Warning: This will probably make you angry about silly things.

October 17, 2013 4:28 PM

Scrapple, Half-smokes, Marionberry Pie, Cowboy Cookies and Akutaq: Deadspin responds to Slate's wonderful state-by-state sports map (previously) with a map of regional foods, complete with highly opinionated rankings and commentary.
posted by Navelgazer (182 comments total)

How dare they malign the precious food of [my home state] this is an outrage
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:33 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

(No but seriously Deadspin you don't even KNOW what decent pulled pork is)
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:33 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Demerits for New England!? Why, you *remembers walking around Kenmore when the Sox were home*


okay, yeah
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 4:35 PM on October 17, 2013

Yes, I, a person who dislikes seafood, moved to Washington, a state with no regional food other than a claim to having some fish.

Oh well, it's better than the map where Washington's distinctive feature was people having sex with horses.
posted by Artw at 4:36 PM on October 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

Also what, Cincinnati Chili is great! I mean I've never had it in actual Cincinnati so maybe the recipe I have is bastardized, but I really like it! It's got cinnamon! And no @#%$ beans!
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:36 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Some pretty tasty-looking shit in here, though sadly a bit "a big bowl of sugar for every meal".
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:36 PM on October 17, 2013

Please, dear God, tell me that's a plate of okra on Oklahoma.
posted by Dr. Zira at 4:37 PM on October 17, 2013

WV: I applaud them for recognizing that a hot dog isn't a real hot dog unless it has slaw on it, but pepperoni rolls.
posted by tallthinone at 4:38 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Dr. Zira, it is. They left the bull testicles appropriately in Montana.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:38 PM on October 17, 2013

Please, dear God, tell me that's a plate of okra on Oklahoma.

Okrahoma?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:39 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh, here we go.

I tell you, you have ONE high profile bestiality case...
posted by Artw at 4:40 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

It's a fairly decent list as a whole, but that's the wrongest anybody has ever been about Cuban sandwiches.
posted by penduluum at 4:42 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure they just alienated half of New Mexico.
posted by ckape at 4:43 PM on October 17, 2013

What's that in Nevada? An empty plate?

Sounds about right.
posted by mmoncur at 4:44 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oregon .. Represent .. Marionberry pies are the best
posted by jgaiser at 4:44 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

It totally does make me angry about silly things.

I've lived in Colorado for damn near a decade and have never so much as heard of a "cowboy cookie". Kansas gets "hamburger casserole". I mean, Kansas is kind of a horrifying food desert and all, but there is nothing about "hamburger casserole" that typifies or epitomizes its regional cuisine. Even church-basement potlucks full of casseroles tend towards about six hundred other kinds of casserole first. They also manage to talk shit about hotdish, chicken-fried steak, and Texas barbecue.

For Nebraska, they come up with "handheld meat pies", which I assume is somewhere between they managed to find a reference to Runza and they noticed that there are some descendants of Czech immigrants running around, but come the fuck on. Is, I dunno, "steak" a difficult concept?

WEAK.
posted by brennen at 4:45 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

What is a Hot Hawaiian Breakfast? Does he mean Loco Moco?
posted by cazoo at 4:45 PM on October 17, 2013

Is that salt water taffy for new jersey because I could have sworn our state food was pork roll
posted by smackwich at 4:46 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

"handheld meat pies"

Now I miss Cornish pasties.
posted by Artw at 4:48 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Pulled pork is more reliably tasty than burgoo—that is to say, there's virtually zero chance of it containing a fistful of raccoon fur—but a lot less wonderful.

Pool cues at dawn, sir.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:50 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Shouldn't Nevada's have been the Buffet?
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:51 PM on October 17, 2013 [9 favorites]

The drawings are nice. Pointless -and- uncreative slagging on every third state -- dull. "Here are the best dishes with insulting commentary!"

"Try harder, Vermont." Yeah, right back at ya.
posted by user92371 at 4:52 PM on October 17, 2013

Even when the choices are good, the little descriptions seem like lazy attempts to piss people off. It's like okay "pulled pork barbecue" is obviously a fine choice for North Carolina (well, actually it should really be chopped, but let's assume you don't know better), but they don't even bother to say anything about it, other than "it's not as good as burgoo" which is I know isn't true and I've never even had burgoo. Same for Virginia; a nice country ham is a fine choice, but it's not just another ham. I could take you to my family reunions and there'll be city ham biscuits and country ham biscuits and you'll know the difference.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 4:53 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Now I long for the real crabcakes of my youth. Dad would get into the car, run over five people on the way to the place with the good, cheap crabs, pick up a few buckets worth, drive home with only minor bodily harm, and then we'd cook'em all up. Half the crabs were eaten on the table with corn and the wails of those who were run over and not dead enough to also hunger for delicious crab, the other half were raided for their meat for future crabcakes.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 4:54 PM on October 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

"handheld meat pies"

Now I miss Cornish pasties.

Yeah, those aren't pies, those are pasties, ffs. This is a goddamn "hand held" meat pie.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:54 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Is that salt water taffy for new jersey because I could have sworn our state food was pork roll

Yes, shit with Taylor Ham on it was called "Jersey style" at the late lamented Big Nick's.

Taffy is a shore thing, up and down the coast. Bah!
posted by The Whelk at 4:55 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Shouldn't Nevada's have been the Buffet?

It should have been a Basque dinner.

Also, I weep when people are so wrong-minded about fried okra. I am weeping.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:56 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Never trust a pie that comes in a packet.
posted by Artw at 4:56 PM on October 17, 2013

There's a lot about this list that I disagree with (for starters it seems like sour grapes from a Chicagoan who has experienced far less of the country than he thinks he has) but most strangely I feel the need to defend New Jersey, a state in which I've never lived and as a New Yorker am obligated to treat with disdain, but come on. Salt Water Taffy is a candy and NJ has a lot of delicious (if murderously unhealthy) regional foodstuff which would better fit this bill. I'd go for Sloppy Joes (if you're picturing a manwich you are wrong and should educate yourself) and put it near the top.
posted by Navelgazer at 4:57 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Hell yeah, ribs! And we also invented the ice cream cone and hot dog bun, so we'll just be taking those from Rhode Island, Delaware, D.C., and West Virginia too. In fact, Iowa invented the Corn Dog as a direct act of rebellion against us--true story.

I'm also pretty sure we invented the buffet as every restaurant in this city is one. Every restaurant.
posted by sourwookie at 5:01 PM on October 17, 2013

Now I miss Cornish pasties.

i don't - but i live in michigan so i can have one when i want

of course, our real signature dish is a bowl of corn flakes

they were very unfair to pasties - and even though i love to slag ohio, they were utterly stupidly unfair to cincinnati chili - i like mine three way, although i have to settle for frozen skyline up here ...
posted by pyramid termite at 5:01 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

I don't care to defend the food of my longtime residence -- the Minnesota hotdish -- but I don't know what kind of effete milquetoast that fool Burnenko has to be to cast aspersions on the pasty. I shall rectify this not with pistols at dawn, but by staking him down in one of the UP's spruce swamps and leaving him to the mosquitoes.
posted by mr. digits at 5:02 PM on October 17, 2013

The Maryland entry in the "rankings and commentary" link is just right.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 5:03 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Is Deadspin always like that?
posted by trip and a half at 5:06 PM on October 17, 2013

If you're in the DC area, I cannot recommend Hard Times enough for a good Cincinnati Three-Way (or Texas, or Terlingua Red, or even a surprisingly good Veggie Chili.) Ben's Chili Bowl is great for a Half-Smoke, but Hard Times is for a proper chili-mac.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:07 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

but by staking him down in one of the UP's spruce swamps and leaving him to the mosquitoes.

make sure you use chains - ropes can break - you don't want the skeeters to pick him up and drop him here, there and everywhere
posted by pyramid termite at 5:09 PM on October 17, 2013

Would you rather have another boring bratwurst, or a hot Italian sausage with sautéed peppers and onions? Or a grilled kielbasa with a pickle spear, sauerkraut, and grainy mustard?

