Decapitated Tombstone \m/
May 20, 2015 6:28 AM Subscribe
My first semester of college, a buddy worked at Kinko's and I hung out with him one overnight shift making a fake heavy metal show poster. The result featured such names as "Burning Septum" and when we printed the thing off, it looked plausible enough that when we got back to the dorm, a guy in the lobby idly helped himself to one from the top of stack and mumbled, "Cool." We decided it wasn't funny if people couldn't tell it was a gag. Fucking metal band names, man.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:37 AM on May 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:37 AM on May 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Johan Sebastian Jesus is pretty good, but I think it pales in comparison to Master Beard and Iron Non Grata.
posted by tocts at 6:43 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by tocts at 6:43 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I got WinterSkin first try which is not bad and also appropriate for my pasty-faced self. But try three yielded Sinful Vomit so I'm torn...
posted by billiebee at 6:45 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by billiebee at 6:45 AM on May 20, 2015
MëtälFïltër
posted by Sangermaine at 6:49 AM on May 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
posted by Sangermaine at 6:49 AM on May 20, 2015 [15 favorites]
For ages I've been wanting to make a black t-shirt with just the word 'SYLLABUS' in Gothic script
posted by Flashman at 6:52 AM on May 20, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Flashman at 6:52 AM on May 20, 2015 [6 favorites]
I got War Blade and I'm not at all surprised that it's taken.
posted by cmfletcher at 6:55 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by cmfletcher at 6:55 AM on May 20, 2015
The first few I got weren't that great (Mass of Foe, Trashtards), but on the 5th refresh I got Drowning in Grandmother. Beautiful.
posted by Gaz Errant at 7:00 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Gaz Errant at 7:00 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I wasn't crazy about most of my results but for some reason I'm really digging 69 WITH THE PIMPLE.
posted by JaredSeth at 7:05 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by JaredSeth at 7:05 AM on May 20, 2015
"No Studs"
..."No Studs"??
But I did like "Beware of the Corpse"
posted by Bugbread at 7:06 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
..."No Studs"??
But I did like "Beware of the Corpse"
posted by Bugbread at 7:06 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
JaredSeth: "I wasn't crazy about most of my results but for some reason I'm really digging 69 WITH THE PIMPLE."
I prefer my "69 WITH THE ADULT"
posted by Bugbread at 7:07 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I prefer my "69 WITH THE ADULT"
posted by Bugbread at 7:07 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
My first (and last) one was The Grandmother, which ought to be a thing if it isn't already.
posted by Mizu at 7:07 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by Mizu at 7:07 AM on May 20, 2015
Drowning in Grandmother also sounds like a Japanese gameshow.
posted by Flashman at 7:07 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Flashman at 7:07 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
cmfletcher that link is gold, thank you! Lists of actual metal band names are funnier than hypotheticals. In the K section, just below Karmageddon and above Karmassacre is Karmakanic which makes me so very happy.
posted by billiebee at 7:08 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by billiebee at 7:08 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I got "Drowning in Dick" and "Helpless Bears." This is a very odd sort of heavy metal.
posted by vanar sena at 7:10 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by vanar sena at 7:10 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Besides the fact that I love this name generator, it's also fun to see how each name conjures up a specific individual flavor of metal. "Oh, Christian metal", "Ah, black metal", "Ah ha, Anal Cunt-style grindcore", "Oh, hair metal"
posted by Bugbread at 7:14 AM on May 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Bugbread at 7:14 AM on May 20, 2015 [3 favorites]
Johan Sebastian Bloodshed
posted by flabdablet at 7:22 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by flabdablet at 7:22 AM on May 20, 2015
First I got Warrior Sin, which isn't too bad; second try I got NecroRevolver. Third try I got Lost Turd, at which point I decided to stick with the first two instead.....
posted by easily confused at 7:24 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by easily confused at 7:24 AM on May 20, 2015
Dick Leather Jacket.
seven-six-two millimeter?
posted by xedrik at 7:28 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
seven-six-two millimeter?
posted by xedrik at 7:28 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Blood Red Bloodshed on the first try. No worse than lots of real metal band names. I guess I'm done here.
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:36 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:36 AM on May 20, 2015
RectumHole, FistHole, Your Bowels, Anal Crush There's a theme there.
Strangle Non Grata and Unpleasant Hexagon were my favorites.
Nice link. Ditto the real names from cmfletcher. 62 bands that start with "Face" alone!
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 7:36 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Strangle Non Grata and Unpleasant Hexagon were my favorites.
