i figured maybe like a horse only taller
December 4, 2012 12:41 PM Subscribe
Any parent of a young child will have experienced the ignominy of reaching a page in a picture-book featuring a giraffe and being ignorant of the appropriate sound with which to impersonate said animal. Here is that sound
Spoiler: Uuuuhhhhhheeerrrrr! Uuuuuuuhhhh!
posted by leotrotsky at 12:45 PM on December 4, 2012 [11 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 12:45 PM on December 4, 2012 [11 favorites]
The bored giraffe in the background of the opening interview is great. "Yeah, I choose not to make sounds... not for you people, anyway."
posted by koeselitz at 12:46 PM on December 4, 2012 [7 favorites]
posted by koeselitz at 12:46 PM on December 4, 2012 [7 favorites]
Before we get going, what's the split on horrifying vs. endearing?
posted by boo_radley at 12:47 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by boo_radley at 12:47 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
For the Little People zoo with animal sounds, they give the giraffe the sound of crunching leaves.
For my kids, I've always done a slurping sound with my tongue, like a giraffe eating leaves, which is mostly the same as a dog licking you.
*slurp slurp slurp*
The only sounds we get ("the young ones use them when we restrain them") are when baby giraffes are in distress. Those would be much harder to do and probably pretty scary for my kids. I'll stick with the slurrrp.
I'll go with horrifying. Fuck zoos.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:48 PM on December 4, 2012
For my kids, I've always done a slurping sound with my tongue, like a giraffe eating leaves, which is mostly the same as a dog licking you.
*slurp slurp slurp*
The only sounds we get ("the young ones use them when we restrain them") are when baby giraffes are in distress. Those would be much harder to do and probably pretty scary for my kids. I'll stick with the slurrrp.
I'll go with horrifying. Fuck zoos.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:48 PM on December 4, 2012
Both? I think so. "Endearifying."
posted by koeselitz at 12:48 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by koeselitz at 12:48 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
BABY GIRAFFE SCREAMING
But adult giraffes sound like bongos!
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 12:48 PM on December 4, 2012 [14 favorites]
But adult giraffes sound like bongos!
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 12:48 PM on December 4, 2012 [14 favorites]
Giraffes occupy mental space out of all proportion to their significance in the earth's ecosystem.
posted by shothotbot at 12:50 PM on December 4, 2012 [20 favorites]
posted by shothotbot at 12:50 PM on December 4, 2012 [20 favorites]
Even the baby-giraffe noises weren't as terrifying as the wooden acting of the presenter and the atrocious overused scene transitions.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:52 PM on December 4, 2012 [13 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:52 PM on December 4, 2012 [13 favorites]
Greg_Ace: “Even the baby-giraffe noises weren't as terrifying as the wooden acting of the presenter and the atrocious overused scene transitions.”
Indeed. Somebody needs to get down there and fire those talentless schoolchildren.
posted by koeselitz at 12:53 PM on December 4, 2012 [21 favorites]
Indeed. Somebody needs to get down there and fire those talentless schoolchildren.
posted by koeselitz at 12:53 PM on December 4, 2012 [21 favorites]
Adult giraffes when fighting will smack their necks against their opponent, creating a noise like thunder and explaining why the giraffe is the god of thunder in many mythologies, with Mjolnir literally "the hammer of the giraffe"
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:54 PM on December 4, 2012 [26 favorites]
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 12:54 PM on December 4, 2012 [26 favorites]
The long & silent type.
posted by mannequito at 12:55 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by mannequito at 12:55 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
Giraffes occupy mental space out of all proportion to their significance in the earth's ecosystem.
What sound does algae make, again?
posted by evidenceofabsence at 12:55 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
What sound does algae make, again?
posted by evidenceofabsence at 12:55 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
*squish squish squish*
posted by shothotbot at 12:57 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by shothotbot at 12:57 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
Is ... is the plural of "giraffe" really "giraffe" rather than "giraffes"?
Have I been wrong all this time?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:57 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
Have I been wrong all this time?
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:57 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
Horrifying because dentistry.
