Whatever you do, don't tell Tom Six about these things.
June 25, 2013 8:07 PM   Subscribe

There are certainly drawbacks to living in Florida this time of year. You have to deal with the heat. You have to deal with the tourists. And you have to deal with erratically flying pairs of insects joined by their genitalia.

Lovebugs (a.k.a Plecia nearctica) are actually small black flies that, for several days after mating, remain joined together. That mating occurs in late Spring and then again in late Summer. They can be found in multiple areas of the South, but they are most notorious in Central and North Florida.

The swarms on the road can limit visibility and, if not removed soon after, possibly damage your paint job. They are such a nuisance to drivers that there are multiple products engineered just for protecting vehicles from this species.

Finally, no, they are not genetically engineered by some mad scientists at the University of Florida.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI (50 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
We used to call them screwflies.
posted by yclipse at 8:21 PM on June 25, 2013


They will also overheat your car if you don't spray them off your radiator. They don't bite, though, so I do not care about them, preoccupied as I am with all the other joys our great state has to offer, such as fire ants, gigantic fatal underground yellow jacket nests, Burmese pythons, man-eating sinkholes, little brown scorpions, coral snakes, fleas for 13 months out of the year, did I mention ants? Giant cockroaches more than an inch long that fly, even bigger cockroach-shaped water bugs that BITE, ants, termites that swarm the first three weeks of the new year, a variety of mosquitoes I never knew existed, and ants. Oh, wait, and yellow biting flies. And a rich variety of thorned and stinging plants. And mosquitoes, biting flies, fleas, and ants. Oh and gnats. Did I mention gnats? Gnats all the goddam time. Love bugs? I guess I can take 'me or leave 'em.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:26 PM on June 25, 2013 [16 favorites]


tooleydooley, you forgot the otherwise tiny and innocent sand-burrowing crustaceans that will pinch skin hard enough to make a grown man yelp. And sawgrass. And no-see-ums. And banana spiders (whatever else they call em). And cane toads.

There's actually a dueling set of urban legends about lovebugs which ties into the UF vs FSU debate. Both sides agree that they were genetically engineered in a college laboratory but each side blames the other college for the outbreak. I prefer to blame them on UCF because I see them the most (worst) on I4 around there.

And yes, their smeared innards will murder your car's paint.
posted by cmyk at 8:34 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Last year I was at a wedding in Gainesville, and these little critters were EVERYWHERE, especially on the front door of the wedding venue, where they clustered in great swaths. I guess it was kind of auspicious for a wedding, what with the sexing and all, but {shudder}.
posted by ottereroticist at 8:37 PM on June 25, 2013


We used to call them screwflies.
posted by yclipse at 11:21 PM on June 25 [+] [!]


But not, of course, screw-worm flies, which were responsible for changing Florida overnight from an open range state with a modest number of small, thrifty, self-foraging Andalusian cattle to closed range state full of care-intensive, nutrient-hoovering Angus crosses which need large amounts of supplemental nutrition pretty much from birth.

Screw worms would burrow into any trivial wound, on any animal, and lay eggs. The resulting larvae would then eat their way out of the still living beast, rendering it a walking (briefly though) horror. Screw-worm fly - now that's an insect to fear.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:37 PM on June 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Ugh, I hate lovebugs. I ran a half marathon about a year and a half ago and I ended up swatting them out of the way for six miles.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:37 PM on June 25, 2013


Aww, and sand gnats too, cmyk! You keep your hands off my banana spiders, though, and wolf spiders too. They are my bulwark against the insect siege.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:38 PM on June 25, 2013


Dragonflies do that, too. I see 'em around here every year.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 8:41 PM on June 25, 2013


Heh. Heh heh. Hee hee hee. Ha. Mwa ha ha ha. Ha ha ha, ha, ah ha ha ha. Ha. Oh, I am so enjoying my friend moving to Florida. I cannot wait to send him this link. Oh, it's beautiful. *wipes tears from eyes*
posted by maryr at 8:43 PM on June 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Are you folks talking about toe biters? Just curious.
posted by Splunge at 8:44 PM on June 25, 2013


Under laboratory conditions, male lovebugs live for about 92 hours, whereas females live up to 72 hours. In nature, the adults live just long enough to mate, feed, disperse and deposit a batch of eggs — about three to four days.

