The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
July 15, 2013 5:35 PM Subscribe
Jack Handey Is the Envy of Every Comedy Writer in America. The New York Times profiles funny guy Jack Handey as his first work of fiction, The Stench of Honolulu, goes on sale tomorrow. (Read the first three chapters here.) Handey, of course, is best known for his Deep Thoughts, and for his SNL sketches, including the classic Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer. He's also a hilarious essayist: some of my favorites include What I'd Say to the Martians, Ideas for Paintings, My Nature Documentary, The Plan, and How I Want to Be Remembered.
My favorite: "If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone."
Also, "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
posted by mosk at 5:43 PM on July 15, 2013 [15 favorites]
Also, "It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."
posted by mosk at 5:43 PM on July 15, 2013 [15 favorites]
And don't forget Tales of Fraud and Malfeasance in Railroad Hiring Practices, a sketch that grows more brilliantly bizarre with each viewing.
"Other tomato sauces are thin and watery, and should go to hell."
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! at 5:46 PM on July 15, 2013 [13 favorites]
"Other tomato sauces are thin and watery, and should go to hell."
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! at 5:46 PM on July 15, 2013 [13 favorites]
The NYT article addresses this right at the get-go, but I always thought Jack Handey was just some silly name SNL writers made up. Looking forward to digging into his stuff a bit now that I know otherwise. Thanks Rory!
posted by carsonb at 5:49 PM on July 15, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by carsonb at 5:49 PM on July 15, 2013 [7 favorites]
I always thought Jack Handey was just some silly name SNL writers made up.
You are not the only one. I wonder how often he gets that from actual people in the business.
posted by Etrigan at 5:51 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
You are not the only one. I wonder how often he gets that from actual people in the business.
posted by Etrigan at 5:51 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
I assumed for years that "Jack Handey" was a Franken creation. He is one of my favorite writers.
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 5:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 5:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
Personal favorite:
When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe.
posted by Unified Theory at 5:54 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe.
posted by Unified Theory at 5:54 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
I would have liked to hear more about what he's done in the last 15 or so years since he left SNL. Still, it was nice to know more about the guy, who's obviously something of a mystery to those of us outside of joke writing world.
(My favourite Deep Thought - at least, the one that's always stuck with me: "if you ever realize you're watching a play within a play, take a deep breath, and hang on for the ride of your life.")
posted by Flashman at 5:57 PM on July 15, 2013
(My favourite Deep Thought - at least, the one that's always stuck with me: "if you ever realize you're watching a play within a play, take a deep breath, and hang on for the ride of your life.")
posted by Flashman at 5:57 PM on July 15, 2013
Another personal favorite:
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
And I also thought Jack Handy was some creation of a cast member or writer... nice to know otherwise.
posted by Benway at 6:03 PM on July 15, 2013 [6 favorites]
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.
And I also thought Jack Handy was some creation of a cast member or writer... nice to know otherwise.
posted by Benway at 6:03 PM on July 15, 2013 [6 favorites]
I always thought "Jack Handey" was an oblique reference to masturbation --> masturbatory thinking (ie. the Deep Thoughts).
This is my surprised face.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:04 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
This is my surprised face.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:04 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
My favorite:
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying.' If he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did.'"
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:04 PM on July 15, 2013 [21 favorites]
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying.' If he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did.'"
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:04 PM on July 15, 2013 [21 favorites]
"As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way."
Man, I love Jack Handey. Thanks for this!
posted by corey flood at 6:07 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
Man, I love Jack Handey. Thanks for this!
posted by corey flood at 6:07 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
posted by Rangeboy at 6:09 PM on July 15, 2013 [22 favorites]
posted by Rangeboy at 6:09 PM on July 15, 2013 [22 favorites]
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Because then you're a mile away, and you have his shoes."
Truer words were never spoken
posted by briank at 6:09 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
Truer words were never spoken
posted by briank at 6:09 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
Don't say this often, but this post is bookmarked on my phone for bedtime reading!
posted by KokuRyu at 6:13 PM on July 15, 2013
posted by KokuRyu at 6:13 PM on July 15, 2013
Man, I hope they do an audiobook of his new novel, and that he reads it himself.
posted by rifflesby at 6:18 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by rifflesby at 6:18 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Jack Handey is a real person? Everyday's a schoolday on metafilter.
