So It's Come To This: The Case for the Simpsons Clip Database
November 20, 2013 9:27 PM   Subscribe

How we think of and use The Simpsons on a daily basis comes in the form of jokes, bits, and memorable sequences. The Simpsons travels in these bite-sized chunks, and the value of The Simpsons in the age of online streaming should ideally reflect this. What I've long proposed is an online app that allows you to create your own clips based on classic Simpsons episodes.
posted by paleyellowwithorange (207 comments total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
Right paleyellowwithorange, some wonderful, magical animal.
posted by The Whelk at 9:40 PM on November 20, 2013 [7 favorites]


that's a load of rich, creamery butter. smothered in chocolate.
posted by IvoShandor at 9:46 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


You know, FXX turned into a hard core all-Simpsons channel so gradually, I didn't even notice.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:48 PM on November 20, 2013 [17 favorites]


Must miss his old glasses.
posted by Bromius at 9:55 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Homer! Are you still eating that sandwich?
posted by The Whelk at 9:56 PM on November 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


I read this wrong and thought you meant create your own Simpsons episodes based on classic Simpsons clips, which I think could be vaguely entertaining in a Randomly Generated Garfield kind of way.
posted by NoraReed at 9:59 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sir, an unruly mob is here to see you.

Do they have an appointment?

Yes.

I phoned ahead!
posted by The Whelk at 10:00 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


with this, we can remember amusing episodes ... Of our lives.
posted by The Whelk at 10:03 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I love legitimate theater.
posted by migurski at 10:03 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Worst. Concept. EVER.

(Well, not really, but someone had to do the Comic Book Guy snowclone.)
posted by SansPoint at 10:05 PM on November 20, 2013


I, for one, welcome our new Simpsons-quoting overlords.
posted by RobotHero at 10:06 PM on November 20, 2013


Don't blame me, I voted for the clip database.
posted by limeonaire at 10:09 PM on November 20, 2013


Aw, it's not for us. It's more of a Shelbyville idea.
posted by aedison at 10:21 PM on November 20, 2013 [6 favorites]


Every week, the Criticwire Survey asks film and TV critics two questions and publishes the results on Monday morning.
Q: What's your go-to quote from The Simpsons -- not your favorite necessarily, but the one you're most likely to use on a daily basis?

SPOILER: The most frequently mentioned seems to be "I was saying Boo-urns." These are professional film and TV critics, folks.
posted by oneswellfoop at 10:23 PM on November 20, 2013 [4 favorites]


Shaka, when the walls fell.
posted by XMLicious at 10:26 PM on November 20, 2013 [10 favorites]


I like stories.
posted by The Whelk at 10:28 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is "no".
posted by Earthtopus at 10:29 PM on November 20, 2013


(I once had a revelation moment when I realize early English authors uses quotes from the Bible like I quote the Simpsons )
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 PM on November 20, 2013 [9 favorites]


so for the rest of this thread, we just tape together a bunch of cats.
posted by The Whelk at 10:32 PM on November 20, 2013


Aw, I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money?
posted by readyfreddy at 10:32 PM on November 20, 2013 [6 favorites]


oh no my brains
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 PM on November 20, 2013


...but can you really call someone crazy just because they have a few dozen cats?
posted by Earthtopus at 10:36 PM on November 20, 2013


Metafiltercles cares not for beans!
posted by Earthtopus at 10:37 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


WHy oh why is my cat dead.
posted by The Whelk at 10:37 PM on November 20, 2013


Metafilter: That's where I'm a Viking!
posted by axiom at 10:42 PM on November 20, 2013 [8 favorites]


I had an idea last year for a website where the movie and television quotes my friends and I almost exclusively communicate with — not unlike "Darmok", XMLicious — when I realized that "Conglaturation! Fifteen Thousann Caals!" wasn't on YouTube. I found I was beaten to the punch: "Hark is the world's largest collection of sounds, sound bites, and quotes." Including 11 pages of Simpsons clips.
posted by ob1quixote at 10:42 PM on November 20, 2013




--Let's make litter out of these literati!