That's so sad. Imagine if you only had three days to see the world, fall in love and leave.
posted by four panels at 8:47 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


Splunge yes! Although I didn't know they had an actual habitat other than flooded Winn-Dixie parking lots.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:49 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


fire ants, gigantic fatal underground yellow jacket nests, Burmese pythons, man-eating sinkholes, little brown scorpions, coral snakes, fleas for 13 months out of the year, did I mention ants? Giant cockroaches more than an inch long that fly, even bigger cockroach-shaped water bugs that BITE, ants, termites that swarm the first three weeks of the new year, a variety of mosquitoes I never knew existed, and ants. Oh, wait, and yellow biting flies. And a rich variety of thorned and stinging plants.

The good news: it will all be below sea level within our lifetimes. Patience, grasshopper.
posted by Meatbomb at 8:52 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I am never sad about bugs. They have had worse swarms years before I moved here. This year wasn't so bad. But I hear a lot of the toe biters are around due to the unusual rains that we had recently. A lot of the ponds and lakes have had their levels up. So you have to be wearing shoes and not sandals near them. Otherwise you'll get a bite that makes you wish you were dead. Or so I have heard.
posted by Splunge at 8:53 PM on June 25, 2013


Fuckbugs!
posted by ColdChef at 8:55 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Personally, I was sad about the Python hunt. I used to own a Burmese python. I gave her to a good friend when she got about 10 feet long. It makes me sad to see people hunting the poor things.

But insects? Kill them all.
posted by Splunge at 8:57 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sorry for the other bugs derail. I generally do put on my Eric Idle "Australian" sketch hat with like 15 corks tied to the brim during love bug season, but then, I wear it pretty much the rest of the year too. There are not much for flying bugs in February.
posted by toodleydoodley at 8:58 PM on June 25, 2013


I don't miss Florida.
posted by dirigibleman at 8:58 PM on June 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


Ah, I miss lovebugs. They're one of the few creatures in Florida that aren't trying to kill you.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:59 PM on June 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


I love Florida! Anole lizards all over my porch when I open the front door. I can see the sky from here and I get to watch rockets take off. Stars at night! Damn, what else would you want? I can even see the space station go by if the night is clear.
posted by Splunge at 9:03 PM on June 25, 2013


Stop talking about toe biters/water bugs!!! I never saw one before this year, and I seriously questioned my life choices when I walked by a dead one on the way to work. Those fucking things look like extra huge palmetto bugs wearing medieval armored suits. I could have easily lived the rest of my life without knowing that in addition to being the scariest looking bug I've ever seen in person they also bite.

At least love bugs just bump into you harmlessly before floating away, and you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that they will be dead within a couple days.
posted by gatorae at 9:04 PM on June 25, 2013


Palmetto bugs are just huge flying cockroaches.
posted by Splunge at 9:07 PM on June 25, 2013


I love Florida! Anole lizards all over my porch when I open the front door.

Just wait til one dies in some secret corner of your house. The heat really brings out the bouquet of rotting lizard.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 9:13 PM on June 25, 2013


Damn, some of them are the size of small sparrows. Long before I moved her my brother did this thing. We were in his car. He said, Watch this.

He drove us into a low area in the road. Then he turned off his headlights. We kept driving. And suddenly we were being hit by things that sounded like hammers hitting the car. Then he turned the lights on. We were being pelted by huge flying bugs. And I mean 2 inch flying fuckers. He was laughing like a maniac while I was screaming, Get us out of here!
posted by Splunge at 9:15 PM on June 25, 2013


Oh, you guys. You guys, I am going to have so much fun tomorrow.
posted by maryr at 9:16 PM on June 25, 2013


Cat Pie Hurts: "I love Florida! Anole lizards all over my porch when I open the front door.

Just wait til one dies in some secret corner of your house. The heat really brings out the bouquet of rotting lizard.
"

It has happened already. I'm pretty sure there is a dead lizard under our stove. It scared the crap out of the wife. It's been a while. So I'm guessing it left or it was too small to smell.
posted by Splunge at 9:19 PM on June 25, 2013


It's not a Florida-only thing, either. Texas has plenty of lovebugs, too, so I'm assuming they span the whole southeast and south.
posted by Bugbread at 9:19 PM on June 25, 2013


There was a cricket in our washing machine as well.
posted by Splunge at 9:20 PM on June 25, 2013


Is there a fly in your ointment?
posted by pracowity at 10:48 PM on June 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Yeah, love bugs were everywhere in New Orleans during summer, too. And presumably all over Louisiana, but I never really went outside the city much when I was growing up there.

