Unhappy Mother's Day
May 10, 2015 9:15 AM Subscribe
Mother's Day is the day of the year when Hallmark and commercialism dictates that we celebrate that most sacred of bonds, that between mother and child. For most, it's a happy day of celebrating Mom, reminding her that you remember the things she's done for you. For some, who have lost their mothers, it's a bittersweet or even very sad day where they can't avoid the reminders of what they've lost. For another group, it's painful in a way the others may not be able to imagine. For some adult children, the only option to stay sane was to break up with their mothers, forever.
It's a taboo in our society, but some mothers are just completely toxic. There are some mothers who are, for whatever reason, be it mental illness, addiction, pure poverty or just not wanting to mother their children, bad mothers. They exist in every part of society, every class, every culture, but we don't talk about them. Not unless they do something so horrible they show up in the news. Not unless their children are taken away from them.
But the debt we feel towards our mothers means that few people in these situations get taken away. A child will cover for their mother, out of fear or love. Many children don't escape until adulthood, even late adulthood, when they make the conscious choice to walk away and become motherless.
And so many just don't talk about it. They grin and bear it when facebook and other social media becomes a sea of people thanking their mothers and reminiscing. Maybe they close social media all together for that week. Maybe they sit and shake at the idea of having to waitress a Mother's Day brunch. Maybe they spend the day letting themselves grieve.
So if you can spare it, take a moment today, when you're posting facebook statuses about your mother or talking about your amazing Mother's Day brunch tomorrow at work, to think about the fact that the saying may not have started out as 'blood is thicker than water.' It may have started out as 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb.' And some people, on this Mother's Day, are struggling with that.
It's a taboo in our society, but some mothers are just completely toxic. There are some mothers who are, for whatever reason, be it mental illness, addiction, pure poverty or just not wanting to mother their children, bad mothers. They exist in every part of society, every class, every culture, but we don't talk about them. Not unless they do something so horrible they show up in the news. Not unless their children are taken away from them.
But the debt we feel towards our mothers means that few people in these situations get taken away. A child will cover for their mother, out of fear or love. Many children don't escape until adulthood, even late adulthood, when they make the conscious choice to walk away and become motherless.
And so many just don't talk about it. They grin and bear it when facebook and other social media becomes a sea of people thanking their mothers and reminiscing. Maybe they close social media all together for that week. Maybe they sit and shake at the idea of having to waitress a Mother's Day brunch. Maybe they spend the day letting themselves grieve.
So if you can spare it, take a moment today, when you're posting facebook statuses about your mother or talking about your amazing Mother's Day brunch tomorrow at work, to think about the fact that the saying may not have started out as 'blood is thicker than water.' It may have started out as 'the blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb.' And some people, on this Mother's Day, are struggling with that.
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is far too much on the editorializing side, sorry. -- restless_nomad
Wow wilted, that was incredibly harsh.
I have a good relationship with my mother. I have lots of friends whose mothers have tortured them over the years (physically, psychologically, whatever). I have friends whose mothers view them as mere pieces in some sort of fucked-up psychological game they play with others.
Mother's Day is not a great day for everyone and there's a lot of pressure from the world to pretend that Mom is perfect when she's not. There's plenty of people out there for whom Mother's Day is just a reminder of abuse and the push from society to grant Mom sainthood even when she doesn't deserve it.
posted by rednikki at 9:34 AM on May 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
I have a good relationship with my mother. I have lots of friends whose mothers have tortured them over the years (physically, psychologically, whatever). I have friends whose mothers view them as mere pieces in some sort of fucked-up psychological game they play with others.
Mother's Day is not a great day for everyone and there's a lot of pressure from the world to pretend that Mom is perfect when she's not. There's plenty of people out there for whom Mother's Day is just a reminder of abuse and the push from society to grant Mom sainthood even when she doesn't deserve it.
posted by rednikki at 9:34 AM on May 10, 2015 [5 favorites]
Wow, wilted...first in with an unnecessarily contemptuous and abusive post towards someone who is likely a long-term abuse survivor, eh? You could have told us why celebrating Mother's Day isn't trivial to you and why you thought the tone of this and other pieces doesn't feel appropriate, or you could have written....that. (Or flagged and moved on.)
(Disclaimer: I am a motherless MeFite--via severe, unremitting abuse, not death--and I felt the FPP was a little too "bloggy" and am happy to hear debate on the pros and cons of this supreme Hallmark holiday, but not via this thread at this point.)
posted by blue suede stockings at 9:36 AM on May 10, 2015
(Disclaimer: I am a motherless MeFite--via severe, unremitting abuse, not death--and I felt the FPP was a little too "bloggy" and am happy to hear debate on the pros and cons of this supreme Hallmark holiday, but not via this thread at this point.)
posted by blue suede stockings at 9:36 AM on May 10, 2015
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posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:30 AM on May 10, 2015 [5 favorites]