Add up all those long-necked facts and it's proof of an intelligent designer with a vicious sense of humor.
posted by notyou at 1:03 PM on December 4, 2012
Add up all those long-necked facts and it's proof of an intelligent designer with a vicious sense of humor.
posted by notyou at 1:03 PM on December 4, 2012
I would like to challenge the myth that there is a myth that giraffes don't make sounds.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:04 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:04 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
Fighting or applauding in the only way they can?
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:04 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 1:04 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
koeselitz: Somebody needs to get down there and fire those talentless schoolchildren.
They shouldn't be letting schoolchildren run a zoo!
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:05 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
They shouldn't be letting schoolchildren run a zoo!
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:05 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Any parent of a young child will have experienced the ignominy of reaching a page in a picture-book featuring a giraffe and being ignorant of the appropriate sound with which to impersonate said animal.
No, any parent of a young child will have made any sound they feel like. Because if you don't know what a giraffe sounds like, it's deeply unlikely the kid will either, chance of shenanigans being called are virtually nil.
Kids will believe anything, they're dumb like that. Just last night my 12 year old daughter asked what the hazard flasher button on the dash of my car was for. I told it made the wheels fall off in case of carjacking. It took her twin sister to exhibit any level of disbelief. If you can convince a savvy bright kid that gets great grades of that, you can convince a three year old that giraffes make a sound similar to an old timey car horn. AhhOOGahh.
TL:DR Do anything you fucking like.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:07 PM on December 4, 2012 [28 favorites]
No, any parent of a young child will have made any sound they feel like. Because if you don't know what a giraffe sounds like, it's deeply unlikely the kid will either, chance of shenanigans being called are virtually nil.
Kids will believe anything, they're dumb like that. Just last night my 12 year old daughter asked what the hazard flasher button on the dash of my car was for. I told it made the wheels fall off in case of carjacking. It took her twin sister to exhibit any level of disbelief. If you can convince a savvy bright kid that gets great grades of that, you can convince a three year old that giraffes make a sound similar to an old timey car horn. AhhOOGahh.
TL:DR Do anything you fucking like.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:07 PM on December 4, 2012 [28 favorites]
When are people going to domesticate and ride giraffes?
posted by Meatbomb at 1:11 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by Meatbomb at 1:11 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
Keith Talent: "It took her twin sister to exhibit any level of disbelief."
No, she was just waiting for you to get up to 60 before she impulsively punched it and then BAM! Go-go gadget comedy-style 10 car pile up.
posted by boo_radley at 1:18 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
No, she was just waiting for you to get up to 60 before she impulsively punched it and then BAM! Go-go gadget comedy-style 10 car pile up.
posted by boo_radley at 1:18 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
No, any parent of a young child will have made any sound they feel like. Because if you don't know what a giraffe sounds like, it's deeply unlikely the kid will either, chance of shenanigans being called are virtually nil.
Exhibit A: a scene between BrotherCallipygos, age four; and MaterCallipygos, reading to him from a book about deer.
MC: "And when it was safe, the mother deer went looking for her baby; and when she saw him, she gave a happy bleat to let him know everything was okay."
BC: What did that noise sound like, momma?
MC: (pause) ......"BLEAT!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:20 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
Exhibit A: a scene between BrotherCallipygos, age four; and MaterCallipygos, reading to him from a book about deer.
MC: "And when it was safe, the mother deer went looking for her baby; and when she saw him, she gave a happy bleat to let him know everything was okay."
BC: What did that noise sound like, momma?
MC: (pause) ......"BLEAT!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:20 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
Adult giraffes when fighting will smack their necks against their opponent
An activity called necking, after which they literally kiss and make up.
Spartan giraffes. I had no idea.
posted by linux at 1:20 PM on December 4, 2012
An activity called necking, after which they literally kiss and make up.
Spartan giraffes. I had no idea.
posted by linux at 1:20 PM on December 4, 2012
Wife: "What sound does a doggy make?"
Son: "Woof woof."
Wife: "What sound does a kitty make?"
Son: "Meow."
Wife: "What sound does a monkey make?"
Son: "Oo oo ah ah. What sound a turtle make?"
