Logan, even as head chef using your claws to cut vegetables is wrong
June 5, 2014 7:16 AM Subscribe
That time Wolverine teamed up with "celebrity" chef Chris Cosentino and made fun of vegetarians.
I'm a vegetarian, but I want y'all to know that I'm prepared to go all Donner party on your sorry asses if we're ever trapped in a mountain pass.
posted by mondo dentro at 7:44 AM on June 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by mondo dentro at 7:44 AM on June 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
> It's a well-known fact that cannibals hate vegetarians
Funny, you'd think they'd like vegetarians. Especially free-range organic vegetarians.
posted by ardgedee at 7:54 AM on June 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Funny, you'd think they'd like vegetarians. Especially free-range organic vegetarians.
posted by ardgedee at 7:54 AM on June 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Funny, you'd think they'd like vegetarians. Especially free-range organic vegetarians.
Depends on if the vegetarians are corn-fed or grass-fed.
posted by gyc at 7:56 AM on June 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Depends on if the vegetarians are corn-fed or grass-fed.
posted by gyc at 7:56 AM on June 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Funny, you'd think they'd like vegetarians. Especially free-range organic vegetarians.
Actually, cannibals have an equally well-known desire to be at the Top of the Food Chain. Therefore, they prefer to eat other cannibals. Cannibals who have eaten other cannibals are even more highly prized. So vegetarians are fairly low on their lists. More proof that Cosentino is probably a cannibal (at least in the comic).
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:00 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Actually, cannibals have an equally well-known desire to be at the Top of the Food Chain. Therefore, they prefer to eat other cannibals. Cannibals who have eaten other cannibals are even more highly prized. So vegetarians are fairly low on their lists. More proof that Cosentino is probably a cannibal (at least in the comic).
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:00 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
From the first comment on that page: I've read actual interviews anthropologists have conducted with real cannibals. They describe humans as tasting like lean, underfed pigs.
Somehow I suspect that the "real cannibals" have experience with a rather differently raised human than the ones in this comic.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:03 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Somehow I suspect that the "real cannibals" have experience with a rather differently raised human than the ones in this comic.
posted by George_Spiggott at 8:03 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
As a vegan, I'm generally pretty easy-going about the jokes and so on – partly to help counterbalance the rep of vegans as being a little overserious and self-congratulatory – but I'm honestly a bit baffled by this; unlike the article author, I've seen Cosentino and recognize him as a "celebrity" chef (my wife and I watch Top Chef Masters, and I'm pretty sure I've sort of seen him here and there on Top Chef and stuff too), but his persona on those shows was pretty... chill compared to the weird vegetarian rageface going on in this "comic".
Apparently he wrote or co-wrote the thing, so I guess he really does hate vegetarians and think they're bald zombies, or something.
I'd love to hear more from the Marvel end to figure out what the rationale behind doing this in the first place was. Did somebody in marketing think this chef thing was blowing up and they needed to hitch onto that shooting star? Is Cosentino a huge comics fan with some friends at the House of Ideas? Is this an expensive vanity project?
Even in 2011, we were well-past the sell-by date for "Wolverine moves units," and by 2013 that ship wasn't even a speck on the horizon. So that's not really a reason. Did somebody honestly think more than a dozen people would buy this book? These things aren't cheap to produce.
Via Eater, more chefs in comics:
Anthony Bourdain wrote Get Jiro!;
Amanda Cohen wrote a comic-book cookbook called Dirt Candy (my wife owns it!);
Eli Kirshtein (who was apparently on Top Chef too) was in a Spider-Man one-shot.
posted by Shepherd at 8:13 AM on June 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Apparently he wrote or co-wrote the thing, so I guess he really does hate vegetarians and think they're bald zombies, or something.
I'd love to hear more from the Marvel end to figure out what the rationale behind doing this in the first place was. Did somebody in marketing think this chef thing was blowing up and they needed to hitch onto that shooting star? Is Cosentino a huge comics fan with some friends at the House of Ideas? Is this an expensive vanity project?
