Because your mother doesn't work here
June 2, 2015 9:09 AM Subscribe
Are you a central San Francisco resident who is too busy to get your trash out to the curb on time once a week? Well your worries are over with TrashDay.
Heck, maybe you're too busy for everything. No time to feed yourself because you need to lock down that seed round term sheet with your AngelList syndicate? Here Comes The Airplane.
If I could pay someone to digest my food and poop directly into the garbage can, these services could really start to pay off!
posted by blue_beetle at 9:15 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 9:15 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Become entombed as a living sacrifice to your VC overlords! Solve the work life balance by not having a life! Sign up as an inhuman resource today for a complimentary induced coma and precious nutrient drain!
posted by The Whelk at 9:15 AM on June 2, 2015 [13 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 9:15 AM on June 2, 2015 [13 favorites]
So it's a BlowTheDotOutYourAss.com reboot.
posted by ocschwar at 9:19 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by ocschwar at 9:19 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Because your motherftfydoesn't workcan't afford to live here.
posted by anarch at 9:20 AM on June 2, 2015 [13 favorites]
AFAIK one of these two sites is an actual business.
posted by GuyZero at 9:20 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by GuyZero at 9:20 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
Your mother doesn't work here -- But what if she did? And what if she got paid in something more important then money? Bring your mom in today to one of our Mom Processing centers and receive a free one hour bathroom cleaning from one of our team of independently contracted Moms!
posted by The Whelk at 9:24 AM on June 2, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 9:24 AM on June 2, 2015 [10 favorites]
The degeneration of the start-up economy into a support infrastructure for helpless, spoiled white babymen is increasingly hilarious to watch. I mean, the only reason Here Comes the Airplane is funny is because some pasty, well-compensated Stanford grad is willing to pay $32 a month for someone to haul his trashcans 10 feet to the curb. The joke is nearly indistinguishable from the legitimate business (which may also be a joke, but nobody can tell anymore).
posted by ryanshepard at 9:34 AM on June 2, 2015 [21 favorites]
posted by ryanshepard at 9:34 AM on June 2, 2015 [21 favorites]
Linked from the "Questions?" header of Airplane is this article on Startups replacing your Mom.
posted by travertina at 9:38 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by travertina at 9:38 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
AFAIK one of these two sites is an actual business.
If I allowed myself to believe either of these was real, life would no longer be worth living.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:38 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
If I allowed myself to believe either of these was real, life would no longer be worth living.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:38 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
So the headline - "Silicon Valley startups are obsessed with developing tech to replace their moms" is misleading... tech isn't replacing anyone. These businesses hire people to replace your mom, but people don't like actually talking to people, so these companies develop apps to disintermediate human contact for extremely specific tasks. There's no real automation here except for the automation of human interaction.
Which is why these "startups" are so terrible and ripe for parody.
posted by GuyZero at 9:41 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Which is why these "startups" are so terrible and ripe for parody.
posted by GuyZero at 9:41 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
My apartment has a traditional variant of this service. We just call it the trash chute. It does recyclables too, though compost is sadly not chutable.
Of course, as ryanshepard's link points out, the local garbage company will provide this service for a fee anyway, and if you use them, the people doing the work are union workers employed by a 100% employee owned company rather than random contractors with no benefits, so there's that too. I guess the garbage company just needs an app now. Wait, they alredy have one? Just kill me now.
posted by zachlipton at 9:42 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
Of course, as ryanshepard's link points out, the local garbage company will provide this service for a fee anyway, and if you use them, the people doing the work are union workers employed by a 100% employee owned company rather than random contractors with no benefits, so there's that too. I guess the garbage company just needs an app now. Wait, they alredy have one? Just kill me now.
posted by zachlipton at 9:42 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
At times like this, all I can do is link to Poe's Law.
posted by cardioid at 9:44 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by cardioid at 9:44 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
If there are any VCs out there reading this, it's not too late to get in on my next big thing, an app I call Wipr.
posted by octobersurprise at 9:44 AM on June 2, 2015 [18 favorites]
posted by octobersurprise at 9:44 AM on June 2, 2015 [18 favorites]
an app I call Wipr.
