Gored in the USA

October 18, 2013 7:15 AM

The Running Of The Bulls Comes To America (Single Link BF)
posted by josher71 (46 comments total)

America has, however, had The Running Of The Bullshit for many, many years.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 7:18 AM on October 18, 2013 [7 favorites]

It's more of a flow, really...that's why they call it current events.
posted by eriko at 7:19 AM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

It's not enough that we Americans export most of our most barbaric and inhumane practices; we have to travel the world seeking out new barbaric and inhumane practices and import them.
posted by koeselitz at 7:24 AM on October 18, 2013 [6 favorites]

Some say America has lost its way...That America doesn't make anything anymore. But, when it comes to Dumb, America leads the way!!!
posted by Thorzdad at 7:25 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

And so, that group is hustled off the track for the next 500 and the next group after that, like the line for a roller coaster. Many are clearly pumped up by the adrenaline afterward — they cheer and grab their friends, thrilled to have cheated death and gained a war story. Others, though, look confused. I hear from a few people the same question: “What was that?”

It's pretty much Disneyland for adrenaline junkies.

Only thing missing is a big barbecue at the end of the race where the bulls get to barbecue their tormentors.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 7:34 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Christ, people. Go do a fucking Tough Mudder or Warrior Dash something like that if you wanna test yourself. Come volunteer for Habitat for Humanity in Oakland, see how much you got in you.

Fuck, at least Fight Club was written by an American. Go punch other keyboard-driving yuppies who feel disassociated from their physical lives and want something, ANYTHING, to distract them from the ennui and soul-death that comes from sitting at a desk 40 hours a week in order to earn a living.

But leave the fucking bull-runs to the Spaniards. At least bull-annoying and abuse has centuries of societal heritage behind it over there. This just looks like the worst, most classless kind of American cultural knock-off we tend to come up with. When a young nation puts on old traditions, it looks like a child in a grown-ups wardrobe demanding to be taken seriously. It's pathetic.

Also: anyone complaining about cruelty to the bulls who then goes and eats a hamburger is a fucking hypocrite. That feedlot-to-slaughterhouse beef-on-the-hoof didn't even have a chance to gore anybody before it was cut up in parts.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 7:35 AM on October 18, 2013 [9 favorites]

Go punch other keyboard-driving yuppies who feel disassociated from their physical lives and want something,

I think all the tech dorks with too much money are paying people to kidnap them and undergo " dangerous environment training." and " high risk situation awareness" and the like, right now.
posted by The Whelk at 7:39 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

A Spanish beer brand totally called this a few years ago.
posted by sukeban at 7:41 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

That was an interesting article. Thank you for posting it.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:45 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Culturally vapid tossmonkeys.
posted by biffa at 7:47 AM on October 18, 2013

Here's the guy in charge. Unfortunately he's not participating.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:47 AM on October 18, 2013

So what's the deal with color runs, anyway?
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:53 AM on October 18, 2013

Please do not toss monkeys, no matter how vapid you think they are. Despite what you may have seen in movies, monkeys do not enjoy being tossed, and their lives are pretty tough already.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:55 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Every time I think we, as a culture, have pegged maximum on the stupidometer...

And, of course this kicked off in Virginia.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 7:56 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

I'm a runner in the Richmond area, so a few of my acquaintences participated in this event in the mistaken impression that it would be like a race, where you ran beside the bulls. It didn't really work out that way. You primarily spectate as the bulls run past you. The bulls are not interested in trampling or goring you, just in running along to the end. And they are very fast relative to humans, especially humans who were standing still before the bulls got there. For the most part, people tried to run beside the pack and were passed by in seconds. Bulls often run about in fields, so its not clear to me how this is abusive or unpleasant for them and they are not in any danger of hurting each other nor at all likely to be harmed by the "runners." Everyone I know who attended just described it as stupid and pointless. Not dangerous or interesting, just goofy.

The local reporting was that two people were injured at the event, both from slip and fall injuries. One of the two was actually hurt during the tomato tossing "event."
posted by Lame_username at 7:57 AM on October 18, 2013 [4 favorites]

Dickens and Scudder are tapping into a very different, distinctly American tradition. It is the tradition of walking into the Venetian from the sidewalk in Vegas to listen to a gondolier serenade us from the canal while eating a Cinnabon without having to endure the stink of Venice in the summer, the tradition of paying admission at Epcot to take a boat ride through Mexico before having a cup of tea in China.

