How To make a shoe, kill a bear, and mix a Widow's Tears

July 28, 2014 3:07 PM

Mental Floss links to free How-To guides from a hundred years ago that are still helpful if you need to mesmerize someone or name a baby
posted by The Whelk (34 comments total)

Apparently, to write a novel you need to wear a chinchilla on each shoulder.
posted by Solomon at 3:13 PM on July 28, 2014 [3 favorites]

Yes this has been my experience
posted by The Whelk at 3:14 PM on July 28, 2014 [11 favorites]

I was just trying to mesmerize an unnamed baby. Thanks!
posted by Sangermaine at 3:17 PM on July 28, 2014 [3 favorites]

By now that baby is a very, very old man. At this point, giving him a name would only needlessly confuse him.
posted by Atom Eyes at 3:18 PM on July 28, 2014 [4 favorites]

Names warned against include Chateau Thierry, Centennia, Liberty Bond, and Fritz De LaRue. Approved names include Cuthbert, Theophilus, Meta (for a girl only!), and Wertha

Anyone need a sockpuppet?

But really, you know you don't want to let your youth slip by without ever trying a Raspberry Shrub, a Yard of Flannel, or a Philadelphia Fish-House Punch.

A yard like a lawn? Yes I have.
posted by bleep at 3:20 PM on July 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Is that unnamed baby a 200-lb fat boy, or has he already been replaced?
posted by Navelgazer at 3:24 PM on July 28, 2014

Does anyone know what the "do." measurement in the How to Mix Drinks book is?

For example, in the gin punch recipe it asks for 1 1/2 do. gin and 2 do. do. white sugar.
posted by Quonab at 3:29 PM on July 28, 2014

I believe it's analogous to "parts," but I could be wrong.
posted by Navelgazer at 3:34 PM on July 28, 2014

Ah, it's "ditto" apparently. It's confusing in the gin punch recipe but clearer in something like 387. Wine, Mixed. It repeats the measure or preparation of the line above.

1 table spoonful of raspberry syrup
2 do.   do. white sugar

Just means 2 table spoonful white sugar.
posted by figurant at 3:42 PM on July 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

I wonder if it's short for "ditto" — i.e. tells you to repeat a word from the line before. There's a spot where it calls for

The juice of six lemons.
The rind of two    do.

so there it can't be a measurement along the line of "parts," it has to somehow come out to mean lemons.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:44 PM on July 28, 2014

Is it not possible to find the how to name a baby book? I just see the cover.
posted by jeather at 3:45 PM on July 28, 2014

Yeah, searching online indicates ditto.
posted by knuckle tattoos at 3:46 PM on July 28, 2014

Or, uh, what figurant said.

Also, I'm fascinated by this "milk punch" business (pages 20 and 21) which seems to involve intentionally curdling milk by adding strong booze and lemon juice, then filtering out the curdled bits, then bottling the whole shebang in tightly corked bottles and drinking it later over ice. This sounds like such a terrible idea that it must actually be delicious or nobody would ever bother doing it.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:47 PM on July 28, 2014

Okay, thanks!
posted by Quonab at 3:48 PM on July 28, 2014

Oh! And! OMG! There's directions for making what's basically jello shots using "calf's foot jelly," and Wikipedia claims that this is the earliest attested jello shot recipe.
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:52 PM on July 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

I was intrigued enough by the "Yard of Flannel" -- a drink which shows up in Heyer's novels -- that I googled it.

Frothy eggs in hot beer.

Hrrrgggghhhh...
posted by jrochest at 4:04 PM on July 28, 2014 [5 favorites]

Love this kind of stuff. The other week I read a century-old vegetarian cookbook (maybe linked from MeFi somehow, I think?) and was totally transfixed. I think people in 2114 are going to get a particular kick out of our era's interchangeable gift books and blog-to-book schemes that you can buy at Urban Outfitters or the front bins at Barnes and Noble.
posted by threeants at 4:08 PM on July 28, 2014

People in Ye Olden Dayes (i.e., my mother's generation) were quite used to separating milk and consuming its components separately. Think of Little Miss Muffet, who was "eating her Curds and Whey" when she was frightened by a spider. I looked up some recipes, and it seems as though milk punch is basically a spiced alcoholic whey-based drink (which should be sweetish, because of the lactose) that is effectively filtered by the coagulation of the curds. Here's one classic recipe, Benjamin Franklin's Milk Punch, but you can find many more here.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:19 PM on July 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Oh, you must read this description of milk punch!