//I can't wait to try the thing where you take your kid to an abandoned factory and tell them that Disneyland burnt down.
posted by Renoroc at 6:19 PM on July 15, 2013 [4 favorites]
//I can't wait to try the thing where you take your kid to an abandoned factory and tell them that Disneyland burnt down.
posted by Renoroc at 6:19 PM on July 15, 2013 [4 favorites]
I always liked, "Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis."
Of course, that was before the Jenny McCarthy thread.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:23 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
Of course, that was before the Jenny McCarthy thread.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 6:23 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
"When I die, I hope I go like my Granddad, quietly, in his sleep. Not screaming and crying, like the passengers in his car".
posted by thelonius at 6:28 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
posted by thelonius at 6:28 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
I haven't seen if this is in the article, but his WTF MAc Maron interview was amazing. As I recall, he talks about being Steve Martin's neighbor before either of them worked in comedy.
And most importantly, Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 6:31 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
And most importantly, Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
posted by rock swoon has no past at 6:31 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves. But you have treated me like an intruder. Maybe it is not me who is the intruder here, but you.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:32 PM on July 15, 2013 [12 favorites]
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 6:32 PM on July 15, 2013 [12 favorites]
"As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint."
posted by AwkwardPause at 6:38 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by AwkwardPause at 6:38 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
"Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what IS that thing?!"
posted by A dead Quaker at 6:49 PM on July 15, 2013 [23 favorites]
posted by A dead Quaker at 6:49 PM on July 15, 2013 [23 favorites]
"I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out
that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because
I was thinking about doing that anyway."
posted by rocket88 at 6:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because
I was thinking about doing that anyway."
posted by rocket88 at 6:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
"As I bit into the nectarine, and its sweet juices trickled down my chin, I suddenly realized that it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD."
posted by rifflesby at 6:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by rifflesby at 6:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [7 favorites]
rifflesby: Man, I hope they do an audiobook of his new novel, and that he reads it himself.
Indeed, there does seem to be an audiobook. The Book Depository and Amazon have it listed as read by "Author" but you may want to check a bit closer to release.
posted by curious.jp at 6:54 PM on July 15, 2013
Indeed, there does seem to be an audiobook. The Book Depository and Amazon have it listed as read by "Author" but you may want to check a bit closer to release.
posted by curious.jp at 6:54 PM on July 15, 2013
If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, because that's what he's getting.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:55 PM on July 15, 2013 [27 favorites]
posted by triggerfinger at 6:55 PM on July 15, 2013 [27 favorites]
I was raised on Jack London, so my favorite Jack Handey will always be The Respect of the Men:
As leader of the expedition, I have come to realize that there is one thing more important than any other—and that is the respect of the men. It is more valuable than your gun, or your knife, or the blue terry-cloth slippers that keep your feet so toasty around the campfire at night.posted by peeedro at 6:56 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
In fact, the respect of the men can be even more important than the success of the mission itself. So if you're not exactly sure what the mission is, you may not want to ask the men, because you might lose their respect....
From Ideas For Paintings:
Abstract White No. 1
This is a solid-white painting. You might be asking, “Is it O.K. to put in a fleck of color here and there?” I give up. Do whatever you want.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:58 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
Abstract White No. 1
This is a solid-white painting. You might be asking, “Is it O.K. to put in a fleck of color here and there?” I give up. Do whatever you want.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:58 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
"Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books."
posted by oulipian at 6:59 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 6:59 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
They say the tiger can't change his spots. Wait, he did? Good for him!
posted by dismas at 7:23 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by dismas at 7:23 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
My very favorite one, which I quoted at the start of the novel I tried writing when I was a high school froshie, was:
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 'mankind'. Basically, it's made up of two separate words, 'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
Handey is one of those very rare comics, along with Brian Regan and precious few others, that specializes in sublime, sublime silliness. It's a hard craft, but the reward is funniness that seemingly exists for no other reason than that humor is hardwired directly into the universe.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [17 favorites]
"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: 'mankind'. Basically, it's made up of two separate words, 'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind."
Handey is one of those very rare comics, along with Brian Regan and precious few others, that specializes in sublime, sublime silliness. It's a hard craft, but the reward is funniness that seemingly exists for no other reason than that humor is hardwired directly into the universe.
posted by Rory Marinich at 7:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [17 favorites]
One of my favorites that hasn't been posted yet:
"It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."
posted by uosuaq at 7:43 PM on July 15, 2013 [18 favorites]
"It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."
posted by uosuaq at 7:43 PM on July 15, 2013 [18 favorites]
Oh man, Jack Handy's one-liners are amazing.