Nice link. Ditto the real names from cmfletcher. 62 bands that start with "Face" alone!
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 7:36 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
The first one I got was "Rocketfog," which sounds more like an indie band.
posted by jonmc at 7:38 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by jonmc at 7:38 AM on May 20, 2015
Got a few that could also be moonlight as Steam Greenlight titles:
DeathGun (well, a game about a gun that brings death)
FrightBall (Beanball simulator)
Children of Fantasy (jRPG about orphans saving the world. Or is that redundant?)
Hitman Deathwish (The story about a trigger happy bodyguard mowing down hitmen)
Ninja Hexagon (TBStrategy game built around the Battlefield Ninjas in Shogun TW)
Still wondering what a Cannibal Fog is.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:40 AM on May 20, 2015
DeathGun (well, a game about a gun that brings death)
FrightBall (Beanball simulator)
Children of Fantasy (jRPG about orphans saving the world. Or is that redundant?)
Hitman Deathwish (The story about a trigger happy bodyguard mowing down hitmen)
Ninja Hexagon (TBStrategy game built around the Battlefield Ninjas in Shogun TW)
Still wondering what a Cannibal Fog is.
posted by lmfsilva at 7:40 AM on May 20, 2015
Cookiebastard's Law: As you continue clicking a Random Heavy Metal Band Name Generator, the probability of an actual band's name appearing approaches 1.
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:45 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:45 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I'm going to keep clicking until I get CookieBastard.
posted by cmfletcher at 7:57 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by cmfletcher at 7:57 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
"Wonderful Bears." I think mine's broken.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:59 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:59 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
I got both WolfForce & Chaos Pigs Surely there MUST be real bands using those names already?
posted by Paul Slade at 8:03 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by Paul Slade at 8:03 AM on May 20, 2015
"Bring me the Non Grata"
posted by hillabeans at 8:07 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by hillabeans at 8:07 AM on May 20, 2015
SkullBeard
Demonic Jesus
HowlHair
Sinful Jesus
...
Wonderful Grandmother
posted by obvious at 8:16 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Demonic Jesus
HowlHair
Sinful Jesus
...
Wonderful Grandmother
posted by obvious at 8:16 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I... AM... StrangleSnot!!!
posted by AbnerRavenwood at 8:33 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by AbnerRavenwood at 8:33 AM on May 20, 2015
'Evil Holocaust'
As opposed to what? 'Angelic Holocaust'?
posted by repoman at 8:50 AM on May 20, 2015
As opposed to what? 'Angelic Holocaust'?
posted by repoman at 8:50 AM on May 20, 2015
The best-ever death metal band out of Denton never settled on a name,
But the top-three contenders, which were later ripped off, were
But the top-three contenders, which were later ripped off, were
- BelzeDog
- Frozen Perverts, and
- Neverending Fuckers.
"Drowning in Dick" and "Helpless Bears." This is a very odd sort of heavy metal.
"Grim and Frostbitten Gay Bar"
posted by octobersurprise at 9:10 AM on May 20, 2015
"Grim and Frostbitten Gay Bar"
posted by octobersurprise at 9:10 AM on May 20, 2015
I always thought Goat Drugs was the platonic ideal of a metal band name.
posted by basicchannel at 9:14 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by basicchannel at 9:14 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
FeastVomit.
I'd be really surprised if this wasn't already used in real life.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:34 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'd be really surprised if this wasn't already used in real life.
posted by Dr-Baa at 9:34 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
I got "IronThor". If Marvel hasn't already done something with this, they will.
posted by TDavis at 9:42 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by TDavis at 9:42 AM on May 20, 2015
"DickFace" has charm, but I think I'm going with "Drowning in Brutes."
posted by Navelgazer at 9:43 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by Navelgazer at 9:43 AM on May 20, 2015
Disgusting Tiger
Which would be an awesome name for a heavy metal cover band of Glass Tiger.
posted by nubs at 9:49 AM on May 20, 2015
Which would be an awesome name for a heavy metal cover band of Glass Tiger.
posted by nubs at 9:49 AM on May 20, 2015
I got "IronThor". If Marvel hasn't already done something with this, they will.
My son insisted on going to some community event in a mix of a Batman and Iron Man costumes; I dubbed it the "IronBat" and figured that if Marvel and DC could get together on it, they would make billions.
posted by nubs at 9:56 AM on May 20, 2015
My son insisted on going to some community event in a mix of a Batman and Iron Man costumes; I dubbed it the "IronBat" and figured that if Marvel and DC could get together on it, they would make billions.
posted by nubs at 9:56 AM on May 20, 2015
AnalZombie
Dream of the Turnip
Divine Sin
Dream of the Turnip?
posted by COD at 10:01 AM on May 20, 2015
Dream of the Turnip
Divine Sin
Dream of the Turnip?
posted by COD at 10:01 AM on May 20, 2015
Is it a dream about a turnip or does the turnip have aspirations?