The great thing about going to a Brewers game is that you don't have to choose.
posted by escabeche at 5:10 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Also, Chicago-style pizza is the worst kind of pizza, Mission burritos are the worst kind of burritos, and Cincinnati chili is the best kind of chili, so I am not on board with this list.
posted by escabeche at 5:11 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

New Jersey should be pork roll, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel with saltpepperketchup. Also, I now feel bad for liking Skyline chili.
posted by exit at 5:17 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Did Cincinnati chilli run over their dog or something? Damn. I like the stuff quite a bit, but what do I know? At least my state's entry ranks over it and getting hit by a car, I suppose.
posted by Aznable at 5:22 PM on October 17, 2013

Well, I've managed to get born and raised in PA and spend about three of my four decades here without ever, to the best of my recollection, having 'scrapple'. And the article doesn't even say what the hell scrapple IS, instead devoting itself to explaining why the entry for PA isn't a Philly Cheesesteak. Which I've also never had. Either this article sucks, or I do.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 5:22 PM on October 17, 2013

Also, a friend of mine on Facebook made the point that anyone who has lived in DC knows that the real regional food there is an Ethiopian sampler, but the Half-smoke has it's ties to Ben's and the history of DC as an African-American homestead, which I can appreciate.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:24 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Asking what scrapple is is a sure sign that you've never had scrapple.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:24 PM on October 17, 2013 [10 favorites]

South Carolina: Shrimp and Grits.

Yes. No quibbles. No questions. This list is fine and good. Carry on.

You'll note North Carolina only gets "pulled pork." Very obviously, neither of their two middling sauces are worthy of note once one has had the almighty mustard base.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 5:24 PM on October 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

The list is arguably fine but the descriptions read as if they were written by an unwitty person trying too hard to be witty.
posted by plastic_animals at 5:27 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Well, I've managed to get born and raised in PA and spend about three of my four decades here without ever, to the best of my recollection, having 'scrapple'. And the article doesn't even say what the hell scrapple IS

Pork scraps and cornmeal mostly, it's pretty tasty.
posted by Drinky Die at 5:27 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Hurray, more data for the MeFi State Food Compilation!

If someone from Delaware or Wyoming could weigh in, your state will no longer be unrepresented in the compilation.
posted by zamboni at 5:27 PM on October 17, 2013

And what is the difference between burgoo and just mixing and boiling up whatever you have in your fridge all together in a pot.

i think you missed the part about scraping stuff off the freeway with a snow shovel
posted by pyramid termite at 5:27 PM on October 17, 2013

Anyone who thinks a bratwurst is dull has never had an actual bratwurst. Or lacks taste buds.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:29 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

To be most accurate, the Rhode Island food should be johnnycakes, cornmeal pancakes. The are... Ok.

There was a recent effort to make calamari the "state appetizer," which shows that what RIslanders lack in imagination, they make up for in lack of taste.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:32 PM on October 17, 2013

Meh. I know that lists like this are designed to rouse "your favorite state sucks" arguments (and this one's more inflammatory than most), but a lot of these are just boring, lazy insults that pass over real good (or at least interesting) regional food:

Arizona: the Sonora-style hot dog, which unlike the enchilada is actually a unique local thing, tastes delicious, and is at least as heart-attack-inducing as deep dish pizza.

Hawaii: OMG, "hot Hawaiin breakfast" is a thing at, like, one crappy mid-range hotel. What about poke, which is basically the most god-damn delicious way to eat raw fish in the universe?

Connecticut: Deserves to get the clam bake rather than being saddled with a crappy "steamed burger." Yes, other NE states do clam bakes too, but it's not like steaming a burger is some uniquely-CT thing.

Colorado: Fat Tire, enough said.

I would also accept Dogfishhead for Delaware, but I don't know that the list needs 2 beers.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 5:34 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Never trust a pie that comes in a packet.

True, free-range hand-churned pies are less cruel, but they have somebody's grubby little digits all over them, plus you lose a lot of the flaky pastry to the floor, car seat, crotchal region of your pants, etc.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:36 PM on October 17, 2013

I make a great key-lime pie. (With Persian limes, cause key lime are tiny and sucktastic to work with.)
posted by oddman at 5:36 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

from the mefi state food compilation

Lord only knows what they eat in southwestern Michigan.

around grand rapids, the wet burrito

also in sw michigan vernor's and faygo are fairly well known - not just a detroit thing
posted by pyramid termite at 5:37 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

What's that in Nevada? An empty plate?

You're supposed to take the empty plate to the buffet and fill it with whatever you want.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:40 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

I spent way too long scrolling down the article to find South Carolina, worried that whatever oversweet (but tasty) pie they picked to represent us would come with some sort of scathing insult, then got HORRIBLY offended when I saw that we weren't even on the list...then I started over and saw the #2 entry. All is right with the world.

Except, what kind of monster doesn't like fried okra (or, as properly pronounced, "okry")? Of all the ways to make okra--and there are only two--fried is definitely the best.
posted by mittens at 5:40 PM on October 17, 2013

I have no qualms with their choice for Minnesota and their opinion of said choice.


I mean, it works as comfort food I suppose, but hot dish is legit nasty.
posted by louche mustachio at 5:41 PM on October 17, 2013

> To be most accurate, the Rhode Island food should be johnnycakes, cornmeal pancakes.

This is correct.

> They are... Ok.

This is not correct.
posted by ardgedee at 5:41 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Based on my many hours of playing New Vegas the official food of Nevada are 200 year old tinned apples.
posted by The Whelk at 5:43 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Way to condescend to the fried green tomato, Deadspin.

"They are good and you should eat some"?!? That's all you got? What, deadline looming and still a big gap between Mississippi and Georgia and your editor told you no more Saban jokes?

Fried green tomatoes (and fuck Fannie fucking Flagg for that fucking book about the Whistle Stop Cafe which is based on the Irondale Cafe that doesn't even serve the fifth-best fried green tomatoes in a ten-mile radius) ARE delicious, and they deserve proper consideration.

As everyone knows, a ripe summer tomato still warm from the garden is the best of all possible foods. A corollary of this rule is that the misshapen, undersized green tomatoes doomed to never ripen are among the saddest of produce.

And that's why the fried green tomato is important. It takes the dross, the stuff that would get slopped to the hogs, and elevates it to pride of place on the kitchen table. Corn meal, salt and pepper, and hot oil combine and transmute those sad bastards into something magnificent.

But like all good things, they do not last. They cannot be reheated. They are awful cold. They cannot be microwaved. They must be eaten hot and fresh as they are made, and they will sing to you. They will sing to you a salty sour ode to earth and sunshine and rainwater and cast iron skillets.