Wife: ...
Son: ...
Wife: "I'm very slow."
posted by middleclasstool at 1:21 PM on December 4, 2012 [7 favorites]
Son: "Woof woof."
Wife: "What sound does a kitty make?"
Son: "Meow."
Wife: "What sound does a monkey make?"
Son: "Oo oo ah ah. What sound a turtle make?"
Wife: ...
Son: ...
Wife: "I'm very slow."
posted by middleclasstool at 1:21 PM on December 4, 2012 [7 favorites]
When are people going to domesticate and ride giraffes?
I read that as "When are you people going to domesticate and ride giraffes?" which I considered a little bossy
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:21 PM on December 4, 2012 [17 favorites]
I read that as "When are you people going to domesticate and ride giraffes?" which I considered a little bossy
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 1:21 PM on December 4, 2012 [17 favorites]
Sounds like a moose. Or actually, what my grandfather doing "moose calls" sounded like. No wonder no meese ever showed up. He was calling baby giraffe.
posted by Ad hominem at 1:22 PM on December 4, 2012
posted by Ad hominem at 1:22 PM on December 4, 2012
Obviously, giraffes simply learn early-on that it does no good to make sounds, because no-one is coming to save them from the clutches of these crazy bipeds.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:23 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 1:23 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
Now find out HOW they make the noise. Among a variety of other awe-inspiring things.
posted by cthuljew at 1:24 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by cthuljew at 1:24 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
When I encountered this situation, I made up a ridiculous noise for the giraffe: "oooobieooobieooobie". I thought I had solved the problem.
Fast-forward to first grade, and I received a very stern talking-to from my daughter who had apparently embarrassed herself by giving the "ooobieooobieooobie" answer in class.
I regret nothing.
posted by DWRoelands at 1:36 PM on December 4, 2012 [12 favorites]
Fast-forward to first grade, and I received a very stern talking-to from my daughter who had apparently embarrassed herself by giving the "ooobieooobieooobie" answer in class.
I regret nothing.
posted by DWRoelands at 1:36 PM on December 4, 2012 [12 favorites]
I like visiting the giraffe at my zoo because I think giraffe are the most awesome creatures ever. For a while I was pursing my lips together and blowing softly, for a sound that sounded something like a horse. One time I did it for a while and the nearest giraffe walked over and started swinging his face into the wall nearest me. I figured I was saying something that was the giraffe equivalent of :::facepalm::: so I stopped. I will now return to the zoo and continue my quest to communicate with them!
posted by haplesschild at 1:47 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by haplesschild at 1:47 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
Honestly, it never occurred to me that a giraffe either made a sound or didn't. They are just so tall and so cool it was sort of like the Fonz. Ehh!
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:49 PM on December 4, 2012
posted by JohnnyGunn at 1:49 PM on December 4, 2012
I never had this problem because I have always known that the sound of a giraffe is I AM A GIRAFFE AND I AM THE BEST ANIMAL OF ALL THE ANIMALS EVER
because the giraffe is the true ruler of the animal kindom
posted by Doleful Creature at 2:15 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
because the giraffe is the true ruler of the animal kindom
posted by Doleful Creature at 2:15 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
A giraffe sniffed the top of my head very delicately at London Zoo once. It made no response.
The real reason giraffes don't make much noise? Signal attenuation.
posted by scruss at 2:16 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
The real reason giraffes don't make much noise? Signal attenuation.
posted by scruss at 2:16 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
I read that as "When are you people going to domesticate and ride giraffes?" which I considered a little bossy
Well?!
posted by Navelgazer at 2:20 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
Well?!
posted by Navelgazer at 2:20 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
I'm quite surprised we've gotten this far without someone making the reference, so: How to make a sound like a dying giraffe.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:29 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:29 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
It took her twin sister to exhibit any level of disbelief.
This is one way children show pity for their parents.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:34 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
This is one way children show pity for their parents.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:34 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Giraffes are so alien looking, with those odd lumps (learnt a new word: ossicone!) on their heads.