--That's too clever; you're one of THEM!
posted by Earthtopus at 10:53 PM on November 20, 2013 [5 favorites]


There's also movieclips.com, and they have several scenes from Gung Ho, but the scene closest to what I'm looking for cuts off before the line I want.
posted by ob1quixote at 10:54 PM on November 20, 2013


Can you swing a sack of doorknobs?

CAN I!
posted by migurski at 10:54 PM on November 20, 2013


*ding dong*

"Who is it?"

"Goons."

"Who?"

"Hired Goons."

"Hired Goons?"
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:55 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm surprised this isn't a reality already, considering how successful Comedy Central's all-access VOD sites for The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and South Park have been. The Simpsons would be a perfect fit for such a site -- popular, meme-able, a huge back-catalog of content. Surely advertising revenue from making that content searchable and available would outweigh whatever they make from DVD sales, without cutting too deeply into the syndication side. I'd love to see something like this for Futurama, too (Comedy Central's current VOD site is woefully inadequate).
posted by Rhaomi at 11:14 PM on November 20, 2013


MARGE, YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART
posted by DoctorFedora at 11:15 PM on November 20, 2013


-- All right, pal: where'd you get those clips for that app?
-- I nicked it when you let your guard down for that split second, and I'd do it again. Goodbye.
posted by FJT at 11:16 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


"That was the joke" in Rainer Wolfcastles voice is something I say constantly.

I primarily communicate using Simpson's and Seinfeld quotes.
posted by littlesq at 11:23 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Dental plan
posted by Hoopo at 11:29 PM on November 20, 2013


lisa needs braces
posted by The Whelk at 11:31 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


DENTAL PLAN
posted by Pope Guilty at 11:33 PM on November 20, 2013 [3 favorites]


MONO... d'oh!
posted by stet at 11:37 PM on November 20, 2013 [1 favorite]


Including all known lanthanides and actinides?
posted by cadge at 11:39 PM on November 20, 2013 [2 favorites]


My wife and I were watching some British police procedural recently, and I had no end of opportunities to yell "He gets results, you stupid chief!" at the TV.
posted by LionIndex at 11:42 PM on November 20, 2013 [8 favorites]


One I use all the time with my Aussie friends and family when they corrrect my English: "It's a perfectly cromulent word!"
posted by kandinski at 11:49 PM on November 20, 2013


The epigraph on my PhD thesis:
"There's so much I don't know about astrophysics!" -Homer Simpson
posted by dirigibleman at 11:55 PM on November 20, 2013


In a way, you're both winners. But in another, more accurate way, Barney's the winner.
posted by gompa at 11:57 PM on November 20, 2013 [7 favorites]


Yes...that's a real pickle.
posted by MrBadExample at 12:12 AM on November 21, 2013


Good news, everyone !
posted by Pendragon at 12:46 AM on November 21, 2013


"Nice jammies, Simpson! Did your mommy buy them for you?"

"Of course she did. Who else would have?"
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:51 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Sounds like a great idea for an internet business. Maybe Bill Gates will buy him out.
posted by Jakey at 2:21 AM on November 21, 2013


Mmm... Pistol clip...
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:38 AM on November 21, 2013


...so then I says to Mabel, I says...

I'll finish this later.
posted by mean square error at 3:15 AM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Sweet merciful crap!
posted by graymouser at 3:19 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


UP AND AT THEM.
posted by lumensimus at 3:29 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Pendragon: "Good news, everyone"

FLAGGED AS DERAIL
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:29 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


If anyone needs me I'll be in my room.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 3:29 AM on November 21, 2013


*crow caw*
posted by Pope Guilty at 3:31 AM on November 21, 2013


There's a-doings a-transpiring!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:33 AM on November 21, 2013


Done and done! And I mean done!
posted by gubo at 4:06 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Zing, Zork, Kapowza, call it what you want, in any language it spells Mazooma in the bank!
posted by Kitty Stardust at 5:01 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


I changed my default ringtone to Homer chanting WHERE'S MY BURRITO? WHERE'S MY BURRITO? WHERE'S MY BURRITO?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 5:12 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


. . . with the kicking, and the biting, and the giant teeth, mwh'aay.
posted by petebest at 5:15 AM on November 21, 2013


That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college!
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 5:26 AM on November 21, 2013


Here's a catchphrase you better learn for your adult years: hey, buddy, got a quarter?
posted by box at 5:49 AM on November 21, 2013


Welcome to Metafilter, where nothing can possiblye go wrong. Uh, possibly go wrong. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
posted by graymouser at 5:51 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


The simpsons is really the ur-text of our time.

