Pleasurable Troublemaker: Don't worry, it's totally SFW

June 6, 2014 6:57 AM

"The wall-mounted keyholder has two hooks, one for your bike key, one for your car key. If you grab the bike key, you’re out the door and on your way. If you grab the car key, the machine drops the bike key on the floor, forcing you to stoop down and pick it up. At that point, you have both keys in your hand–effectively giving you a second chance to weigh your options.
posted by sio42 (62 comments total)

Wouldn't it just be easier to run a small current through the "car" hook, forcing you to endure a nasty but non-hazardous shock every time you want to get your car keys?

However, then won't people just not use the hooks, leading to lost keys, regret, and rage?

Also, that weird squirmy outlet looks like tehy have trapped a ferret in a bag, which is not very nice.

Designers, go home; you are drunk!
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:01 AM on June 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

I read that wrong and thought the bike came crashing to the ground. I wanted to watch the video to see how much damage it would cause.

Interesting, but I'd eventually learn to ignore the key on the floor and the cat would bat it under the couch and no more biking for me.
posted by xingcat at 7:02 AM on June 6, 2014 [16 favorites]

Lifehack: Attach a small basket to the wall to catch the falling key.
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:03 AM on June 6, 2014 [31 favorites]

Can't I just hire someone to shake their head & say "tsk tsk" instead?
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:04 AM on June 6, 2014 [18 favorites]

Grab car key. bike key falls. Point to bike key on the ground and sternly say, "And stay there!"
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 7:06 AM on June 6, 2014 [19 favorites]

Hanging my keys on a keyholder would already be an un-enforceable lifestyle change for me.
posted by mmcg at 7:07 AM on June 6, 2014 [36 favorites]

Alternative solution: be a cheapskate who doesn't buy a parking permit at your workplace. Every morning consider picking up the car keys, imagine the $90 fine you'll get if caught, or the $2000 you'd have to pay for the annual permit, and take the bicycle key instead.
posted by lollusc at 7:09 AM on June 6, 2014 [8 favorites]

Hanging my keys on a keyholder would already be an un-enforceable lifestyle change for me.

If only they could find a way to rig it up so that the bike key was on the counter, but the car key was in yesterday's pants.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:09 AM on June 6, 2014 [17 favorites]

It would take less than a week before I just put the car key on the bike hook and vice versa.
posted by usonian at 7:10 AM on June 6, 2014 [11 favorites]

Okay, I get the thinking behind this and it's cute, but it's also very very shame-y, if only subtly. And I say this as someone who is moving to a flatter, walkable city in a few weeks and is looking forward to ditching my car once and for all.
posted by Kitteh at 7:17 AM on June 6, 2014

You had one job, key hook...
posted by Reyturner at 7:17 AM on June 6, 2014 [6 favorites]

This only works if you care that your bike keys are on the floor. Why would you care if your bike keys are on the floor.
posted by elizardbits at 7:20 AM on June 6, 2014 [26 favorites]

Can't I just hire someone to shake their head & say "tsk tsk" instead?

How about just rig the car hook up so, when you choose the car keys, a recording says "When you bought that bike because you wanted more exercise, did you just mean dusting the damn thing? Jeeze!" Bonus points if it could be recorded in the voice of one of your parents or, possibly your first- or second-grade teacher.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:20 AM on June 6, 2014 [6 favorites]

Experiment: I have thrown my house keys on the floor. Let's see how long it takes for me to care.
posted by elizardbits at 7:20 AM on June 6, 2014 [20 favorites]

This only works if you care that your bike keys are on the floor. Why would you care if your bike keys are on the floor.

they could hurt someone who has already opened the door but not yet walked the dinosaur.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:20 AM on June 6, 2014 [29 favorites]

Bonus points if it could be recorded in the voice of one of your parents or, possibly your first- or second-grade teacher.

I have specific internal voices (not literal audible voices FYI) that berate me for different failings (my Dad complains when I spend too much money, a friend from middle school chastises me for being bad at video games), now I'm wondering who would get on me for not biking if I owned a bike.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 7:23 AM on June 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

This is clearly only for people who really, really want to bike and not drive and want something to nag them a little bit. Those people should bite the bullet. Get rid of the car and subscribe to a carshare instead.

I don't own a bike and I don't know how to drive, so I have no horse in this race.
posted by Hildegarde at 7:24 AM on June 6, 2014

Bikes have keys?!
posted by infinitewindow at 7:25 AM on June 6, 2014 [8 favorites]

It's too stupid to be a joke, so I guess it must be real. Which is disturbing, given the tsk tsk mindset that would come up with such a thing.
posted by IndigoJones at 7:28 AM on June 6, 2014

No big deal, I always grab the bike key first. Of course, my bike has a motor and makes vroom vroom noises, so it's really no contest.
posted by calamari kid at 7:29 AM on June 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

You know, I'm doing fine in my life without inanimate objects that I ostensibly pay money for and hang voluntarily on my wall being sanctimonious at me, thank you very much.