Always stuck at #2 in the app store.
posted by GuyZero at 9:45 AM on June 2, 2015 [23 favorites]
Always stuck at #2 in the app store.
posted by GuyZero at 9:45 AM on June 2, 2015 [23 favorites]
I can't tell what's a real business plan and what's satire at this point. Is there any idea too dumb to get VC funding? I'm sure that any obviously fake startup idea i could come up with, someone would tell me that there's already a company doing that.
posted by octothorpe at 9:46 AM on June 2, 2015
posted by octothorpe at 9:46 AM on June 2, 2015
Flushr: disrupting the tyranny of enforced toilet flushing
Callr: We call your mother on weekends so you don't have to
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:50 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
Callr: We call your mother on weekends so you don't have to
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 9:50 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
Don't forget flossr and brushio.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:53 AM on June 2, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 9:53 AM on June 2, 2015 [10 favorites]
Become entombed as a living sacrifice to your VC overlords! Solve the work life balance by not having a life! Sign up as an inhuman resource today for a complimentary induced coma and precious nutrient drain!
This is my calling. Where can I sign up?
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:53 AM on June 2, 2015
This is my calling. Where can I sign up?
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:53 AM on June 2, 2015
I feel like some people are forgetting San Francisco geography. 32 bucks to take three stupid heavy bins up and down those stairs each week is a bargain.
And I'm very glad the landlord pays recology more than 50 bucks a month to handle that for me and the other folks who live here.
posted by politikitty at 9:54 AM on June 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
And I'm very glad the landlord pays recology more than 50 bucks a month to handle that for me and the other folks who live here.
posted by politikitty at 9:54 AM on June 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
I don't know why these people don't just move their flesh assets over to SupportVat. They take care of trash, biological waste, and ensure a constant supply of nourishing Soylent, and if you get the storage locker option you don't even need to pay rent. Vats start at $500/mo., so it's like printing money.
posted by phooky at 9:54 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by phooky at 9:54 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
When I lived in State College, PA in the eighties, the city garbage men actually came around back and got your bags and cans from the back of the house. It was illegal to put your garbage in front of the house or on the curb.
posted by octothorpe at 9:56 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 9:56 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
We need an overarching service that matches you with whatever horribly exploitative independent contracting company is a best fit for you, we can call it Serfr - Freedom From Choice.
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on June 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 9:58 AM on June 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
Go ahead and download Wipr if you want some sleazy rando who hasn't even had a criminal background check performing this vital function.
GroomOfTheStool.io ensures only the most qualified, talented, well-dressed professionals, all of whom have attended a six-week boot camp and been thoroughly vetted, will be dispatched to assist you.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:06 AM on June 2, 2015 [27 favorites]
GroomOfTheStool.io ensures only the most qualified, talented, well-dressed professionals, all of whom have attended a six-week boot camp and been thoroughly vetted, will be dispatched to assist you.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:06 AM on June 2, 2015 [27 favorites]
I am the mother in the Corpse household, and I don't take out the trash. Surely it should be "Because your kids don't work here"?
My son takes out our neighbor's garbage for a fraction of what Trash Day charges. Do these people not have children in their buildings?
Harumph. Taking away child labor, they are.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:08 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
My son takes out our neighbor's garbage for a fraction of what Trash Day charges. Do these people not have children in their buildings?
Harumph. Taking away child labor, they are.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:08 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
Serious question, if I came up with an app that say, calls someone to wash your car, and got it funded with $2mil in seed money from idiot VC investors who apparently just throw money at this stuff - what's to stop me from making a token go at a working business, then going under and pocketing $1.7mil after it crashes? Isn't that the risk they're taking with investing? There has to be something keeping me from quitting my job and doing that tomorrow, right?
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:12 AM on June 2, 2015
posted by T.D. Strange at 10:12 AM on June 2, 2015
They switched to having residents haul their trash to the curb here, some years ago, and you wouldn't have believed the bitching from homeowners who thought that this was beneath their dignity or something. This was before people saying "first world problems" was a thing, but it would have merited that. I mean, they were really, really upset about it, haranguing the town council for hours, that kind of thing.
posted by thelonius at 10:12 AM on June 2, 2015
posted by thelonius at 10:12 AM on June 2, 2015
My son takes out our neighbor's garbage for a fraction of what Trash Day charges. Do these people not have children in their buildings?
