Jeb Bush has measles.

April 10, 2015 7:35 AM

We Turned Eight Republican Presidential Candidates Into Sims and Dropped Them In The White House
posted by roomthreeseventeen (21 comments total)

It's too early in the election for it already to be this silly.
posted by Drinky Die at 7:39 AM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

I wish they'd gone into detail about how each one died. Like the Gashlycrumb Tinies.
posted by codacorolla at 7:50 AM on April 10, 2015 [8 favorites]

Jeb Bush has measles

So he has the anti-vax vote sewn-up?
posted by Thorzdad at 7:54 AM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

Let me know when he dies of dysentery.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 8:01 AM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

The Democratic race equivalent would be a giant Hillary Katamari head rolling up everything in her path.
posted by oulipian at 8:02 AM on April 10, 2015 [24 favorites]

The Democratic race equivalent would be a giant Hillary Katamari head rolling up everything in her path.

Is it bad that I consider a Katamari Democracy an improvement over what we have? (Although I'm not sure one can elect the King of All Cosmos)
posted by ultranos at 8:07 AM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

Now, the only problem is how to lure them all into the war room and lock them in, before watching them all piss themselves and hook up with each other.

*Oops!* Jeb started a fire!
posted by markkraft at 8:08 AM on April 10, 2015 [2 favorites]

I'm kind of disappointed that they didn't try to meticulously recreate the actual White House and instead resorted to sadistic Simming like putting the only toilet in the middle of a swimming pool and silliness like filling the entire second floor with nothing but foosball tables. I've often browsed White House Museum and wondered if I could make it in The Sims.
posted by Anyamatopoeia at 8:09 AM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

"Characters on the Sims need to be told to use the bathroom. Sims Rick Perry failed to do so. Ben Carson cleaned it up"

I sure hope that The Sims' code which determines who cleans the piss is entirely random, and not secretly weighted based on the darkness of the character's skin color...
posted by markkraft at 8:19 AM on April 10, 2015

Was kind of hoping this was a clickhole article
posted by clockzero at 8:22 AM on April 10, 2015 [3 favorites]

I sure hope that The Sims' code which determines who cleans the piss is entirely random, and not secretly weighted based on the darkness of the character's skin color...

Sims aren't judged by the color of their skin, but by the incontinence of their characters.
posted by Atom Eyes at 8:35 AM on April 10, 2015 [21 favorites]

Things like this are a comfort to me, because it means I probably wasn't the only kid in middle school who built houses full of the kids who were mean to them just to watch them pee themselves and die in a fire.
posted by phunniemee at 8:51 AM on April 10, 2015 [7 favorites]

I wish they'd gone into detail about how each one died. Like the Gashlycrumb Tinies.

Rand Paul
Had a fall
Into a pit
And on to an awl.

Richard Perry
Met a bearie
Lost his throat
And derrierie
posted by jquinby at 9:02 AM on April 10, 2015 [21 favorites]

The Democratic race equivalent would be a giant Hillary Katamari head rolling up everything in her path.

Ah, hello, Citizens. This is the Queen. Long time no see. We thought today would be a good day for polling. The Iowa caucuses. The citizens. Where the first polls the second follows. Poll, poll, poll. For that purpose alone, We went to the bother, the bother of making this butter sculpture of Herky. The Queen of All Democrats, going to the bother just for polling in Iowa. Just for that, went to the bother.

(I'd take it...)
posted by St. Hubbins at 9:19 AM on April 10, 2015 [21 favorites]

> It's too early in the election for it already to be this silly.

This is actually less silly than many of the candidates' official positions.
posted by benito.strauss at 9:56 AM on April 10, 2015 [12 favorites]

If you type in S-U-P-E-R-P-A-C it enables a cheat code for more money.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 10:00 AM on April 10, 2015 [5 favorites]

I've often browsed White House Museum and wondered if I could make it in The Sims.

Don't dream it, be it.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:29 AM on April 10, 2015 [1 favorite]

It's too early in the election for it already to be this silly.

Indeed. We need to be wary of hitting 'peak silly' too soon, so that in the last 4-6 months before the election we'll have something to get the people through those tough times when we're trudging waist deep in all the campaign BS that will permeate almost all discussions the English-speaking internet in some fashion.
posted by chambers at 10:38 AM on April 10, 2015

Remember when Ted Cruz did his Winston Churchill impersonation? I hope that makes another appearance this campaign, that was awesome.
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 12:35 PM on April 10, 2015

Here's their plan for the economy.
posted by sebastienbailard at 5:44 PM on April 10, 2015

"I probably wasn't the only kid in middle school who built houses full of the kids who were mean to them just to watch them pee themselves and die in a fire."

I'm so old that my equivalent of this in middle school was to put them all in Oregon Trail, run everything with a late start and hardest pace and wait for them all to die of dysentery. OF COURSE the author's doing that one next.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:57 PM on April 10, 2015