"There's a world that we know nothing about, that we can only imagine. And that is the world of books."
posted by Paragon at 7:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
"There's a world that we know nothing about, that we can only imagine. And that is the world of books."
posted by Paragon at 7:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
Somebody tell him about Twitter.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [7 favorites]
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:52 PM on July 15, 2013 [7 favorites]
Jack Handey always had the best advice for when children ask why it is raining.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 7:58 PM on July 15, 2013
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 7:58 PM on July 15, 2013
My favorite: If you ever fall off a tall building, let your arms and legs go limp like a dummy, and maybe someone will catch you. Because hey, free dummy.
posted by Mister_A at 8:01 PM on July 15, 2013 [22 favorites]
posted by Mister_A at 8:01 PM on July 15, 2013 [22 favorites]
In many situations, I've found that the last sentence of the following Deep Thought comes in very, well, I'm trying to find an appropriate synonym for "useful" here, but failing:
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:02 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:02 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
Because hey, free dummy.
"Hey, free dummy" has been my group of friends' version of "It could be worse" ever since it first aired.
"I heard you got into a car crash. Everything all right?"
"Hey, free dummy."
"Your wife left you? How you doing, man?"
"Hey, free dummy."
posted by Etrigan at 8:07 PM on July 15, 2013 [8 favorites]
"Hey, free dummy" has been my group of friends' version of "It could be worse" ever since it first aired.
"I heard you got into a car crash. Everything all right?"
"Hey, free dummy."
"Your wife left you? How you doing, man?"
"Hey, free dummy."
posted by Etrigan at 8:07 PM on July 15, 2013 [8 favorites]
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, just them go, man. They're gone.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:08 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
The only thing I know about Jack Handey is that he did a cover of the song Gin and Juice...
posted by ovvl at 8:12 PM on July 15, 2013
posted by ovvl at 8:12 PM on July 15, 2013
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my client slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages, and two million in punitive damages. Thank you.
It's been 20-odd years and I still laugh at that.
posted by Cash4Lead at 8:24 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
It's been 20-odd years and I still laugh at that.
posted by Cash4Lead at 8:24 PM on July 15, 2013 [14 favorites]
I hadn't heard the flamingo one previous to the linked collection of Deep Thoughts and it's a beaut.
posted by maryr at 8:24 PM on July 15, 2013
posted by maryr at 8:24 PM on July 15, 2013
I also did not realize he was an actual person. The caveman lawyer video is down, apparently.
posted by rebent at 8:30 PM on July 15, 2013
posted by rebent at 8:30 PM on July 15, 2013
“I owned that 12:45 slot,” Handey told me proudly. According to Maxtone-Graham, that spot was where the producers put “the really funny sketches that were too cerebral to get belly laughs.” For Handey’s fellow writers, “those late-in-the-show Jack Handeyesque sketches were sort of the treat you can’t wait for.”
That was always the most bitter-sweet experience of late-80s/early-90s SNL for me. From 11:30 onwards, you'd have your staple, recurring sketches that basically re-worked the same jokes over and over again (Church Chat, Wayne's World, I'm Chillin', etc.), to varying comedic effect, but then, in the last 15 minutes, there'd be some truly weird shit - like Maakies, a personal favorite of mine - and then bam, big wave goodnight and that crushingly sad closing theme.
I knew I wasn't imagining that the 12:45 slot was a whole other show, and I'm glad to have this confirmed.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:37 PM on July 15, 2013 [15 favorites]
That was always the most bitter-sweet experience of late-80s/early-90s SNL for me. From 11:30 onwards, you'd have your staple, recurring sketches that basically re-worked the same jokes over and over again (Church Chat, Wayne's World, I'm Chillin', etc.), to varying comedic effect, but then, in the last 15 minutes, there'd be some truly weird shit - like Maakies, a personal favorite of mine - and then bam, big wave goodnight and that crushingly sad closing theme.
I knew I wasn't imagining that the 12:45 slot was a whole other show, and I'm glad to have this confirmed.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 8:37 PM on July 15, 2013 [15 favorites]
"I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching."
ALL THE TIME, MAN. ALL THE TIME.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
ALL THE TIME, MAN. ALL THE TIME.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
My very favorite Handeyism (which I think is actually rather beautiful and poignant):
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months warm, happy, and floating and you finish off as an orgasm."
posted by byanyothername at 9:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [29 favorites]
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months warm, happy, and floating and you finish off as an orgasm."
posted by byanyothername at 9:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [29 favorites]
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. NOW who's asking the questions?
posted by Bookhouse at 9:53 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
posted by Bookhouse at 9:53 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
I am so glad you used the title you used, Rory.
