Pelvic sorcery of the finest kind

November 19, 2014 10:40 AM

What if Guardians of the Galaxy, had included more dancing beyond that of baby Groot?
posted by Brandon Blatcher (35 comments total)

Having Ronan be defeated in an epic dance-off with the GotG would've been so much better. I loved the fun of the movie but Ronan going down like a chump was just so disappointing I just hope that they avoid doing the same thing with Thanos when we inevitably have a GotG + Avengers team up.

I hope that Ant-Man continues the trend of keeping the grimdark somewhat under control in the MCU
posted by vuron at 10:47 AM on November 19, 2014

Also, Dave Bautista collects lunchboxes. Here's Vin Diesel wearing stilts and dubbing "I Am Groot" into a half dozen languages.

Yes, this movie is about the most charming thing to come out of Hollywood since forever.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:55 AM on November 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

Free Soundtrack Today Only! Act Quickly! (google play promotional thingee, if that's your bag)
posted by chainlinkspiral at 10:55 AM on November 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

I'm sorry, but are we not talking about the rumor that Glenn Howerton could have been cast as Quill if Pratt had passed?
posted by Think_Long at 10:56 AM on November 19, 2014

No, we're not talking about that at all. Move along!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:59 AM on November 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

Okay, then. In that case are we talking about the rumor that Jensen Ackles was considered both for Captain America and Hawkeye at various points?

(Also, I love this dance-off and I love this movie. It and Snowpiercer are my two favorites of the year.)
posted by brundlefly at 11:04 AM on November 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

So if you used the Always Sunny character as GotG how would it go?

I mean obviously Danny Devito as Frank Reynolds as Rocket and Kaitlin Olson as Sweet Dee as Gamora but how would you allocate the other three among Starlord, Drax and Groot?

Charlie Day as Groot?
McElhenney as Drax?
Howerton as Starlord?

It would be completely perverse but might also be the greatest thing ever filmed.
posted by vuron at 11:04 AM on November 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Charlie Day as Groot?

I like this. Instead of nuanced "I am Groot" it would be all yell-y "I AM GROOT! I AM GROOT!"

A fitting follow-up to Charlie's work on "SPACESHIP!"
posted by mcstayinskool at 11:11 AM on November 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

Every other riff I've seen has Charlie as RR. But you're right, it's too obvious - Groot would be a challenge with big payoff.
posted by Think_Long at 11:12 AM on November 19, 2014

How you like my derails now, Brandon! Boom!
posted by Think_Long at 11:15 AM on November 19, 2014

Okay, then. In that case are we talking about the rumor that Jensen Ackles was considered both for Captain America and Hawkeye at various points?

He'd make an acceptable Hawkeye I guess, but whew, bullet missed on being cast as Captain America. Chris Evans is the perfect Steve Rogers, and not just because the man has comic book hero proportions in real life.

Back on topic, dancing baby Groot is still pure joy. Can anyone watch that and not smile? Also, I'd have been fine with the movie's climactic moment being an actual dance off.
posted by yasaman at 11:15 AM on November 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

It is now impossible to hear "I Want You Back" without doing a little Groot dance in one's chair. IMPOSSIBLE.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 11:23 AM on November 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

Michael Rooker and Dave Bautista Grooting on stage.

Yep, best movie in a long freakin time.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 11:31 AM on November 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

How you like my derails now, Brandon! Boom!

Yesss, the chip is working just fine, all is going to plan subject 2342-8!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:32 AM on November 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Free Soundtrack Today Only is still asking me for payment information. This seems fishy.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:43 AM on November 19, 2014

Free Soundtrack Today Only is still asking me for payment information. This seems fishy.

To get any of the Free offers on Google Play, you need to have some sort of payment method setup on your account.
You won't be charged.

If you don't trust it, you can always use a paypal account with no money in it.
This is what I do.
posted by madajb at 11:49 AM on November 19, 2014

BRIAN BLESSED for Groot.
posted by Foosnark at 11:57 AM on November 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

If Quill's origin story isn't explained with hus mom getting seduced by an alien set to 'Come Sail Away' I'm going to break a chair.
posted by The Whelk at 12:07 PM on November 19, 2014 [10 favorites]

What madajb said: the free offers on Google Play still need a payment method attached, but don't charge it.