"Of course, everything looks bad if you REMEMBER it"
posted by lalochezia at 5:51 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Errol Morris: I call them the Simpsons Generation. The example that I give is that in the 19th century, in The Red and the Black, Julian Sorel knew the Bible in Hebrew and Greek by heart. Nowadays, it's encyclopedic knowledge of "The Simpsons." Which is not such a bad thing, don't get me wrong. There are much worse things to have an encyclopedic knowledge of. "The Simpsons" is, in a way, a compendium of everything, but a compendium of everything with an absurdist, ironic detachment from it all.
posted by meadowlark lime at 5:58 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't even know any more.
posted by box at 6:02 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Ah, lamentably no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.
posted by chinesefood at 6:03 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


You mean you don't pocket mulch?
posted by chavenet at 6:05 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Now, to get the FXX channel cost a nickel and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.
posted by anthom at 6:12 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


tl;dr: There is still no legal way to watch Simpsons clips online. We should nationalize that shit.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 6:19 AM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


I'll never forget the day he bagged his first hippie. Heh heh. That young man didn't think it was too groovy.
posted by petebest at 6:39 AM on November 21, 2013


So anyway, I says to Mabel, I says ...
posted by gompa at 6:42 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't think that Ididn'tdoitnobodysawmedoityoucan'tproveanything gets enough credit.
posted by yeolcoatl at 6:45 AM on November 21, 2013


Purple is a fruit.
posted by 445supermag at 7:07 AM on November 21, 2013


Nowadays, it's encyclopedic knowledge of "The Simpsons." Which is such a bad thing, don't get me wrong. There are much worse things to have an encyclopedic knowledge of. "The Simpsons" is, in a way, a compendium of everything, but a compendium of everything with an absurdist, ironic detachment from it all.

This is an interesting point. I don't know how it is these days, but back in the first ten years, The Simpsons was indeed a compendium of everything - the shows were teeming with pop cultural references. To be well versed in The Simpsons was to have at least a passing acquaintance with so many other cultural touchstones.
posted by paleyellowwithorange at 7:25 AM on November 21, 2013


"When a man is tired of The Simpsons, he is tired of life; for there is in The Simpsons all that life can afford."
— Samuel Johnson
posted by Ned G at 7:33 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Pitt the Elder!
posted by box at 7:40 AM on November 21, 2013


Lord Palmerston!
posted by entropicamericana at 7:48 AM on November 21, 2013


If I started listing all of the Simpsons quotes that my friends and I use all the time in everyday conversation I'd be here all day. As it is, I won't be SAYING ANYTHING or DOING ANYTHING.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:54 AM on November 21, 2013


Balzac!
posted by box at 7:55 AM on November 21, 2013


An historical fiction author on Twitter blew my mind last week when she declared that her research indicated that a watch fob was known as an onion prior to 1830. Maybe just a subtle Simpsons reference but I prefer to believe it's true.
posted by annathea at 7:56 AM on November 21, 2013


I think he's a good man. I like him. I got nothing against him, but I'm definitely gonna make orphans of his children.
posted by Chrysostom at 7:59 AM on November 21, 2013


Very well. I must hurry back to MetaTalk, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.
posted by entropicamericana at 8:05 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


There's your problem. Someone set this website to evil.
posted by audi alteram partem at 8:05 AM on November 21, 2013


To Metafilter! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
posted by tonycpsu at 8:07 AM on November 21, 2013


I sleep in a drawer!
posted by OHSnap at 8:08 AM on November 21, 2013


I have taught my children to respond to "Dental plan!" with "Lisa needs braces!" They've never even seen the Simpsons.

