Hey Dad, I can't see real good- is that Bill Shakespeare over there?

March 5, 2015 2:23 PM

This is where Norris has chosen to live while he tries to win a job in the Blue Jays' rotation: a broken down van parked under the blue fluorescent lights of a Wal-Mart in the Florida suburbs.
posted by stinkfoot (31 comments total)

According to my calculations, that van appears to be at least a mile from anything resembling a river.
posted by St. Hubbins at 2:31 PM on March 5, 2015 [9 favorites]

On the morning in 2011 when his $2 million signing bonus finally cleared, Norris was in Florida with the rest of the Blue Jays' new signees. All of their bonuses had been deposited on the same day, and one of the players suggested they drive to a Tampa mall. They shopped for three hours, and by the time the spree finally ended they could barely fit their haul back into the car. Most players had spent $10,000 or more on laptops, jewelry and headphones. Norris returned with only a henley T-shirt from Converse, bought on sale for $14. It's been a fixture of his wardrobe ever since.

It unsettled him in those first months to see so many zeros on his bank account balance -- "Who am I to deserve that?" he wondered. "What have I really done?" -- so he hired financial advisers and asked them to stash the money in conservative investments where Norris wouldn't have to think about it. His advisers deposit $800 a month into his checking account -- or about half as much as he would earn working full time for minimum wage.

I think a general discomfort with following the pack is a trait that will always serve someone well in life.

The thing with being a pitcher is that he could blow out his arm tomorrow and that would be it. This is an incredibly smart and incredibly rare approach for someone his age. As a Jays' fan, I'm really hoping he makes the club this spring, because he has the potential to be off the charts good.
posted by dry white toast at 2:45 PM on March 5, 2015 [17 favorites]

I'm sure it's just because he's trying to stay near his boy while he's being raised by his aunts to be a magic defender of the Earth.
posted by JHarris at 2:45 PM on March 5, 2015

What a fascinating guy. I really hope that fame doesn't change him in ways he doesn't want to be changed.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:56 PM on March 5, 2015

I almost believed this story until I saw the photo of Norris pretending to shave with one of those over-priced axes that are supposed to be cool.
posted by CCBC at 2:59 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

I wish I too were rich enough to be poor.
posted by johnnydummkopf at 3:09 PM on March 5, 2015 [11 favorites]

Sweet bus, hope he does well this spring.
posted by pappy at 3:19 PM on March 5, 2015

Choosing to live simply is not choosing to be poor. Choosing to not buy $10K worth of impulse items as soon as the first big check clears is not choosing to be irresponsible. It may be weird comparative to the culture that one normally sees, but a love of baseball does not preclude one from getting to be both eccentric, frugal, and stay within their comfort zone. Maybe rather than wonder whether or not he's mentally ill, maybe we should wonder if this is what the game should look like and maybe figure out if he's the first ballplayer who isn't mentally ill.

As for professional sports players, at least in this aspect of his life - I think he may actually have his priorities right.
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:24 PM on March 5, 2015 [17 favorites]

This life seems like it works for him. Sadly, he won't be allowed for it to work much longer. We live in a world with drunk Boston fans.
posted by One Hand Slowclapping at 3:35 PM on March 5, 2015

I hope he gets signed. I hope he keeps Shaggy. I hope he takes Shaggy to a good mechanic.
posted by RakDaddy at 4:02 PM on March 5, 2015 [3 favorites]

I almost believed this story until I saw the photo of Norris pretending to shave with one of those over-priced axes that are supposed to be cool.

The axe picture is from an ad photoshoot he did for a store in his home town.
posted by zamboni at 4:19 PM on March 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

A remarkably grounded young man. I wish him well.
posted by seawallrunner at 4:20 PM on March 5, 2015

If he's going to crack a starting rotation, it's only right that it be the one that already houses R.A. Dickey.
posted by RogerB at 4:21 PM on March 5, 2015

"The truth is even stranger: The Van Man has a consistent 92-mile-an-hour fastball, a $2 million signing bonus, a deal with Nike and a growing fan club, yet he has decided the best way to prepare for the grind of a 162-game season is to live here, in the back of a 1978 Westfalia camper he purchased for $10,000. The van is his escape from the pressures of the major leagues, his way of dropping off the grid before a season in which his every movement will be measured, catalogued and analyzed. If a baseball life requires notoriety, the van offers seclusion."