Also, huh. Turns out the South Park movie was surprisingly accurate. I probably would have made that sound if asked, so that's good to know.
posted by lucidium at 2:35 PM on December 4, 2012
Also, huh. Turns out the South Park movie was surprisingly accurate. I probably would have made that sound if asked, so that's good to know.
posted by lucidium at 2:35 PM on December 4, 2012
Here is that sound when it actually occurs in the video for the tl;dr crowd
posted by smoke at 2:42 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by smoke at 2:42 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
any parent of a young child will have made any sound they feel like.
Damn straight. For a brief period of my oldest son's life (when he was about 2 or 3), we had him convinced that rabbits growled like tigers did. It was a great party trick to get other adults to ask him about animal noises, and then jump in with the rabbit questions to get him growling and roaring.
Because what's the point of being a parent if you can't mess with their heads a little bit?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:48 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
Damn straight. For a brief period of my oldest son's life (when he was about 2 or 3), we had him convinced that rabbits growled like tigers did. It was a great party trick to get other adults to ask him about animal noises, and then jump in with the rabbit questions to get him growling and roaring.
Because what's the point of being a parent if you can't mess with their heads a little bit?
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:48 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
I assumed they just make that pained chuckle like the one that tall people do when you ask them about the weather up there.
posted by srboisvert at 2:52 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 2:52 PM on December 4, 2012 [4 favorites]
Giraffes are so alien looking, with those odd lumps (learnt a new word: ossicone!) on their heads.
So is that what Miss Gaga was going for here?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:59 PM on December 4, 2012
So is that what Miss Gaga was going for here?
posted by potsmokinghippieoverlord at 2:59 PM on December 4, 2012
The only fun I can see in teaching a child anything lies in poetic license. That's why all my nieces and nephews think a giraffe sounds just like a vintage car horn. "AROOOOOGA!"
posted by nowhere man at 3:03 PM on December 4, 2012
posted by nowhere man at 3:03 PM on December 4, 2012
koeselitz: "The bored giraffe in the background of the opening interview is great. "Yeah, I choose not to make sounds... not for you people, anyway.""
Bored? It got closer and closer after each cut. It was obviously stalking them, waiting for the right moment to pounce.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 3:05 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Bored? It got closer and closer after each cut. It was obviously stalking them, waiting for the right moment to pounce.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 3:05 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
It's surprising how many people in Japan go with "Kiriin! Kiriiin!" (Hint: kirin is Japanese for "giraffe".)
I was among their number... but NO MORE! THANK YOU EMRKC94!
posted by No-sword at 3:30 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
I was among their number... but NO MORE! THANK YOU EMRKC94!
posted by No-sword at 3:30 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
You know, I might be cool with, "The giraffe relies primarily on body language to communicate," because someone has to pop the the kid's audiocentric world view.
posted by RobotHero at 4:04 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by RobotHero at 4:04 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
It's surprising how many people in Japan go with "Kiriin! Kiriiin!" (Hint: kirin is Japanese for "giraffe".)
dude it's not a pokémon
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:18 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
dude it's not a pokémon
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 4:18 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
I thought a dying giraffe sounded like Seth Green...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:48 PM on December 4, 2012
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:48 PM on December 4, 2012
Let me end the waiting for you, hippybear.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:56 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:56 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
On the subject of unlikely fighters:
I have seen flamingos fight. It was in a zoo.
It is hard to think of an animal less suited for mayhem than a flamingo (though giraffes are certainly way down there).
This flamingo set-to(YT) was about the best I could find quickly. Causing damage seems to be beyond their capabilities, though they do love the cheap shot. Well, don't we all?
posted by hexatron at 6:02 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
I have seen flamingos fight. It was in a zoo.
It is hard to think of an animal less suited for mayhem than a flamingo (though giraffes are certainly way down there).