It is my proudest moment as a father.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:14 AM on November 21, 2013 [5 favorites]


> Very well. I must hurry back to MetaTalk, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

There, under the unsmiling eyes of four diligent mods, we expressed our opinions snarkily, as was the style at the time.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:22 AM on November 21, 2013


Bees are on the what now?
posted by ish__ at 8:27 AM on November 21, 2013


Does anybody want to switch seats?
posted by Toubab at 8:33 AM on November 21, 2013


Metafilter: that's where I'm a (literal) viking.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:40 AM on November 21, 2013


Quoting stuff from later seasons doesn't seem right; it feels like quoting Simpsons fanfic. The thing is, the cutoff point changes from person to person. I wonder if it's possible to pinpoint a person's age by determining how many Simpsons seasons they see as a valid source for references.

he says, catching himself thinking "pfft, 'pocket mulch,' that's not from a real episode."
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 8:41 AM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Well, my work is done here.
posted by General Tonic at 8:51 AM on November 21, 2013


Slow down Tubby! You're not on the moon yet!

(I say this every time I eat pie. Every time.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:56 AM on November 21, 2013


I've got the munchies for a California cheeseburger

(I say this every time I eat a baby sandwich. Every time.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:57 AM on November 21, 2013


Floor pie.
posted by colie at 9:03 AM on November 21, 2013


Nein, szank you. Zis bier tastes like svill to us? Do I have zhat right, I am sayink a pig vould not drink zis bier?
posted by petebest at 9:04 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Needs more dog.
posted by box at 9:15 AM on November 21, 2013


The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to The Simpsons.
posted by nubs at 9:16 AM on November 21, 2013


Woohoo! Cheap meat!
posted by dirigibleman at 9:18 AM on November 21, 2013


Sacrelicious!
posted by vortex genie 2 at 9:21 AM on November 21, 2013


But Aquaman! You cannot marry a woman without gills! You're from two different worlds!

...Oh, I've wasted my life.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:24 AM on November 21, 2013


There's very little meat in these gym mats.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:24 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I've said something similar here before I think, but I feel as if there's this alternative universe where there are these rabid fans of Seasons 9 to...where are we now?

Reading the Zombie Simpsons helped me understand what the Simpsons is now a great deal.
posted by nubs at 9:34 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: This is not for juvenile intellects such as yours so toodle-oo.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 9:36 AM on November 21, 2013


MoonOrb: "What kind of father are you?"

One is six, I'm not entirely comfortable with him watching it. The other is nine, just haven't gotten to it yet.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:37 AM on November 21, 2013


Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
posted by Z. Aurelius Fraught at 9:44 AM on November 21, 2013 [7 favorites]


Lord, I know I should not eat thee
posted by The Whelk at 9:48 AM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


I don't even believe in Jebus.
posted by box at 9:52 AM on November 21, 2013


If you like good food, good fun, and a whole lot of…crazy crap on the walls, then come on down to Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag.
posted by Chrysostom at 9:58 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.

(I have no idea why some father might want to wait until a kid was ready for that lesson.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:08 AM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


But then again I was a very depressed child.
posted by The Whelk at 10:11 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I make a lot of graphs.
posted by box at 10:11 AM on November 21, 2013


That's a right triangle, you idiot!
posted by box at 10:28 AM on November 21, 2013


Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No, he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.
Marge: That's not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.
posted by ish__ at 10:31 AM on November 21, 2013 [8 favorites]


"Hello, Lisa! I'm Genghis Khan. You'll go where I go. Defile what I defile. Eat who I eat."
posted by Cash4Lead at 10:37 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


To fly! The dream of man and flightless bird alike.
posted by dephlogisticated at 10:39 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Who needs the Kwik-e-Mart?
posted by Cash4Lead at 10:45 AM on November 21, 2013


I used to be with "it." Then they changed what "it" was. Now what I’m with isn't "it" anymore. And what’s 'it" seems weird and scary.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:45 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm seein' double! Four Krustys!
posted by Chrysostom at 10:59 AM on November 21, 2013


Remember when he ate my goldfish, and then you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish. But why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?!?!
posted by MCMikeNamara at 11:04 AM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Bart: I worked by butt off for that old hag and all I got was fifty lousy cents!

Homer: Hey, when I was your age, fifty cents was a lot of money!

Bart: Really?