Fried green tomatoes are about taking something bad and making it into something good even if you know it won't last, and that's why they're important.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:43 PM on October 17, 2013 [40 favorites]

On the cowboy cookie bullshit, I can say I've lived in Colorado for 33 years off and on and WTF is a cowboy cookie? I think Colorado should be recognized for green chile stew. New Mexico can hand over the peppers and we will take it from here, thanks. Meanwhile in a twist of fate they get props for chile colorado (the red stuff).
posted by lordaych at 5:46 PM on October 17, 2013

I don't understand why Delaware gets frozen custard. It's not like we have more frozen custard than other states. In fact I'm not sure where the nearest place to get frozen custard to me is.
posted by interplanetjanet at 5:46 PM on October 17, 2013

BitterOldPunk that legit almost made me cry it was so beautiful.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:47 PM on October 17, 2013

Because troll
posted by lordaych at 5:48 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

[cranky Deadspin screed about Tampa]

Oh, so that's the guy my cousin's bestie's boyfriend's roommate's sister "accidentally" directed to Orlando when he asked how to get to Why-bore City!

Really, don't come here, we hate tourists, go the fuck away and leave us and our beloved pressed Cuban sandwiches (which we invented, because with the salami it's a mix of Cuban and Italian, hence from Ybor, and the salami is not optional) in peace. Unless you're here to visit someone, then welcome and have they taken you to Alessi's yet?
posted by cmyk at 5:48 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

But why is it rated so highly then?

the cars go fast enough to tenderize the meat - and gravel roads are way too dirty
posted by pyramid termite at 5:51 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Has the author never heard of Rocky Mountain Oysters? Why does Montana get the bull testicles and we get some crappy-ass cookie that may or may not actually exist?
posted by bibliowench at 5:51 PM on October 17, 2013

Sooner or later Colorado will get attention for Incredibles. I don't much care for banana flavor or the taste of hash oil but their mother fucking chocolate Coconut Banana walnut "Monkey bar" is actually fucking delicious and should come with a virgin one for later.
posted by lordaych at 5:52 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think there's enough variation and regional distinctness to do a similar thing just about hot dogs. You might have to get into the weeds as far as different types of chili and such, but it would be way more interesting to see 50 different takes on the same basic food than some dude trying to rank scrapple vs. frozen custard while being surly about a perfectly acceptable style of chili.
posted by Copronymus at 5:52 PM on October 17, 2013

For real, though, Cuban sandwiches are the best thing ever to come out of Tampa and I love them with a religious fervor and also they are the only excuse for yellow mustard. Also, I would like a couple of croquetas please.
posted by Cookiebastard at 5:53 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I fried a sliced green tomato once and it made me poop wetly for days. Perhaps that's more to do with my approach to the cooking, though, rather than the food itself.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:56 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think there's enough variation and regional distinctness to do a similar thing just about hot dogs.

Oh absolutely. A North Carolina style hot dog is chili, slaw, onions, and optionally mustard. I don't even think of North Carolina as being a big hot dog eating place, but we've definitely got one to call our own.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 5:56 PM on October 17, 2013

What is a Hot Hawaiian Breakfast? Does he mean Loco Moco?

He means spam and eggs, which proves his point about no research and no fairness.

Yeah, I'd propose Loco Moco - or better yet, Chicken Katsu plate lunch. Chee-Hoo!
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:58 PM on October 17, 2013

If anything, this thread has reminded me that my mom made amazing shrimp and grits last time I visited her and I need to ask her if she'll make it again for me. Oh, so good. I should really visit my mom more often.

Also, Chicago-style pizza is great and so are lobster rolls, and I eat my hotdogs with ketchup sometimes, which I hear is an unforgivable culinary sin.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:59 PM on October 17, 2013

You're right, it pissed me off. Particilularly his ignorant, predjuced comments about Virginians.
posted by smoothvirus at 5:59 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm pretty sure they just alienated half of New Mexico.

Whereas I feel, perhaps for the first time, like I have been truly seen.

And yeah, I totally don't get the cowboy cookie thing for Colorado. I've lived in Colorado for about 18 years total, and I'm pretty sure I've never had one.

If it were for me to decide, I'd probably award Colorado the sopaipilla, since it is the home of the last remaining Casa Bonita restaurant.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 6:01 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

> I think there's enough variation and regional distinctness to do a similar thing just about hot dogs.

It's so very simple...

Quebec has Michigan Hot-Dogs. Michigan has Coneys. Coney Island has plain old hot dogs.

Chicago has Vienna beef franks. Vienna has würstl, which is not quite the same thing. Neither are Vienna sausages.

New Jersey has Italian dogs and Texas weiners. Both were invented locally.

British Columbia has Japadogs and California has Oki Dogs, purportedly sold in Okinawa (but all I have to go by is Wikipedia and what does that thing know anyway?)

What we can conclude is that it is through hot dogs that people manifest their desire for travel to exotic foreign lands.
posted by ardgedee at 6:04 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

New Mexico can hand over the peppers and we will take it from here, thanks.

I think this is where I note the unofficial motto of my high school: what makes you think I won't cut you?

I would also crack my knuckles threateningly, except I don't know how to do that. Or wield a knife, really. I am personally unprepared to cut anyone and am actually a very nonviolent person and this is not an actual threat in any way. The most violent thing I do is whack peanuts with a hammer for curry.

Also I could not tell those were enchiladas from the picture. They just look like a pile of pancakes with stuff on top. Real piles of enchiladas look... flatter. In more of a gooey pile. They'd be more recognizable with an egg on top.

Granted, Ezra's Place and Sophia's both make an excellent pile of pancakes with stuff on top.

Honestly when I saw this post I expected to see sopapillas or huevos rancheros for NM. Though mostly that was because I wanted to witness The Great Sopapilla vs. Beignet showdown, which would create DELICIOUS CARNAGE.
posted by NoraReed at 6:04 PM on October 17, 2013 [6 favorites]

I think there's enough variation and regional distinctness to do a similar thing just about hot dogs.

Check out Hot Dog of the Week on Serious Eats! It's written by cartoonist Hawk Krall so some of the posts have his great food illustrations of regional dogs, too.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:06 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I hereby nominate Gooey Butter Cake for Missouri, because KC and Memphis are definitely not the same.
posted by Foosnark at 6:11 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Make that om-nom-nominate.
posted by Foosnark at 6:11 PM on October 17, 2013

New Jersey should be pork roll, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel with saltpepperketchup.

Jersey is 5am disco fries.
posted by elizardbits at 6:12 PM on October 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

Asking what scrapple is is a sure sign that you've never had scrapple.

I was eating breakfast at Ben's Chili Bowl, and a a very preppy young woman sitting behind me asks the waitress: "what's scrapple?"

The waitress replies: "oh, honey, if you have to ask, you probably aren't going to want it.... It's like the plywood of meats."

Now I live in Pennsylvania, and scrapple seemed more prevalent in DC. I've never seen it in Pittsburgh, but it was definitely around in Washington.
posted by another zebra at 6:14 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

also they forgot the scare quotes around the chicago-style "pizza"
posted by elizardbits at 6:15 PM on October 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

Oh, and I am mostly unfamiliar with Wyoming and do not know whether or not chicken-fried steak is a signature dish of that state, but I have had it elsewhere and it can be fucking delicious, so I don't know who this numbnuts is that wrote this thing but he probably doesn't deserve to eat anything ever again.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:16 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Also, I thought frozen custard was a Missouri thing, because Ted Drewe's is the best, and it's basically what Cold Stone dreams of being.
posted by NoraReed at 6:17 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Deadspin: 110% Trying Too Hard

Also, wtf lutefisk for North Dakota? No, that was lazy research indeed--no one actually eats lutefisk. Walleye, yes, you'll see walleye fry-ups at the local VFW and the Lutheran church meeting. I will even accept, if you must emphasize the Nordic, lefse. Minnesota might object to both of those, but they got hotdish so they shouldn't care too much.
posted by librarylis at 6:17 PM on October 17, 2013

And South Dakota should be bison burgers, actually. Or pheasant.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:24 PM on October 17, 2013

Oh Jeebus, I am just now realizing that this is the same author that did the Macho Caesar Salad thing several weeks ago and he has reached negative credibility now.
posted by Cookiebastard at 6:29 PM on October 17, 2013

spitbull, could you please describe it?
posted by Navelgazer at 6:30 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

because KC and Memphis are definitely not the same.