In San Francisco? Probably not. We priced most of them out between housing costs and schools already: "Families' exodus leaves S.F. whiter, less diverse."
posted by zachlipton at 10:14 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
In San Francisco? Probably not. We priced most of them out between housing costs and schools already: "Families' exodus leaves S.F. whiter, less diverse."
posted by zachlipton at 10:14 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
Too tired to masturbate? Our independent contractors will come to your home and jack you off (clean up after release is extra).
posted by jasper411 at 10:14 AM on June 2, 2015
posted by jasper411 at 10:14 AM on June 2, 2015
Too tired to masturbate? Our independent contractors will come to your home and jack you off (clean up after release is extra).
I was trying to figure out this joke (maybe www.callgi.rl?) and then ran all the typical Uber arguments through the sex trafficking lens ("They're independent contractors! We don't own their bodies, we're just a tech company!") and it stopped being funny.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:18 AM on June 2, 2015 [28 favorites]
I was trying to figure out this joke (maybe www.callgi.rl?) and then ran all the typical Uber arguments through the sex trafficking lens ("They're independent contractors! We don't own their bodies, we're just a tech company!") and it stopped being funny.
posted by backseatpilot at 10:18 AM on June 2, 2015 [28 favorites]
Listnr is like therapy, except the people have been trained to discourage introspection and are contractually obliged to mention your awesomeness at least twice (2 times) during every sesh©
posted by clockzero at 10:19 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by clockzero at 10:19 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
32 bucks to take three stupid heavy bins up and down those stairs each week is a bargain
I can't tell if you're serious or not
posted by slater at 10:20 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I can't tell if you're serious or not
posted by slater at 10:20 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
an app I call Wipr.
Watch out for imitator app Rpiw. You'll be infected with viruses.
posted by Kabanos at 10:26 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Watch out for imitator app Rpiw. You'll be infected with viruses.
posted by Kabanos at 10:26 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Go ahead and download Wipr if you want some sleazy rando who hasn't even had a criminal background check doesn't know shit from Shinola performing this vital function.
... and this just in, Jack White announced today his purchase of the Shinola headquarters. "I've spent money on a lot of shit in my life," White did not say, "but this is something entirely different."
posted by octobersurprise at 10:30 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
... and this just in, Jack White announced today his purchase of the Shinola headquarters. "I've spent money on a lot of shit in my life," White did not say, "but this is something entirely different."
posted by octobersurprise at 10:30 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Serious question, if I came up with an app that say, calls someone to wash your car, and got it funded with $2mil in seed money from idiot VC investors who apparently just throw money at this stuff - what's to stop me from making a token go at a working business, then going under and pocketing $1.7mil after it crashes? Isn't that the risk they're taking with investing? There has to be something keeping me from quitting my job and doing that tomorrow, right?
a) The VC comes along after you've dumped your blood, sweat, tears, and life savings into the venture and comes along as a shining white knight who can keep the business alive until it becomes viable. Unless you're washing a decent amount of cars booked on a website hosted on AWS's free tier already they're not interested.
b) The VC will require that you bring on their people as part of the bargain since they actually have skin in the game (equity). It's a lot harder to be faux moronic with money if their bean counter is there watching you every second of the day. If you try to give it up they'll step in and basically take the entire business from you.
c) Your name would be mud. Silicon Valley is a pretty tight community. Everyone knows somebody who knows somebody. If you were going to do something like this you'd better be prepared to never work in the area ever again unless your favorite phrase is "do you want fries with that?".
posted by Talez at 10:35 AM on June 2, 2015
a) The VC comes along after you've dumped your blood, sweat, tears, and life savings into the venture and comes along as a shining white knight who can keep the business alive until it becomes viable. Unless you're washing a decent amount of cars booked on a website hosted on AWS's free tier already they're not interested.
b) The VC will require that you bring on their people as part of the bargain since they actually have skin in the game (equity). It's a lot harder to be faux moronic with money if their bean counter is there watching you every second of the day. If you try to give it up they'll step in and basically take the entire business from you.
c) Your name would be mud. Silicon Valley is a pretty tight community. Everyone knows somebody who knows somebody. If you were going to do something like this you'd better be prepared to never work in the area ever again unless your favorite phrase is "do you want fries with that?".
posted by Talez at 10:35 AM on June 2, 2015
Too tired to masturbate? Our independent contractors will come to your home and jack you off (clean up after release is extra).
