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October 30, 2013 6:12 PM Subscribe
#17 is the one that drive me the most nuts when people don't obey it.
You're about to go on and the alcoholic singer is nowhere to be found. You search all the local pubs, bars and hostelries to no avail. Phone isn't picking up. Complete panic. Just as you give up and are about to cancel, he turns up with a big shit eating grin and tells you he went back to his girlfriend's house to screw her, and had a nice nap, and are we going on or what?
posted by sweet mister at 6:28 PM on October 30, 2013
You're about to go on and the alcoholic singer is nowhere to be found. You search all the local pubs, bars and hostelries to no avail. Phone isn't picking up. Complete panic. Just as you give up and are about to cancel, he turns up with a big shit eating grin and tells you he went back to his girlfriend's house to screw her, and had a nice nap, and are we going on or what?
posted by sweet mister at 6:28 PM on October 30, 2013
That's a solid list.
I think rule #4 can be broken in a general context, but on tour is not the place to start fucking your bandmates.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:42 PM on October 30, 2013
I think rule #4 can be broken in a general context, but on tour is not the place to start fucking your bandmates.
posted by rmd1023 at 6:42 PM on October 30, 2013
He has toured with Michael Gira for years.
Just let that sink in.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:46 PM on October 30, 2013 [7 favorites]
Just let that sink in.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:46 PM on October 30, 2013 [7 favorites]
Though the fact that he has a thick protective pelt might help.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:46 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
posted by louche mustachio at 6:46 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
he's finishing up the grand theft orchestra tour with amanda palmer right now. lots of bad ass pictures of him showing up on instagram. i'm a big fan.
posted by nadawi at 6:58 PM on October 30, 2013
posted by nadawi at 6:58 PM on October 30, 2013
Thor is good, he is one of the nine drummers SWANS have onstage when they play.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:04 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:04 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
There are only two drummers. It just sounds like there are nine.
posted by louche mustachio at 7:07 PM on October 30, 2013
posted by louche mustachio at 7:07 PM on October 30, 2013
Also, M. Gira has a song about him on the Angels of Light album Sing Other People. It's called "My Friend Thor" and you might listen to it and think, "hey, that sounds a lot like the new Swans record", and you'd be right, because that's how limp-dicked the new Swans records are. "Let's get Devendra Banhart to warble on the first Swans album in twenty years, and all the songs can be janky power ballads, that will be awesome." No. Wrong.
*cries, listens to Holy Money*
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:12 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
*cries, listens to Holy Money*
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:12 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
Rule 25
The amplifiers must go to 11 because that's one louder
posted by Colonel Panic at 7:15 PM on October 30, 2013
The amplifiers must go to 11 because that's one louder
posted by Colonel Panic at 7:15 PM on October 30, 2013
One of the funniest youtube comments I've ever read was on a clip of Swans playing live on their last tour: "Pretty sure that guy playing drums in the back is a centaur."
Swans rule, btw.
posted by doublesix at 7:15 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
Swans rule, btw.
posted by doublesix at 7:15 PM on October 30, 2013 [3 favorites]
*cries, listens to Holy Money*
GIRA IS AMUSED BY YOUR TEARS
GIRA IS SICKENED BY YOUR TEARS
posted by louche mustachio at 8:27 PM on October 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
GIRA IS AMUSED BY YOUR TEARS
GIRA IS SICKENED BY YOUR TEARS
posted by louche mustachio at 8:27 PM on October 30, 2013 [2 favorites]
It makes for an okay life list, too.
Definitely.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:38 PM on October 30, 2013
Definitely.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:38 PM on October 30, 2013
"Pretty sure that guy playing drums in the back is a centaur."
I am not entirely convinced that he isn't.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:49 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
I am not entirely convinced that he isn't.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:49 PM on October 30, 2013 [1 favorite]
1. Don't crap on the stage. You are half horse, but your head is human. Use it to consider that the sound guy deals with enough shit already. Ass.
2. You can fuck horses on your own time. Your tour manager doesn't get paid enough to deal with farmers with shotguns. Dick.
3. If you get alfalfa backstage, great. If not, shut the fuck up about it. You are a mythical creature and not everyone believes you exist. You are lucky if you even get a deli tray, so eat your little carrot sticks and quit whining, jackoff.
4. No, you cannot put fillies on the guest list you idiot.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:57 PM on October 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
2. You can fuck horses on your own time. Your tour manager doesn't get paid enough to deal with farmers with shotguns. Dick.
3. If you get alfalfa backstage, great. If not, shut the fuck up about it. You are a mythical creature and not everyone believes you exist. You are lucky if you even get a deli tray, so eat your little carrot sticks and quit whining, jackoff.
4. No, you cannot put fillies on the guest list you idiot.
posted by louche mustachio at 8:57 PM on October 30, 2013 [10 favorites]
Love #15
posted by Annika Cicada at 9:04 PM on October 30, 2013
posted by Annika Cicada at 9:04 PM on October 30, 2013
because that's how limp-dicked the new Swans records are.
Oh get out.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 5:50 AM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]
Oh get out.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 5:50 AM on October 31, 2013 [3 favorites]
No way. They are just Angels of Light albums under the Swans banner. They're basically Deerhunter.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:17 PM on November 3, 2013
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:17 PM on November 3, 2013
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posted by ZaneJ. at 6:25 PM on October 30, 2013 [2 favorites]