Too true. There is one authentic barbecue and that is Memphis barbecue, ribs, pulled pork, all of it. Forget North Carolina, they just raise a lot of hogs, forget Kansas City, it's a mere imitation, and forget Texas, where messing up the smoke is mistaken for flavor. Catfish, on the other hand, is truth in the entire Delta and not particularly Arkansas.

While I'm at it, there are a lot of delicious gumbos in Louisiana. Ever had Gumbo Z'Herbes? There are also jambalaya and crawfish étouffée, and don't forget bread pudding and creme caramel, the Louisiana versions of the generic bowl of sugar.

As for the food spin at the end, they left out egg salad.
posted by Anitanola at 6:35 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I differ from Anitanola only in that I recognize that many varieties of Barbecue are excellent but that Memphis Dry Rub reigns as king and queen far above the rest.

Far, far above the rest.
posted by Navelgazer at 6:38 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I live WALKING DISTANCE from The Barbecue Hut, a rundown looking fastfoodish looking outfit that has the most delectable pork barbecue sandwiches one has ever had the pleasure of sinking one's teeth into. Comes on a white bread bun. Cole slaw on top of the chopped meat. Which has NO noxious mustard sauce, I must add. Texas Pete on the table in case you need to kick up the heat a notch.


That, my friends, is food.

(I suppose if we ever needed to have a Fayetteville meetup, it wouldn't be a bad first stop.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:39 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

(Now we did have catered Texas barbecue at my son's wedding in San Antonio, and I must admit, it was good. But it doesn't speak to me like my blessed NC barbecue does.)
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:41 PM on October 17, 2013

Besides, neither of those is as tasty as Creole gumbo, which, factually, is the sole credible argument for not sinking [Louisiana] into the Gulf of Mexico.

uh
posted by threeants at 6:48 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Washington gets teriyaki. Yes, I know the article says Seattle, but teriyaki joints are all over this state.
posted by brookeb at 6:51 PM on October 17, 2013

Key lime are tiny and sucktastic to work with.

Pro tip: cut them in half and use a garlic press to squeeze out their limenescence. Squeezey peazy!
posted by carmicha at 7:01 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

I can't believe I'm about to defend Cincinnati chili. That's because I'm from Cleveland and we tend to refer to Cincinnati as "Northern Kentucky" rather than an actual part of Ohio (case in point: Johen Boehner).

But you know what? Cincinnati chili is amazing. But you have to have it in Cincinnati. There are a couple of Skyline Chilis in Cleveland but no one cares about them because they are only marginally better than fast food. But Skyline Chili in Cincinnati? Way different. And way better. I don't know if it's because they use different ingredients, or that the ingredients don't travel well or whatever, but Cincinnati Chili does not work outside of Cincinnati.

And it's not just Skyline. Cincinnati has Gold Star Chili, and a couple of other places that I forget the names of.

This dipshit probably went to a Skyline in Indiana or Cleveland or somewhere decidedly not Cincinnati and decided that it wasn't that great and then decided to write about it as if his experience was the same as getting Skyline in Cincinnati at 2am on a Saturday morning after drinking profusely at the local bars.

You know Rob Portman? The Ohio Senator from Cincinnati who reversed his stance on gay marriage after learning that his son was gay? His son came out to him while they eating together at Skyline. Because that's where you share important moments in Cincinnati.
posted by mcmile at 7:08 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

Navelgazer and St. Alia, I wouldn't say those are bad barbecues--I have been offered what I'd have to say is such bad barbecue that it couldn't rightly be called barbecue at all as they skipped all the steps like finding the right pork and building a good wood fire in the barbecue pit and applying the secret sauce or rub and slow smoky cooking in order to have something worthy of the name so I know what bad barbecue is, but, rather, I am speaking in the sense that the good can be the enemy of the best. I'd eat North Carolina or Kansas City or other actual barbecue (except for that mesquite stuff) but I'd still want some righteous Memphis barbecue! In fact, I can walk to a barbecue place right here in New Orleans but I'd have to pass Jacque-Imo's on the way and I'm sure I'd stop right there.
posted by Anitanola at 7:09 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

For those as dislike Chicago-style pizza: which part do you find objectionable? Is it the profusion of ingredients? Or is it the tomato over cheese arrangement?
posted by Iridic at 7:19 PM on October 17, 2013

For my money dry ribs are the best barbecue found outside the state of a North Carolina. I'm loathe to speak well of foreign barbecue traditions, they almost universally feature too much sauce rather than letting the meat speak for itself, but dry ribs? Dry ribs are good.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:24 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

This was truly terrible writing. And researching. And dumbassing. I'm not even sure he's been to some of these states, much less eaten authentic food from it. A simple web search could have helped him tremendously, if he was interested in providing something that would be useful or actually witty. It could told him that there were foods that some of these states he is seemingly only interested in mocking that were considered to be the state food. When I was planning my big trip out west last year, I quickly learned I should seek out Pork Chop Sandwiches in Montana, for example.

I am not convinced he's ever had Virginian ham or NC BBQ or been to North Dakota or had decent Cincinnati chili or been to Hawaii (seriously, a "breakfast" I never saw there over delicious poke or even their shave ice? Even over the ubiquitous macadamia pancakes or that juice blend or ...) or ever been to good old fashioned midwestern boil or eaten real bratwurst.

On a side note, I've seen Scrapple throughout the upper south and midwest, as well as Pennsylvania. I never associate it with any state in particular.
posted by julen at 7:26 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Iridic: I can handle Chicago-style "pizza" much better since I understood it not as pizza but as eggless quiche.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:26 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

Man, we've got some kickass food in Tennessee that ain't barbecued goddamned ribs. I'm talking about pinto beans & cornbread with greens, chow-chow and sweet onions, about scuppernong jelly and poke sallet and wild watercress and ginseng and the first ramps of spring. Benton's bacon alone should win the prize.

/walks away muttering
posted by workerant at 7:27 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

I'm from New Hampshire, and New Hampshire is not boiled dinner. New Hampshire is cider donuts, and cider donuts are awesome.
posted by Daily Alice at 7:46 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

1) Frozen custard is the fucking BOMB. Don't you dare fucking say "just ice cream with egg".
2) Mmm, pasties.
3) YOU LEAVE NY STYLE PIZZA ALONE! (Oh, for a restaurant that serves it in my area, again).
4) I also love Chicago Deep Dish.

Basically??? Pizza, FUCK YEAH.

Is Wisconsin Fried Cheese Curds, I must go look, because if it isn't (or Beer, or Brats) Somebody needs a big spanking.

Yeah - Brats, A+ on selection F- on the 'tude. Def meant to piss us off, clearly.
posted by symbioid at 8:12 PM on October 17, 2013

I'm actually a fan of the guy. He's talking to a pretty specific audience, which accounts a lot for the tone, but he if you can deal with it, he's got some good stuff. This is sort of an expansion on his throw away listing of best "N" which is an ongoing schtick where things are listed without comment or explanation, and the worst is almost always worse than getting hit by a car (previous example: ranking freezer pops by color, and blue came out last, where it belongs).