We had these transparent geckos living in the eaves of the screened-in back porch. You could see their guts like little red jewels in glass. They were the prettiest things ever.
posted by egypturnash at 11:33 PM on June 25, 2013


Lovebug encounter A friends car looked just like this one after driving through a large swarm of love bugs. The car actually looked like it was covered in fur! This was in southern Louisiana.

Use PAM, the non-stick spray for preventative measures during love bug season.
posted by JujuB at 11:46 PM on June 25, 2013


Look, I don't want to say I'm nostalgic for love bugs, because they might hear me and decide to move to California.

But I'm a little nostalgic for love bugs.

Other deep south insect related things that give me an indescribable combination of the wiggins and warm fuzzy home feelings:

- those gigantic grasshoppers that look like aliens.

- transparent geckos! Thanks for the reminder, egypturnash!

- my grandmother once had a tiny frog that lived in her kitchen, which she didn't have the heart to either kill or set free.

- the cricket that lived in my high school's black box theater.

A thing I absolutely do not miss at all or have any nice feelings about whatsoever and would prefer not to even acknowledge but here goes nothing:

FUCKING FLYING ROACHES CAN JUST GO DIE OK

Oh man junebugs. I just remembered junebugs. They're OK. They don't have to go die. Though they always did. Especially in the pool. There'd be little floating carpets of them.

Seriously, people fucking wonder why I'm not an outdoorsy person. I grew up in the deep south, that's why.
posted by Sara C. at 12:02 AM on June 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


And another thing:

In second grade the hot trend was to catch a dragonfly and make it fight the other kids' dragonflies in a round robin. Ideally blue ones vs. greeny-gold ones.

Yes, this is 100% true and probably too cruel for me to admit. I was kind of chicken about it, anyway.
posted by Sara C. at 12:04 AM on June 26, 2013


So how does Disneyworld prevent tourists from having the heebie jeebies during lovebug mating season? Or is there just DDT sprayed from all the lampposts? A quick Google only pulled up their list of beneficial insects.

Toe biters. TOE BITERS. Dear lord. I am still not fully adjusted to Hawaii's flying cockroaches but I am so grateful I have yet to hear of water bugs in these parts. The photo of the egg-laden male water bug is making me itchy. (shudder)
posted by spamandkimchi at 1:03 AM on June 26, 2013


AlonzoMosleyFBI: "erratically erotically flying pairs of insects joined by their genitalia."

FTFY
posted by chavenet at 1:27 AM on June 26, 2013


...those gigantic grasshoppers that look like aliens.

Lubbers?
posted by TedW at 5:29 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


In second grade the hot trend was to catch a dragonfly and make it fight the other kids' dragonflies in a round robin.

How do you make dragonflies fight? Not that I'm going to do it or want anyone else to do it, but I'm curious.
posted by pracowity at 5:31 AM on June 26, 2013


I was looking for, but couldn't find, a tv ad for a consumer-available insecticide containing Dursban that I saw probably in the 1990s. Dursban was taken off the market for home use around 2001 because of its toxicity to humans, but is still available for ag use. Because it was so effective on fire ants, lots of people hoarded it before the ban, or got others to buy it for them afterwards. The ad showed a man pouring Dursban into a giant fire ant mound that swarmed with huge red ants. After a dissolve, the same man is shown plunging his hand into the mound and stirring it around as the breathless voiceover cries, "Look! He's sticking his hand into the mound!" I cringed every time I saw that ad as, brand new to Florida, I had already made the acquaintance of this formidable insect. Even then you might occasionally see news reports of farmers losing animals to swarming ants, and even, tragically, some children would die after blundering onto a mound. I bet if you put Dursban in a Home Depot today, with the scariest warning labels available and a 200 percent surtax, you still couldn't keep it in the shelves.
posted by toodleydoodley at 5:52 AM on June 26, 2013


When I was about seven or eight, I found a pair of tiger swallowtails getting it on in the middle of our driveway. This was a super exciting discovery for me, so I had to share it: "DAD!! Come look! I found Siamese twin butterflies joined at the BUTT!" Dad, bless his heart, let this interpretation stand. I went on to discover many more sets of conjoined twin insects, always connected at the end of the abdomen for some reason, and didn't figure it out until years later.
posted by Metroid Baby at 6:04 AM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


“The Love Bug”, J.C. Rupp, Journal of Forensic Sciences, vol. 18, 1973. pp. 259-262.

