Epic Campaign

October 4, 2012 12:02 PM

Meet the Green Candidate. Is Maine ready to elect America's first Orc Assassin Rogue senator?
posted by roger ackroyd (55 comments total)

Wow her challengers really want people outside of the state to give her money, don't they?
posted by tittergrrl at 12:05 PM on October 4, 2012 [8 favorites]

I think Colleen Lachowicz's opponents aren't understanding why Christine "I am not a witch" O'Donnell did not get elected.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:09 PM on October 4, 2012 [5 favorites]

I see at least one critical hit in her near future.
posted by RolandOfEld at 12:09 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

The graphic design on that mailer is so Maine that it made me laugh until I just about had an asthma attack.

With Le Page and all the childish shit going on in the rest of the government, Maine's getting close to the point where the other New England states should invade to restore order.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:11 PM on October 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

This feels like something that would happen to Leslie Knope.
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:12 PM on October 4, 2012 [16 favorites]

Thinking about it, it's outrageous that Maine has never elected an orc-- they're a majority of the population north of the Kennebec.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:16 PM on October 4, 2012 [19 favorites]

I giggled immensely at the definition of DPS (deaths per second) on the mailer. If you are going to pull quotes from forums at least learn the terminology.
posted by Nimmie Amee at 12:16 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

The republican party is really the old man party isn't it? They don't realize how many people under 45 have played video games online. Her comments are tame compared to the usually shit on trade.
posted by Gwynarra at 12:21 PM on October 4, 2012 [5 favorites]

Pfft the mayor of Philadelphia is an undead demo warlock.
posted by Mister_A at 12:23 PM on October 4, 2012

Thats nothing her opponent is a serial green pig exploder.
posted by The Whelk at 12:23 PM on October 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

Wow her challengers really want people outside of the state to give her money, don't they?

Actually I can't find any way to donate money to her campaign.
posted by jedicus at 12:23 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

The republican party is really the old man party isn't it?

Actually, they're trolls.
posted by roger ackroyd at 12:24 PM on October 4, 2012 [10 favorites]

Naw, night elf hunters.

They totally just aggroed a bunch of wow-playing slackers unnecessarily.
posted by Zalzidrax at 12:26 PM on October 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

Still, it's an improvement on the Republicans of the late 1800s, who would attack opponents for doing crossword puzzles.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:27 PM on October 4, 2012 [5 favorites]

Jedicus: Had to do some searching but found it on her campaign's Facebook page. Apparently she's a clean elections candidate and cannot take direct contributions. However, there is an ActBlue site set up to help the organizations that are supporting her: Support a Gamer Who's Under Attack
posted by tittergrrl at 12:30 PM on October 4, 2012 [8 favorites]

I have it on good authority that her opponent had high-level clearance within the Soviet bloc(k).
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:31 PM on October 4, 2012

it's an improvement on the Republicans of the late 1800s, who would attack opponents for doing crossword puzzles.

I knew the Khmer Rouge had political ancestors.
posted by Mayor Curley at 12:36 PM on October 4, 2012

[insert WoW-themed spoof of "Ya Got Trouble" from The Music Man]
posted by brundlefly at 12:37 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

First of all, it's "Assassination" Rogue. Goddamn!

And based on her gear, she probably doesn't do much other than fishing achievements and holiday events. My point is, she's not a hardcore (or even "casually" hardcore) gamer in the slightest.
posted by Brocktoon at 12:44 PM on October 4, 2012

Pfft the mayor of Philadelphia is an undead demo warlock.

So what does he play in WoW?
posted by m@f at 12:53 PM on October 4, 2012 [5 favorites]

Honestly, the Republican party makes a good point here - this should infuriate you. Colleen Lachowicz is running largely on her platform of more stabbings and poisonings in Congress, yet to the best of my knowledge she has failed to lead even a successful Democratic Horde raid into Republican Alliance territory, nor has she killed even a single Republican in one of the multiple PvP zones just outside of the State House. This inability to live up to her campaign promises is utterly disgraceful.
posted by wolfdreams01 at 12:55 PM on October 4, 2012 [7 favorites]

He's a level 85 demagogue.
posted by Mister_A at 12:55 PM on October 4, 2012

Shit I'd love for my video game behavior to be brought up in a public forum, I'm a fucking goodie two shoes in like every game I play. Sure sign of my tremendous moral and ethical fiber, I don't even steal shit in games where stealing is common, expected, and easy to do!

VOTE THE WHELK THE ONLY TRUE PARAGON CANDIDATE

(okay I kinda let Ashley The Space Racist die but ....I had reasons)
posted by The Whelk at 12:59 PM on October 4, 2012 [9 favorites]

This feels like something that would happen to Leslie Knope.