RIGHT UP UNTIL ESPN SHOWED UP TO DO A STORY ON IT, ANYWAY.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:28 PM on March 5, 2015 [5 favorites]

I grew up around the corner, quite literally, from the photo there with the van on the Dunedin Causeway. That's all I have to add to this. Also, nice looking guy.
posted by dis_integration at 4:32 PM on March 5, 2015

Yeah, I didn't want to be the first to say it, but he is one fine-looking gentleman. In a serious vein, I actually wonder if that's going to be part of the Jays' marketing strategy this season; "Come see the sexy pitcher."

Reading between the lines of the article, seems like he would hate everything about that. Could be a winning move for management though... the Skydome (I refuse on general principles to call it the Rogers Centre) rarely comes close to hitting capacity for Jays games these days, I understand.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:52 PM on March 5, 2015

That ax is a proper tool made by craftsman and it is fairly priced. Why complicate your life with some half assed peice of crap that won't hold a proper edge. Spend your money on good shoes and good steel.
posted by humanfont at 5:10 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Why complicate your life with some half assed peice of crap that won't hold a proper edge. Spend your money on good shoes and good steel.

You forgot to quote that boot example that always gets cited. The axes are pretty but they are way overpriced; there are equal or better options for far less money.

Good for him for living how he wants, though I agree with the people saying that it is unlikely to continue being an option for very long.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:37 PM on March 5, 2015

I agree with the people saying that it is unlikely to continue being an option for very long.

Not necessarily - there's a ton of vacant lots under the Gardiner Expressway where Norris could park his van.
posted by Flashman at 5:52 PM on March 5, 2015

I am pulling for Norris to reach his dreams and stay true to himself. To thyne own self be true.
posted by 724A at 9:55 PM on March 5, 2015

Pro-tip. Never but any flavour of a VW Van.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 11:39 PM on March 5, 2015 [1 favorite]

Nonsense. You just need 2 or 3, so you have parts to keep a running one going.
posted by thelonius at 11:44 PM on March 5, 2015 [2 favorites]

Ah hah hah.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 11:48 PM on March 5, 2015

Pages Brockles, to explain why this has been the case, for, like, 50 years.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 11:52 PM on March 5, 2015

humanfont: That ax is a proper tool made by craftsman and it is fairly priced.

I could argue with that but instead I want to point out that he is shaving with it. An axe is not the proper tool for that job and a good razor is much cheaper than a designer axe. In other words, this article is BS in service of a celebrity public relations boost. The writer begins by saying how baseball wants conformity, but all the pitchers I remember well were eccentric. That's what's going on here, trying to establish eccentric creds for this young guy starting out who may have a great career ahead of him. But one that has nothing to do with this nonsense vision of a Kerouac-reading semi-survivalist.
posted by CCBC at 5:42 AM on March 6, 2015 [1 favorite]

$10,000 for a 1978 camper van? Really?
posted by damnitkage at 5:50 AM on March 6, 2015

In other words, this article is BS in service of a celebrity public relations boost.

You saw zamboni's comment, right?
posted by stinkfoot at 7:13 AM on March 6, 2015

Mr. Norris,

I'm all for frugality, but sometimes it's worth spending some money on the things that are important to you. Like a Subaru engine conversion for your van.

Good Luck
posted by craven_morhead at 9:18 AM on March 6, 2015

$10,000 for a 1978 camper van? Really?

Alas, the era of the cheap Westfalia is gone, gone, gone, long gone.
posted by sonascope at 10:05 AM on March 6, 2015

stinkfoot: did you read the article that Zamboni linked to? From the article: “I do that every night,” Norris said. (referring to "shaving in not-so-traditional ways").
posted by CCBC at 3:41 PM on March 6, 2015

stinkfoot: did you read the article that Zamboni linked to? From the article: “I do that every night,” Norris said. (referring to "shaving in not-so-traditional ways").

Yeah sorry, you might be right. I thought he meant the "drinking out of a sturdy coffee thermos next to a fire" bit. Later on in the piece the photographer does address the shaving pic directly, saying it was his (the photographer's) idea, but its still ambiguous.
posted by stinkfoot at 11:00 AM on March 8, 2015