FWIW, Google Play Music has been quietly running "free album of the week" or "99c album of the week" offers for a while now; you can also grab Lorde's Pure Heroine for free this week.

(That said, it always slightly creeps me out that Google Play uses my YouTube history to tailor its front page with "popular with XXX listeners" recommendations. Get your sticky fingers out of my head, Google.)
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 12:12 PM on November 19, 2014

Woah, woah, woah. Charlie is Drax - both don't think they are being funny, that's just how the world works for them, both obsess over someone who does not reciprocate, and most importantly, both are wildcards, bitches.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 12:23 PM on November 19, 2014

Sorry to be rude but, uh, no, Mac is definitely Drax. He takes himself very seriously even though he is funny to everyone else and he is sure he is the king of fighting. Honestly, Drax might be Mac's actual vision of himself. Holy shit actually I think it's possible that he is! Mac is SURE that he is Drax and doesn't see what would be funny about Drax at all, he just does karate moves.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 12:33 PM on November 19, 2014

I would like "Frankie Stallone" from the Comedy Bang Bang podcast voice Groot.
posted by zippy at 12:41 PM on November 19, 2014

Well, that was tepid, and I don't mean to say "tepid" in a way that would suggest it's teetering on the ragged brink of being marginally interesting.
posted by Wolfdog at 1:02 PM on November 19, 2014

How I wish this had been the soundtrack to GotG.
posted by pxe2000 at 1:05 PM on November 19, 2014

If Quill's origin story isn't explained with hus mom getting seduced by an alien set to 'Come Sail Away' I'm going to break a chair.

I thought he was an angel, and I was quite perplexed,
when we climbed on his starship, and we had freaky sex.
Singing come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me...


by the way, what is the deal w Quill's dad anyway? I can buy that there's some reason you leave your Earth woman and your half-human son on Earth. And when she dies, I can buy that there's some reason he can't come himself, so he sends Space Pirate Merle and his merry band to get his son. But then when they just decide to keep the kid... what, he doesn't notice that they never came back?
I mean seriously. My wife's Ugg boots didn't show up for three or four days a couple weeks ago and she was about to molt!
posted by Naberius at 1:51 PM on November 19, 2014

What parent hasn't thought "eh, keep the kid" ?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:16 PM on November 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Quill's dad is the Emperor of the Spartoi Empire. Presumably Imperial stuff got in the way.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 2:44 PM on November 19, 2014

Space Pirate Merle

I have found my new band name.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:03 PM on November 19, 2014

Also, someone built a Groot swing for their kid, and it is the best thing ever.
posted by Bora Horza Gobuchul at 3:10 PM on November 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

Also, someone built a Groot swing for their kid, and it is the best thing ever.

Just asking for a friend, but can adults fit?
posted by maxwelton at 3:43 PM on November 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

Quill's dad is the Emperor of the Spartoi Empire. Presumably Imperial stuff got in the way.

He should learn to avoid Imperial entanglements.
posted by Mezentian at 3:28 AM on November 20, 2014

And when she dies, I can buy that there's some reason he can't come himself, so he sends Space Pirate Merle and his merry band to get his son. But then when they just decide to keep the kid... what, he doesn't notice that they never came back?

Space Pirate Merle is incredibly dangerous, an intelligent and charismatic leader with an immense amount of firepower at his disposal and a willingness to throw it all into a fight he believes in. Quill's dad may be simply outgunned, outmaneuvered or maybe he doesn't care - to quote Yondu, "That guy's a jackass!"
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:26 AM on November 20, 2014

Quill's dad is the Emperor of the Spartoi Empire. Presumably Imperial stuff got in the way.

There is some speculation that this will not be the case in the MCU.
posted by brundlefly at 10:32 AM on November 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

If Quill's origin story isn't explained with hus mom getting seduced by an alien set to 'Come Sail Away' I'm going to break a chair.

I was going to link to a nice treatment of such a scene that I read over on FanFare, but then I looked at the usernames, and figured you were already familiar with it.
posted by radwolf76 at 7:42 AM on November 21, 2014

Here's Vin Diesel yt wearing stilts

Not just stilts, jumping stilts.
posted by homunculus at 11:54 AM on November 24, 2014