Plata o Plomo o el aguacate

November 19, 2013 1:21 PM

Blood Avocados: The Dark Side of Guacamole

[Avocado wars previously]

posted by Potomac Avenue (25 comments total)

Living in an area where there's so many avocados that they rot on the ground, I thought this post was a joke. But no. Wow. I will certainly be more careful in my avocado purchases from now on.
posted by rednikki at 1:35 PM on November 19, 2013

Dammit, first it was chocolate, now it is avocados. I'm going to need some new indulgences that don't come with a hefty side of guilt.

Don't tell me there is anything wrong with cheese, or my head will explode.
posted by ambrosia at 1:42 PM on November 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

My guacamole tastes of sadness and regret. :(
posted by Kitteh at 1:43 PM on November 19, 2013 [3 favorites]

Fuckit, from now on I'm only eating raw kale and vodka.
posted by The Whelk at 1:47 PM on November 19, 2013 [8 favorites]

Fuckit, from now on I'm only eating raw kale and vodka.

Hope that vodka's not Russian!
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:52 PM on November 19, 2013 [7 favorites]

Now farmers are stripped of their profits and forced to pay non-negotiable protection fees to these drug traffickers, which in the end could render them bankrupt.

So, these drug traffickers are like...Walmart?
posted by Mental Wimp at 1:52 PM on November 19, 2013 [4 favorites]

I spent some time in Morelia in the late 90s. It was a nice, fairly quiet city, at least to an estadounidense who did not know what to look for in terms of gangs, etc. I remember the cops being rather heavily armed to my eyes, but that seemed to be common in the parts of Mexico I visited.

Whenever I read the news about drug wars in various Mexican states, I always looked for Michoacán and was happy to never see it, always picturing it with pretty heavily rose tinted glasses. This article made me realize that I was putting a vision of quiet college town into a city I haven't been to for 15 years.

Looks like I'm switching to the bright green avocados with the smooth skins. I think they are either Choquette or Hall (they're labeled as "Florida" at the grocery store). Not as good for guacamole apparently, but hey, guilt free avocados!
posted by Hactar at 1:55 PM on November 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

I was hoping this was about red avocados, like blood oranges are from ruby pulp.
posted by _paegan_ at 1:56 PM on November 19, 2013 [4 favorites]

If You Eat Avocados, You’re Probably Funding Mexican Drug Lords

This seems unlikely.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:04 PM on November 19, 2013

Who knew the Knights Templar would extend their shadowy reach all the way from Jerusalem to my local grocery store? BRB, mashing some avocados in my holy grail (doesn't grind as well as a molcajete, but holy guacamole!)
posted by Nelson at 2:08 PM on November 19, 2013 [6 favorites]

What about banana guacamole?
posted by Sticherbeast at 2:08 PM on November 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

I live on a little island in the South China Sea. Avocados sell for around US$1.00. I have no idea where they come from. Time to find out. Be that as it may, this news fills me with sadness.
posted by Mister Bijou at 2:10 PM on November 19, 2013

Don't tell me there is anything wrong with cheese, or my head will explode.

Well, Wisconsin is overrun with... um... generally helpful people? We're pretty cool around here. Buy our cheese.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 2:12 PM on November 19, 2013 [3 favorites]

10 Images of Scott Walker Milking Cows That Will Make You Never Eat Cheddar Again
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:14 PM on November 19, 2013 [10 favorites]

They're doing it all wrong. Guacamole is a waste of time when you could be having sliced avocado on toast with a little salt, garlic powder and fresh cracked pepper.
posted by nevercalm at 2:17 PM on November 19, 2013 [5 favorites]

Blood on the side then?
posted by Potomac Avenue at 2:18 PM on November 19, 2013

Don't tell me there is anything wrong with cheese, or my head will explode.

That will only happen if you're interested in the welfare of non-human animals.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:31 PM on November 19, 2013 [4 favorites]

Does buying avocados with California or FL stickers on them avoid this problem? Or what should I be looking for as someone who does not have local access to avocados and doesn't want to fund this system?
posted by rmless at 2:42 PM on November 19, 2013 [3 favorites]

I was in a state of despair but then I looked up the brand of avocados my local grocery store carries and they're from California: http://www.calavo.com/store/history.html. My day has gone back to being just okay rather than horrible.
posted by pizzaslut at 3:29 PM on November 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

Don't tell me there is anything wrong with cheese, or my head will explode.

If you come over all lactose intolerant, it won't be your head that explodes.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 6:32 PM on November 19, 2013 [1 favorite]

The only solution to curbing avocado-related violence is clearly to ban avocados. We need to go after the avocado-addicts who are destroying communities with their selfish abuse of these disgusting fat grenades.
posted by empath at 10:53 PM on November 19, 2013

Up next on 60 minutes, we venture into the dark underworld of guacamole production, where "aguacate" plants are processed into the sickly-green paste that its abusers call "Dip".
posted by empath at 10:57 PM on November 19, 2013 [2 favorites]

Unholy guacamole!
posted by Jacob Knitig at 7:56 AM on November 20, 2013

I was hoping that this was going to be more like oranges than diamonds.
posted by snottydick at 9:51 AM on November 20, 2013

Pretty depressing, really. I think it all started with alcohol prohibition, creating a vast modern network of gangsters that could relentlessly trade and manufacture a product of prodigious value, and after becoming established and powerful they weren't going away any time soon. But international gangs that deal in murder and extortion and become more powerful than sovereign governments go all the way back to the original Knights Templar and beyond...

Alcohol was re-legalized, so the alcohol gangs and their rival gangs like the Federal Bureau of Narcotics formerly known as the Bureau of Prohibition, needed something else to do, and moved on to marijuana and so forth.

Now the cartels are seeing the writing on the wall with marijuana and are diversifying more and more. There's so much laundering and corruption going on that I wouldn't be surprised if our own intelligence agencies were taking advantage of it like they did with Iran-Contra.
posted by lordaych at 9:15 PM on November 20, 2013