Thanksgiving of 1993, and I've brought a bunch of friends home with me from college. We'd gone to Irvine Spectrum to see a movie and hang out at Sega World (or whatever it was called) and brought my brother, who was then in junior high, along with us. After an evening's revelry, we got home in time for SNL, and the first Deep Thought of the evening was the one about Caw. We all crack up, including my brother, who's laughing harder than any of us.
Ten minutes later, one of the guys looks at my brother and says, out of nowhere, "Caw! Caw!" We all join in, and my brother bursts into uncontrollable laughter. After a while, we all settle down, watch more of the show.
Then someone starts with the "Caw! Caw!" We keep it up until one of my parents appears in the living room and tells us to knock it off.
Fast forward to spring of the following year. My brother came to visit me at my dorm for the weekend. Ten guys are lined up on the balcony overhead, and the first thing they say after I introduce him? You know it.
He just started a new job at COO of a hospital. It is very difficult for me not to call him during what would probably be a very important meeting and answer the phone with "CAW! CAW!"
posted by RakDaddy at 10:01 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
Thanksgiving of 1993, and I've brought a bunch of friends home with me from college. We'd gone to Irvine Spectrum to see a movie and hang out at Sega World (or whatever it was called) and brought my brother, who was then in junior high, along with us. After an evening's revelry, we got home in time for SNL, and the first Deep Thought of the evening was the one about Caw. We all crack up, including my brother, who's laughing harder than any of us.
Ten minutes later, one of the guys looks at my brother and says, out of nowhere, "Caw! Caw!" We all join in, and my brother bursts into uncontrollable laughter. After a while, we all settle down, watch more of the show.
Then someone starts with the "Caw! Caw!" We keep it up until one of my parents appears in the living room and tells us to knock it off.
Fast forward to spring of the following year. My brother came to visit me at my dorm for the weekend. Ten guys are lined up on the balcony overhead, and the first thing they say after I introduce him? You know it.
He just started a new job at COO of a hospital. It is very difficult for me not to call him during what would probably be a very important meeting and answer the phone with "CAW! CAW!"
posted by RakDaddy at 10:01 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
The very end of the article has cracked me up twice (once reading it to begin w/ and once now posting it), and I'm pretty sure there's no way I could ever say why, though I would be interested if it hit anybody else that way because man
posted by hap_hazard at 10:09 PM on July 15, 2013
I also asked if there was one Deep Thought he’d never been able to make work — the Great White Whale of Deep Thoughts. He told me one that he said only ever made him and Marta laugh.Right?
“See the fox running through the snow. Then he’s attacked by his mortal enemy: the fox. Fox on fox. Man, what a sight.”
posted by hap_hazard at 10:09 PM on July 15, 2013
byanyothername, that one's not Jack Handey. I've seen it attributed to George Carlin as well, who denies it was his. Somebody else online claims it was George Costanza's, but in reality it appears to be the work of Sean Morey. (Scroll down for his commentary on the quote!)
I am so glad you used the title you used, Rory.
Truth be told, it was the only one short enough to fit into the new abridged title space. ;)
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:12 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
I am so glad you used the title you used, Rory.
Truth be told, it was the only one short enough to fit into the new abridged title space. ;)
posted by Rory Marinich at 10:12 PM on July 15, 2013 [5 favorites]
“Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.”
If you listen to the murky bridge of Nirvana's "I Hate Myself and Want to Die," you can hear Kurt Cobain quietly speak-singing this one.
posted by gompa at 10:26 PM on July 15, 2013 [2 favorites]
Basically, all the sketches wth a "brought to you by" were Jack Handeys. Including Happy Fun Ball.
posted by Apropos of Something at 10:48 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Apropos of Something at 10:48 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
“If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.”
posted by changeling at 10:58 PM on July 15, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by changeling at 10:58 PM on July 15, 2013 [4 favorites]
"Laurie got offended that I used the word 'puke.' But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."
posted by gursky at 11:11 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by gursky at 11:11 PM on July 15, 2013 [3 favorites]
RakDaddy, I will send you a gift card to the chain restaurant of your choice if you go call and "CAW! CAW!" your brother at work. Just the thought of it is making me giggle. Please?????
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:24 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:24 PM on July 15, 2013 [1 favorite]
The bizarre 12:45 skits on SNL in the early 90's was just amazing to me; none moreso than this one, featuring John Malkovich as Johnny Canal.