Even in 2011, we were well-past the sell-by date for "Wolverine moves units," and by 2013 that ship wasn't even a speck on the horizon. So that's not really a reason. Did somebody honestly think more than a dozen people would buy this book? These things aren't cheap to produce.
Via Eater, more chefs in comics:
Anthony Bourdain wrote Get Jiro!;
Amanda Cohen wrote a comic-book cookbook called Dirt Candy (my wife owns it!);
Eli Kirshtein (who was apparently on Top Chef too) was in a Spider-Man one-shot.
posted by Shepherd at 8:13 AM on June 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Let's see - people are getting butchered like meat, there is a character who is identified as knowing "meat cuts like no one else", and that character is not immediately the prime suspect?
How awesome would it have been if Cosentino had written himself in as the surprise cannibal?
posted by Think_Long at 8:20 AM on June 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
How awesome would it have been if Cosentino had written himself in as the surprise cannibal?
posted by Think_Long at 8:20 AM on June 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
"Hey guys, I need to fabricate this pig,"
I'm not sure a chef wrote that line (assuming it's verbatim from the comic). Cosentino was presumably butchering the pig, in other words taking it apart, and it seems unlikely he'd use a word that's nearly the opposite of what he was doing. Makes me think he was consulted but didn't write it -- or that someone with little cooking experience edited whatever he contributed.
Judging by how Wolverine is bent over the cutting board in the last frames, I'm guessing the artist wasn't much of a cook, either.
posted by me3dia at 8:26 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure a chef wrote that line (assuming it's verbatim from the comic). Cosentino was presumably butchering the pig, in other words taking it apart, and it seems unlikely he'd use a word that's nearly the opposite of what he was doing. Makes me think he was consulted but didn't write it -- or that someone with little cooking experience edited whatever he contributed.
Judging by how Wolverine is bent over the cutting board in the last frames, I'm guessing the artist wasn't much of a cook, either.
posted by me3dia at 8:26 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
In a better book, the capture-Wolverine-as-a-regenerating-meat-source scheme could have made for a nice, gruesome story.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:26 AM on June 5, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:26 AM on June 5, 2014 [7 favorites]
Pork Fabrication
Never underestimate the perverseness of industry jargon.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 8:34 AM on June 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Never underestimate the perverseness of industry jargon.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 8:34 AM on June 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Never underestimate the perverseness of industry jargon.
Wow, I stand corrected.
posted by me3dia at 8:45 AM on June 5, 2014
Wow, I stand corrected.
posted by me3dia at 8:45 AM on June 5, 2014
from Joan Acocella's review of Felipe Fernández-Armesto's "Near a Thousand Tables: A History of Food":
Fernández-Armesto agrees with other historians that most cannibalism has been motivated not by physical hunger but by spiritual need. [T]he Gimi women of the Papuan highlands, until quite recently, ate their deceased menfolk in order to give them a congenial resting place. (" 'We could not have left a man to rot!' protest the women.") Fernández-Armesto regards these practices as merely an extreme example of the attachment of symbolic meaning to food, and he compares them to contemporary "health" diets aimed at enhancing one's beauty or tranquillity or moral worth. "Strangely," he writes, "cannibals turn out to have a lot in common with vegans."posted by Ian A.T. at 9:04 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Let's see - people are getting butchered like meat, there is a character who is identified as knowing "meat cuts like no one else", and that character is not immediately the prime suspect?
Wolverine is the best there is at what he does, but "deduction" is not what he does.
posted by Etrigan at 9:22 AM on June 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
Wolverine is the best there is at what he does, but "deduction" is not what he does.
posted by Etrigan at 9:22 AM on June 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
people are getting butchered like meat, there is a character who is identified as knowing "meat cuts like no one else", and that character is not immediately the prime suspect?
He was a... (puts on sunglasses) ...prime rib suspect.
AWWW YEAH.
(guitar riff)
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:14 AM on June 5, 2014
He was a... (puts on sunglasses) ...prime rib suspect.
