WARNING Persons denying the existence of Robots may be Robots themselves

June 26, 2014 12:09 PM

Timothy Ray Murray is a human born in Oklahoma. He was a candidate in the June 24th Republican primary for the House of Representatives for the 3'rd District of that state. The major plank of his campaign platform appears to have been that the sitting incumbent, Rep. Frank Lucas, was executed in Ukraine in 2011 and replaced by a robot. Mr. Murray faithfully promised voters that he would, "NEVER use Artificial Intelligence look alike to voice what The Representative’s Office is doing nor own a robot look alike."

Unfortunately, voters in the 3rd district voted overwhelmingly to welcome their incumbent robot overlord, giving him 83 percent of the vote. Murray trailed rancher and businessman Robert Hubbard (who received 12 percent of the vote) with 5.2 percent of the vote - but has announced plans to contest the results on the grounds that his votes were switched with those of the Lucas robot.

Notably, this wasn't the first time Hubbard has run for this position. In 2012, he ran as a Democrat, actually winning the Democratic primary and becoming the official Democratic candidate before losing the general election to Lucas.

The position of 3'rd District Representative may not be in Murray's future. But at least he can always fall back on his lifetime appointment (by President Gerald Ford) as Ambassador for The United States People for The United Nations, a position in which he has been surprisingly effective.

posted by Naberius (9 comments total)

Have they tested the water recently?
posted by infini at 12:13 PM on June 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

Has he provided proof that he isn't a robot?

I also noticed that he was specific about "look-alikes". Does that mean he's ok with robot imposters that don't look like anyone in particular?
posted by blue_beetle at 12:15 PM on June 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

was Awarded Honor status by U.S. Presidents Nixon, Ford, and others

>_>
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:18 PM on June 26, 2014 [1 favorite]

mental illness is really sad
posted by Avenger at 12:18 PM on June 26, 2014 [3 favorites]

How do we know that most of those Lucas voters weren't also robots?
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:28 PM on June 26, 2014

I think my mother may have voted for this guy.
posted by Curious Artificer at 12:31 PM on June 26, 2014

Requested and obtained in 2013, Protection from partial or whole life placement on Starship without the knowledge and or will of any person(s) on Earth or in Space, and the storage of partial human size life on Earth or in this Solar system. This matter is sealed with The People, The U.S. President, and The U.S. Supreme Court.

One has to wonder why this matter is not sealed with Congress.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 12:32 PM on June 26, 2014

You can tell he's for real by examining his countenance. He's got the "I am serious business" eyes.
posted by djeo at 12:32 PM on June 26, 2014

Yeah, it's fun to poke fun at candidates who are just asshats or dipshits, but this guy seems straight up delusional.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:33 PM on June 26, 2014