"You start with this weird and gross mass of coagulated protein and gunky citrus pulp," Rockey says. "Then, as you drain it, drop by drop, you get this sweet, ephemeral, clear refreshing liquid that I absolutely love. That process grabs the weighty compounds, the richness and the fat, and what you're left with is aroma and brightness, the smell of corn silk and a slippery texture that slides down your throat."

Now I want some.
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:22 PM on July 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

make a shoe, kill a bear, and mix a Widow's Tears

"Specialization is for insects."

You lot are all too stuck on the weird milky cocktails and have missed the glory of How To Make A Shoe: 120 pages of instruction and illustrations, all in rigorous rhyme.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 4:44 PM on July 28, 2014 [5 favorites]

How to Mix Drinks: Or, The Bon-vivant's Companion

How much of a bon vivant can you be if your companionship comes from a book you bought?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:46 PM on July 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

I love all tha variations on the basic mulled-wine-style Bishop drink in The Bon-vivant's Companion: Archbishop, Cardinal, Pope, and Protestant Bishop. Especially love that the Protestant Bishop has less sugar and adds lemon!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:54 PM on July 28, 2014

How much of a bon vivant can you be if your companionship comes from a book you bought?

E.M. Hoover, R.T. Brémany and I get along just fine, thanks. Can I mix you a Blue Blazer some time?
posted by zamboni at 4:56 PM on July 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Especially love that the Protestant Bishop has less sugar and adds lemon!

It's kind of perfect.
posted by The Whelk at 5:08 PM on July 28, 2014

I want artisanal kites!!
posted by oceanjesse at 5:19 PM on July 28, 2014

So is it official, Metafilter is girl? Or are we that gouche? Mods, this demands an answer...
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:44 PM on July 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

a slippery texture that slides down your throat

No.
posted by kiltedtaco at 5:48 PM on July 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Metafilter is whatever it wants to be.
posted by The Whelk at 5:50 PM on July 28, 2014

With regards to milk punch, Erik Ellestad over at Savoy Stomp has made his fair share of milk punches and says that basically the milk proteins that curdle out act as a fine mesh for filtering the remaining ingredients. .He's got a very nice write up about it. Generally his blog is a great resource for Prohibition-Era cocktails, since he went and made every drink in the Savoy Cocktail book.
posted by matematichica at 6:37 PM on July 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Names warned against include Chateau Thierry, Centennia, Liberty Bond, and Fritz De LaRue. Approved names include Cuthbert, Theophilus, Meta (for a girl only!), and Wertha

Anyone need a sockpuppet?

Meet my new sockpuppet, Cuthbert Theophilus Meta
posted by Itaxpica at 7:06 PM on July 28, 2014

How to Make a Shoe is amazing.

"From Russia we are told the best bristles come--/But cannot tell you why,/The hairs upon our hogs at home/Are not so good to buy"
posted by Earthtopus at 7:52 PM on July 28, 2014

I love that there's a check mark written in next to this passage:

There is no place for humor in naming. Life is real, liife is earnest; and naming is a serious, though not necessarily cheerless, affair.

Makes me think of the Duke of Wellington's challenge letter to Prince George in Blackadder III:

"From the Supreme Commander, Allied Forces Europe. Sir, Prince or pauper, when a man soils a Wellington he puts his foot in it. P.S: This is not a joke. I do not find my name remotely funny, and people who do end up dead."

posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:08 PM on July 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Another great thing about the cobbling book was that if you were familiar with the tools, its a decent primer on how to actually make a half decent shoe. How well it turns out depends a lot on the quality of the materials used.

/child of a shoemaker
posted by porpoise at 9:20 PM on July 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Fritz De LaRue is the best name I've ever heard.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 1:51 AM on July 29, 2014 [2 favorites]