Of course, it had to be Handey. Just learned he was also behind Toonces.
And to hear Handey's take on Al Franken (squandering his comedy ability by serving in the Senate) - I have a new appreciation for the seriousness of silly.
posted by borborygmi at 1:07 AM on July 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
Of course, it had to be Handey. Just learned he was also behind Toonces.
And to hear Handey's take on Al Franken (squandering his comedy ability by serving in the Senate) - I have a new appreciation for the seriousness of silly.
posted by borborygmi at 1:07 AM on July 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you?
You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.
posted by svenx at 1:07 AM on July 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone.
posted by svenx at 1:07 AM on July 16, 2013 [6 favorites]
Like jewels in a crown, the precious gems gleamed in the queen's round, metal hat.
posted by Oriole Adams at 1:49 AM on July 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by Oriole Adams at 1:49 AM on July 16, 2013 [3 favorites]
The bizarre 12:45 skits on SNL in the early 90's was just amazing to me; none moreso than this one, featuring John Malkovich as Johnny Canal.
Man I used to hate the late night skits in the early 90s. I thought maybe with a few years on me, I'd appreciate them more. But no, they still kind of suck. TBH, that whole era of SNL was kind of shit, except for a few exceptions. It wasn't until the Will Farrell era that I really thought it got funny again.
posted by empath at 3:29 AM on July 16, 2013
Man I used to hate the late night skits in the early 90s. I thought maybe with a few years on me, I'd appreciate them more. But no, they still kind of suck. TBH, that whole era of SNL was kind of shit, except for a few exceptions. It wasn't until the Will Farrell era that I really thought it got funny again.
posted by empath at 3:29 AM on July 16, 2013
Just so I'm not randomly shitting on them -- I think they work 'in theory'. Like they're funny ideas in the abstract, but actually on the screen, the humor is too thin, and it doesn't help that everyone is reading their lines off of cue cards. The whole gag was in the first 30 seconds of the skit.
posted by empath at 3:52 AM on July 16, 2013
posted by empath at 3:52 AM on July 16, 2013
I assumed for years that "Jack Handey" was a Franken creation.
Man, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
posted by solotoro at 5:10 AM on July 16, 2013
Man, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
posted by solotoro at 5:10 AM on July 16, 2013
His essays remind me of a much sillier David Markson. I love them.
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:29 AM on July 16, 2013
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 5:29 AM on July 16, 2013
I'm a bit perplexed as to why Jack Handey isn't a living god on Twitter, actually.
posted by Shepherd at 6:07 AM on July 16, 2013 [13 favorites]
posted by Shepherd at 6:07 AM on July 16, 2013 [13 favorites]
"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear."
posted by chalkbored at 6:40 AM on July 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
posted by chalkbored at 6:40 AM on July 16, 2013 [4 favorites]
I first learned of Deep Thoughts when I was in high school, early to mid 1980s National Lampoon printed them, and the occasional Jack Handy short-story or essay too, if I'm remembering correctly. I might not be, because also, I'm drunk.
My high-school friend Jon, who I was in like three classes with during our Junior year, and I, had a thing where whoever managed to buy the new issue first would hand it off to the other of us opened to the Deep Thoughts column. The rule was, you had to read it during class. And if you laughed ought loud, you had to give it back. And this was slightly risky as a game because we didn't want to get the magazine confiscated. Because it probably cost, like, three or four dollars in 1984 money. But worth it, because we liked cracking each other up.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:42 AM on July 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
My high-school friend Jon, who I was in like three classes with during our Junior year, and I, had a thing where whoever managed to buy the new issue first would hand it off to the other of us opened to the Deep Thoughts column. The rule was, you had to read it during class. And if you laughed ought loud, you had to give it back. And this was slightly risky as a game because we didn't want to get the magazine confiscated. Because it probably cost, like, three or four dollars in 1984 money. But worth it, because we liked cracking each other up.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:42 AM on July 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
> I'm a bit perplexed as to why Jack Handey isn't a living god on Twitter, actually.