Well she has been seen hanging out with a known mage....
posted by RonButNotStupid at 1:01 PM on October 4, 2012

That line that reads "We need a senator who lives in our world, not Colleen's world," is incredibly offensive. Personal hobbies are now targets? Because I know tons of people who spend 14 hours every weekend watching sports on television. What world are they living in, "wasting" all of that time?
posted by jbickers at 1:08 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

They only don't care if you ACTUALLY murder people in REAL war. Not only do they not care, they celebrate it. But virtual murder, that's just goddamned awful!
posted by symbioid at 1:17 PM on October 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

At first I thought this was a flyer in support of Colleen.
posted by Shit Parade at 1:19 PM on October 4, 2012

They only don't care if you ACTUALLY murder people in REAL war. Not only do they not care, they celebrate it.

Selectively... Kerry's swiftboating included attacking him for having shot an armed combatant.
posted by Zed at 1:23 PM on October 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

Does Reddit know about this? they gave a school bus monitor 40k cuz some kids were mean to her. This woman might end up with millions.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:25 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Since the only two stores I saw open in downtown Augusta was a headshop and a video game store, this may end up backfiring on them
posted by The Whelk at 1:26 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Looking at their website, it's obvious they're banking on Gover Norquist's constituency to not know who Grover Norquist is.
posted by clarknova at 1:32 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think one day, we'll look back on candidates and go, 'how could they not have played X game when they were younger? Did they also not see Casablanca or read Catcher in the Rye?' instead of using it for (attempted) character assassination. Granted, games have a ways to go until that point, but I think we will reach a stage where it will happen.
posted by Han Tzu at 2:18 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

This was the only Orc Rogue named Santiaga I found.
posted by Xoebe at 2:23 PM on October 4, 2012

"Colleen Lachowicz - dual class on Warcraft, dual class on economic policy?"
posted by Artw at 2:45 PM on October 4, 2012

This was the only Orc Rogue named Santiaga I found.

Still level 85 so she hasn't upgraded to the Mists of Pandaria expansion and started slacking off again.
posted by Foaf at 2:50 PM on October 4, 2012

Have any of you ever been to Waterville? That's where LePage is from. It's freaking Waterville. She's got to be smarter than most of them, for goodness sakes. I'll drive up and take pictures if you want, it's not all that far from where I live. Jesus. Give her a break.

BTW there is a nice restaurant in downtown Augusta now :-P
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:52 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

I been watching some mists of pandaria Lets Plays. I haven't played since god knows when, it was so long ago I forgot how many years it has been.

They have like pokemon pet battles in WoW now. Everyone is all like flying around on dragons. WoW is nuts now.
posted by Ad hominem at 2:56 PM on October 4, 2012

To be fair, she was a dick on the internet, and said things I don't consider statesmanlike. If they just ran with her statements on DailyKos, they might have a point. But they ram them together with obvious jokes and statements that are totally inoffensive in game contexts. And running with the WoW angle just makes them look cranky and elderly. In any case, state office candidates across the board are often terrifying human beings (e.g.), and it would reassure me to know that such a candidate had a quiet, non-corrupt hobby that kept her indoors.

If I were a member of an alien species, I might express surprise that this hobby is taken as offensive for a potential leader, while members of our American political class across the board take a passionate interest in one seasonal sport that inflicts long-term brain damage on its athletes, and then another seasonal sport that is widely acknowledged to be full of corruption and clandestine medical procedures to gain advantage over other players. But I'm not an alien; I just talk like one, which is why I find it so hard to make friends.
posted by Countess Elena at 3:26 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

In the past three years Colleen Lachowicz increased her level by 25%. Good for Azeroth - Good for America.

So the Maine GOP that is concerned about people living in make-believe land passed in 2010 a platform that calls for the elimination of the United States Department of Education and the Federal Reserve System, the rejection of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, a freeze and prohibition on stimulus spending, and the prosecution of perpetrators of the "global warming myth". It must be maddening being one of the sane people there like Olympia Snowe. Btw HuffPo picked it up.
posted by ersatz at 5:26 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

If you really want to have a go at someone for what they did in a videogame, find out what they did in Telltale's Walking Dead games. No one comes out of those with a goody two shoes record.
posted by juv3nal at 5:46 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

Still level 85 so she hasn't upgraded to the Mists of Pandaria expansion and started slacking off again.

