The Quest for the Mantle of Wonder Woman

December 24, 2012 2:22 PM

I carefully analyzed the situation.  Wonder Woman’s powers were magical.  If I wanted to get magical powers, I would need to go on a quest to a magical being and get them.  It would be dangerous.  I would have to prove my worth and my sincerity.  I would be tested, but I was ready.  And I knew exactly which magical being to approach.  It was less than two months to Christmas.  I would go see Santa Claus.
posted by bac (19 comments total)

Should have tacked on "and the Magical Golden Lasso" on the end of the request. And maybe the Invisible Jet, though knowing the Kringle dude, that would have been a long shot.
posted by radwolf76 at 2:30 PM on December 24, 2012

Good timing - I'm in the process of emptying the last bag of shiny gold plastic coins into the treasure chest that will await our two and a half year old tomorrow morning. Along with a treasure map and a light up Sting (the sword, not the frantic musician), I'm hoping to build the same sort of Quest Mentality that the author of this piece had.

Or at very least, he'll bring my Precious back to me.

my precioussssss
posted by robocop is bleeding at 2:35 PM on December 24, 2012 [10 favorites]

I would have been bitterly disappointed if all I got after this was a note with some self-esteem crap in it. Where are the powers?
posted by thelonius at 2:41 PM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, nothing like getting through that dungeon to find a note that says the treasure is the greatest treasure of all: Friendship.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 2:49 PM on December 24, 2012 [11 favorites]

I am not surprised that a little girl didn't understand the subtext of Wonder Woman. But perhaps now that she is a grown woman, instead of asking Santa, she can ask Chanta. (nsfw)
posted by charlie don't surf at 3:01 PM on December 24, 2012

> a note that says the treasure is the greatest treasure of all: Friendship.

From the Princess, who went to some other dude's castle.
posted by jfuller at 3:03 PM on December 24, 2012 [5 favorites]

Santa looked flummoxed, which confused me a bit, but I was ready to be challenged. I was not, however, ready for the challenge he gave me. Santa gazed around, looking helpless before he said, “How about a Malibu Barbie? Lots of little girls want Malibu Barbies this year.”

I'm sure I'm not the only reader imaging the scene out of A Christmas Story. Kudos to the author for showing more determination and resolve than Ralphie did when it comes to standing up to the Big Guy and his inappropriate present suggestions.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:40 PM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

The treasure chest + sword in question.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:01 PM on December 24, 2012 [10 favorites]

robotoddler should be pretty blown away by that!
posted by thelonius at 4:06 PM on December 24, 2012

and a light up Sting (the sword, not the frantic musician)
Good on you for not sullying your home with the presents of Harkonnen scum.
posted by juv3nal at 4:10 PM on December 24, 2012 [8 favorites]

DID NOT THINK WOULD LIKE BUT IS AWESOME
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:17 PM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yeah, nothing like getting through that dungeon to find a note that says the treasure is the greatest treasure of all: Friendship.

Conceptual treasure
posted by anansi at 5:09 PM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

Naysayers aside, I'm betting that present rocked.

Little girls and boys don't need lassos, swords, capes and hot pants to have superpowers. Although it never hurts to have a few acoutrements...
posted by IAmBroom at 5:11 PM on December 24, 2012

Conceptual treasure.

They never look under the sign!
posted by Orange Pamplemousse at 5:32 PM on December 24, 2012 [2 favorites]

I seem to have something in my eye.

After this morning's orgy of greed and commercialism and gender essentialist bullshit, this is exactly what I needed to read to restore some faith in people. Thank you.
posted by geek anachronism at 6:03 PM on December 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I've got the thing in my eye, too. That was quite, uh, Wonderful.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 6:25 PM on December 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

This American Life had an incredible episode about a real life wonder woman. Zora. It is just about my all-time favorite episode. It was in February 2001 and I feel like I can recall every single word that she said.
posted by bukvich at 8:23 PM on December 24, 2012 [1 favorite]

This is wonderful. The only thing wrong with it is the mistake in the tagline (not Athena but Artemis) but that doesn't detract at all from the story's awesomeness.
posted by koeselitz at 10:29 PM on December 24, 2012

Ghostride The Whip: "Yeah, nothing like getting through that dungeon to find a note that says the treasure is the greatest treasure of all: Friendship."

"you finally sneak into the dragon’s cave and find his treasure chest. you open it and there is just a macaroni drawing by the dragon’s son.

'ITS TREASURE TO MEEEEE' the dragon bellows "

(via batreaux)
posted by ShawnStruck at 1:09 AM on December 25, 2012 [5 favorites]