I will do everything in my power to help him through the transition process

November 7, 2012 9:34 PM

"We discussed the danger of partisan division, and the need for us, all of us, to come together and find common ground after a very rough and divisive couple of weeks. ... It is no secret that Brad and I had two very different visions for you and whom you date. Tonight, you have spoken, and Brad has prevailed." --- The American People Have Spoken About Our Relationship
posted by New Frontier (18 comments total)

dude cool text but is he looking at a relationship as if it was a zero-sum game?
posted by Tom-B at 10:00 PM on November 7, 2012

Hey, there was only one Brad.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:21 PM on November 7, 2012

The New Yorker, you're still in the same clothes you were wearing on election night and your "I Voted" sticker is stained with Midori. Have a friend change your Twitter password to something you don't know and go to bed.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:25 PM on November 7, 2012 [18 favorites]

Ha ha ha! That was great - it reminds me of that whole election thing you guys are doing this month. I can't wait to find out who wins by the way - hopefully someone will make a post about it.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:20 PM on November 7, 2012 [4 favorites]

I personally went with the Rocky Horror interpretation (I was sort of hoping for that take, tbh).
posted by iamkimiam at 11:46 PM on November 7, 2012 [1 favorite]

it reminds me of that whole election thing you guys are doing this month. I can't wait to find out who wins by the way - hopefully someone will make a post about it.

awww, you're not running then!? I was all set to vote for you, #1!
posted by mannequito at 12:06 AM on November 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

I had to read the first half of that that so many times to figure out where it was going. Without the benefits of the comments telling me what something is about or whether or not it's worth my time. Fails all around.
posted by bleep at 12:20 AM on November 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

I was all set to vote for you, #1!

BLESSED ART THOU WHO HUNGER AND THIRST FOR WHAT IS RIGHT
posted by the quidnunc kid at 3:09 AM on November 8, 2012

I was all set to vote for you, #1!

Shut up, Wesley!
posted by adamdschneider at 4:54 AM on November 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ex-Onion Writer Gets Job At New Yorker, Writes Same Articles As Before
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:37 AM on November 8, 2012 [6 favorites]

I hoenstly thought this was going to be some soap box speech by Angelina Jolie.
posted by stormpooper at 6:27 AM on November 8, 2012 [3 favorites]

I had to read the first half of that that so many times to figure out where it was going.

I keep re-reading it and I still don't know what I'm reading. It's like talking to someone who only speaks in terms of their own, highly personal, points of reference, and they expect you to, of course, know what they are.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:05 AM on November 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

Onion articles are well-written.
posted by bleep at 9:50 AM on November 8, 2012 [1 favorite]

It's like talking to someone who only speaks in terms of their own, highly personal, points of reference, and they expect you to, of course, know what they are.

That's what listening to dog-whistle heavy Republican politicians speaking to republican crowds is like for me.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:52 AM on November 8, 2012

Christ, no wonder she dumped him.
posted by MissySedai at 11:31 AM on November 8, 2012 [2 favorites]

I came in to nth the "I have no idea what that was."
posted by herbplarfegan at 1:05 PM on November 8, 2012

This crap gets published in the New Yorker? Seriously?
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:49 PM on November 8, 2012

I wish I remember where I read this, because it so perfectly sums things up:

It was funny in that New Yorker "Shouts and Murmurs" kind of way… which is to say, rather tedious and not very funny at all.

posted by Lexica at 9:45 PM on November 8, 2012