Homer: Nah.
posted by petebest at 11:43 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


If Metafilter has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girl's sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such"
posted by ephemerista at 11:58 AM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery! A pox on them!
posted by whuppy at 12:00 PM on November 21, 2013


We're going to be in a pie!
posted by elizardbits at 12:02 PM on November 21, 2013


Curse the man who discovered helium!
posted by The Whelk at 12:13 PM on November 21, 2013


Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire, MetaFilter kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that ... website ... thingie ... where our comments and profile ... is.
posted by entropicamericana at 12:23 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Milhouse: Ahem. OK, here's what we've got: the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people --
Bart: Thank you.
Milhouse: -- under the supervision of the reverse vampires --
Lisa: [sighs]
Milhouse: -- are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner. We're through the looking glass, here, people...
posted by Chrysostom at 1:04 PM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


Here's something that proves the cultural saturation of The Simpsons: I use the term 'reverse vampire' all the time and only just now remembered that's why.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:10 PM on November 21, 2013


Now let's talk about rust proofing. Cuz these Coleco's will rust up you like that!
posted by ian1977 at 2:34 PM on November 21, 2013


I still call cheap knockoffs "Magentbox and Sorny"
posted by The Whelk at 2:45 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


The thing is, the cutoff point changes from person to person.

I remember reading an interview with Matt Groening, in which the interviewer asked him whether The Simpsons was still running in the Futurama universe, in the year 3000. Groening's response was, "Yeah, but the fans endlessly moan about how the first five hundred years was so much better than the last five hundred years."
posted by paleyellowwithorange at 2:46 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


All REASONABLE PEOPLE agree its somewhere around the end of 8 and halfway into 9. You could see the rot settling in before that, but that's when I stopped bothering to watch new episodes, which is what a lot of people I've talked to have said as well.
posted by The Whelk at 2:50 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


That was like 50 years ago though wasn't it
posted by elizardbits at 3:08 PM on November 21, 2013


No that's impossible I just stopped watching th--
posted by The Whelk at 3:09 PM on November 21, 2013


Anyone who watches the show in syndication has seen episodes from recent seasons. It got pretty bad for a few years (around season 12?) and then got better. They still have good writers on staff, so every season there will be a handful of truly funny episodes, with every now and then one that achieves true greatness. And even the weaker episodes usually have one or two very funny bits. (One of these days, I'll sit down and draw up a list of the best episodes from the later seasons. But not today, folks. Not today.)

TLDR: "Television! Teacher. Mother. Secret lover..."
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:09 PM on November 21, 2013


Urge to kill ...falling ...falling ...RISING...falling..
posted by The Whelk at 3:17 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Structure and consistency from act to act suffer in later seasons but there's no shortage of good jokes. My highlights of Season 14, which I think of as the Dana Gould era, include:

Episode 02, How I Spent My Strummer Vacation — Ok, so it's the epitome of what people complain about in terms of late season guest star casting, but c'mon. Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Elvis Costello, Brian Setzer, Tom Petty, Lenny Kravitz (and more?) as themselves? "Did you hear that, everybody? Apu just asked about crotch stuffing."

Episode 03, Helter-Shelter — A decent lampoon of reality TV. "“They go to pieces over nothing!" Featuring David Lander as Squiggy!

Episode 10, Pray Anything — Homer sues the church, with sexy results. "Hey Lenny, covet some chili fries?"

Episode 18, Dude Where's My Ranch — If only for David Byrne as himself in the first act. Wait til you hear the extended salsa mix.
posted by Lorin at 4:05 PM on November 21, 2013


Superintendant Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Principal Skinner: The Aurora Borealis?
Superintendant Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
Principal Skinner: Yes.
Superintendant Chalmers: May I see it?
Principal Skinner: No.
posted by borkencode at 4:08 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
posted by Rhomboid at 4:14 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


STONER'S POT PALACE.
posted by The Whelk at 4:18 PM on November 21, 2013


Season 9 has "The Joy of Sect" and "Lisa the Simpson", and I cannot imagine an estimation of the Simpsons that doesn't include those episodes.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:21 PM on November 21, 2013


EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS! Do you know how much furniture I could rent with that!?!?
posted by lkc at 4:21 PM on November 21, 2013


The Joy Of Sect is a terrible episode there I said it.


