The Best PSA Ever: Ricky Is Caught Masturbating

June 5, 2013 6:18 PM

From the non-judgemental acoustic music, his mum's speech and Ricky's facial expression at the end, this public service announcement about how to handle that awkward moment when you walk in on your kid masturbating is (probably unintentionally) hilarious. (SFW)
posted by Effigy2000 (87 comments total)

My almost three year old took down his pants in the grocery store, grabbed his crotch, and yelled "MY WRECKING BALLS."

Where is the 1970s PSA for that!?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:26 PM on June 5, 2013 [131 favorites]

I'm not sure why this is funny. Maybe because of Ricky's age? I have uttered almost these exact words to my preschooler.
posted by sunshinesky at 6:27 PM on June 5, 2013

Yeah, it's cute because it's dated and because it's awkward. But the awkwardness is the point so...

I mean, what she said is just pretty much what you're supposed to say in that horrible, awkward moment, isn't it? Either that or just close the door and silently agree to never, ever mention it.
posted by juliplease at 6:34 PM on June 5, 2013

Because she's happy he's doing it in the privacy of his own room, which she just violated?
posted by RustyBrooks at 6:34 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

Mark me down in the "close the door and never speak of it again" column, please.
posted by Justinian at 6:35 PM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

My mom just started screaming SHAME SHAME SHAME! when she caught me masturbating. Whatever. Nobody else at the pancake breakfast even noticed.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:36 PM on June 5, 2013 [91 favorites]

Where is the constant yelling of GOD JESUS MOM GET OUT CHRIST NO I'M NOT PLEASE ARGH NO that would be taking place as soon as the door opened?
posted by Countess Elena at 6:36 PM on June 5, 2013 [5 favorites]

It has something to do with the vacant, creepy stare Ricky maintains.
posted by Imperfect at 6:38 PM on June 5, 2013 [17 favorites]

(Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates: “My mom just started screaming SHAME SHAME SHAME! when she caught me masturbating. Whatever. Nobody else at the pancake breakfast even noticed.”

Was your mother Shirley? Because that could have been pretty cool if there was a good rhythm guitar and a funky drummer backing it up.

Well, still awkward. But pretty cool nonetheless.
posted by koeselitz at 6:41 PM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

No doubt there's a version of this soon to come from Everything's Terrible where he continues, cut to her silent reaction, cut back to him still doing it, back to her, back to him ...
posted by zippy at 6:41 PM on June 5, 2013 [6 favorites]

I think it may be the fact that Mom chooses the moment Ricky is caught with his pants literally down to launch into a lengthy, slowly delivered nonjudgmental lecture. I mean, maybe bring it up later? When everyone's a little less naked?
posted by aintthattheway at 6:43 PM on June 5, 2013 [9 favorites]

Immediately below this post on the front page:
This space is the No-Touching zone.
posted by jeisme at 6:44 PM on June 5, 2013 [11 favorites]

On the upside, if Ricky (or anybody, really) ever needs to cool himself down really quick, all he has to do is remember the words, Ricky, I did see what you were doing. It felt good, didn't it? Instant slackness in the groinal region.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:46 PM on June 5, 2013 [23 favorites]

All I know is that the playlist over to the right led me here: 80s Video Dating.
posted by grabbingsand at 6:47 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

With that setup and the very 70s vibe, I was almost certain the reaction was go to be this.
posted by Rhaomi at 6:49 PM on June 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

I'm scared to watch. I can't stand awkward. I'll watch two girls one cup before this.
posted by ishrinkmajeans at 6:49 PM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

Oh Lord, the comments. (80)
posted by resurrexit at 6:52 PM on June 5, 2013

That kid is stoned out of his mind. Or something.
posted by windykites at 6:53 PM on June 5, 2013

I'm scared to watch. I can't stand awkward.

Breaking Away is on TV right now. This is nothing.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:53 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

Either that or just close the door and silently agree to never, ever mention it.

Still a rock solid approach.

Uh, so to speak.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:57 PM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

THe full-frontal penile implant video that showed up in the sidebar may not be as SFW as the Ricky video.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:00 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

I see that Ricky has a poster on his door that reads "Make Love Not War." Practice what you preach.
posted by layceepee at 7:04 PM on June 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

I'm mostly bothered by the aesthetically unpleasing set-up of Ricky's bed having no headboard and the nightstand/table/desk not having a reading light or anything on it, so the overhead light was likely on and that's just weird. THAT'S what's awkward.
posted by peagood at 7:05 PM on June 5, 2013 [6 favorites]

This is cut from the 20 minute video The ABCs of Sex Education for Trainables (as in, trainable mentally disabled children). I am somewhat surprised to find that the whole video is only 20 minutes long, seeing as I was treated to a viewing of it during a drinking night a few years back and it sure seemed a hell of a lot longer than that, in the uncomfortable-squirming type of way.

