Call me Ishmael/ I got that mass appeal

March 25, 2014 11:38 PM

Mental Floss makes couplets from literary first lines and hip hop hits using the "generate line" feature from rappad.co.
posted by klangklangston (59 comments total)

Yes to this. All of this.
posted by flippant at 1:30 AM on March 26, 2014

Eliot / 2pac:
Let us go then, you and I
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Die motherfuckin die, hope yo' ass fry, don't ask why
posted by iotic at 2:11 AM on March 26, 2014 [8 favorites]

Some of these don't seem to rhyme or scan. Do I not have the right accent or was the person who compiled the list just taking the first offered line?

The generator seems fun, though.

Twenty dollars same as in town
I pray you send an angel down

Party Girl - Metafilter (Feat. Tyga & Lloyd)
posted by the latin mouse at 2:51 AM on March 26, 2014 [9 favorites]

I come from haunts of coot and hern,
I make a sudden sally
And sparkle out among the fern,
Cause you love me, call me daddy
posted by a halcyon day at 2:51 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

1984 goes well with rap.

It was a bright, cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen
And if you hard then wreck your car and walk up to my crime scene
(1984 and “Ignorance is Bliss”)

Definitely my favorite.
posted by quincunx at 2:51 AM on March 26, 2014 [3 favorites]

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
Cause i ain't really care what the rest say

Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Skinny jeans, but a nigger still hood

And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Ain't no gimmick with the flow

An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
Box logo on my muthafuckin' chest

An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Had to say it twice, its gettin' late

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
You know me, cool breeze, a nigga high

Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
I mean the game been dry

And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
Move like i’m walking with an open case

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
Or at least inquire similar desires

Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Mr. teen and mr. t with a mouth full of powder

Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Ma want me to go find a wife

Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still,
Loud pack, i propel. burgandy, out to kill.
posted by Elizabeth the Thirteenth at 4:49 AM on March 26, 2014 [5 favorites]

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Doin wild shit, lookin at the sun don't pay
posted by oulipian at 4:52 AM on March 26, 2014 [9 favorites]

When creeping murmur and the poring dark
Fills the wide vessel of the universe
See white people burn your church
Then see you in the mall and clutch their purse

-Shakespearass Kass
posted by cashman at 4:59 AM on March 26, 2014 [3 favorites]

A Bird came down the Walk—
He did not know I saw—
He bit an Angleworm in halves
And punched him in the dick
posted by Rock Steady at 5:07 AM on March 26, 2014

I find no peace, and all my war is done.
I hit your block and we can box for fun

I fear and hope. I burn and freeze like ice.
She don't suck nothing, buzzen, but she lick it nice

I fly above the wind, yet can I not arise;
Cause they don't give a fuck about usbut when i start to rise

I love another, and thus I hate myself.
Nigga with too much to say, you might make a fool of yourself

Inspired by hearing about Thomas Wyatt in the recent BBC documentary about renaissance Britain.
posted by Authorized User at 5:10 AM on March 26, 2014

You crazy for this one, klang.
posted by box at 5:23 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

We real cool we left school we lurk late we strike straight
Where every recipient, property of the state

Gwendolyn Brooks/Kendrick Lamar
posted by box at 5:24 AM on March 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

I will put chaos into fourteen lines
I ain't hating on you, rock them shines

Edna St. Vincent Millay/Brother Ali
posted by middleclasstool at 5:28 AM on March 26, 2014 [3 favorites]

Pity this busy monster, manunkind
Hoes gossip while the real niggas on the grind

E.E. Cummings/Wale
posted by middleclasstool at 5:30 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
This just the bottom of the 9th inning

Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

It's been nothing but pain
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding

Tell them niggas they sleeping

A little life with dried tubers.
And the sun don't shine and you mind just wonders

This is awesome.
posted by jquinby at 5:47 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

maggie and milly and molly and may
bitches be callin me like every day
posted by oulipian at 5:59 AM on March 26, 2014 [13 favorites]

The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new.
‘cause when it come to winning, convincing is only been a few

-Samuel "Big Sean" Beckett
posted by holmesian at 6:04 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Crushed. Why do men then now not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
Capitalism's a religion that makes Satan a god
And teaches self-righteous people to embrace a facade.

