Friends. Family. Purpose. Burritos.

January 17, 2015 6:13 AM

A subtle thesis on the art of not giving a fuck. And conversely saving those fucks for the things that matter.
posted by arcticseal (79 comments total)

Meh.
posted by fullerine at 6:23 AM on January 17, 2015 [16 favorites]

> Ever watch a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade of blue? Exactly. Fuck that kid.

Fuck this essay.
posted by Poldo at 6:23 AM on January 17, 2015 [19 favorites]

Can we activate the red courtesy phone? An editor is desperately needed.
posted by wittgenstein at 6:26 AM on January 17, 2015 [14 favorites]

I want to give a fuck about this, but fuck it.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 6:30 AM on January 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

I don't give a fuck about my cocaine problem! Fuck!!
posted by oceanjesse at 6:42 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Kindof liked it.
posted by weston at 6:44 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I would have liked it more if somehow it didn't feel like I was being talked down to by a young hedge fund manager with something to prove.
posted by Kitteh at 6:48 AM on January 17, 2015 [59 favorites]

“Oh, look at Susie working weekends again, she doesn’t give a fuck.” Or “Did you hear that Tom called the company president an asshole and still got a raise anyway? Holy shit, that dude does not give a fuck.” Or “Jason got up and ended his date with Cindy after 20 minutes. He said he wasn’t going to listen to her bullshit anymore. Man, that guy does not give a fuck.”

I'm confused about the fact that Susie the drone, Tom with the anger problem, and Jason the misogynist are apparently the good guys in this story.
posted by escabeche at 6:54 AM on January 17, 2015 [41 favorites]

But where does he stand on giving a shit?
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 7:04 AM on January 17, 2015 [18 favorites]

Can we call people who stockpile their fucks "fuck bugs"?
posted by srboisvert at 7:05 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

So is it part of the "not giving a fuck" ethos to make pointlessly cruel comments about poor old women who clip coupons? I guess they should just spare us the sound of their "creaky, wobbly" voices and stop giving a fuck about struggling through their twilight years in impoverished loneliness. Ha-ha, what a bunch of losers, stuck worrying about boring "practical concerns" like how to survive another day.

Say what you will about David Foster Wallace's "This Is Water" speech--and it's hardly unproblematic--at least it's coming from a position of empathy and basic non-self-centeredness that seems totally alien to this guy. Save us from people whose self-actualization program seems to involve becoming a total raging asshole to everyone.
posted by informavore at 7:07 AM on January 17, 2015 [20 favorites]

I stopped giving a fuck about this essay right around the "Sasha Grey in the middle of a gangbang" simile.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:08 AM on January 17, 2015 [33 favorites]

But where does he stand on giving a shit?

Yes, 'no fucks given' seems to have become some kind of mega meme recently. I first saw it on that Buzzfeed article on badass women who didn't give a fuck, but I presume it's been around for a while.

It takes some doing to spin it out into an essay this size though.
posted by Summer at 7:08 AM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

escabeche: What if Susie works for a non-profit that supports battered women? What if the company president is trying to skirt wage or privacy laws? What if Cindy is a white supremacist or a religious fundamentalist? (Women are as capable of spewing actual bullshit as men are, you know.)

As serious advice, this article isn't wrong, but it could have made its point in far fewer words. As a humor piece, it feels a bit like a toddler coming up to you with a mischievous look in his eyes, exclaiming "...POOP!", and then running away giggling from the thrill of saying a bad word.
posted by escape from the potato planet at 7:08 AM on January 17, 2015 [20 favorites]

Apparently, the art of not giving a fuck is best accomplished by simply defining any and all of your own actions, or inactions, as examples of not giving a fuck.
posted by 445supermag at 7:11 AM on January 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

Is this post just a lobotomized version of this link from a week or so ago?
posted by Spiced Out Calvin Coolidge at 7:18 AM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Whoever this person is, he seems to be trying awfully hard to convince us all to give a fuck about how much he doesn't give a fuck. It's almost as though he gives a fuck about making sure of this, in fact.
posted by surazal at 7:18 AM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Would you like some giving fuck, berzerker?!
posted by jonmc at 7:23 AM on January 17, 2015 [31 favorites]

So this is what we've been reduced to.
posted by mhoye at 7:23 AM on January 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

As a humor piece, it feels a bit like a toddler coming up to you with a mischievous look in his eyes, exclaiming "...POOP!", and then running away giggling from the thrill of saying a bad word.