That said, he's dead wrong about Michigan. Coney dog, please. With extra coney sauce.

As for Chicago-style pizza, it is a defining style of pizza, and I love it, but you've already got a town with a definitive hot dog style (tomato, pickle, celery salt, mustard, etc), and the king of the city, the italian beef sandwich. It's not just food, it's a ritual, a communion.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:14 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

What most surprised me about Chicago food is that it's apparently the only place in the U.S. outside of the Southwest where you can find truly, truly good Mexican food.*

New York, I love ya, and you're home to excellence in almost any food you put your mind to, but somehow you always come up short with Mexican.

(*DC gets a technical mention because of Lauriol Plaza, which rightly serves excellent Mexican in a fittingly upscale environment, but that's the only good Mexican spot in town, so there.)
posted by Navelgazer at 8:20 PM on October 17, 2013

I am not a fan of the guy. This is the stormfront.org of food-writing. He is offensively wrong and revels in it. For instance, he mentions barbecue as the regional food for North Carolina. NC BBQ is good, especially if you like the vinegar sauce, but the real regional food for North Carolina is biscuits. Nobody does biscuits better than North Carolina.
posted by Cookiebastard at 8:24 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I am simultaneously outraged that he used scrapple as the state food of Pennsylvania, and that he ranked scrapple higher than 52nd on the list, because ugh. Scrapple.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 8:28 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

If nothing else, this list demonstrates the supremacy of pie over cake. Peach pie, key lime pie, marionberry pie, mud pie, meat pies, pizza pies. No cakes, except crab "cake" which are usually just vaguely crab-flavored bread wads.
posted by freejinn at 8:33 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

New Jersey should be pork roll, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel with saltpepperketchup.

Close but it should be a hard roll not a bagel. You can get bagels anywhere but I've never found a decent hard roll outside of Jersey. Damn, now I'm craving a taylor ham and egg on a roll and I'm 350 miles from the nearest one.
posted by octothorpe at 8:34 PM on October 17, 2013

It's super weird when you learn of Marion Barry looong before you learn of marionberries. I can't not associate them in my mind.
posted by jason_steakums at 8:45 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

The people who wrote this are clearly pizza Philistines.
posted by slkinsey at 8:46 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

How do you pick hot dogs for WV

I mean you can get hot dogs anywhere. I can go outside and trip over a great hot dog on the sidewalk.

WV is where you get pepperoni rolls
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 8:55 PM on October 17, 2013

i had scrapple in a diner in philly, trying to be brave and freak out my companion. It was an amazingly complex, quite robust dish, closer to country pat or terrine, than anything else, i loved it.
posted by PinkMoose at 8:58 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

No spiedies? The people of Binghamton wish to have words.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:59 PM on October 17, 2013

I think of scrapple as breakfast haggis.
posted by zamboni at 9:03 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Not sure how I've gone 39 years in Colorado and never seen a cowboy cookie.

Now, green chile from Jake at Lori's in Durango. Rocky Ford cantaloupes. Olathe corn. Palisade peaches. Colorado potatoes. Haystack goat cheese. Bootstrap and Oskar Blues and Left Hand and a hundred other microbreweries... it's pretty awesome if you know where to look.
posted by underflow at 9:32 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

I think of scrapple as breakfast haggis.

Scrapple, tatties, and neeps.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 9:33 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Scrapple is disgusting. If you load it up with ketchup or maple syrup, it can be almost as palatable as ketchup or maple syrup, but by itself it's not something anyone should eat. Blech.

Still, if PA must have a state food, scrapple is probably the right call. The other possibilities are too local to specific parts of the state. Really all these articles do is point out how arbitrary and meaningless state boundaries are.
posted by tonycpsu at 9:41 PM on October 17, 2013

Deep dish pizza is a crime against God. New York style pizza is to Chicago style pizza as something really tasty is to getting hit in the nads with a roofing hammer.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:47 PM on October 17, 2013

I don't care how you feel about New York style pizza, calling Chicago style "a crime against God" can only mean you have no taste buds. Do you also think ice cream and chocolate are Satanic?
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:04 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

It's a weird lumpy lasagna except instead of tasty noodles it uses bread. Ghastly, doughy bread. It is a mockery of good food and an abomination unto the lord.
posted by elizardbits at 10:10 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

These pizza arguments are dreadful... "I can't stomach that the thing you eat has the same name as one I do but isn't the same thing so you're people are awful and I'm standing up for my tribe of people that call my thing the name!" Same discussion every time and no one gets any wiser.
posted by fishmasta at 10:11 PM on October 17, 2013 [7 favorites]

But when I was a kid in Paris with my family the first night my brother ordered a "pizza complete" and it came and it was kind of like New York style but with all of the toppings in a small pile in the center with a fried egg on top and we can agree that's not a good way to give someone a pizza, right?
posted by Navelgazer at 10:32 PM on October 17, 2013 [2 favorites]

I just can't figure out how you'd eat that. Was it cut into slices? If so, what happened to the egg? If not, did he eat it with a knife and fork, like a pancake? So many questions.

(Another thing I can't comprehend: how a meat and cheese and veggie pie is anything close to lasagna.)
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:39 PM on October 17, 2013

The thing about Chicago style pizza - it's good, for what it is, but by it's very nature it's expensive and unwieldy. It's definitely a sit down affair, it takes forever to make. It feels... touristy. It doesn't feel like a spontaneous part of the culture of the city the way that the dogs do, and honestly it seems like people's feelings about the dogs are stronger and more nuanced than those about the pizza . I would even put the giant burritos from the hole-in the-wall taquerias above the Chicago pizza: not in terms of culinary merit, but in terms of cultural ubiquity and importance.

New York pizza has a populist character that Chicago pizza lacks. New York is pizza in the window at 4 AM, delicious and cheap and crisp fro your drunk ass. Though it is inexpensive, there is a care and a pride to it that is far more closely mirrored by the Chicago dog than the pizza. Because of its ease, it has more outstate infiltration - there are "New York Style" pizza places that pop up everywhere, they are ubiquitous in a way that Chicago stlye pizza just cannot be by its very nature. However, Chicago dog joints proliferate.

That's why I don't get the whole Chicago vs. New York pizza thing. They aren't in the same league because they aren't even playing the same sport. I guess it's an excuse for a kind of "Hey, FUCK your pizza" rivalry, but that's about it. If you are looking for an iconic food to represent a region, you need a more powerful justification than a trumped-up rivalry.


Unless you are from Chicago and have a chip on your shoulder, in which case I cannot save you. You care way the hell too much about pizza in the wrong way.
posted by louche mustachio at 10:51 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

You, over there... You hate Deep Dish, give it to me, shut up and let me eat it.
You, over there... You hate NY Style? Give it to me, shut up and let me eat it.
You, over there... You hate St. Louis Style Pizza? Give it to me, shut up and let me eat it.
You, over there... You hate Scottish Deep Fried Frozen Pizza? Give it to me, shut up and let me eat it.

I WANT ALL THE PIZZAS. NOW.

(OK, maybe I'll pass on the Hawaiian or whatever that abomination is called, you know, with the pineapple and ham and shit? Oh, and no sardines.)
posted by symbioid at 10:51 PM on October 17, 2013 [8 favorites]

It's anchovies, symbioid, anchovies, and you just slide them little fishies over here, because contrary to popular belief they are fucking delicious on pizza, and most people who think otherwise have only heard them referred to as a joke. The are too expensive to accidentally end up on your pizza, unlike disgusting greasy orange pepperoni (you know, the underspiced mealy kind, not the good stuff.)
posted by louche mustachio at 10:55 PM on October 17, 2013 [5 favorites]

Same discussion every time and no one gets any wiser.