This flamingo set-to(YT) was about the best I could find quickly. Causing damage seems to be beyond their capabilities, though they do love the cheap shot. Well, don't we all?
posted by hexatron at 6:02 PM on December 4, 2012 [2 favorites]
To us the obvious thing to say was "I'm a giraffe!" in a kind of nasal, high pitched voice. (Actually, it was my husband who earns the credit on that one.) After countless readings of the same book, the giraffe started to seem like kind of a jerk, personality-wise. Everyone else has something so much more REAL to say, but giraffe over there just wants to prattle on about himself... that asshole...
posted by thelaze at 6:37 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by thelaze at 6:37 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
The Blank Park Zoo is in Des Moines, Iowa.
posted by cupcake1337 at 7:48 PM on December 4, 2012
posted by cupcake1337 at 7:48 PM on December 4, 2012
I'm envious of all you folks who can bring yourselves to fool your kids like that. I just...can't. If I know the answer, I have to answer. If I don't, I either have to look it up, or say "I don't know". I just can't bring myself to pull a fast one on them (other than Santa Claus). They're probably going to grow up to be really boring adults.
posted by Bugbread at 8:58 PM on December 4, 2012
posted by Bugbread at 8:58 PM on December 4, 2012
When I was on a kindergarten field trip to the zoo, a giraffe let loose a GIANT loogie that landed on my shoulder. So giraffes make that horking loogie sound to me. Oh, and years later, loogie trauma forgotten, I watched a giraffe give birth. Awesome sight. Neither mother or baby made a sound.
posted by Cloudberry Sky at 9:54 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Cloudberry Sky at 9:54 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Bugbread, you should go have a consultation with Calvin's dad.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:54 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:54 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Telling children cromulent sounding lies is one of the things that makes me sad my life isn't currently on a spawning track.
posted by flaterik at 10:00 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by flaterik at 10:00 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
Bugbread: "I'm envious of all you folks who can bring yourselves to fool your kids like that. I just...can't. If I know the answer, I have to answer. If I don't, I either have to look it up, or say "I don't know". I just can't bring myself to pull a fast one on them (other than Santa Claus). They're probably going to grow up to be really boring adults."
My ex's parents decided when the first was born that they were going to tell them an apple was an onion and an onion was an apple (in name only) and they did. My ex is still pissed and embarrassed about the first time she was at a friend's house for dinner and used the wrong name and was ridiculed for it. Kids are easily fooled, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand.
Sometimes it works for the good. I made up a name of miniture people who lived in the woods and were rarely seen. Whenever we passed a small pump house or some small root cellar in the woods I would claim it was a "Durplin" house. As they got older, they would play along and point out possible Durplin evidence. Now that they are older teens, they say things like, "Yeah, sure Dad, just like the Durplins right?" My son the football player is always asking why he got the Durplin sized portion on his plate. "I am a giant amongst Durplins," he shouts "and I should be treated with respect. More meatloaf please!"
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:29 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
My ex's parents decided when the first was born that they were going to tell them an apple was an onion and an onion was an apple (in name only) and they did. My ex is still pissed and embarrassed about the first time she was at a friend's house for dinner and used the wrong name and was ridiculed for it. Kids are easily fooled, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand.
Sometimes it works for the good. I made up a name of miniture people who lived in the woods and were rarely seen. Whenever we passed a small pump house or some small root cellar in the woods I would claim it was a "Durplin" house. As they got older, they would play along and point out possible Durplin evidence. Now that they are older teens, they say things like, "Yeah, sure Dad, just like the Durplins right?" My son the football player is always asking why he got the Durplin sized portion on his plate. "I am a giant amongst Durplins," he shouts "and I should be treated with respect. More meatloaf please!"
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:29 PM on December 4, 2012 [5 favorites]
My ex's parents decided when the first was born that they were going to tell them an apple was an onion and an onion was an apple (in name only) and they did.
I'm with Bugbread. A friend of mine was totally on that same trip when I had my first kid ("Like you can tell them anything, man ... and they'll BELIEVE you.") My response was that when you have kids, you'll understand why you don't want to do that.
I mean, really, what the fuck is the payoff for teaching your kid that the name of an apple is "onion." Really. It's more entertaining to tape bacon to the dog's ss.
Now that I think about it, I would suppose some (lots of) parents are that casually shitty to their kids, but I can't fathom why. Maybe I just don't appreciate pranking little kids enough ... (that's not true, actually.)