No, because that's actually really funny.
posted by escabeche at 7:26 AM on January 17, 2015 [13 favorites]

He doesn't even give enough fucks to use the word fuckery properly in an essay about fuck giving. Rebel.
posted by milarepa at 7:27 AM on January 17, 2015

ay bby u wan sum?
posted by leotrotsky at 7:29 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I know I've read this somewhere before. Reminds me of Berkeley's Hate Man.

I am generally down with this philosophy, especially with regards to how not giving a fuck about a great majority of things = maturity. I think the world would be better off if people generally had their priorities in order.

The problem is, this philosophy works best if you come from privilege. I mean, if you are not getting your basic needs taken care of, then you tend to give a huge fuck about *everything*. That's not to say my 3 year old who whose milk arrived in wrong color cup and had a tantrum, or the poorly educated unemployed militant Islamist who kills journalists wouldn't benefit *hugely* from stepping back and not giving a fuck. The big problem in life is how to make people feel secure enough to do this.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:37 AM on January 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

You only get a limited amount of fucks to give over your lifetime, so you must spend them with care. As my father used to say, “Fucks don’t grow on trees, Mark.” OK, he never actually said that. But fuck it, pretend like he did. The point is that fucks have to be earned and then invested wisely. Fucks are cultivated like a beautiful fucking garden, where if you fuck shit up and the fucks get fucked, then you’ve fucking fucked your fucks all the fuck up.

Fuckin' A!
posted by flabdablet at 7:40 AM on January 17, 2015

> But where does he stand on giving a shit?

I'm guessing he's doesn't give a shit either. So it's building up inside him and now he's full of shit.
posted by benito.strauss at 7:48 AM on January 17, 2015 [15 favorites]

Also, he should also be fined for using the word "subtle" in the title. False advertising or something.
posted by benito.strauss at 7:49 AM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

This is one of those annoying Facebook memes that everyone has to share. It's one of the reasons I prefer Twitter.
posted by Nevin at 7:50 AM on January 17, 2015

note: this essay reads interestingly when paired with Veni, veni, Emanuel as sung by the Gesualdo Six in the FPP immediately below.
posted by sciencegeek at 7:51 AM on January 17, 2015

Dean Martin embodied the art of menefreghismo, which is what this sad little piece was trying to say.
posted by Ideefixe at 7:52 AM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Invisible Green Time-Lapse Peloton: Fucksgiving is a new holiday where for one day everyone acts like their actions and manners towards others matter and help create meaning and context to our tiny little lives.

Its only a matter of time before its cheapened by Black Fucksday shoppers looking to get a jumpstart on Fucksmas.
posted by dr_dank at 8:02 AM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Some stores put up Fucksmas decorations as soon as Fuckoween is over.
posted by 445supermag at 8:06 AM on January 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

I'd like to see this guy rewrite it without the cursing and see if he can separate his point from the joke.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:16 AM on January 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Goofus behaves like an entitled asshole.

Gallant reflects on how to invest his emotional energies wisely.
posted by MonkeyToes at 8:17 AM on January 17, 2015 [11 favorites]

Oh. This guy again.
posted by bigendian at 8:21 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I know! Does he even lift?
posted by Naberius at 8:43 AM on January 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

> I'd like to see this guy rewrite it without the cursing and see if he can separate his point from the joke.

I'd like to see this guy dunked head-down in a vat of small curd cottage cheese and see if he can solve a Rubik's Cube. And I bet I'm more likely to get my wish granted than yours.
posted by benito.strauss at 8:48 AM on January 17, 2015 [8 favorites]

Guy who doesn't give a fuck is late to the "pick your battles" party.

On the positive side, his pointless vulgarity breeds the condition he seeks.
posted by mistersquid at 9:07 AM on January 17, 2015

MARK MANSON
Author. Thinker. Life Enthusiast.

Any relation?
posted by Halloween Jack at 9:09 AM on January 17, 2015

I stopped giving a fuck about this essay right around the "Sasha Grey in the middle of a gangbang" simile.