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:05 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:05 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Hitman Grandmother
Flying Poop
BleedZombie
The Worst Cobra
posted by Foosnark at 10:06 AM on May 20, 2015
Flying Poop
BleedZombie
The Worst Cobra
posted by Foosnark at 10:06 AM on May 20, 2015
Ultimate Panther is not only my heavy metal band name, but obviously also my superhero name. So I am in my happy place.
posted by happyroach at 10:07 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by happyroach at 10:07 AM on May 20, 2015
MeatHair
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:10 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 10:10 AM on May 20, 2015
I would totally see a bill featuring:
Profane Thor
Darkness With Hair
NightPoop
In fact, I might have seen that bill at some point.
posted by stargell at 10:26 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Profane Thor
Darkness With Hair
NightPoop
In fact, I might have seen that bill at some point.
posted by stargell at 10:26 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Beware of the Abortion. Christian metal is getting weird.
posted by Stunt at 10:43 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by Stunt at 10:43 AM on May 20, 2015
"Revenge Every Pigs" - FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
posted by JohnFromGR at 10:46 AM on May 20, 2015
posted by JohnFromGR at 10:46 AM on May 20, 2015
Right. This really shouldn't be so funny. Whatever, it's my birthday, I can be 12 if I want to.
posted by Stunt at 10:56 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Stunt at 10:56 AM on May 20, 2015 [4 favorites]
Scent of Fart.
Scent of... Fart?
I'm not metal enough for this.
posted by a halcyon day at 11:09 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Scent of... Fart?
I'm not metal enough for this.
posted by a halcyon day at 11:09 AM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
Unpleasant School
Illuminati Knot
Bad Masters
Ancient Face
Huh, it seems that eventually it just gave up and gave me "The Holocaust".
posted by NMcCoy at 11:20 AM on May 20, 2015
Illuminati Knot
Bad Masters
Ancient Face
Huh, it seems that eventually it just gave up and gave me "The Holocaust".
posted by NMcCoy at 11:20 AM on May 20, 2015
I'm not metal enough for this.
I mean, in short succession it proposed to me both Terminal Cancer and Neverending AIDS.
But then it also gave me The Worst Fart.
Metal is a land of contrasts.
posted by tocts at 11:26 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I mean, in short succession it proposed to me both Terminal Cancer and Neverending AIDS.
But then it also gave me The Worst Fart.
Metal is a land of contrasts.
posted by tocts at 11:26 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Metal is a land of contrasts
I got Divine Butt, but also Unholy Turd. I dunno, maybe one's the album name?
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 11:45 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
I got Divine Butt, but also Unholy Turd. I dunno, maybe one's the album name?
posted by obscure simpsons reference at 11:45 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Norwegian Hexagon
Viking Math Metal for the win.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 11:58 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Viking Math Metal for the win.
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 11:58 AM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Hate Bitch
posted by ZipRibbons at 12:06 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by ZipRibbons at 12:06 PM on May 20, 2015
SKULLFEST 2015 @ The Devil's Pit, May 23 & 24
BE THERE ...BE THERE ...BE THERE...BE THERE...be there...
posted by djeo at 12:08 PM on May 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
BE THERE ...BE THERE ...BE THERE...BE THERE...be there...
posted by djeo at 12:08 PM on May 20, 2015 [5 favorites]
I am not sure that true metalheads would be into a band called Bad Face.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:40 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:40 PM on May 20, 2015
SKULLFEST 2015 @ The Devil's Pit, May 23 & 24
Favorite x 10000
posted by stargell at 12:46 PM on May 20, 2015
Favorite x 10000
posted by stargell at 12:46 PM on May 20, 2015
I am not sure that true metalheads would be into a band called Bad Face
Depends. How bad, exactly?
posted by billiebee at 12:49 PM on May 20, 2015
Depends. How bad, exactly?
posted by billiebee at 12:49 PM on May 20, 2015
My favorites:
AssFather
DickMonster
NinjaWhale
RectumFront
I also got Troll Hole and that rare eschatological golf-themed band, Final Hole.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:49 PM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
AssFather
DickMonster
NinjaWhale
RectumFront
I also got Troll Hole and that rare eschatological golf-themed band, Final Hole.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:49 PM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Teenage Snake". Keepin' it.
