53 AM on August 3, 2012 [11 favorites]

Kristen Bell's greatest role is as Craig Ferguson's too-infrequent guest/sidekick on the Late Late Show.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 11:10 AM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

She's getting steady work. In Hollywood, that IS success. Don't see the need for pointless take-downs of low-hanging fruit.
posted by basicchannel at 11:13 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: a new kind of zen stupid that I'm enjoying.
posted by Danf at 11:27 AM on August 3, 2012

OK looks like I have killed this thread. Shall I proceed to Reddit now, Ms. Heigl?
posted by Danf at 11:42 AM on August 3, 2012

She'll get your upvote. And keep it warm. Katherine Heigl in Roses are Reddit.
posted by fleacircus at 11:48 AM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

Hollywood mocking be damned, I would watch most of these jokey movies this thread has inspired. On an airplane. In a hospital. On a desert island. Any place where watching a movie is the only entertainment option, I would be super happy to see any of these films.


He's a serial cheater who keeps putting a different name in the heart.
She's a tattoo artist with ink to spare.

Us Weekly Presents
Jesse James and Katherine Heigel in
Pretty in Ink


Coming to a time when gossip magazines cared about these two.
(two years ago)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:08 PM on August 3, 2012

If she can pull it off in "One for the Money," Heigl will have one heck of a resurgence.

"One for the Money grossed $26.4 million domestically and $10.4 million globally to a total of $36.8 million worldwide, below its $40 million budget... It currently holds a 2% rating on Rotten Tomatoes based on 54 reviews."

Oh that is a shame. I know that many, many fans were waiting years for a movie to be made and there were so many actresses suggested to play Stephenie Plum. I never got passed #3 in the series but that first one was a hell of a funny book and I would have loved to see a successful adaptation. Sigh. I guess it is too difficult for Hollywood these days to pull off the funny, sexy Chick action movie that would have once been known as the screwball comedy.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:38 PM on August 3, 2012

She's supposed to be good at her job, but you'd never know it, and her apartment is ridiculously nice, and how is she not fired now, and, wtf, this fucking movie. Katherine Heigl is Pretty Professional.

Oh that is a shame. I know that many, many fans were waiting years for a movie to be made...

I don't even want to know what they did to Grandma Mazur.
posted by fleacircus at 12:44 PM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Pretty in Ink

She's moved to Japan to marry her love, a fisherman, who spends most of the time at sea.

He's an octopus...
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:45 PM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

Bride of Chucky

His heart's made of wood and she's got a stake in it. Katherine Heigl is the pretty ghoul every toy wants in 27 Wedding Dresses Of The Bride Of Chucky.
posted by octobersurprise at 12:51 PM on August 3, 2012

Metafilter: Graduating from pretty school.



With honors.






















I'll show myself out....
posted by magstheaxe at 1:11 PM on August 3, 2012

All I can come up with for some reason is Heigl for some reason possessed by the ghost of Wallace Stevens. I think it would be a riot.

I'm no good at this.
posted by NedKoppel at 1:21 PM on August 3, 2012

the ghost of Wallace Stevens

How about one co-starring Wallace Shawn.

Him, the loveable rogue. Her, his painstaking poet giant cohort Fezzig. Together they are

Pretty Inconceivable.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 2:02 PM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Metafilter: a new kind of zen stupid that I'm enjoying.
posted by jonp72 at 2:08 PM on August 3, 2012

What the deaile-o, jonp72, you trying to kill this thread all over again?
posted by mediated self at 2:32 PM on August 3, 2012

In their past life, she never told her True Love how much she cared. Now they are doomed to an endless cycle of reincarnation until she tells him how much she loves him! Problem is, she's been reincarnated as a tent and he's a terrapin! Can these star-crossed lovers make it to their sweet hereafter? Only if YURT, TELL TURTLE!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:19 PM on August 3, 2012

Katherine Heigl is the headmistress of a school for aspiring Hollywood cat trainers. Hilarity ensues when they meet their newest classmate – 50 Cent?

Coming this summer: The Pretty Fiddy Kitty Committee


oh mintcake

be my vampire bride
posted by elizardbits at 3:31 PM on August 3, 2012 [2 favorites]

Where do you even store all these vampire brides?
posted by The Whelk at 3:47 PM on August 3, 2012

pirate ship
posted by elizardbits at 3:49 PM on August 3, 2012

Everyone get on this ship.
posted by The Whelk at 3:51 PM on August 3, 2012

Careful, elizardbits, Katherine Heigl might play you in the movie.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:55 PM on August 3, 2012

REBLOGGING PRETTY.
posted by The Whelk at 3:56 PM on August 3, 2012

No, the role of me is to be played by Abe Vigoda in feety pajamas, to best represent my inner essence.
posted by elizardbits at 3:58 PM on August 3, 2012

Abe Vigoda Status
posted by The Whelk at 4:00 PM on August 3, 2012

Now I really want to see a Freaky Friday-esque movie wherein Katherien Heigl and Abe Vigoda are bodyswapped.
posted by elizardbits at 4:02 PM on August 3, 2012

Via an enchanted smoking jacket.
posted by The Whelk at 4:12 PM on August 3, 2012

And then make out.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:25 PM on August 3, 2012

Do you think Abe tastes of onions? I do.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:28 PM on August 3, 2012

And so a crack fic was gestated.
posted by The Whelk at 4:28 PM on August 3, 2012

elizardbits: "pirate ship"

Did anybody else hold their tongue when they read this?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 4:30 PM on August 3, 2012

Clearly not.
posted by The Whelk at 4:31 PM on August 3, 2012

Booty.
posted by The Whelk at 4:33 PM on August 3, 2012

Katherine Heigl IS Katherine Heigl in a slashy porn story imagine on the Internet!

Get ready this summer for PIECES OF KATE.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:35 PM on August 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

" all I have left are these pieces of Kate, some are bone and some are the heart."
posted by The Whelk at 4:40 PM on August 3, 2012

NO ONE HAS MENTIONED ZZYZYX ROAD

$30 box office gross hahaha
posted by ninjew at 6:49 PM on August 3, 2012

But that was a legal by contract thing. For real total loss ratios you need something like Fido
posted by The Whelk at 7:03 PM on August 3, 2012

Budget:
$8,000,000 (estimated)
Opening Weekend:
$10,203 (USA) (17 June 2007) (2 Screens)
Gross:
$298,110 (USA) (8 July 2007)
posted by The Whelk at 7:04 PM on August 3, 2012

things aren't funny after you explain them
posted by ninjew at 7:13 PM on August 3, 2012

YES THEY ARE.

LET ME EXPLAIN WHY.
posted by The Whelk at 7:15 PM on August 3, 2012 [3 favorites]

Un film de Robert Altman

Katherine Heigl
Stacey Dash
Mariah Carey
Naomi Campbell
Shannen Doherty
Megan Fox
Alex Pettyfer

Easy to look at. Hard to work with. Usually wearing clothes.

PRET-TY-PORTER
posted by psoas at 10:06 PM on August 3, 2012

He's a crusty old poet who thought he'd never love again, she's the ghost who came down from twenty snowy mountains to melt his heart...

Katherine Heigl. Joe Piscapo.

"Thirteen ways of Looking at a Pretty Bird"
posted by sexyrobot at 9:49 AM on August 4, 2012

This looks like a parody trailer but is apparently real.
posted by octothorpe at 4:02 PM on August 5, 2012

This looks like a parody trailer but is apparently real.
posted by octothorpe More than 18 hours ago [+]'

You weren't kidding! That looks terrible.
posted by sweetkid at 3:36 PM on August 6, 2012