The bug is a Volkswagen Beetle. The Love is autoerotic. The forensic is a guy dies while whacking off chained to his moving Volkswagen and the chain got tangled with the rear axle and he ended up mooshed onto the side of his car. There's pictures (not full frontal nudity) so it might not be safe for work. Google does not find me a non paywalled version.
posted by bukvich at 6:24 AM on June 26, 2013


Yep, I don't miss Florida.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:51 AM on June 26, 2013




How do you make dragonflies fight?

You have to hold them so that their wings are closed in your hand. Then you hold your restrained dragonfly up to someone else's restrained dragonfly and they do what looks like attempting to bite each others' heads off. I have no memory of how one could tell who "won".

Wow, this was even crueller now that I really analyze it. Please don't ever do this to beautiful amazing dragonflies.
posted by Sara C. at 8:24 AM on June 26, 2013


I remember huge clouds of lovebugs when I was in elementary school in Tampa. Every car was coated with them every single year. There were millions of them. This was back in the early 80's.

These days I live nearby and rarely see more than a few of them. I don't know if they're spraying for them, or if they've just migrated to another area or what, but I see very few, certainly never enough to have to wash my car.

As others have said, they don't bite, they don't even buzz in your ear, they're about the most harmless thing around. Maybe not as good as the lizards, which actively eat the bugs, but still of all the nuisances in Florida this is the one to be least concerned about.
posted by NoAccount at 9:22 AM on June 26, 2013


As a Central Floridian born and raised, I truly believed that lovebugs were created by UF in a freak lab accident. In fact, I'm pretty certain I was taught this in school. I thought it was a great example of how weird my state was and loved to tell people about this after I moved away. For years, I spread this misinformation. It was so embarrassing when I found out the truth.
posted by galvanized unicorn at 9:23 AM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Back in high school in Georgia there was one notorious year when the love bugs made it up here, and the air was thick with them. One didn't want to go outside because of it.
posted by JHarris at 12:08 PM on June 26, 2013


Lovebugs are absolutely harmless, the most they'll do is get some schmutz on your skin/clothes if you brush one off of yourself too hard and maybe chew up your car paint a little.

To add to the critter lists above, we also get black and brown widow spiders, I clear the nests away from our apartment entrance every few weeks. You can tell them apart by the egg sacs, the brown widows leave these things that look like super creepy sea-mines made of spittle and silk. Something else the other Floridians aren't telling you is that those giant flying roaches, they're about the same shape and footprint as a computer mouse. Maybe half as tall. We call them palmetto bugs so that the snowbirds don't all have heart attacks down here when they encounter one.

The banana spiders? Those can get as big as an adults hand, and they move with a quickness that you would not believe. You can't kill them, the best you can do is chase it along a wall with a corn-broom and hopefully out the door. We also have grasshoppers that are about 4" long and weigh several ounces, and those and the dragonflies can cover half a windshield in translucent goo if you're lucky enough to hit one going down the road (everybody is lucky in Florida.) The mosquitoes can do almost as good, albeit with cow's blood. Imagine a mosquito that can suck blood through leather. We got those.

Add to that the gigantic primeval hornets' nest from that thread a few posts up as well as the wild boar, invasive constrictor snakes, snake headed fish, alligators, sharks and now and then the occasional bear, and we're pretty much the Australia of the northern hemisphere. Try to remember all that before you send any more of your elderly loved ones to come live down here. We care about them.
posted by mcrandello at 2:53 PM on June 26, 2013 [3 favorites]


"Under laboratory conditions, male lovebugs live for about 92 hours, whereas females live up to 72 hours. In nature, the adults live just long enough to mate, feed, disperse and deposit a batch of eggs — about three to four days."

I hope the word "disperse" refers to the separation of the male and female, otherwise he's gotta haul her carcass around for 20 hours, in some kind of insect version of Weekend at Bernie's.
posted by Jazz Hands at 6:58 PM on June 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


I just recently learned about toe biters. How did this happen? From MetaFilter's own Dan's Data. This particular article showed why I should never and never will go barefoot near one of the many fresh water ponds in Florida.

The fact that an Australian is afraid of a bug in the USA is the main reason that I believe that I belong on a Martian colony. Thanks Dan.
posted by Splunge at 8:20 PM on June 26, 2013


"Under laboratory conditions, male lovebugs live for about 92 hours, whereas females live up to 72 hours. In nature, the adults live just long enough to mate, feed, disperse and deposit a batch of eggs — about three to four days."

3 days = 72 hours
4 days = 96 hours

I am not sure why they repeat that information as if it is remotely interesting.
posted by maryr at 8:19 AM on June 28, 2013


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