RUUUUUUUMBLE
posted by The Whelk at 4:24 PM on November 21, 2013


Just for that The Whelk doesn't get to come to Blisstonia.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:29 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Surely, you children are aware of Metafilter?

As long as you have absolutely no follow up questions, yes. Yes, we are. Fully.
posted by decathecting at 4:38 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute.
posted by box at 5:04 PM on November 21, 2013


Hey! I am no longer illiterate!
posted by box at 5:06 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Now look sad and say "d'oh".
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:11 PM on November 21, 2013


“Leave this place. You are in great danger.”

"Where’s Milhouse?"

"The one you call Milhouse is gone… He went to his grandma’s place while we’re spraying for potato bugs.”
posted by pepcorn at 5:29 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hey Marge, remember when we used to make out to this hymn?
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:11 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


This sounds like rock and or roll.
posted by The Whelk at 6:21 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says guilty. And guilty is spelled wrong.
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:30 PM on November 21, 2013


Well, replace the word 'kinda' with 'repeatedly,' and the word 'dog' with 'son.'
posted by box at 6:35 PM on November 21, 2013


That's okay. The box is empty.
posted by box at 6:37 PM on November 21, 2013


Works on commission? No, money down!
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:45 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


I'm not wearing a tie at all!
posted by The Whelk at 6:46 PM on November 21, 2013


This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:52 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh, the hammock district!
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:01 PM on November 21, 2013


Wanna give Honest Abe another term in the oval office?
posted by box at 7:29 PM on November 21, 2013


You never had faith in me before, but let me tell you, the slim lazy Homer you knew is dead. Now I'm a big fat dynamo! And where's that cake?
posted by Chrysostom at 7:44 PM on November 21, 2013


Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Day already?
'Tis, replied Aunt Helga.
posted by dephlogisticated at 7:54 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


Burns: The watchdog of public safety...is there any lower form of life?
Smithers: Don't worry sir, I rounded up our less gifted employees and led them into the basement.
[Shot of the basement with Homer and two other guys]
Bernie: Duh, Homer, why are we down here?
Homer: Aw, geez. I told you, Bernie: to guard the bee!
Man: But why?
Homer: Aw, you guys are pathetic. No wonder Smithers made me head bee-guy.
[Homer kicks the jar accidentally, smashing it, and the bee escapes]
Bernie: Duh, he's gettin' away.
Man: Oh, we did bad!
posted by fishmasta at 8:02 PM on November 21, 2013 [2 favorites]


THE BEE BIT MY BOTTOM! NOW MY BOTTOM'S BIG!
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:32 PM on November 21, 2013 [4 favorites]


"These are my only friends. Grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal, and even he's kissed more boys than I ever will."

"Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls."
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:42 PM on November 21, 2013 [3 favorites]


"Find the bathroom alright?"

"Yyyyyyeeeeah."
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:45 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


Never, Marge. Never. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
posted by Chrysostom at 8:47 PM on November 21, 2013 [5 favorites]


Can't talk. Flanders. Later. Sex.
posted by paleyellowwithorange at 8:49 PM on November 21, 2013


Hopped up on goofballs!
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:03 PM on November 21, 2013


"What does this job pay?"
"Nothing."
"D'oh!"
"...unless you're crooked!"
"Woo hoo!"
posted by Pope Guilty at 9:15 PM on November 21, 2013


Thank you for making my last few moments on earth socially awkward.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:44 PM on November 21, 2013


So we're not going to Black Angus.
posted by equalpants at 10:04 PM on November 21, 2013 [1 favorite]


My theory is: Skinner likes dog food.
posted by neuron at 10:04 PM on November 21, 2013


No recent comments. Reload to check for new comments.

Did something happen to The Whelk?
posted by paleyellowwithorange at 12:19 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Don't worry folks, he'll get the help he needs.
posted by box at 4:22 AM on November 22, 2013


I HATE EVERY APE I SEEEEE
FROM CHIMPAN-A TO CHIMPAN-ZEEEEEE
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:25 AM on November 22, 2013


Yer a long way from home, yuppie boy . . . I'll start a tab.
posted by petebest at 5:05 AM on November 22, 2013


HELLO SAINT LOUUUUIIIIIIS!!