I love these kinds of discussions. They remind me that everyone is a member of fandom, even if the only fandom they're in is for their regional food.
posted by NoraReed at 10:57 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Modified Hawaian that is awesome: Pineapple, ham and jalapeno. it's ace.
posted by Artw at 10:57 PM on October 17, 2013 [4 favorites]

I love these kinds of discussions. They remind me that everyone is a member of fandom, even if the only fandom they're in is for their regional food.


Also, everyone wants some pie.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:05 PM on October 17, 2013

Just be glad the pizza you get isn't liberally sprinkled with corn, tuna fish, potatoes, seaweed, and slathered in mayonnaise. Seriously, eat your pizza and be happy you don't have to work within the confines of the holy terror that is the Japanese pizza menu.
posted by Ghidorah at 11:10 PM on October 17, 2013 [3 favorites]

Oh my god that sounds like a big pile of nope right there.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:16 PM on October 17, 2013 [1 favorite]

Lutefisk is delicious and deserves to be much higher on the list. It melts in your mouth.
posted by Area Man at 12:52 AM on October 18, 2013

Area Man, M&Ms melt in your mouth. Lutefisk enters the mouth pre-melted. Also, reeking of ammonia. Hence, ew.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:05 AM on October 18, 2013

These are foods?

I don't think so. But then what do I know as a resident of 'that pallid, inbred, rain-soaked island shithole'.

You have my sympathies.
posted by rolo at 1:27 AM on October 18, 2013

Lutefisk is a practical joke that Norwegians play on visitors: "Ya, this is our very favorite food, ancient norse recipe, you must have some because you are our special guest. Later we will hit a reindeer with our fists." There is no snickering because Norwegians do not snicker. They laugh quietly on the inside.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 4:26 AM on October 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

> What is a Hot Hawaiian Breakfast? Does he mean Loco Moco?

I would have chosen spam sushi for Hawaii due to residual marvelling over recently having learned than spam sushi is not just a thing but a big important thing in HI. Sushi due to lots of people of Japanese ancestry, spam due to the massive WWII US military presence, the combination due to some sort of I-suppose-inevitable food miscegenation. At least it doesn't seem to involve canned pineapple. (Yet.)

Also, fried green tomatoes? Alabama? Going to war with Alabama over Chattahoochee River water is silly. Over this? Just tell me where the muster is. CAN'T HAVE, NOT YOURN.
posted by jfuller at 4:47 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I agree the smell is off putting, but lutefisk really does have a rich, delicious flavor. I'm happy to say that lutefisk dinner season is coming soon.
posted by Area Man at 5:08 AM on October 18, 2013

I cannot recommend Hard Times enough for a good Cincinnati Three-Way

...we're still talking about food, right?
posted by backseatpilot at 5:17 AM on October 18, 2013 [7 favorites]

I am just glad that Rhode Island's hot wieners are getting their day in the sun, is all.
posted by fancyoats at 5:24 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Central New York has some awesome regional foods. Utica-style greens, also known locally as Italian-style greens, are indescribably delicious and addictive. As are spiedies, grape pie and maple syrup and sugar. Right now you can get fresh apple fritters by the roadside. And of course we invented Buffalo wings...
posted by kinnakeet at 5:27 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

35. Fried pork tenderloin sandwich (Indiana)
This is a crispy chicken sandwich, only with a big, chewy sheaf of salty pig in place of the juicy, marinated chicken breast. It is neither particularly interesting nor particularly original. It is the signature food of Indiana, which, of course it is.

I'm not sure which strip-mall corporate eatery they had their "tenderloin" in, but it's plainly obvious they haven't actually had a legitimate tenderloin sandwich. It sounds more likely they were served a pork fritter, which is a sad, diminished, pre-packed, Sysco-ish imitator to the real thing.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:40 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

It took me all night to think of this. He picked frozen custard for Delaware because of Kohr's custard, which they only sell at the beach. I think I've eaten it once in all the years I've lived here. Makes as much sense as salt water taffy for NJ.
posted by interplanetjanet at 5:46 AM on October 18, 2013

Samosas are from Michigan?
posted by aught at 5:52 AM on October 18, 2013

I'm not surprised that the steamed cheeseburgers came in as low as they did. But I am surprised that the dude didn't discover that there are way better cheeseburgers also to be found in Connecticut.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:24 AM on October 18, 2013

And South Dakota should be bison burgers, actually. Or pheasant.

Any game meat you or a relative has hunted will do (mainly elk, venison, pheasant). A hamburger bought at a Mt Rushmore-area tourist trap or a truck stop on Rt 90 in the middle of freakin nowhere between Sioux Falls and Rapid City. Or just a workmanlike ribeye served with a wilted lettuce wedge on the side and a couple of Buds at a steakhouse/bar.
posted by aught at 6:51 AM on October 18, 2013

Philadelphia, which A) is the worst place on Earth

Something tells me that this writer envisions himself as the provocative sort, but there's no greater indicator of a lazy, phony, soft-bellied hack than a hatred of Philadelphia.
posted by snottydick at 7:06 AM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Central New York has some awesome regional foods. Also Western New York, with the actual wing invention, beef on weck, garbage plate, white hots.....

UPSTATE FOREVER.
posted by troika at 7:13 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Something tells me that this writer envisions himself as the provocative sort, but there's no greater indicator of a lazy, phony, soft-bellied hack than a hatred of Philadelphia.

Moreover, it means that he styles himself a food critic but has clearly not visited the 9th St. Market, which is a massive contradiction.
posted by Navelgazer at 7:26 AM on October 18, 2013

As a Texan, I actually prefer Kansas-style BBQ. Maybe I've just had too many tough, overcooked beef ribs and bland, dry briskets at places that claim to be "authentic Texas BBQ!". Not to mention the horrors of plain white bread, terrible potato salad, sickly-sweet beans, and for some reason, spear pickles and raw onions, that usually accompany it.

I have had lots of good burgers in Texas, with creative toppings and well-flavored, correctly cooked beef. I think we should stick to those and leave the BBQ to other people.

Most Texans think chili is our main dish anyway; as a non-chili-lover I don't feel qualified to judge. The cookoffs people have mostly seem to be about how hot they can get the chili, pepper-wise, and that's not my thing.
posted by emjaybee at 7:27 AM on October 18, 2013

It took me all night to think of this. He picked frozen custard for Delaware because of Kohr's custard, which they only sell at the beach. I think I've eaten it once in all the years I've lived here. Makes as much sense as salt water taffy for NJ.

I'm hard-pressed to think of any really distinctive Delaware food, though. Crab cakes? There are places that do great ones (I don't miss much about living in Delaware, but I miss Meding & Son on Route 1), but no way you can take that away from Maryland. Some people might say Grotto's pizza, which is prima facie evidence that they are insane and should not be trusted to operate heavy machinery.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:40 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm hard-pressed to think of any really distinctive Delaware food

Full disclosure, I only know about this from my "Joe Biden + Sandwich" google alert, but what about the Bobbie? Hand-pulled turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and mayonnaise on a roll from Capriotti's, a sandwich shop founded in Wilmington?
posted by troika at 7:43 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I've never heard of it, and there was a mildly popular Capriotti's in the town where I lived.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:47 AM on October 18, 2013

I would say subs in general for Delaware. Most sub shops in Delaware have a leftover thanksgiving turkey type sub. But I prefer the Italian.