Bingo.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 7:59 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Utterly indefensible.
posted by mintcake! at 8:05 AM on October 18, 2013

This will not wendell.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:08 AM on October 18, 2013

Lame_username: “Bulls often run about in fields, so its not clear to me how this is abusive or unpleasant for them and they are not in any danger of hurting each other nor at all likely to be harmed by the 'runners.'”

Thanks for your perspective on this – it's interesting to hear about it from someone who was there.

I will say, however, that I think context matters to animals almost as much as it does to humans. Humans also run for fun; I don't think that it follows necessarily that all humans will enjoy being chased down a narrow alley by an angry mob.
posted by koeselitz at 8:10 AM on October 18, 2013 [5 favorites]

Stupid things Americans have done since 1993:
1. Bush Jr
2. Iraq
3. Afghanistan
4. Shutdown.
5. Anything PETA does.

Does bull-running fit in there, or below it? I'm a bit confused. Based on my small scale, I think it counts above (5), but my scale is limited.

Seriously, Virginia?
posted by Mezentian at 8:13 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Bulls often run about in fields, so its not clear to me how this is abusive or unpleasant for them and they are not in any danger of hurting each other nor at all likely to be harmed by the 'runners.

Very probably true. But there's still something very wrong about trucking animals around the country for human entertainment.
posted by Benny Andajetz at 8:14 AM on October 18, 2013

No love for the Nola Bulls? El Encierro: The Running of the Bulls --

San Fermin in Nueva Orleans (#SFNO2013) is our homage to the world famous Encierro of Pamplona, Spain, a.k.a. The Running of the Bulls. Instead of bovines, our bulls are actually RollerBulls played by skaters from New Orleans’ all-female flat-track derby team the Big Easy Rollergirls and skaters selected from other roller derby leagues across the continent!

Join us, more than 14,000 runners and over 400 RollerBulls as we bring our version of Pamplona’s Fiesta to New Orleans!

Rules of the run: run at your risk; do not touch the bulls; if you go down, stay down; do not stand still; children under ten (10) use sidewalk
posted by filthy light thief at 8:17 AM on October 18, 2013 [7 favorites]

They would do it with ostriches who have nearby nests/eggs if they really wanted to go places.
posted by bukvich at 8:17 AM on October 18, 2013

Thanks filthy light thief, I was going to post that but you beat me to it!
posted by djeo at 8:28 AM on October 18, 2013

I've been to a couple of 'abrivados' in southern France during féria season. Here's the basic rundown of what I've seen.

A street in town gets blocked off. Tall metal buffers are put on the sides of the "bull run" in the middle of the street, with gaps between the metal bars that are large enough for a person to get through, but not a bull.

There's a livestock truck at each end of the run. At a signal, the truck opens and two or three bulls are released. In this area, there are gardians (cowboys, also cowgirls nowadays) in traditional outfits who gallop in front of the bulls as they're running. It seems like normally the bulls would follow, sometimes the bulls outrun the riders.

The bulls have a string tied between their horns. The point was to grab the string. Bystanders chase after the bulls down the street. At the end of the street, the bulls get funnelled up into the other livestock truck, the gate comes down, that run is over. Then the whole process goes in the other direction. Repeat several times.

It can be exciting. The bulls normally are just going to the other end, but they're going fast, and there's that small chance that something unpredictable could happen.

At one afternoon set of bull races, most of the bystanders chasing the bulls were kids, boys maybe 10 to 12 years old. None of them caught up to the bulls in any significant way.

At another evening event in a different town, participants were guys in their 20s, and there was definite drinking involved. Guys from this crowd didn't just get the string, they caught up to the bull, stopped it from charging and wrestled it to the pavement. After that moment of victory, the bull gets let go, it charges down the street to the other truck, and nobody got hurt.

Overall, it was roughly comparable to a rodeo with audience participation. As an American watching and participating, one's first reaction is that at home, the "running of the bulls" would never survive the "running of the lawyers". But otherwise, it was fun, traditional, exciting, would do again.

This was not the same as the famous event in Spain, it was on a smaller scale.