AWWW YEAH.
(guitar riff)
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:14 AM on June 5, 2014
Base on his cartoon version, I'd bet that Cosentino is the kind of guy who often has to finish his remarks with a shrug and an insincere "Just sayin'".
And all this talk about eating cannibals is making me think about this video, which probably says more about me than this conversation.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:33 AM on June 5, 2014
And all this talk about eating cannibals is making me think about this video, which probably says more about me than this conversation.
posted by benito.strauss at 10:33 AM on June 5, 2014
San Francisco is apparently wracked by a series of brutal murders by a serial killer known as "The Bay Area Butcher," a killer who removes the limbs and organs from his victims.
There are some shockingly rude people in San Fransisco yes.
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
There are some shockingly rude people in San Fransisco yes.
posted by The Whelk at 10:33 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Faint of Butt: "In a better book, the capture-Wolverine-as-a-regenerating-meat-source scheme could have made for a nice, gruesome story."
From the article comments:
"This is not the Hannibal vs. Wolverine movie I wanted, where Hannibal keeps Logan bound & drugged in his pantry and calls him 'Mister Steakface'."
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:05 AM on June 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
From the article comments:
"This is not the Hannibal vs. Wolverine movie I wanted, where Hannibal keeps Logan bound & drugged in his pantry and calls him 'Mister Steakface'."
posted by Strange Interlude at 11:05 AM on June 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
Has there ever been any exploration on Wolverine's regenerative tissue and what happens when a portion of his flesh is excised? Like, if I cut off his bicep (thus avoiding the adamantium problem), would his body grow a new bicep? Or would his bicep grow a new body?
posted by Think_Long at 11:14 AM on June 5, 2014
posted by Think_Long at 11:14 AM on June 5, 2014
Has there ever been any exploration on Wolverine's regenerative tissue and what happens when a portion of his flesh is excised? Like, if I cut off his bicep (thus avoiding the adamantium problem), would his body grow a new bicep? Or would his bicep grow a new body?
From TVTropes:
From TVTropes:
A common Fanon theory about how he can make so many cameos in other comics is that every time he loses a piece of himself, it eventually grows into another Wolverine.posted by Etrigan at 11:20 AM on June 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
That's beautiful. I wonder if that includes his excrement too? So many questions.
I think Cosentino should write another story where he fabricates Wolverine into thousands of fabricated Wolverines.
posted by Think_Long at 11:25 AM on June 5, 2014
I think Cosentino should write another story where he fabricates Wolverine into thousands of fabricated Wolverines.
posted by Think_Long at 11:25 AM on June 5, 2014
So, perfect clones then.
posted by Etrigan at 11:48 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Etrigan at 11:48 AM on June 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
And then he enslaves them as line cooks in his trendy restaurant.
"Logans, I need this basil julienned now!"
"You got it, boss" *snikt*
posted by Think_Long at 11:52 AM on June 5, 2014
"Logans, I need this basil julienned now!"
"You got it, boss" *snikt*
posted by Think_Long at 11:52 AM on June 5, 2014
How many toddler sized wolverines can you fight at one time?
posted by troll on a pony at 7:46 AM on June 6, 2014
posted by troll on a pony at 7:46 AM on June 6, 2014
And then he enslaves them as line cooks in his trendy restaurant.
This is a dangerous plan that would end in revolt. I can even see the dialogue "Hey, bub, do you want to be a chef or chiffonade?"
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:15 AM on June 6, 2014
This is a dangerous plan that would end in revolt. I can even see the dialogue "Hey, bub, do you want to be a chef or chiffonade?"
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:15 AM on June 6, 2014
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It's a well-known fact that cannibals hate vegetarians, because they cannot easily be tricked into eating human flesh. This pisses cannibals off. From Cosentino's attitudes in this comic, I am pretty sure he is a cannibal, perhaps angry at the competition. As for Wolverine, I am pretty sure that he eats people, at least once in a while. He blames it on Magneto's mind control, however.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:28 AM on June 5, 2014 [8 favorites]