posted by interrobang at 1:13 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by interrobang at 1:13 PM on May 20, 2015
Is it time to switch to metal band's song titles yet? Because, if so, I'd like to mention Boulder's Kick The Pregnant.
posted by Paul Slade at 3:11 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by Paul Slade at 3:11 PM on May 20, 2015
Your Finger
AssHair
Bad Death
....is this also a short story generator?
posted by Fig at 4:19 PM on May 20, 2015
AssHair
Bad Death
....is this also a short story generator?
posted by Fig at 4:19 PM on May 20, 2015
I got Ugly Front, which I guess is an insult or a political movement for homely people
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:23 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 4:23 PM on May 20, 2015
Helpless Bears sounds hawt. Is there a sling involved?
posted by ostranenie at 5:12 PM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ostranenie at 5:12 PM on May 20, 2015 [1 favorite]
> Bad face
OLAF, METAL FACE
did he just say "making fuck"?
posted by ostranenie at 5:13 PM on May 20, 2015
OLAF, METAL FACE
did he just say "making fuck"?
posted by ostranenie at 5:13 PM on May 20, 2015
Hey Alcoholic
...and that's when I knew it had become sentient.
posted by The GoBotSodomizer at 6:27 PM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
...and that's when I knew it had become sentient.
posted by The GoBotSodomizer at 6:27 PM on May 20, 2015 [2 favorites]
Dream of the Turnip?
I got a couple Turnips. I think it's fucking with us.
"StrangleFinger" is awesome. "Hey Fog" just describes me waking up.
posted by wallabear at 8:51 PM on May 20, 2015
I got a couple Turnips. I think it's fucking with us.
"StrangleFinger" is awesome. "Hey Fog" just describes me waking up.
posted by wallabear at 8:51 PM on May 20, 2015
Now I have to go find the worst names of actual bands. Dew-scented is an actual band, as are Anal Blast, Gorguts (excellent avant garde death metal), Fukpig...you can't outdo reality. Decapitated are fantastic too.
posted by Existential Dread at 8:53 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by Existential Dread at 8:53 PM on May 20, 2015
Just tried it once. Got Howlnail. Am sufficiently impressed.
posted by I-baLL at 11:12 PM on May 20, 2015
posted by I-baLL at 11:12 PM on May 20, 2015
I got Ugly Front, which I guess is an insult or a political movement for homely people
At first I read that as "Ugly Font" and said to myself "Yeah, that is one of the defining characteristics of the aesthetics of metal. Appropriate."
Also, Worst Cobra makes me think of hognosed snakes. Although they have hoods they can puff up when they are upset, they are super terrible at all other cobra type activities and generally suck at being cobras.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:13 AM on May 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
At first I read that as "Ugly Font" and said to myself "Yeah, that is one of the defining characteristics of the aesthetics of metal. Appropriate."
Also, Worst Cobra makes me think of hognosed snakes. Although they have hoods they can puff up when they are upset, they are super terrible at all other cobra type activities and generally suck at being cobras.
posted by louche mustachio at 1:13 AM on May 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
"Helpless Adult"
Yes! I'm totally going to finally master the F chord and get some other 30somethings together and sing about windsor knots, condolence cards, authentic carbonara sauce and malware removal!
posted by pseudocode at 3:17 AM on May 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Yes! I'm totally going to finally master the F chord and get some other 30somethings together and sing about windsor knots, condolence cards, authentic carbonara sauce and malware removal!
posted by pseudocode at 3:17 AM on May 21, 2015 [2 favorites]
Neverending Penis
(without a doubt, my favorite so far)
posted by prepmonkey at 12:40 PM on May 21, 2015
(without a doubt, my favorite so far)
posted by prepmonkey at 12:40 PM on May 21, 2015
I've really been enjoying this.
Here are the most innocuous-sounding ones I've gotten so far:
Bring Me The Adult
Teenage Sons
Henry's Grandmother
posted by bxyldy at 8:22 PM on May 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
Here are the most innocuous-sounding ones I've gotten so far:
Bring Me The Adult
Teenage Sons
Henry's Grandmother
posted by bxyldy at 8:22 PM on May 22, 2015 [2 favorites]
ButcherFuckers.
Seems oddly specific, but it works for me.
posted by Pink Frost at 5:16 PM on May 24, 2015
Seems oddly specific, but it works for me.
posted by Pink Frost at 5:16 PM on May 24, 2015
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posted by dortmunder at 6:32 AM on May 20, 2015