If she had upgraded, they'd probably accuse her of supporting hot pants and Communism.
posted by homunculus at 7:28 PM on October 4, 2012

So the Maine GOP that is concerned about people living in make-believe land passed in 2010 a platform that calls for the elimination of the United States Department of Education and the Federal Reserve System, the rejection of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, a freeze and prohibition on stimulus spending, and the prosecution of perpetrators of the "global warming myth".

And the national platform includes its share of paranoid fantasy too.
posted by homunculus at 7:36 PM on October 4, 2012

Having grown up in Maine, I spent my teen years and most of my adult life feeling incredibly depressed about how incredibly cruel, ignorant and provincial the dominant culture is.

When you're on a bicycle, people swerve at you or throw bottles. The CB radio is rank with talk about 'porch monkeys' even though it's the lily-whitest state in the nation.

The mayor of Lewiston wrote in the newspaper last year that the state shouldn't pay for adults to get GEDs because they should have been studying instead of beating up on good studious kids. I am not joking. He also told Somali immigrants just last month to "accept our culture and ... leave your culture at the door".

Don't get me started on our sad excuse for a governor, who could pass for a rather dim selectman in Milford but has no business doing anything more than drinking coffee with the old boys at the corner store.

Anyone who grows up in Maine with any wits and resources gets the hell out. The people who stay and have kids are the people who weren't smart enough or were too broke to leave.
This has a snowballing effect on the local culture over time, and it's been going on since Dirigo stopped meaning anything- around when the good lumber ran out and everyone headed West for fields that aren't mostly rocks.

Someone please invade us. This state is an absolute hole. Any place but Massachusetts.
posted by dunkadunc at 7:39 PM on October 4, 2012 [4 favorites]

Anyone who grows up in Maine with any wits and resources gets the hell out.

No, some of us stay --- or return as adults, like I did --- and do our darnedest to elect officials we respect and enact social and political change because we love it here and we want this beautiful place to be a well-educated, safe, stable environment for people from all cultures who choose to stay here or to move here.
posted by Elsa at 7:59 PM on October 4, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think your experience in southern Maine is probably different than what one would see in the rest of the state. Where I live it's pretty damn hard to return, unless you're independently wealthy. The economy turns off from October to May.
posted by dunkadunc at 8:35 PM on October 4, 2012 [2 favorites]

I’m now at the point where I’ll vote for anyone with a D next to their name, but I’d be hesitant about someone who plays WOW all the time and rants about it online. I wouldn't hold it against anyone personally, just not what I’d be looking for in an elected official.
posted by bongo_x at 10:26 PM on October 4, 2012

Not only has she not upgraded, she hasn't even logged into the game since before the pre-expansion patch, which was well over a month ago.

Ad: yes they have pet battles now, I've not tried it, but this is far and away the best expansion they've released.
posted by Brocktoon at 10:54 PM on October 4, 2012

Someone please invade us. This state is an absolute hole. Any place but Massachusetts.

Like we'd want you back.
posted by Elementary Penguin at 3:06 AM on October 5, 2012

To be fair, she was a dick on the internet

it's okay for people to be dicks on the internet if i agree with them
posted by This, of course, alludes to you at 6:44 AM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

These sorts of attacks remind me of the the prejudice that prevents out-of-the-closet atheists from seeing office. Also, there is a shortage of young rising stars in the democratic party, presumably due to disillusionment and such personal attacks by republicans.
posted by jeffburdges at 6:52 AM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Do you really want a senator without any raid or PvP experience?
posted by MsVader at 9:19 AM on October 5, 2012

I think your experience in southern Maine is probably different than what one would see in the rest of the state.

I've lived (and worked) in central Maine, too. It's not always easy to stay here, but I love this state. And if we resign ourselves to the fiction that every person from Maine "with any wits and resources gets the hell out," we're giving up on progress and education and social justice for those who do remain, and for immigrant populations who move here. That's sad. Worse, it's cowardly.
posted by Elsa at 9:26 AM on October 5, 2012

'World of Warcraft'-playing candidate: 'I'm a real person'
posted by homunculus at 3:24 PM on October 5, 2012 [1 favorite]

Elsa, you're freaking dreaming. My husband has an MBA and he can't get a job except at a shitty call center for minimum wage. He's applied for every job in the Midcoast and Portland area he can find. I grew up in Maine and Mass and have family in CT. I don't blame anyone who would leave here due to lack of jobs because there ARE NO JOBS. If you see one for me or my husband, bring it.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 2:03 PM on October 6, 2012 [1 favorite]

Where does Lachowicz stand on this heinous act of terror? Will she promise see the perpetrator brought to justice, or is she soft on terrorism?
posted by homunculus at 2:51 PM on October 8, 2012 [2 favorites]