-Gerard Manley Hopkins/Felipe Andres Coronel
posted by cashman at 6:12 AM on March 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

Many years later, as he faced the firing squad,
Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon
when his father took him to discover ice--
Niggas that see me round be like 'Dude, you aight?'
posted by shakespeherian at 6:36 AM on March 26, 2014 [3 favorites]

O, what a tangled web we weave
When first we practise to deceive
Walk on water? Nah, neither did Jesus
It's a parable to make followers and readers believers

-Walter Scott/William Griffin Jr.
posted by cashman at 6:43 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

There is a peculiar mismatch between explanations given by market analysts for observed exchange-rate fluctuations and the academic consensus about exchange rates.

Charcoal seats gray, drop tops like release dates

I was reading Bacchetta and van Wincoop, AER Papers and Proceedings 2006
posted by dismas at 6:48 AM on March 26, 2014

Shéer plód makes plough down sillion
'Cause this funk is one in a million.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 7:00 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

The mountain sat upon the plain In his eternal chair
The punishment for crimes of the heart could be severe

Tariq Trotter, Emily Dickinson
posted by cashman at 7:05 AM on March 26, 2014

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
Is it really cocky if you know that it's true?

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
I need a backyard full court size

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
Past all these glass jaws and assholes that claim

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And your bitch is the type of bitch who really wanna lose

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
Sent to earth to poke catholics in the ass with saws

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
For tryin' to communicate through a song

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
A lot of niggas in my position don’t know as much

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
I don't give a fuck either. Like father, like son, I'm done
posted by the latin mouse at 7:08 AM on March 26, 2014 [4 favorites]

. . . a stone, a leaf, an unfound door;
of a stone, a leaf, a door.
Pon de floor, pon de floor
Pon de, pon de
Pon-pon-po-po-pppppp
Pon de floor!
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 7:09 AM on March 26, 2014 [4 favorites]

T'was brillig and the slithy toves.
Give me black bitches, white hoes, new clothes.
-- Lewis Carroll vs. Kendrick Lamar
posted by Strange Interlude at 7:15 AM on March 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

Arma virumque cano

I would invest in a poncho

(Vergil/Wale)
posted by JimInLoganSquare at 7:18 AM on March 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

When on board H.M.S. 'Beagle,' as naturalist, I was much struck with certain facts:
I got bodyguards, I got two big cars that definitely ain't the wack.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 7:21 AM on March 26, 2014 [5 favorites]

Back in the day when I was a teenager
The line generator seems to be down right now. Please try again later.
posted by box at 7:34 AM on March 26, 2014 [7 favorites]

The primroses were over
The flow's cold as a shoulder

- Richard Adams v. Jay-Z
posted by dismas at 7:36 AM on March 26, 2014

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
I like big butts and i cannot lie

I swear to you that is what it generated.
posted by grubi at 7:39 AM on March 26, 2014 [29 favorites]

Here's some Beowulf:
Lo! We have heard of the glory of the kings
Y'all always on that bs and ps i'm takin all things

And a little Whitman:
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
There's soda in the pot and the fire - burning
posted by grubi at 7:44 AM on March 26, 2014

Hwæt! We Gar-Dena in gear-dagum
500 at the villa ain't no problem
posted by shakespeherian at 8:06 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sumer is icumen in,
Going cuckoo and kooky as Kool Keith.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 8:17 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Oops, I think we broke the line generator.
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:24 AM on March 26, 2014

It's been temporarily available for me a few times, Strange Interlude. Give it a little while then try again.
posted by the latin mouse at 8:27 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Never mind, the line I tried was just too long.

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.
Cause i'll be honest: i ain't tryna be a victim of the projects"

-- H.P. Walecraft
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:28 AM on March 26, 2014

Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead
They get karate kicked in the mouth and their teeth get ejected

James "Canibus" Joyce
posted by phong3d at 8:48 AM on March 26, 2014 [2 favorites]

I haven't even been using the generator. But if that one goes down, here's another one.
posted by cashman at 8:48 AM on March 26, 2014

A screaming comes across the sky //
I like big butts and I cannot lie

T. Pynchon / Sir Mix A Lot

This is embarrassingly enjoyable. And clearly that rhyming generator loves Sir Mix A Lot. Or big butts.
posted by god hates math at 8:58 AM on March 26, 2014 [3 favorites]

MUCH have I travell'd in the realms of gold, 
 And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;
Weed they can't fuck with, I'm puffin A.C. Green