Or I have heard that down state you can get muskrat. But I've never met anyone who tried it.

Honestly, the state food of Delaware should be chicken. In whatever form you want to eat it.
posted by interplanetjanet at 8:01 AM on October 18, 2013

it would be way more interesting to see 50 different takes on the same basic food

Check out the United States of Burgers from Serious Eats.
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 8:13 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

...Benton's bacon alone should win the prize.
posted by workerant

I shouldn't need to point out that I screwed up the link. Benton's bacon is not made of well-trained dogs.
posted by workerant at 8:41 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

Check out the United States of Burgers from Serious Eats.

That's very cool. Their choice for Rhode Island, the Stanleyburger at Stanley's, will always remind me of the time my wife's family took me to Stanley's for my birthday. My wife's grandmother, a woman who drank only champagne* and a regular at the types of restaurants that cater to people who only drink champagne, came and spent the whole time talking about how much she loved Stanleyburgers. The burgers were very good.

I would like someone from Montana to step up and explain the Montana entry on that list, the Nutburger which is a burger topped with ground peanuts in Miracle Whip.

*Eventually a doctor made her start drinking Gatorade for electrolytes, but she still mostly drank it out of champagne glasses.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:42 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

For any Philadelphia residents or expats who need an antidote to the facile Philly hatred exhibited in this post, I give you The 700 Level's Tastykake Rankings.

I have a couple of minor quibbles -- butterscotch krimpets are indeed superior to the jelly variant, but the jelly ones aren't so bad as to be off the list entirely -- but overall this is a pretty good list for anyone who finds themselves in a region where Tastykakes are available.
posted by tonycpsu at 8:50 AM on October 18, 2013

Dear Deadspin.com:

Fuck you and your ignorant statements about burgoo.

Burgoo is most definitely NOT made by "people just [bringing] whatever ingredients they can, and everybody puts what they've got into the stew, and out comes burgoo, and that is just fucking beautiful, even though in reality probably 78 percent of its ingredients were scraped off I-64 with a snow shovel". It is NOT a road-kill stew, and it is not a "mulligan" stew.

Some folks claim that burgoo is a "hunter's stew". Back in frontier times when you went out on a long hunt (as in, you wouldn't be coming home for a couple of weeks), you had to eat off the land. Hunters would gather whatever wild edible plants they could--wild onions, mushrooms, wild greens, wild okra, maize, etc.--any dried beans they'd packed with them, and small game--squirrel, possum, groundhog, rabbit, game birds--and stew them together, using some cornmeal to thicken it. If the hunting was very bad that season, a hunter would put a leather shoe in the pot to give the stew a little beefy flavor.

As people grew less dependent on hunting for food, they started adapting the recipe. Nowadays, a burgoo usually is made with mutton, pork, and chicken, though there are lots of versions out there with veal and/or beef, and of course people who have the access will still add game meat like venison, squirrel, rabbit, and so forth. You'll usually find some combination of potatoes, onions, corn, lima beans, tomatoes, and okra in a modern burgoo. These days, it's probably more similar to a Brunswick stew than anything.

Others claim that burgoo was invented by French chef Gustave "Gus" Jaubert, who worked for Confederate general John Hunt Morgan. The name "burgoo" reportedly came from Kentuckians' mispronunciation of the word "ragout", which is what Jaubert called the dish. The jury is still out as to whether the hunter theory, the Jaubert theory, or any other theory about the origin of burgoo is true, but we do know for a fact that after the Civil War, Buffalo Trace Distillery hired Jaubert to cook for its employees. He regularly made for them a burgoo consisting of "400 pounds of beef, six dozen chickens, four dozen rabbits, thirty cans of tomatoes, twenty dozen cans of corn, fifteen bushels of potatoes, and five bushels of onions", according to an article in the Louisville Courier-Journal in 1897.

Burgoo's still very popular, and is de rigeur at local political rallies. The Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels serves burgoo at their massive Day-After-Derby Party. IIRC, the person who gets served the shoe gets a prize. Anyway, due to its popularity as a stew for the masses, a lot of recipes out there are scaled for large crowds, so keep this in mind if you go a-hunting for one.


Some recipes for you folks who want to give it a shot:

The late, great Cissy Gregg (who was the food writer for the Louisville C-J for years), tracked down and published the burgoo recipe of James "Uncle Jim" Looney, the "burgoo-master" of Lexington who claimed to have inherited the title from Jaubert:

UNCLE JIM LOONEY'S BURGOO
(serves sixty)

* 2 lbs pork shank
* 2 lbs beef shank
* 2 lbs veal shank
* 2 lbs breast lamb
* 1 4-lb hen
* 8 qts water
* 1 1/2 lbs Irish potatoes
* 1 1/2 lbs onions
* 1 bunch carrots
* 2 green bell peppers
* 2 cups chopped cabbage
* 1 qt tomato puree
* 2 cups whole corn (fresh preferred)
* 2 pods red pepper
* 2 cups diced okra
* 2 cups lima beans
* 1 cup diced celery
* Salt and cayenne pepper to taste
* Worcestershire and/or Tabasco and/or A-1 Sauce to taste (stew should be highly seasoned)
* Chopped fresh parsley


Put all of the meat into cold water and slowly bring to a boil. Simmer until meat is tender enough to fall off the bones. Lift meat out of stock. Cool and chop up meat, removing any bones.

Pare potatoes and onions; dice.

Return meat to stock. Add potatoes, onions, and all other vegetables. Allow to simmer along until thick--burgoo should be very thick but still soupy. Season along, but not too much, until it's almost done. As the stew simmers down, the seasoning will become more pronounced. Add chopped parsley just before stew is taken up.

Stir frequently with a long-handled wooden paddle or spoon during the first part of cooking, and almost constantly after it thickens.

This is made in a 4-gallon water-bath kettle and cooked approximately ten hours. The cooking time is broken in half by cooking the meat the first day, then adding vegetables and continuing the second day.

Mrs. Gregg suggests that a butter-flour roux may be added for thickening, but she has not found it necessary.


MELROSE FARM BURGOO
(makes 8 gallons)

Back when Harry Young was on the district board for the Farm Credit Banks of Louisville, he and his wife would make a batch of this to feed the hungry mouths when the board had meeting over at his place, Melrose Farm:

* 10 lbs pork
* 3 chickens
* 15 lbs hamburger
* 2 cans plus 1 bunch carrots, chopped
* 3 cans okra
* 6 1-lb packages of purple hull beans
* 6 1-lb packages of lima beans
* 4 green bell peppers, chopped
* 3 lbs Irish potatoes
* 3 lbs fresh onions
* 2 qts cabbage, chopped
* 5 qts corn (you'll have to cut a few dozen ears, or you can use canned)
* 3 46-oz can of tomato juice plus 4 chopped tomatoes
* 1/3rd cup crushed red peppers
* 3 cups celery, diced
* 2 Tbsp black pepper
* 1/2 cup salt (make part of this celery salt)
* 1 bunch of chopped fresh parsley


The Young's method is similar to that of Looney:

Put pork and chickens into water and slowly bring to a boil. Simmer until meat is tender enough to fall off the bones. Lift meat out of stock, cool. Chop up meat, removing bones.

Hamburger can be cooked in a heavy-gauge vessel. Skim or drain off excess fat.

Pare potatoes and onions; dice.