(And lollusc: Where do you work, for heaven's sake, that the yearly permit is $2000? The Dept. of Transportation on the East Coast university campus I work for is much-reviled for seeming grabby at employees' paychecks, but I'm nearly sure even they don't charge that much...)
posted by seyirci at 7:32 AM on June 6, 2014

now I'm wondering who would get on me for not biking if I owned a bike.

I vote for Patrick Stewart, sounding wise and disappointed with you, but hiding the slight shred of hope that you will actually make the right choice (not really hiding it, he knows what you are thinking, after all, but he's pretending, to be kind). He believes in you, after all.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:35 AM on June 6, 2014 [9 favorites]

I keep my keys in my pocket. Otherwise I'll lock myself out every time I go out. Same with my wallet --if I depended on remembering to collect all my items every time I needed to go out, I'd be in bad shape.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:39 AM on June 6, 2014

Here's the website with the other pleasurable troublemakers, like the 50/50 cake pan and the reading light that slowly closes to remind you not to use so much energy.

It's easy to come up with counters to these ideas, but I think the ideas themselves are rather fun, if not completely practical. Thanks for this!
posted by filthy light thief at 7:42 AM on June 6, 2014

You know what works better?

Here's my bike commute:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ocschwar/sets/72157633438167770/

Here's what kind of 'traffic' stalls my commute:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ocschwar/sets/72157644235377986/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/ocschwar/tags/alewifebrookgreenway/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/ocschwar/tags/heron/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/ocschwar/tags/turtle/

I have to be cajoled into the car.
posted by ocschwar at 7:42 AM on June 6, 2014 [4 favorites]

I thought the squirmy thing looked like a ferret in a sock also! But also kinda creepy...

Yeah, it's disturbingly like a ferret trapped in Takashi Miike's sock.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:46 AM on June 6, 2014

Dip Flash: "I keep my keys in my pocket. Otherwise I'll lock myself out every time I go out. Same with my wallet --if I depended on remembering to collect all my items every time I needed to go out, I'd be in bad shape."

I keep my keys in a dish by the front door. Unlock the door, enter house, drop keys. Grab keys, exit house, lock door. After a week or two, it's a habit you don't even consciously think about. They're always in the same place when you need them and you never have to search.
posted by zarq at 7:53 AM on June 6, 2014

Who actually separates out their "bike keys" and "car keys"? The only times I've been dumb enough to try to maintain separate rings, I've either (a) locked myself out of the house or (b) gotten to my destination without a key for my bike lock.
posted by psoas at 8:01 AM on June 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

Is that a key rack that you have to plug in?!
posted by maryr at 8:05 AM on June 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

this stuff looks great as far as "concientiousness-raising artwork" but absolutely drek as far as consumer products. I wish they were not being talked about as consumer products because it's so very hard for people (esp. in this thread, esp. myself) to get over that aspect.

We should be riding our (n.b. i don't own one) bikes more. But you wear different clothes for that, so last-second troublemakers won't change our behavior. We should (maybe? I've seen articles about the myth of vampire power) be unplugging our stuff more, but maybe disabling the ability to "power off" a device, forcing an unplug, would be better.
posted by rebent at 8:06 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Engineers are funny sometimes.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:16 AM on June 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

The only logical place in my house for a key-rack is directly over a heating vent. If it dropped the bike key I would never be able to use my bike again.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:26 AM on June 6, 2014

But you wear different clothes for that

Maybe this is my Northern California privilege showing, but I bike to and from work everyday in my normal clothes.
posted by amaire at 8:28 AM on June 6, 2014

It's like a smart house inhabited by the personality of a cat:

"Picture frame? Now it lives on the floor. Keys? On the floor. Everything, floor."
posted by .holmes at 8:31 AM on June 6, 2014 [17 favorites]

dramatic update: i had to pick up my keys to walk the dog but i don't think it counts as actually caring that they were on the floor
posted by elizardbits at 8:31 AM on June 6, 2014 [6 favorites]

I don't own a bike and I don't know how to drive, so I have no horse in this race.

But if you had a horse where would you keep the keys?
posted by Dr Dracator at 8:39 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

If you have a dinosaur to walk, you may as well take the car, as it's most likely foot powered, with stone wheels.
posted by condour75 at 8:40 AM on June 6, 2014

Is that a key rack that you have to plug in?!

Yes, for maximum effect into the squirming-ferret-in-a-sock.
posted by achrise at 8:42 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Maybe this is my Northern California privilege showing, but I bike to and from work everyday in my normal clothes.

I do this in Southern California, in the San Fernando Valley, in weather from ~50°F to ~110°F. Rain is a show-stopper, though.
posted by lostburner at 8:43 AM on June 6, 2014

This only works if you care that your bike keys are on the floor. Why would you care if your bike keys are on the floor.