(other than Santa Claus)
Yeah, I have trouble with Santa too. I'm signalling as hard as I can that SANTA ISN'T REAL without tipping off my parents, wife, or in-laws, but it's not working yet (she's only 3). I've already told her the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are just pretend. She's going to be a lovely classmate. (Actually, she's as shy as shy can be, so she won't ruin anyone's fun, I'm (pretty) sure.)
posted by mrgrimm at 11:20 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
I'm with Bugbread. A friend of mine was totally on that same trip when I had my first kid ("Like you can tell them anything, man ... and they'll BELIEVE you.") My response was that when you have kids, you'll understand why you don't want to do that.
I mean, really, what the fuck is the payoff for teaching your kid that the name of an apple is "onion." Really. It's more entertaining to tape bacon to the dog's ss.
Now that I think about it, I would suppose some (lots of) parents are that casually shitty to their kids, but I can't fathom why. Maybe I just don't appreciate pranking little kids enough ... (that's not true, actually.)
(other than Santa Claus)
Yeah, I have trouble with Santa too. I'm signalling as hard as I can that SANTA ISN'T REAL without tipping off my parents, wife, or in-laws, but it's not working yet (she's only 3). I've already told her the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are just pretend. She's going to be a lovely classmate. (Actually, she's as shy as shy can be, so she won't ruin anyone's fun, I'm (pretty) sure.)
posted by mrgrimm at 11:20 PM on December 4, 2012 [1 favorite]
My dad always made the "hhhork patooie!" spitting noise, for giraffes. And then he would say "because they spit! Like llamas! Llllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamas."
To this day I cannot think of one without the other.
posted by Mizu at 11:23 PM on December 4, 2012
To this day I cannot think of one without the other.
posted by Mizu at 11:23 PM on December 4, 2012
Parents who gleefully prank their children should remember that ultimately their adult children will determine whether the old folks get in-home care or are exiled to a piss-stained linoleum retirement gulag.
Think about it.
posted by Pudhoho at 11:29 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
Think about it.
posted by Pudhoho at 11:29 PM on December 4, 2012 [3 favorites]
My favourite giraffe fact is that they're ruminants, like cows etc, which means they have to regurgitate their food all the way back up that neck for a second chewing. Which probably also helps explain the spitting (camels and llamas are also ruminants).
posted by shelleycat at 1:10 AM on December 5, 2012
posted by shelleycat at 1:10 AM on December 5, 2012
I've already told her the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are just pretend. She's going to be a lovely classmate.
When I was four I was given an ultimatum: Stop telling the other kids at the Catholic preschool that God doesn't exist, or you'll have to change schools and won't be able to use their playground any more.
I went with the playground, but I eventually returned to my ways and caused many a moral crisis in K-12.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:26 AM on December 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
When I was four I was given an ultimatum: Stop telling the other kids at the Catholic preschool that God doesn't exist, or you'll have to change schools and won't be able to use their playground any more.
I went with the playground, but I eventually returned to my ways and caused many a moral crisis in K-12.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:26 AM on December 5, 2012 [2 favorites]
We gleefully prank our children, but they're always in on the joke.
- The first time we served brussells sprouts at dinner, we ripped off Calvin & Hobbes and called them "Monkey Heads". Now, no one in our house calls them anything but "Monkey Heads".
- We totally made up a fictitious older brother who's not around any more because he did so poorly on a standardized test that he spontaneously combusted in the classroom. Every now and then, one of our kids will laughingly warn one of the others about what happened to "Ricky". They always giggle about it.
- Almost from the moment they could talk, I promised them that they could have chocolate cake in the bathtub if they could figure out how to put their elbow in their ear. Many an evening bath was full of laughter and giggles as they tried to figure out how it could be done.
posted by DWRoelands at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2012
- The first time we served brussells sprouts at dinner, we ripped off Calvin & Hobbes and called them "Monkey Heads". Now, no one in our house calls them anything but "Monkey Heads".
- We totally made up a fictitious older brother who's not around any more because he did so poorly on a standardized test that he spontaneously combusted in the classroom. Every now and then, one of our kids will laughingly warn one of the others about what happened to "Ricky". They always giggle about it.
