March or Be eaten by your friends

August 4, 2013 10:51 AM

Band members must continually move to avoid being eaten by similarly deprived conspecifics. If you're a swarming Mormon cricket (Anabrus simplex), marching is the only way to avoid being eaten by the individual who is just behind you. Tips to deter your cannibal buddies from turning you into dinner: 1) Move 2) Move!!! 3) Keep your body axis parallel to the flow 4) Beware of females (shorter version). Cannibalistic interactions during swarming behaviour have also been observed in desert locusts (Schistocerca gregaria) (looks paywalled but actually free).
posted by elgilito (16 comments total)

An an ex-mormon, I will avoid making the obvious jokes.
posted by EnterTheStory at 10:59 AM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

Nature's own Zerg rush; Kek Kek Kek!
posted by Renoroc at 11:11 AM on August 4, 2013

Crickets are jerks. There, I said it.
posted by jammy at 11:17 AM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

I meant to flag that as 'Fantasti'! EnterTheStory, bus bumped! :(
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 11:19 AM on August 4, 2013

I was sure this was one of those "one time, at band camp..." stories.
posted by briank at 11:22 AM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

They're ugly, too.
posted by Doleful Creature at 11:25 AM on August 4, 2013

Sounds a lot like the lunch line in Jr. High.
posted by HuronBob at 11:31 AM on August 4, 2013

Or the Donner party.
posted by jenkinsEar at 11:42 AM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

Can I just say that a game of Swarming Mormon Cricket would be a game I would watch?
posted by Devonian at 11:55 AM on August 4, 2013 [2 favorites]

Easy for you to tell band members to keep marching. You're not playing the tuba.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:59 AM on August 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

Friend fiction rating: next level.
posted by boo_radley at 12:33 PM on August 4, 2013

Band members must continually move to avoid being eaten by similarly deprived conspecifics.

This is also what happened to the Beatles.
posted by leotrotsky at 1:21 PM on August 4, 2013 [3 favorites]

"Cricket and victim were left for 50 min, after which the extent of cannibalism was scored" made me laugh. In my head the scientists are holding up Olympics-style diving scorecards.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:07 PM on August 4, 2013

A dirt road in the Nevada desert, July in a wet year. One cricket gets hit by a car. The ones behind it stop for dinner. Another car comes by: more dead crickets. It's dark, and parts of the road move a bit in your headlights. What is that?
The road slowly fills in with patches of Mormon crickets feasting on their kin. You give up on dodging them all and keep driving. Crunch. Squish. Try to think about something else. When you arrive at camp, your friends see your face, nod in sympathy, hand you a beer.
posted by nixt at 4:42 PM on August 4, 2013 [1 favorite]

I am going to have a hard time getting that half eaten bunny rabbit image out of my mind. I was finding it interesting until that suddenly popped up. *Shakes fist at elgilito*
posted by madamjujujive at 4:56 PM on August 4, 2013

And here I sit in my house listening to the crickets outside this evening. What are they saying? I don't want to know.

reap reap reap reap reap

eat eat eat eat eat

meat meat meat meat meat
posted by No-sword at 1:33 AM on August 5, 2013 [1 favorite]