I thought the same and it's even more off-colour when you consider Grey now says her abusive long term ex-boyfriend lured her into porn, and has a restraining order against him.
posted by colie at 9:10 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Yeah, "fucks" (which is to say, care for or interest in something outside one's self) explicitly don't have to be earned. That's such a bewildering, inhuman way to go through life. "You have to earn my respect," pronounce several generations of assholes. Why? Why live that way? Why don't you start from a position of respect (or fuck-giving) and then negotiate down if you genuinely feel like the thing in question is toxic? And why should I have to prove anything to you? Who elected you arbiter of worthiness?

For fuck's sake. Empathy isn't zero sum, and empathy improves the lives of both transmitter and receiver.
posted by penduluum at 9:14 AM on January 17, 2015 [18 favorites]

Oh fer fuck sakes… !
posted by mazola at 9:23 AM on January 17, 2015

I would like this more without the swears.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:25 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Midway through this essay, words started losing their meaning for me.
posted by dhruva at 9:57 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I hate this. :(
posted by duvatney at 10:11 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Consider the source. This was apparently written as a marketing tool for a self-help service of highly dubious merit. He also sells a book on how to get women, if you're interested.

He uses all the familiar tools of the "idiots selling goods and services to lesser idiots" trade. There's the "one weird trick", the hideous graphic design, the testimonials from people who only have a first name, and copy that reads like it was lifted directly from a book called "E-Marketing for Assholes". Who am I to knock it, though? He's apparently very good at the self-promotion game, having appeared on Forbes, CNN, HuffPo, and now Metafilter.
posted by seymourScagnetti at 10:29 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

OP here, I posted this as a light article about getting perspective on the things that matter.
Sorry, didn't see his other articles as it was linked by a friend. Should have done my research as the PUA slant of some of his other articles does make it somewhat questionable.
I'd encourage everyone to read SOCC's Stoicism link though, very good article and no swearing.
posted by arcticseal at 10:52 AM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Psychopathy 101.

Who knew Charlie had a whiny little brother.
posted by jamjam at 10:56 AM on January 17, 2015

The big problem, as I see it, is I can't muster up enough caring to care about not caring.

I just short-circuited my positronic circuits.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:03 AM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Who the fuck is this guy and why the fuck do people keep linking to him?
posted by aaronetc at 11:11 AM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

The author comes across as a college bro who thinks he's Don Draper.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 11:18 AM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Apparently, he also does not give a fuck about brevity.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:29 AM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Is this entire comment thread a critique of the article based solely on the tone argument?
posted by Apocryphon at 11:30 AM on January 17, 2015

Is there that much more to critique?

'save your energy for the things that really matter to you.'

Isn't that basically it?
posted by Summer at 11:34 AM on January 17, 2015

Is this entire comment thread a critique of the article based solely on the tone argument?

I don't think so. I think some people might not want to enter into a dialogue with certain people (regardless of the merits of the argument) based on their mode of presentation. I like the idea that we can learn to care less about things that aren't important. I personally prefer not to use this article as a voice of authority to get me to that conversation.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:46 AM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I spent a long phone call trying to deliver this very message to a close relative, just the other middle of the night. This was after a week of carefully telling a lot of long lost, that Mom does not give an F anymore, unless she is giving it on some other plane of existence.

It is a part of our development to give big time F'age while in the nesting age. Then hopefully, things get real in a hurry after that spree. Fortunes are regularly made on the excess of F'age, it is difficult to explain to someone in the throes that you seriously don't care about most concerns of the day, and it is a perfectly sane, zen, or however you choose to name it, way to live. No one is surviving this existence, moving the F's from one place to the other. I plan to slack off indefinitely on this chore.
posted by Oyéah at 12:06 PM on January 17, 2015

There were many many more fucks given in this article then I had patience for.

Not finishing the article--zero fucks given.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:40 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Q.: What is the sound of one fuck not being given?

A.: ¿sǝɹɐɔ oɥʍ 'ʎlʇsǝuoɥ
posted by Too-Ticky at 12:44 PM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

Apocryphon, the tone argument is only applicable when one is making an argument rather than engaging in an extended session of public auto-fellatio.
posted by empath at 12:53 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Indeed, we often refer to the strongest, most admirable people we know in terms of their lack of fucks given.