Uh, it's Springfield, Steven.

Oh yeah, right. ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!!
posted by petebest at 5:07 AM on November 22, 2013


I also found the Zombie Simpsons article mentioned above extremely well written and informative.

This is gonna be an all night brain-buster! And we're out of coffee?! Ah well, I'll just drink this warm cream.

Zzzzznnnnnkkk
posted by petebest at 5:10 AM on November 22, 2013


It's so...modern. It's ultra-modern. It's like living in the not-too-distant future.
posted by Chrysostom at 5:47 AM on November 22, 2013


"Troy McClure? You said he was dead!"

"No, what I said was he sleeps with the fishes!"
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:50 AM on November 22, 2013


Kent Brockman: Let's check the death count from the killer storm bearing down on us like a shotgun full of snow.

Weatherman: Well, Kent, as of now the death count is zero. But it IS ready to shoot right up.

Kent Brockman: Oh my God. [shakes fist at heaven] Damn you snow!

I use this without fail at every winter storm.
posted by Chrysostom at 6:06 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck...
posted by nubs at 8:28 AM on November 22, 2013




Don't worry folks, he'll get the help he needs.

too crazy for boystown, too much of a boy for crazy town.
posted by The Whelk at 9:47 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Take my hand with your glove of love!
posted by box at 10:22 AM on November 22, 2013


Remember Alf? He's back. In pog form.

(For the record, so far, every quote I've made in this thread is something I say whenever the subject -- pie, Gore Vidal, "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida", Alf -- is mentioned. I am horrible.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:37 AM on November 22, 2013


Mmmm floor pie...
posted by judson at 10:52 AM on November 22, 2013


Mr. Burns: So, come crawling back, eh?

Homer: Seems like the *classy* thing to do would be not to call attention to it.
posted by Chrysostom at 11:11 AM on November 22, 2013


You don't win friends with salad!

in all seriousness, just had a moment at work where this was an appropriate line
posted by nubs at 2:37 PM on November 22, 2013


ENJOY YOUR DEATHTRAP LADIES
posted by The Whelk at 2:47 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Gallivanting around with that hussy of an older brother!
posted by The Whelk at 3:01 PM on November 22, 2013


I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!
posted by Chrysostom at 3:19 PM on November 22, 2013


That Simpson, he thinks he's the pope of Chilli Town.
posted by box at 3:49 PM on November 22, 2013


I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

(Why, yes, I am watching 'The Mysterious Voyage of Our Homer.')
posted by box at 4:01 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


We're phasing out the games. People drink less when they're having fun.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:13 PM on November 22, 2013


Iron helps us play!
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:24 PM on November 22, 2013


"Don't do what Donny Don't does"...[sighs] They could have made this clearer.
posted by Chrysostom at 4:53 PM on November 22, 2013


"I sure like your pixie drink!" gets a lot of play in this household when I'm making sugary floral cocktails.
posted by The Whelk at 4:54 PM on November 22, 2013


ZINC!!!
posted by Rhomboid at 5:20 PM on November 22, 2013


Where you been, Homer? Entire steel industry's gay. Yeah, aerospace too, and the railroads. And you know what else? Broadway.
posted by box at 6:16 PM on November 22, 2013


Nobody's gay for Moleman.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:38 AM on November 25, 2013


Nobody likes Milhouse! Lisa, you've got detention!
posted by box at 12:08 PM on November 25, 2013


I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just remember, if I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:17 PM on November 25, 2013


And I know you can read my thoughts boy - meow meow meow meow
posted by The Whelk at 1:21 PM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


This bus and I have sort of a Shining thing going on.

(The number of occasions you can say this on Chicago public transportation is a lot.)
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:28 PM on November 25, 2013


"NOW I DRIVE THE SCHOOL BUS" gets quoted at random around here surprisingly often.
posted by The Whelk at 1:34 PM on November 25, 2013


I think it was called 'The Bus that Couldn't Slow Down.'
posted by box at 2:03 PM on November 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


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