Spoken like a true dog person.
posted by mudpuppie at 8:44 AM on June 6, 2014

next up - a beer cooler that you have to blow into a breathalyzer to open - if you're too drunk, tough luck
posted by pyramid termite at 8:54 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Why did they go with "pleasurable troublemakers" when www.designlikeanasshole.com is still available?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 8:58 AM on June 6, 2014 [5 favorites]

The Never Hungry Caterpillar by the same designer seems to be a more interesting and useful product. I always resolve, when I see my electricity bills and wonder how I can be using almost a dollar's worth of electricity every day, to start unplugging my power strip but always end up forgetting.
posted by Flashman at 8:59 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

next up - a beer cooler that you have to blow into a breathalyzer to open - if you're too drunk, tough luck

Ironically, a drunken state is when I'd be most likely to destructively open the cooler with a baseball bat.
posted by codswallop at 9:13 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

full of glass bottles? - no beer for you
posted by pyramid termite at 9:22 AM on June 6, 2014

If I'm thinking about taking the subway my roommate just calls me a pussy so then I ride my bike.
posted by ReeMonster at 9:28 AM on June 6, 2014

I vote for Patrick Stewart, sounding wise and disappointed with you, but hiding the slight shred of hope that you will actually make the right choice

Well, this is eerily plausible.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 9:35 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Can't I just hire someone to shake their head & say "tsk tsk" instead?

This is what kids are for. I taught my daughters to always do the right thing and by the time they were 12 they were smarter than me, and now it's this never-ending rain of teeth-clicking and eye-rolling about all the poor decisions I make.

never teach them about recycling
posted by sidereal at 9:45 AM on June 6, 2014 [8 favorites]

Man, if you want to make people actually be connected and mindful of the things they do, you have to shove it into their faces

Like have they considered having a gasoline powered trap that forces you to breathe through someone else's exhaust for somewhere between 15 to 90 minutes a day

or some Rube Goldberg contraption that pours benzene into your coffee maker so that your body is ravaged with cancer in your later years

have they considered replacing your water tank with a mountain of sea turtle corpses

have they considered appointing a human spray tan to Congress

or inundating the Niger delta with upwards of millions of barrels worth of oil, destroying the local ecosystems for decades to come and making it a hell on earth full of skin lesions, gas flares, and dead fish, trees, and humans

I have many more original ideas should you want to encourage your Congress person to facetiously pollute the Earth as much as they possibly can
posted by saucy_knave at 9:49 AM on June 6, 2014 [2 favorites]

But if you had a horse where would you keep the keys?

I'm not sure but let me tell you about where the ignition isn't.
posted by Kadin2048 at 9:51 AM on June 6, 2014 [7 favorites]

My solution to this issue was to marry an asshole who keeps smashing up the car.

/bitter

PS I really do like riding my bike though.
posted by Mister_A at 10:06 AM on June 6, 2014

I want nothing in my house that believes him/her/itself to be "mischievous". That's code for jackass. Cram it, keyrack.
posted by travertina at 10:32 AM on June 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

Yeah, because I need one more passive-aggressive asshole in my life. I think my first reaction to the dropped keys would be to rip the keyholder off the wall and crush it into small pieces. Problem solved.
posted by doctor_negative at 11:03 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

then you could take it outside and run it over with both car AND bike
posted by elizardbits at 11:22 AM on June 6, 2014 [3 favorites]

I want nothing in my house that believes him/her/itself to be "mischievous".

I love this FPP and I love this thread.

If I came home to a warm apartment after a bad day and jabbed at the smart thermostat and set it to an unreasonably low setting, I think I'd like it if it said, "OK, setting temp to 60F. 72F would make more sense...does someone need a hug?"

Even Siri will sass you if you talk to it wrong. I kinda like that.
posted by sidereal at 11:25 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Ooh! How about a shower that turns the water ice cold right after you've lathered up your hair, to remind you to save water!

Or a washng machine that stops mid-cycle to remind you that or natural body offer is better than our corporate created obsession with cleanliness?
posted by happyroach at 11:47 AM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

> Is that a key rack that you have to plug in?!

They laughed at me when I demanded an electrical outlet that's chest-high just inside my entryway. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?!
posted by Sunburnt at 12:15 PM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

I thought the squirmy thing looked like a ferret in a sock also! But also kinda creepy...

Missed product opportunity: ". . . but if you reach for the CAR key it drops off the hook into this bag of angry ferrets! So now you REALLY have a choice to make." (And if you STILL go for the car key, ve come back later and cut off your chonson.)
posted by The Bellman at 1:16 PM on June 6, 2014 [1 favorite]

Is it weird that I can't think of a recent post that has entertained me as much as this one?

Like, seriously.
posted by ssmug at 4:12 PM on June 6, 2014

It's a university (in Australia) and used to be about half that, but they recently adjusted the permits to cost the same as parking elsewhere in the city. It also means it now costs about the same as an annual public transport pass, which I am totally behind as a strategy. The extra push to keep cycling instead of driving is good for me, but I do hope that there is some sort of subsidy available for people with disabilities for whom buses or cycling are not possible.
posted by lollusc at 7:50 PM on June 6, 2014

The 'unplugged' version is much better. (Though I also fail to understand why the bike key being on the floor is a problem).
posted by ElliotH at 7:18 AM on June 8, 2014

They laughed at me when I demanded an electrical outlet that's chest-high just inside my entryway.

...I have one of those in my apartment.
posted by maryr at 8:15 AM on June 8, 2014 [1 favorite]