In retrospect, it seems like kind of a shitty thing to watch in a point-and-laugh spirit, given that the subject is important to those it affects... but, man, talk about dated and awkward.
posted by Meghamora at 7:07 PM on June 5, 2013 [17 favorites]

Ah, so that's why there seemed something a little strange about young Ricky. My first guess was "stoned."
posted by mirepoix at 7:09 PM on June 5, 2013

On pretty much any porn site throughout the Web, you can find videos with close to this exact plotline and dialogue, but the ending is a little different.
posted by The Gooch at 7:11 PM on June 5, 2013 [5 favorites]

My old man walked in on me doing the knuckle shuffle in my bedroom when I was around 11. He just chuckled and closed the door. Wise man, he.
posted by jonmc at 7:11 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

On pretty much any porn site throughout the Web, you can find videos with close to this exact plotline and dialogue, but the ending is a little different.

He fixes the cable?
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 7:12 PM on June 5, 2013 [25 favorites]

"There wouldn't be a next time" thought Ricky, staring long and awkwardly at the door. "Next time, I'll wait till she's out of the house and lock the goddamn door."
posted by Effigy2000 at 7:14 PM on June 5, 2013 [6 favorites]

Don't be fatuous, (A)Ha(W)O.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:15 PM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

yeah so okay
posted by escape from the potato planet at 7:15 PM on June 5, 2013 [7 favorites]

This becomes a lot less hilariously absurd when you know the premise of the entire video- that there might be a legit reason that the mom is over-explaining so hard.
posted by windykites at 7:18 PM on June 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

This becomes a lot less hilariously absurd

No it doesn't.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 7:22 PM on June 5, 2013

Oh, Ricky. Forward-thinking enough to stay under the covers, but not enough to pretend you're just sleeping.
posted by jason_steakums at 7:23 PM on June 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

Ricky? Your door has a lock on it, kiddo, that's what it's for.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:27 PM on June 5, 2013

Goddamn it, Ricky stop whacking off while I'm talking to you.
posted by dr_dank at 7:52 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

That music.... so haunting.
posted by Mezentian at 7:52 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

Man, I know that nobody is being mean here on purpose, but given that we now know this video was from a sex ed video for the parents of children who are mentally handicapped, the comments here have retroactively become so heart-wrenchingly mean.
posted by Bugbread at 8:04 PM on June 5, 2013 [16 favorites]

Not to mention it was uploaded by someone named "Jewocaust"
posted by FreezBoy at 8:09 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

Bet that kid was totally fantasizing about his mom in her mom jeans and oh

Damn right I went there. Brought you there with me, too.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:11 PM on June 5, 2013

"Hey! Im talking to you! Dont whack it when im trying to talk to you" Hey! Dont whack at me!"
posted by The Whelk at 8:30 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

This video was extremely difficult to masturbate to and I hold you responsible
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 8:50 PM on June 5, 2013 [9 favorites]

The secret when caught rubbing one out:

• Maintain eye contact
• Drop to first gear

posted by Sternmeyer at 9:09 PM on June 5, 2013 [9 favorites]

If this is a video sponsored by some evangelical organization to teach mothers how to totally creep out their sons so that the boy can never, ever get an erection again, then I deem it a success.

"I did see what you were doing. It felt good, didn't it."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Max Udargo at 9:13 PM on June 5, 2013

Oh, Ricky. Forward-thinking enough to stay under the covers, but not enough to pretend you're just sleeping.

He really seemed to double down once the door opened. What emergency cover-up plan starts with "Spring upright like the Keeper from Tales from the Crypt to cover up your act"?
posted by yerfatma at 9:30 PM on June 5, 2013 [4 favorites]

yerfatma: "What emergency cover-up plan starts with "Spring upright like the Keeper from Tales from the Crypt to cover up your act"?"

The emergency plan of a mentally handicapped child, perhaps?
posted by Bugbread at 9:34 PM on June 5, 2013

The werid thing for me is I don't even remember how I ended up with tab open for this thread from earlier—there's no flags in here, I don't think anybody emailed us about it, and I certainly didn't get here from the front page on my own because I didn't know there was a post about it—but I was still saying "oh, that video" to myself just based on the context of the first few comments I read.

My mind is a rolodex of weirdness.

The emergency plan of a mentally handicapped child, perhaps?