Uh, we do?
posted by sfkiddo at 1:24 PM on January 17, 2015

Fuck it. I liked it.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 1:49 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Can we call people who stockpile their fucks "fuck bugs"

Tangentially, they have a term, mierenneuken, in Dutch for giving a fuck about excessively trivial issues; it translates literally as “ant-fucking”.
posted by acb at 1:50 PM on January 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

I know I've read this somewhere before. Reminds me of Berkeley's Hate Man.


Or Boyd Rice.
posted by acb at 1:51 PM on January 17, 2015

Jason the misogynist

Saying you're not going to listen to someone's bullshit is not misogyny. Jason the jerk, Jason the jackass or Jason the jagoff, sure. Jason the misogynist, no.

Also, it's extremely unclear how working weekends equates to "not giving a fuck".
posted by Steely-eyed Missile Man at 1:53 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Saying you're not going to listen to someone's bullshit is not misogyny. Jason the jerk, Jason the jackass or Jason the jagoff, sure. Jason the misogynist, no.

Though the description sounds a bit like the PUA theory about how women put men through “shit tests” and only respect the true alpha-males who don't put up with their bullshit. Of course, it doesn't explicitly say that, but to someone who believes in this theory, it could be a pretty effective dog-whistle.
posted by acb at 1:57 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I liked the graphic at the top. I also like this cat-related non-fuck-giving meme.
posted by uosuaq at 1:58 PM on January 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

[give a fuck] 9 users marked this as fuckworthy [!]
posted by sylvanshine at 2:15 PM on January 17, 2015

I find generally that everyone that is communicating to you how few fucks are being given are giving quite few in the process of hoping you noticed.
posted by 99_ at 4:05 PM on January 17, 2015

I find generally that everyone that is communicating to you how few fucks are being given are giving quite few in the process of hoping you noticed.

Ah yes, the tsundere theory of blog posting.
posted by happyroach at 4:26 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I made it like two paragraphs in before I couldn't even.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:39 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh, look, it's a ghost of Don't Sweat the Small Stuff aimed for the 'edgy Millennial' crowd.

Not sure how 'just throw in a few f-words, that'll get 'em' ever becomes a writing strategy.
posted by pterodactylichexameter at 5:18 PM on January 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Pure awesome.
posted by holybagel at 5:48 PM on January 17, 2015

Saying you're not going to listen to someone's bullshit is not misogyny.

Take a random sample of 100 men who walked out on a date with a woman after 20 minutes because she was talking "bullshit."

I estimate that 99 of these are worthless misogynists and 1 is an ordinary guy who blundered into a date with a chemtrail believer.

Pardon my Bayesianism.
posted by escabeche at 6:06 PM on January 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

There's a book about this subject that I really like called F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way. Highly recommended for the stressed out and frustrated.
posted by Peregrine Pickle at 6:24 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I find generally that everyone that is communicating to you how few fucks are being given are giving quite few in the process of hoping you noticed.

Ah yes, the tsundere theory of blog posting.

Just because: r/tsunderesharks, r/tsunderespiders
posted by Going To Maine at 6:58 PM on January 17, 2015

I'm surprised he didn't use the field of fucks imagery with this.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:43 PM on January 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I guess it's good that this guy doesn't give a fuck that I think he's an asshole? Or something?
posted by turbid dahlia at 1:47 PM on January 18, 2015

> I'd encourage everyone to read SOCC's Stoicism link though, very good article and no swearing.

Here's the full post, btw.
posted by homunculus at 2:39 PM on January 18, 2015

As a humor piece, it feels a bit like a toddler coming up to you with a mischievous look in his eyes, exclaiming "...POOP!", and then running away giggling from the thrill of saying a bad word.

No, because that's actually really funny.

No, it's more like when you say a word too many times and it starts to seem like gibberish.
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:56 PM on January 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

Deadwood was the most creative and concentrated use of the F word ever. It cut the screenwriter's work in half. I enjoyed this essay, because I like the F word, but don't like drama.
posted by Oyéah at 8:12 PM on January 18, 2015