Keats / Game
posted by the man of twists and turns at 9:27 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Fuck the police, coming straight from the underground
They stop the whole game every time i come around

NWA/Wale
posted by box at 9:44 AM on March 26, 2014

This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

Hold it..now thank you for silence

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

I should've been a dentist

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

The truth shall be told

--Walem Carlos Kendrick Lamar
posted by Partial Law at 9:53 AM on March 26, 2014

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky
Sniffed a lot of flowers, but how could i cry
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone
Playing with fire is a danger zone
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die
If you don't give a fuck, put your hands up high
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
Gets older, bolder, and cold cause he's left alone
Yeah, he blowing up your cell phone
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie
Late night hangin out til the sunrise gettin high
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them
Just fresh out of the ashes it's a detroit fucking classic
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
We the moody, gucci, louis and pucci men
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie
Now everybody put your hands up high

(with a little help from Jay Double-R Tolkien, 2Pac, Kendrick Lamar, Game and DJs Drama, Screw and Khaled)

posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:55 AM on March 26, 2014 [6 favorites]

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Bad bitch and she gon' fuck me every way, never stay

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
I’m on this one way headed where the slums play

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
I'm feedin' her the light just like what the chorus say

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Young Peyton don't huddle, still run my play

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Cause I'ma look that part until i'm all broke, yea

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
I'm takin' off first, this G6 is on it's way
Back in the motherfuckin bay
posted by box at 10:00 AM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Buried all of his libretti
Headband endo, ya'll ain't ready
posted by Bigfoot Mandala at 10:23 AM on March 26, 2014

I am Sam. Sam I am.
DJ turn me up, ladies this your jam.
posted by unregistered_animagus at 10:32 AM on March 26, 2014 [8 favorites]

Tell me, O muse, of that ingenious hero who travelled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of
-- this song we dedicate to the one and only, never be another, he was my brother --
Trouble T-Roy
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 11:31 AM on March 26, 2014

I heard a fly buzz when I died
Aw man, it's been a ride

also:

Because I could not stop for death
Spending her time with him i guess

Nice.
posted by jquinby at 12:22 PM on March 26, 2014

The original post is awesome, and wonderfully, you all have added to it.

Also, RapPad is the most wonderful tool I'll probably never have a real use for -- but that hasn't stopped me from messing around on for the last 30 minutes.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:34 PM on March 26, 2014

I am the very model of a modern major general
I try to love 'em in the physical, not literal
posted by bicyclefish at 1:12 PM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

I taste a liquor never brewed
Got on my suede shoes, I'm in a great mood

Emily Dickinson/Wale
posted by box at 2:30 PM on March 26, 2014

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line:
Jeff Hamilton Genesis, leather time.

Cam'Ron FitzGerald: "Get 'Em, Omar Khayyam!"
posted by cromagnon at 4:03 PM on March 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.
Hopin' that my niggas see

Coleridge/Wale
posted by MikeMc at 5:12 PM on March 26, 2014

I think that I shall never see
Who trill as me, roll two of tree

Kilmer and, again, my man Wale
posted by box at 5:20 PM on March 26, 2014

Please find my harborcoat, can't go outside without it
If you still gon' be on some crooked-ass nigga shit
posted by steinsaltz at 6:57 PM on March 26, 2014

"Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
But killing the competition in that cosabella thong
The gang-banging and violence, is the sweetest song"

(Pablo Neruda/Game/XV)
posted by Grrlscout at 4:26 AM on March 27, 2014

Mary had a little lamb, it's fleece was white as snow
Competition i ain't winning but admit it, i'm still in it though

"Best (sheep) in Show"
Sarah Josepha Hale vs Wale
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:34 AM on March 28, 2014

Since I just finished reading Catullus' poems I couldn't resist putting this one in:

I lately caught the girl's boy pet
Wanking, and (so please Dione!)
Banged him in tandem with my hard
He say, she say, oh my god

Catullus vs Kendrick Lamar

Not great but amusing anyway. I think some of the other epigramists (sp?) might work well. Maybe I'll have a comb through sometime.

Also I think some classical braggadocio might work well with diss tracks. There must be some Achilles line someone more learned than me can dig up.
posted by Erberus at 12:40 PM on March 28, 2014 [1 favorite]