I don't think even that's a necessary component; pre-teen kids are sort of specialists in reacting overtly but nonsensically when panicked, and Got Caught Doing This Weird Thing No One Has Ever Really Had A Conversation With You About is probably a pretty good way to panic just about any ten year old kid.

I don't remember actually having gotten walked in on as a kid, but then we had a weird bedroom situation with no doors at that age that sort of necessitated some paranoia for anything privacy related. I honestly can't say whether a mortifying intrusion followed by a frank if awkward talk would really have been worse than it just never ever getting discussed, though.
posted by cortex at 9:39 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

Cortex: I flagged this, and I'm trying to use the contact form to contact you, but I'm finding it very hard to articulate myself concisely.
posted by Bugbread at 9:42 PM on June 5, 2013

Sorry, I should say "I was trying to use the contact form", 'cuz you're here now.
posted by Bugbread at 9:50 PM on June 5, 2013

For the sake of pedantic correctness, let me clarify that there were no flags on or in the thread as far as I can tell at the time that I apparently clicked into it earlier, which is the source of the "how did I get here?" confusion. Flags submitted subsequent to that aren't going unregistered by whoever is on duty or anything (I am firmly in "just futzin' around for pleasure" mode at this point), so no worries.
posted by cortex at 9:51 PM on June 5, 2013 [3 favorites]

That mom being SO DEADPAN CREEPY ROBOTIC and spewing off that speech (again....he had his door closed for a reason...) is the creepiest thing of all.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:53 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

This thread is kind of a great survey of what percentage of comments on average are posted before reading the thread. Like, no hamburger. It's really kind of interesting.
posted by danny the boy at 10:03 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

I think the reason they showed the kid reacting like that is that they wanted to show the type of thing that might happen if a kid were caught 'in the open' - but of course they couldn't actually show that, so they showed him under the covers. It's somewhat nonsensical because they are showing what would happen in a situation that's different then the one that they are actually showing. This happens from time to time in TV/movies, like they show X happening when really they want to tell a story about Y
posted by delmoi at 10:18 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

I just wished my parents had said something like that, as awkward as it sounds, instead of getting the whole SATAN WILL DRAG YOU DOWN TO HELL FOR THIS shtick.
posted by Doleful Creature at 10:19 PM on June 5, 2013 [1 favorite]

I taught my children to knock on a closed door and wait for permission to enter. When their door was closed, I would also knock and wait for the "come in." With four boys, now men, I never had to witness this...I don't know who would be more embarrassed, me or the kid.
posted by JujuB at 10:23 PM on June 5, 2013

With four boys, now men, I never had to witness this...I don't know who would be more embarrassed, me or the kid.

After having 4 boys, does this quote from Bridesmaids ring true?:

They are cute, but when they reach that age, disgusting. They smell. They are sticky. They say things that are horrible. Everything is covered in semen. I literally broke a blanket in half.

Also, she should just scare him off with blindness and hairy palms.
posted by discopolo at 10:53 PM on June 5, 2013 [2 favorites]

That quote is funny! Well, only the smelly part is true. When each boy reached the age of 9, we had a specific talk about nocturnal emissions, aka as wet dreams. I emphasized that this is totally normal and happens to everybody. When, not if, this event happens, just take the sheets off of the bed and throw them directly in the washing machine, no explanation necessary.
posted by JujuB at 11:06 PM on June 5, 2013

THe full-frontal penile implant video that showed up in the sidebar may not be as SFW as the Ricky video.

And right next to it, there was a review of the Chris Reeves Sebenza. Who's the target audience here? Lorena Bobbit?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:25 AM on June 6, 2013

this public service announcement about how to handle that awkward moment when you walk in on your kid masturbating

According to 4/chan, it's all really in the kid's hands (so to speak). He's supposed to just ignore the interruption and see the task through until completed to his satisfaction. I look forward to this PSA.
posted by philip-random at 12:32 AM on June 6, 2013

Ricky: Have you ever heard of knocking?!
posted by gallois at 12:46 AM on June 6, 2013

This video was extremely difficult to masturbate to

Says you.
posted by fontor at 1:39 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: I'm finding it very hard to articulate myself concisely.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:36 AM on June 6, 2013 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: Extremely difficult to masturbate to

*sigh*

I feel dirtier than Ricky now. And I and still obsessed by the music. My brain says Manos: The Hands Of Fate.
posted by Mezentian at 3:45 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

That mom is no Kay Parker.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:02 AM on June 6, 2013

That mother is no Catlyn Stark.
posted by Mezentian at 5:07 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

Regardless of the state of your kid's brain, you'd be better off waiting until his hand was off his naughty bits before lecturing him about the appropriateness of masturbation in his own room! It's ridiculous (and so very, very badly acted) and it doesn't matter who the audience is. Poor Ricky :(
posted by h00py at 5:18 AM on June 6, 2013

(I thought it was hilarious, by the way).
posted by h00py at 5:23 AM on June 6, 2013

just futzin' around for pleasure

You're not the only one
posted by ook at 5:46 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

The only disturbing thing, to me, was YouTube requiring I verify my age before viewing. AWKWARDNESS NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS.
posted by sonika at 5:56 AM on June 6, 2013

AWKWARDNESS NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS.