Return all meat to the stock. Add potatoes, onions, tomato juice, and all other vegetables. Allow to simmer along until thick--burgoo should be very thick but still soupy. Season along, but not too much, until it's almost done. Add chopped parsley just before stew is taken up.

For this amount, you'll need three 16- to 20-quart heavy kettles. Cook over very low heat as it begins to thicken. Cooking will take a minimum of 10 hours--do not rush!


I suggest that if you have the opportunity and the inclination, use squirrel meat instead of chicken. Squirrel meat tastes like turkey, rabbit, or really good, free range chicken thigh. And it will break down and help thicken your burgoo.
posted by magstheaxe at 9:19 AM on October 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

This is weird because I thought burgoo was milky oatmeal.
posted by elizardbits at 9:23 AM on October 18, 2013

jack aubrey has deceived me
posted by elizardbits at 9:24 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

magstheaxe, I love any recipe which must be measured in gallons. When I was a kid, the local paper on Sundays had a page on a local chef and a recipe. One week, they interviewed the head cook at the local army base, and his recipe for mashed potatoes which began "peel 500 potatoes..." The recipe had about 20 ingredients, as I recall, including a bottle of ranch dressing. I have always kind of wanted to make it, even though I loathe mashed potatoes (I mean, why would you eat them when there is winter squash?).
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:35 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I like these kinds of discussions because people can celebrate the things they like and I can learn a lot from that. But then there's a subset of assholes who want to tell me that what's on my plate is disgusting. Hey fucko, there are knives on this table and if you call my dinner disgusting one more time I'll stick one of them in your belly. Enjoy your meal!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 9:38 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Mashed potatoes are really only a vehicle with which one conveys butter and salt (and ideally sour cream) into the mouth at high speeds.
posted by elizardbits at 10:00 AM on October 18, 2013

For my birthday breakfast this year I went to Providence and had a hot weiner omelet. It had onions and ground beef and mustard and made this Cranston native cry. Check out Duck and Bunny, they will hook you up.
posted by Biblio at 10:12 AM on October 18, 2013

Don't forget the horseradish in your mashed potatoes.
posted by Aizkolari at 10:22 AM on October 18, 2013

Cincinnati chili is the best kind of chili

This is obviously incorrect, but I like my chili with beans, so what do I know?
posted by Ham Snadwich at 10:43 AM on October 18, 2013

And a close second to an authentic Maryland crab cake is pit beef, preferably with tiger sauce.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 10:47 AM on October 18, 2013

Navelgazer: Iridic: I can handle Chicago-style "pizza" much better since I understood it not as pizza but as eggless quiche.

Holy shit. Seeing these words come out of somebody else's mouth makes me think zombiestripperjesuscat might be ready for retirement.
posted by SpiffyRob at 12:34 PM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

But you know what? Cincinnati chili is amazing. But you have to have it in Cincinnati. There are a couple of Skyline Chilis in Cleveland but no one cares about them because they are only marginally better than fast food. But Skyline Chili in Cincinnati? Way different. And way better. I don't know if it's because they use different ingredients, or that the ingredients don't travel well or whatever, but Cincinnati Chili does not work outside of Cincinnati.

I am fortunate enough to have relatives in Cincinnati, who have shared their Cincinnati chili recipes with me. I can attest that it is possible.


And it's not just Skyline. Cincinnati has Gold Star Chili, and a couple of other places that I forget the names of.


Empress Chili! (The first Cincinnati chili parlor)
Camp Washington Chili!
Pleasant Ridge Chili!
Dixie Chili!


I mean, mad props to Goldstar and Skyline for bringing Cincy chili to the masses, but AFAIC nothing beats the Cincy chili from the local chili parlors. Come to think of it, I think Cincinnati is the only city in the US that still even has chili parlors.


You know Rob Portman? The Ohio Senator from Cincinnati who reversed his stance on gay marriage after learning that his son was gay? His son came out to him while they eating together at Skyline. Because that's where you share important moments in Cincinnati.

posted by mcmile at 10:08 PM on October 17

That's both awesome and completely appropriate for folks from Cincy.
posted by magstheaxe at 1:03 PM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

magstheaxe, I love any recipe which must be measured in gallons. ...
posted by GenjiandProust at 12:35 PM on October 18

As do I!

Google "recipes for a crowd" to be overwhelmed in gallon recipe goodness. :) Most of the sites will be church-related, since those organizations are usually the ones who regularly cook for large crowds of people and are willing to share their recipes.
posted by magstheaxe at 1:08 PM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

This is weird because I thought burgoo was milky oatmeal.
posted by elizardbits at 12:23 PM on October 18

jack aubrey has deceived me
posted by elizardbits at 12:24 PM on October 18

No, Aubrey's right, too. As I understand it, burgoo was originally a thin gruel or porridge made by sailors in the 17th century. The claim there is that the name apparently came from "bulghur", or may have been a combination of "bulghur" and "ragout".

There was an article about the passing of the last living male veteran of World War I, Claude Choules . He'd served in the Royal Navy, and Choules' grandson talked about how Choules would make a breakfast of porridge, "or as he'd called it 'burgoo'."
posted by magstheaxe at 1:20 PM on October 18, 2013

Ghidorah's Mashed Potatoes

Make mashed potatoes. Seriously, if you need a recipe for this, I can't help you.

During the mashing portion of the mashed potato making, add:

1 head roasted garlic
1 onion, sliced as thin as you can, then carmelized
1 bag worth of frozen corn (cooked, of course, then drained)
Cream, not milk
Butter. Then a little more butter.
Black pepper. More black pepper.
Salt.

If you're feeling considerate, and you haven't got a million other things to get ready, and it's not self-serve, after you put it on each person's plate, use a spoon to make a small caldera in the mountain of mashed potatoes. That's where the gravy goes. If there is no gravy to serve, I question your commitment to mashed potato eating.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:25 PM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Come to think of it, I think Cincinnati is the only city in the US that still even has chili parlors.

Seattle has one! I've gotta say, I like my own chili better, but this place is a terrific, old-school dive bar, and I love it for what it is.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 3:33 PM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm a 3rd or 4th generation Colorado native, I don't think I've ever seen anything remotely resembling that Cowboy Cookie. I have no idea what I'd substitute, but it would at least be something that I'd heard of.
posted by Gygesringtone at 3:50 PM on October 18, 2013

Man I wish I knew where to get an authentic Cincinnati chili in NYC. I make versions of my own "vermichili" a lot, but those are canned chili over angel hair with parmesan and really just my own comfort-food bachelor chow. I'd like the real thing and haven't had it since I lived in DC.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:57 PM on October 18, 2013

When I lived in Maryland the local Hard Times -- now shuttered, alas -- sponsored my adult rec-league soccer team, which meant we played in their red "Keep Back 500 Feet" t-shirts and after every match we'd slake our thirst on discount beer and bomb our guts with Frito pie (Cincy chili, natch). Hello fitness, goodbye fitness!

I agree, New York isn't much for chili unless you make it yourself.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 5:53 AM on October 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

Seattle has one! I've gotta say, I like my own chili better, but this place is a terrific, old-school dive bar, and I love it for what it is.

We drifted there after the final Sunset Bowl meet-up. Among other things it's great as the building appears to be a bit of a spite nail in a block otherwise taken up by a Trader Joes parking lot and, around the other side, what appears to be the house from Up.
posted by Artw at 6:18 AM on October 19, 2013

"Chili Slander": Cincinnati Media Reacts To Our State Food Rankings
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:20 AM on October 22, 2013