Junk food: just as photogenic as kale salads

April 7, 2015 1:07 PM

Instagram chef plates junk food like high-end cuisine. From the @chefjacqueslamerde Instagram account. (Sample item: "HAY BAKED HOT POCKETS W/ HIDDEN VALLEY BACON RANCH SPHERES AND A PUREE OF ZOODLES (WHOLE WHEAT)"
posted by andrewesque (37 comments total)

This is actually a really good way to illustrate basic plating principles. I'm learning!
posted by The Whelk at 1:10 PM on April 7, 2015 [6 favorites]

but raw bagel bites...
posted by nadawi at 1:12 PM on April 7, 2015

KALE SALAD THANKS
posted by chavenet at 1:13 PM on April 7, 2015 [7 favorites]

I bet the Hot Pocket will STILL burn the ever living shit out of your mouth.
posted by Muddler at 1:15 PM on April 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

Aw, but the brownie is the bworst part of the Hungry Man.

Also what the hell is a zoodle.
posted by uncleozzy at 1:16 PM on April 7, 2015

Reminds me of this.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:17 PM on April 7, 2015

the Dunkin Munchkin plate sounds great, I'll have 2 of them please.
posted by dogwalker at 1:23 PM on April 7, 2015

I highly encourage you to click through the actual instagram photos, the full (always capslocked) captions are tremendous:

RU PLANNING ON LISTENING TO PHIL COLLINS AND CRYING ALL NIGHT? Y NOT SIT AT THE BAR AND EAT THIS INSTEAD??? HOSTESS CUPCAKE W/ RAINBOW DUNK-A-ROOS, YOGURT RAISINS, SOME NIBZ AND STRBUCKS MOCHA FRAP CAVIAR. TINY MINT AND A PIECE OF FANCY MOSS! #allthesingladies #foodporn #valentinesmenu #soigné #cheflife #chefsofig #truechefs #gastroart #wildchefs #dunkaroos #cupcakes #yogurtraisins #pastrychefsofig #phil4ever #thatmosstho
posted by everybody had matching towels at 1:23 PM on April 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

The first bite is with the eye. The rest of them are hovering above the toilet.
posted by lumpenprole at 1:24 PM on April 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

The pictures are amazing, but the captions really do take it to another level.
posted by sparkletone at 1:25 PM on April 7, 2015

I CALL THIS DISH “BUGS ON A STICK” B/C THE CRAISINS R THE “BUGS” AND THE CHEEZE WHIZ/CELERY IS THE STICK.

I want this chef to write every menu.
posted by jason_steakums at 1:27 PM on April 7, 2015 [8 favorites]

Mustard tears!
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:29 PM on April 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

TARTAR SAUCE SPHERES AND COLESLAW ASH!
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:29 PM on April 7, 2015

Actually I'd try that Cel-Ray caviar
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:31 PM on April 7, 2015

Also what the hell is a zoodle.


Have you ever gone hunting with a bowl and spoon?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 1:32 PM on April 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

Are we sure this isn't Grant Achatz taking the piss? Because about 90% of the dishes look like you find them any given night at Alinea.
posted by vuron at 1:33 PM on April 7, 2015 [4 favorites]

Now y'all see why Andre the Giant was all GIVE ME ONE OF EVERYTHING. That's how normal food looks to him.
posted by resurrexit at 1:43 PM on April 7, 2015

fancyfastfood.com
posted by gwint at 1:51 PM on April 7, 2015

Id be willing to wager the Filet o fish meal is completely delicious. And would not be out of place in a fancy spot.
posted by Keith Talent at 1:53 PM on April 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

I lost it at PURPLE GOGURT CREMA.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:16 PM on April 7, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Filet o fish meal does look pretty good but...."coleslaw ash"???

Also: "FRENCH VANILLA COFFEEMATE PANNA COTTA"? I'm intrigued.
posted by yasaman at 2:56 PM on April 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

What the fuck is a Dunkin Munchkin. It's called a Timbit, get it right.
posted by tracert at 3:02 PM on April 7, 2015 [3 favorites]

"KINDER EGG FILLED W/ RAW CAKE BATTER ROMANCED W/ CHARRED RICE CRISPIES, PB, GOJI + MESQUITE POWDER. DONT TELL THE FEDS!!!" Listen, I'm not proud, but I would pay cash monies for this and count myself lucky for the honor of doing so.
posted by yasaman at 3:03 PM on April 7, 2015 [5 favorites]

But the dishes are being augmented with things not found in the original dishes -- or do filet o fish now come with flower petals?
posted by 99_ at 4:54 PM on April 7, 2015

These look amazing and I would totally eat them.
posted by houseofdanie at 5:40 PM on April 7, 2015

I want to know if they're really making all of those spheres. Whatever the case, someone is clearly enjoying their work.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 5:51 PM on April 7, 2015

It is all astoundingly pretty and now I want to learn how to be a chef so that I can plate my chicken and quinoa that well.
posted by olya at 6:08 PM on April 7, 2015

It is pretty but it makes me less hungry somehow.
Recipe books have the same effect on me. :\

Normally I'd be like "alright, oreos" but in this context I'm like "wait.. what's going on here exactly?"

Maybe that's the point....
posted by unknownmosquito at 6:30 PM on April 7, 2015

MACRO BASIL!
posted by vespabelle at 6:34 PM on April 7, 2015

also everything looks better with thinly sliced radishes.
posted by vespabelle at 6:35 PM on April 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Jacques la Merde = Jack Shit.
posted by Wolof at 6:55 PM on April 7, 2015 [1 favorite]

Everything might look better with thinly sliced radishes but just think of how many fingertips will be claimed by the inevitable mandolin cutter accidents.
posted by vuron at 7:10 PM on April 7, 2015

Zero, if people remember to wear their chain mail glove. Stylish and safe!
posted by wierdo at 9:41 PM on April 7, 2015

This definitely seems like someone who works in the industry. I hope they out themselves!
posted by naju at 6:03 AM on April 8, 2015

Are we sure this isn't Greg Nog? Because this feels like Greg Nog's doing.
posted by rorgy at 6:17 AM on April 8, 2015

I agree with naju, this has to be a pro. Almost certainly one who works in exactly this kind of restaurant.

And it's glorious.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:05 AM on April 8, 2015 [2 favorites]

It all looks the same.

By which I mean it looks like a kid dropped a collection of forest litter on a finger painting.

A painting of an empty wallet.

And hunger.

/goes fishing
posted by obiwanwasabi at 8:02 PM on April 8, 2015