And yet check out the amazing PENIS CUTTING VIDEO!
posted by Mezentian at 6:30 AM on June 6, 2013

My mother-in-law had the really bad habit of walking in without knocking. This was embarrassing when my SO was a kid, but moved past embarrassing into hilarious after we were married. I'd say she learned her lesson the hard way, but it didn't really sink in. But it did inspire my father-in-law to install a lock on the door.
posted by jb at 6:33 AM on June 6, 2013

I once dated a woman and she asked where I was the first time I tried masturbating and when I said "the bathroom" she said "oh, a posh wank." Posh? wtf? But at least the door was locked that time.
posted by marienbad at 6:44 AM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

My terrible sister discovered me going the rub in the cupboard on the verandah where my dad stored his wine. Awful memory. It would have been worse if she'd pontificated instead of just giving me demon eyes and stalking away.
posted by h00py at 7:03 AM on June 6, 2013

we had a weird bedroom situation with no doors at that age that sort of necessitated some paranoia for anything privacy related

Interesting: at age 15, the boarding school I went to (as a day student, thankfully) decided to save a bit of dough and replace the aging stalls in our specific dorm with cinderblock walls and shower curtains (no idea where the tuition was going). One day I had a free period for my second class which meant I happened to be in the crapper when most of the older kids were still waking up, including one who walked in, paper in hand, eyes still closed and was 80% of the way to sitting on my lap before I found the voice to yell at a senior. From that day forward I've never been self-conscious in a bathroom.

It must be a prep school thing too because my first conversation with a future friend in college was over a resounding bit of flatulence while we were both in the stalls. When he responded I asked what school he attended and he laughed and said "Peddie" and told me about how Oliver Stone came back to give a speech and spoke for an hour about how much he hated going to school there.
posted by yerfatma at 7:15 AM on June 6, 2013

My terrible sister discovered me going the rub in the cupboard on the verandah where my dad stored his wine

You're supposed to top the bottles off with water you monster!
posted by yerfatma at 7:16 AM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]

I once dated a woman and she asked where I was the first time I tried masturbating and when I said "the bathroom" she said "oh, a posh wank." Posh? wtf?

As opposed to having your first wank on a slaughterhouse kill floor, or underneath a spinning mule.
posted by DaDaDaDave at 7:18 AM on June 6, 2013 [9 favorites]

Or in the chimney flue whilst the scullery maid swept up the soot below.
posted by h00py at 7:24 AM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Beat off enough and eventually someone will walk in on you while you’re doing it. When this happens, pause, look them directly in the eye and say, “You done ruined the romance, so go ahead and say whatever it is you want to say.” If they don’t immediately apologize and leave, run over there and put your hands on their face.

Also this.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:26 AM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]

Ricky: Have you ever heard of knocking?!

She apologized, sheesh. Clearly dad couldn't be bothered to talk to him or inform his wife that their son had started jacking off in his spare time and could she knock on his son's door?

Where is the kid who played Ricky now?
posted by discopolo at 9:55 AM on June 6, 2013

Horace Rumpole: Don't be fatuous, (A)Ha(W)O.

Be fatuous, (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates. You're much funnier than HR.
posted by IAmBroom at 10:28 AM on June 6, 2013

HR was making a funny riff on a classic line from Lebowski. They were both being funny. They were being funny together.
posted by cortex at 10:45 AM on June 6, 2013 [7 favorites]

Where is the kid who played Ricky now?

Played?
posted by yerfatma at 11:03 AM on June 6, 2013

A very special episode: Tim has a serious talk with Brad, after the oldest son had encouraged youngest son Mark to combine masturbation and a belt sander.
posted by Danf at 11:10 AM on June 6, 2013

Played?

Uh, played the part of Ricky?
posted by discopolo at 12:50 PM on June 6, 2013

The Loss Of American Innocence
posted by homunculus at 4:02 PM on June 6, 2013

Where as the United Kingdom (and I assume Ireland) lost its innocence to David Bowie.

Bowie, that cad.
posted by Mezentian at 2:22 AM on June 7, 2013

Perversion for Profit (1965)
posted by homunculus at 4:24 PM on June 25, 2013