There's some moderately active protesting against bullfighting in southern France, and sometimes that might spill over into complaints about the abrivado--I didn't see anything to complain about from my point of view on these particular events.
posted by gimonca at 8:35 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

At one of these events, I chatted with a moderately boozed-up guy who had just been part of the bull-stopping scrum. He was from Nantes, he wasn't any more of a local than I was.

I have to admit that there's a difference in my mind between seeing and hearing drunk French guys at an event like this, versus the possibility of dealing with drunken Virginia "bros", fratboys or rednecks. That's a gut reaction, not something I've thought about a lot.

It's possible that southern fratboy culture is just not that acceptable to me. But it's also possible that the more I got to know the bull-wrestlers in France, I might realize that there are drunken louts everywhere you go. Can't rule that out.
posted by gimonca at 8:47 AM on October 18, 2013

Why?
posted by ocschwar at 8:47 AM on October 18, 2013

running of the douche bags is more like it
posted by photoslob at 8:52 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

I have to admit that there's a difference in my mind between seeing and hearing drunk French guys at an event like this, versus the possibility of dealing with drunken Virginia "bros", fratboys or rednecks. That's a gut reaction, not something I've thought about a lot.

Your average blue collar southern Frenchman has kept his Deux Cheveaux running with duct tape and baling twine, handled livestock for a living, hunted wild boar, and otherwise lived with his nose closer to the grindstone, and interacted with danger for reasons other than thrill seeking.

And once he's soused and his Provencal becomes incomprehensible, you can just tune him out.
posted by ocschwar at 8:58 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

A Spanish beer brand totally called this yt a few years ago.

San Miguel is a Filipino brewery.

Though bison running would be cool, dangerous, and North American.

Someone better be wearing a Google Glass.

Yeah, only so long as there's someone with a GoPro strapped to their chest to catch the Glasshole dropping his delicate rig to the pavement and trying to decide do they pick it up, or avoid the hooves.

I'd watch that video.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:31 AM on October 18, 2013 [3 favorites]

....so its not clear to me how this is abusive or unpleasant for them and they are not in any danger of hurting each other nor at all likely to be harmed by the "runners."

But there's still something very wrong about trucking animals around the country for human entertainment.

Indeed, bulls and steers amuse themselves on occasion by galumphing around the pasture, but they generally don't do it repeatedly in the middle of the afternoon. Looks like the horns have been tipped, so they're not as likely to injure runners or each other, but hey, shit happens.

We truck animals around the country all the time for human entertainment. Circuses, rodeos and various critters racing, which some object to, and dog, cat, and horse shows, which most enjoy. For years I hauled to endurance rides, which I enjoyed and most horses do, too, because they're doing what they were bred to do and do naturally--travel cross country. If they don't like it, they have ways of letting you know.


“I’m thinking that the bulls run down the middle and try to avoid hitting people,” he tells me.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I think it’s just a bunch of hype,” he says...

Exactly. Until the bulls sour on running, since there's nothing in it for them, and they're not completely stupid. Eventually they'll realize that the annoying screeching humans aren't going to hurt them. Then they'll just flat refuse to run, or they'll start getting testy and hang about to prod these annoyances just a bit. Arena ropers and cutters already know about sour steers--you can only use them so often before you need new ones. Most just sull up, but occasionally you get one that will take a poke or two. And if you keep using new animals, even with testing, you're liable to get one with an...uncertain temperament.

Come volunteer for Habitat for Humanity in Oakland, see how much you got in you.

Shiiiit. Where's the machismo in that?!??

You can't booze it up, there's no adrenalin rush (unless you fall off the roof) and no babes hanging around in short shorts. Plus you get all sweaty, and it it involves shovels and hammers.
posted by BlueHorse at 9:59 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

"Glasshole," I like it. I hadn't heard that before. Brightened my day! :7)
posted by wenestvedt at 10:05 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Shiiiit. Where's the machismo in that?!??

Well, there was the "crew robbed at gunpoint at 1:40 in the afternoon part of the story?

Just sayin. Oakland: we do unnecessary adrenaline like "whoa". ;-)
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:14 AM on October 18, 2013

too many funny comments on here to even add another....
posted by eggtooth at 10:27 AM on October 18, 2013

Jackassery.

