Less Than The Sum Of Its Parts

June 6, 2013 8:16 PM

How to make the biggest hit of all time: Step 1: Get the most successful female act of the 1960s, the Queen of Motown, to write and sing lead. Step 2: Get the biggest selling band of the 1970s, the Kings of Disco, to produce and sing backup. Step 3: Get the biggest selling musical artist of the 1980s, the King of Pop, to co-write the song and share vocals. Step 4: Profit?
posted by flarbuse (19 comments total)

Yeah, she should have stuck with the awesome Nile Rodgers.
posted by chococat at 8:22 PM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]

The song was written by Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb and Michael Jackson
posted by Sys Rq at 8:40 PM on June 6, 2013

It's funny, I think if you released this in 2013 and said it was by Santigold or Little Dragon, it'd get heavy rotation on KCRW.
posted by mirepoix at 8:59 PM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

that is so terrible on so many levels.
the video kind of sums up the stank.
yes Nile Rogers or Quincy Jones.
in the end it's always about Diana's wig.
posted by Conrad-Casserole at 9:05 PM on June 6, 2013 [1 favorite]

Nile Rodgers wasn't doing jack in the mid-80s, so he wasn't really available, and most producers from the 70s and early 80s did not fare well in the advent of the sampler and drum machine. Michael needed Quincy to guide him into the modern era, after all, and Quincy was smart enough to have a stable of younguns. It's simply not how they learned to make music, so you get a bunch of 60-70s people together with a bunch of money and electronics and it just turns to shit. Have you heard PJ Proby's rap album?
posted by rhizome at 9:05 PM on June 6, 2013

Are you kidding?
Rodgers was fucking everywhere in the mid-80's. I'd start listing hit albums but it's too many.
posted by chococat at 9:18 PM on June 6, 2013

Well that's weird, it didn't come up for me. Obviously WP should be my first stop in the future.

Regardless, have you heard "Notorious?" He would have produced something that sounded remarkably similar to this anyway.
posted by rhizome at 9:21 PM on June 6, 2013

I'm not that surprised the song is so weird. Putting aside all of the personal issues, even the narrative of Michael Jackson as the "Heal the World," chimp-toting, gentle pop genius is problematic at best. "Eaten Alive" isn't even that weird for a guy who had hits about monsters, gangs, denying a paternity claim, ghosts, vendettas, gangsters, stalkers, etc.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:22 PM on June 6, 2013

Didn't have a hook. Game over.
posted by unSane at 9:58 PM on June 6, 2013 [3 favorites]

Also, it really sounded like D Ross trying to sing an M Jackson song... All those staccato little phrases that never let her open up the trademark pipes. I think if Jacko had sung it, it might possibly have been a hit, although the lack of a compelling hook (and the length of time before you got to what hook there was) would probably have been fatal anyway.
posted by unSane at 10:19 PM on June 6, 2013 [2 favorites]

the Kings of Disco

For people who didn't actually go clubbing, perhaps...

For those of us who did -- not so much.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:27 AM on June 7, 2013

PeterMcDermott: the Kings of Disco

For people who didn't actually go clubbing, perhaps...

For those of us who did -- not so much.

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the rare "disco hipster".
posted by IAmBroom at 3:37 AM on June 7, 2013 [21 favorites]

It's funny, I think if you released this in 2013 and said it was by Santigold or Little Dragon, it'd get heavy rotation on KCRW.

You didn't hear that Santigold has re-recorded this for the soundtrack to "World War Z"?
posted by jeremias at 4:05 AM on June 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

In the greatest Female Artists of the 60s link, I see Nico is at number 17, ahead of Dionne Warwick, Lulu and Gladys Knight. Much as I love the Velvets, I am surprised by this.

Gladys Knight - Heard It Through the Grapevine - sounds fantastic, looks fantastic, and its on Soul Train
posted by marienbad at 4:46 AM on June 7, 2013

Diana doing Michael's, "I Want Muscles." Stinky, as Q referred to him, wrote and produced the track. I remember this was the cause of 'is he gay' murmurs. Well, that and a lot of other things. But this track was a hit and much more together than the FPP's.
posted by artof.mulata at 5:43 AM on June 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Supposedly that track is named after MJ's pet snake, Muscles.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:58 AM on June 7, 2013

And there, ladies and gentlemen, is the rare "disco hipster".

Ever hear of Northern Soul? This is exactly that, mildly updated.
posted by Wolof at 7:05 AM on June 7, 2013

Queen of Motown? I believe you are confused. Aretha is the Queen of Soul.
posted by theora55 at 1:31 PM on June 7, 2013 [1 favorite]

Sys Rq! I remember him claiming that or some spokesperson doing so...
I always thought Michael was just so damn gifted he could write from any perspective, especially from Diana's. He always referred to her as his other mother.
posted by artof.mulata at 10:32 PM on June 11, 2013