- Almost from the moment they could talk, I promised them that they could have chocolate cake in the bathtub if they could figure out how to put their elbow in their ear. Many an evening bath was full of laughter and giggles as they tried to figure out how it could be done.
posted by DWRoelands at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2012
you should go have a consultation with Calvin's dad.
Calvin's dad is one of my role models for parenting. Unfortunately, my seven year old is on to me now, and that means my three year old is catching on quick too.
But it's still fun.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:26 AM on December 5, 2012
Calvin's dad is one of my role models for parenting. Unfortunately, my seven year old is on to me now, and that means my three year old is catching on quick too.
But it's still fun.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:26 AM on December 5, 2012
We gleefully prank our children, but they're always in on the joke.
Well sure. What you're describing are basically in jokes. The kids are in on it. We do that too. One of my 3 y.o.'s favorite expressions is "I'm just pulling your leg."
I'm talking about willfully deceiving children so that you can laugh at them. Nobody wants that. Yet apparently some parents (perhaps urban legendish ones) do it.
Calvin's dad is one of my role models for parenting. Unfortunately, my seven year old is on to me now, and that means my three year old is catching on quick too.
But it's still fun.
No doubt. But there has to be some creatively and inclusiveness (i.e. a wink and a nod). Calvin Dad's hoaxes always verge into the sublime/ridiculous, like that favorite uncle of yours who you always knew was full of bullshit.
Q. How do bank machines work?
A. Well, let’s say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there’s a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
Q. Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
A. Exactly.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:16 AM on December 5, 2012
Well sure. What you're describing are basically in jokes. The kids are in on it. We do that too. One of my 3 y.o.'s favorite expressions is "I'm just pulling your leg."
I'm talking about willfully deceiving children so that you can laugh at them. Nobody wants that. Yet apparently some parents (perhaps urban legendish ones) do it.
Calvin's dad is one of my role models for parenting. Unfortunately, my seven year old is on to me now, and that means my three year old is catching on quick too.
But it's still fun.
No doubt. But there has to be some creatively and inclusiveness (i.e. a wink and a nod). Calvin Dad's hoaxes always verge into the sublime/ridiculous, like that favorite uncle of yours who you always knew was full of bullshit.
Q. How do bank machines work?
A. Well, let’s say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine there’s a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.
Q. Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?
A. Exactly.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:16 AM on December 5, 2012
Is ... is the plural of "giraffe" really "giraffe" rather than "giraffes"?
Have I been wrong all this time?
According to my Webster's New World, either is acceptable. Even Oxford agrees. Everybody wins!
posted by Shoggoth at 10:26 AM on December 5, 2012
Have I been wrong all this time?
According to my Webster's New World, either is acceptable. Even Oxford agrees. Everybody wins!
posted by Shoggoth at 10:26 AM on December 5, 2012
When I was little on car trips our parents had us 'play giraffe'. It was only taken out on occasion and was a fairly short 'game'. It resulted in some precious minutes of quiet until we realized--embarrassingly later in life-- that the 'game' was to get us to be silent since we didn't have any giraffe sounds in our repertoire.
posted by ejaned8 at 10:33 AM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
posted by ejaned8 at 10:33 AM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Parents who gleefully prank their children should remember that ultimately their adult children will determine whether the old folks get in-home care or are exiled to a piss-stained linoleum retirement gulag.
That's why I, gleefully childless forever, am delighted to prank the children of my friends and relatives.
posted by elizardbits at 1:25 PM on December 5, 2012
That's why I, gleefully childless forever, am delighted to prank the children of my friends and relatives.
posted by elizardbits at 1:25 PM on December 5, 2012
elizardbits: "That's why I, gleefully childless forever, am delighted to prank the children of my friends and relatives."
Keep in mind that once you start talking about other peoples' kids, even those with children can participate in that game.
posted by Bugbread at 1:55 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
Keep in mind that once you start talking about other peoples' kids, even those with children can participate in that game.
posted by Bugbread at 1:55 PM on December 5, 2012 [1 favorite]
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