“More,” you moan, “More pizza! More future!”

May 28, 2013 9:04 AM

Cecil Crowninshield, resident mystical defender of Salem Massachusetts, has put down his Lumurian Quartz topped wand and picked up the keyboard to help keep his neighbors informed of goings-on around town via a series of local news columns - Impress your date! - The Top Five Salem Sandwiches and the ghosts who stole them! - Magick On A Budgetk! When not writing his regular column, Cecil enjoys commenting on others. [via mefi projects]
posted by The Whelk (12 comments total)

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good sandwich must be in fear of a ghost."

Apparently, my sandwiches are never really that great. Now I know.
posted by filthy light thief at 9:11 AM on May 28, 2013 [2 favorites]

This is like a column version of Night Vale! (That is not a bad thing.)
posted by Kitteh at 9:22 AM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]

Spelled Crowninshield btw.
posted by Melismata at 9:29 AM on May 28, 2013

Woo, Cecil's gone big time! I actually made his wand this weekend. After I was done mounting it on a plaque (complete with its name, "The Widow's Son") on the wall, my wife started to get nervous. "You know the Cecil stuff is fake, right?" she asked.

"Of course, honey," I said, before turning away to slowly tear a page free from a battered copy of The Dark Half. As I stuffed the page into my mouth, I crooned, "For now, for now."

As I swallowed that dry and dusty page, I felt him quiver inside me, slouching towards birth into the actual.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:45 AM on May 28, 2013 [11 favorites]

I used to live in Salem and was always a bit amused by the "Witch City" reputation. The actual witch trials happened in what is now Danvers.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 9:59 AM on May 28, 2013 [2 favorites]

You may say there is a large group of savvy employees at a certain media company who love Cecil and think he's a fantastic purveyor of locally relevant content. I couldn't possibly comment on that however.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:02 AM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]

Psst, everyone knows all the real witch happenings are underground.

No seriously, the grey underground city under the field who's entrance is masked from mortal perception and knowledge, every night is two for one happy hour.
posted by The Whelk at 10:03 AM on May 28, 2013 [2 favorites]

Pepsi Ichor
posted by jquinby at 12:40 PM on May 28, 2013

I named my fourth puppet "Cecil."
posted by cjorgensen at 4:04 PM on May 28, 2013

The actual witch trials happened in what is now Danvers.

But it was then part of Salem, so fine.

I am far more amused by the way the city has become famous for witch kitsch and also a mecca for actual self-described witches, and calls itself Witch City USA - when the central fact of the witch hysteria was that none of those people were ever witches. We're a city famous for something that never existed here.

It would be embarrassing if it didn't drive an entire economy.
posted by Miko at 6:47 PM on May 28, 2013 [1 favorite]

The real witches were in Scotland, trying to kill the King. We read a documentary about it in school.
posted by thelonius at 7:08 PM on May 28, 2013 [3 favorites]

So the Patch did a big reformat which has busted a few links and disappeared (!) a few entries. Gathered everything together here for ease of finding if the whole thing goes kablooey.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:34 AM on June 27, 2013