Better off going to Custer State Park in the Black Hills in South Dakota and watching the Buffalo Roundup. Now, you can't -- you don't want to -- run with *them*, and you won't be close enough to get gored, sorry, but you will see a lot of large bison running in a huge herd, which is very cool. It's in late September every year. Then you can go see the rest of the Black Hills (Needles Highway, Mt Rushmore, touristy shops in Keystone and Custer, a couple cool caverns).
posted by aught at 10:34 AM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

The Running of the Lawsuits

It will take one injury for these to remember why we don't do this here.
posted by chillyvanilly at 10:36 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

They've had a Running of the Bulls in Elko Nevada for years, so it's already been in the US for a while. Personally, without the allure of Spain in the background, I can't see any reason to watch it.
posted by doctor_negative at 10:49 AM on October 18, 2013

"Gored in the USA" - I would have gone with "I'm So Gored In The U S A!"
posted by King Sky Prawn at 11:09 AM on October 18, 2013

But there's still something very wrong about trucking animals around the country for human entertainment.

I understand where you are coming from, but these particular animals were going to be shipped around the country to participate in rodeos anyhow, so it would appear that they would have had a more burdensome activity to participate in had they not been employed for this purpose. You might object just as much to rodeo, but its not like these particular guys were going to be frolicking about in the pasture but for the organizers of this stupid event.

My perspective may be skewed by the fact that I spent most of my summers on a farm where my great-grandfather raised hundreds of Herfords. Having been chased across the fields by a half-ton of angry bull who decided I was a problem and would happily have tossed me around like a tumbleweed, I'm baffled why anyone would seek out the experience nor would I complain for a moment that what I got for my entry fee was not a pissed off bull defending his herd but instead a relatively placid herd of mostly steers. My only regret is that Pop isn't around to laugh at it. Given the never ending amusement he got from the fact that city folk would actually pay good money for water in a bottle, he'd find this the pinacle of human folly, I'm sure.
posted by Lame_username at 11:22 AM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey: San Miguel is a Filipino brewery.

The Spanish brewery that bought the Philippine brand in 1953 and has since 1957 been selling San Miguel beer in Spain. I'm a Spaniard, I've seen those commercials on TV. That one is funny because it has the exact same camera angles with which TVE shows the Sanfermines on TV every day at 8:00 AM during the festivities.

And it's not the only commercial about the Sanfermines (the melody in that spot is the "uno de enero, dos de febrero", etc which has been mentioned earlier in this thread). Or the only one about New York.
posted by sukeban at 12:08 PM on October 18, 2013 [1 favorite]

And since you've got me watching very stupid videos on youtube, I thought many of you would enjoy the traditional Spanish retort to anyone who complains after being gored by bulls.

Si tá pillao la vaca, jódete, jódete! ("If the cow caught you, fuck off, fuck off")
Si tá pillao la vaca, jódete, jódete! ("If the cow caught you, fuck off, fuck off")
Si tá pillao la vaca, te vuelves a joder! ("If the cow caught you, fuck off again")

Poetry, guys. Pure poetry.
posted by sukeban at 12:35 PM on October 18, 2013 [2 favorites]

Your average blue collar southern Frenchman has kept his Deux Cheveaux running with duct tape and baling twine, handled livestock for a living, hunted wild boar, and otherwise lived with his nose closer to the grindstone, and interacted with danger for reasons other than thrill seeking

There's some weird exoticizing of the not so east going on in this commentary. Occidentalism?
posted by Apocryphon at 2:29 PM on October 18, 2013

There's some weird exoticizing of the not so east going on in this commentary. Occidentalism?


Pretty easy to exoticize anyone who isn't a cosetted upper class suburban fratboy.

So I'm doing it. And don't you dare judge me.
posted by ocschwar at 6:26 PM on October 18, 2013

I'll probably judge anyway. But you don't know me, so it's cool.
posted by josher71 at 9:32 AM on October 19, 2013

Somewhere in Marseilles, there is a Francophone version of you exoticizing that suburban fratboy.
posted by Apocryphon at 11:31 PM on October 19, 2013

Article 34: s'il existe, il peut être exotisé.
posted by ocschwar at 3:29 PM on October 22, 2013 [1 favorite]