Why give it away when he can sell it?
posted by ardgedee at 6:58 AM on July 16, 2013
Why give it away when he can sell it?
posted by ardgedee at 6:58 AM on July 16, 2013
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.
posted by FatherDagon at 8:42 AM on July 16, 2013
posted by FatherDagon at 8:42 AM on July 16, 2013
Jack Handey is a name that is almost but not quite funny, so it's pretty easy to understand how so many people just assumed it was something that SNL writers made up.
posted by ckape at 12:02 PM on July 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by ckape at 12:02 PM on July 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.
posted by ludwig_van at 12:36 PM on July 16, 2013
posted by ludwig_van at 12:36 PM on July 16, 2013
I kind of wonder why it seems to be a common thought (including with me for a long time) that Jack Handey was Al Franken. I thought I was the only one who'd just decided that OBVIOUSLY:
a) Jack wasn't real
and
b) Jack was actually Al Franken.
(Also, I do find empath's comment:
Man I used to hate the late night skits in the early 90s. I thought maybe with a few years on me, I'd appreciate them more. But no, they still kind of suck. TBH, that whole era of SNL was kind of shit, except for a few exceptions. It wasn't until the Will Farrell era that I really thought it got funny again.
kinda funny because I feel the exact opposite. Hooray for subjectivity!)
Finally, thelonius, that one's Emo Philips. But Emo is super awesome, so yay!
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 1:18 PM on July 16, 2013
a) Jack wasn't real
and
b) Jack was actually Al Franken.
(Also, I do find empath's comment:
Man I used to hate the late night skits in the early 90s. I thought maybe with a few years on me, I'd appreciate them more. But no, they still kind of suck. TBH, that whole era of SNL was kind of shit, except for a few exceptions. It wasn't until the Will Farrell era that I really thought it got funny again.
kinda funny because I feel the exact opposite. Hooray for subjectivity!)
Finally, thelonius, that one's Emo Philips. But Emo is super awesome, so yay!
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 1:18 PM on July 16, 2013
....actually, I think I am wrong. I'm confusing that one with the Emo line "And remember my grandfather's last words..... 'A truck!'"
So just like never mind.
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 1:29 PM on July 16, 2013
So just like never mind.
posted by Rev. Syung Myung Me at 1:29 PM on July 16, 2013
Yeah, Jack Handey did the "screaming and yelling" grandpa bit. I say this as an independent expert in Jack Handey, Emo Philips, and Steven Wright each.
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:58 PM on July 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by Rory Marinich at 2:58 PM on July 16, 2013 [2 favorites]
I first learned of Jack Handey (and really, comedy, in general) in my dormitory bathroom freshman year of college. A kid in my dorm used to post weekly digests of Deep Thoughts on the inside of the toilet stalls. I only remember a few, and the flamingo one is my favorite. Another fave:
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
posted by bluefly at 3:02 PM on July 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
posted by bluefly at 3:02 PM on July 16, 2013 [1 favorite]
I'm so gratified to learn that SNL also has a colloquialism ("Cast for Good Nights") for the divine weirdness that el_lupino and I always called the "ten to one" sketch. And it's an indication of Handey's genius that a number of those sketch ideas killed me just reading them. I should go dig out my Deep Thoughts books and enjoy them again.
posted by jocelmeow at 3:43 PM on July 16, 2013
posted by jocelmeow at 3:43 PM on July 16, 2013
I haven't seen if this is in the article, but his WTF MAc Maron interview was amazing. As I recall, he talks about being Steve Martin's neighbor before either of them worked in comedy.
I can't find this interview - could it have been with someone else than Marc Maron? Would love to track this down.
posted by Mchelly at 4:57 PM on July 16, 2013
I can't find this interview - could it have been with someone else than Marc Maron? Would love to track this down.
posted by Mchelly at 4:57 PM on July 16, 2013
I don't know about WTF, but Jack Handey was on Bullseye, Jesse Thorn's show, a while back.
posted by bluefly at 6:56 AM on July 17, 2013
posted by bluefly at 6:56 AM on July 17, 2013
"If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way."
posted by papafrita at 9:39 AM on July 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by papafrita at 9:39 AM on July 17, 2013 [1 favorite]
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
You missed the punchline!
"I started to drive him to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
posted by Sys Rq at 8:29 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
You missed the punchline!
"I started to drive him to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
posted by Sys Rq at 8:29 AM on July 18, 2013 [2 favorites]
You missed the punchline!
Ahhh!! You're right. The vagaries of cut and paste - sorry about that.
posted by bluefly at 9:12 AM on July 18, 2013
Ahhh!! You're right. The vagaries of cut and paste - sorry about that.
posted by bluefly at 9:12 AM on July 18, 2013
« Older Going green | Cold Chain Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."
posted by MoxieProxy at 5:41 PM on July 15, 2013 [17 favorites]