Wankr
posted by cybrcamper at 10:37 AM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]
Wankr
posted by cybrcamper at 10:37 AM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]
I feel like this is just the natural consequence of having a city with apartments only the very wealthy can afford. They don't generally have kids and/or a house with upkeep to justify a full time housekeeper even though they could afford it. So instead they are piecemealing the services of a full time housekeeper with food delivery services, maids, and now someone to take out your trash.
posted by whoaali at 10:37 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by whoaali at 10:37 AM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
Your name would be mud.
So not really. People effectively take money from VCs all the time - it's the VC model. They expect companies to fail. But the money is going to people who are working pretty hard in the meantime. Depending on how you look at it, it's either already always this scam or it never happens.
I mean, Color Labs was the poster-child for this. They burned through $41M and were they all persona non grata after that? Hardly.
posted by GuyZero at 10:41 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
So not really. People effectively take money from VCs all the time - it's the VC model. They expect companies to fail. But the money is going to people who are working pretty hard in the meantime. Depending on how you look at it, it's either already always this scam or it never happens.
I mean, Color Labs was the poster-child for this. They burned through $41M and were they all persona non grata after that? Hardly.
posted by GuyZero at 10:41 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Sunset Scavenger/Recology already offers this in San Francisco. It's called "key service". You can call them to have it set up.
posted by zombiedance at 10:43 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by zombiedance at 10:43 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think it's more like the not-particularly-wealthy-at-all wanting to live like aristocracy, with servants and such, and not actually being able to afford it. They want the trappings--on-call chauffeur, someone else taking out the trash--without actually paying for it.
In some ways I think it's really easy to draw a pretty straight line from cheap consumer goods--manufactured overseas where you don't see the conditions or have to think about what they're paid, all you care about is your new tshirt or cellphone or whatever--to cheap consumer services where you're assured they're making decent money and the working conditions are good, and any 'independent contractor' who is anything other than perky and cheerful will lose their job.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:44 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
In some ways I think it's really easy to draw a pretty straight line from cheap consumer goods--manufactured overseas where you don't see the conditions or have to think about what they're paid, all you care about is your new tshirt or cellphone or whatever--to cheap consumer services where you're assured they're making decent money and the working conditions are good, and any 'independent contractor' who is anything other than perky and cheerful will lose their job.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:44 AM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
T.D. Strange: "what's to stop me from making a token go at a working business, then going under and pocketing $1.7mil after it crashes"
unless this is marc andreesen ur stealing my bit
posted by boo_radley at 10:47 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
unless this is marc andreesen ur stealing my bit
posted by boo_radley at 10:47 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Listnr is like therapy, except the people have been trained to discourage introspection and are contractually obliged to mention your awesomeness at least twice (2 times) during every sesh©
You joke, but therapy apps without actual therapists are a real (and I think dangerous) trend.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:47 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
You joke, but therapy apps without actual therapists are a real (and I think dangerous) trend.
posted by leotrotsky at 10:47 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
So not really. People effectively take money from VCs all the time - it's the VC model. They expect companies to fail. But the money is going to people who are working pretty hard in the meantime. Depending on how you look at it, it's either already always this scam or it never happens.
I mean, Color Labs was the poster-child for this. They burned through $41M and were they all persona non grata after that? Hardly.
There's a difference between stupidity/lack of foresight/being plain wrong and deliberately scheming to walk away with the vast majority of investment funding in your pocket. Color Labs got products out the door and made a genuine go of it. They just weren't the chosen ones because we all had Instagram and it was better.
posted by Talez at 10:48 AM on June 2, 2015
I mean, Color Labs was the poster-child for this. They burned through $41M and were they all persona non grata after that? Hardly.
There's a difference between stupidity/lack of foresight/being plain wrong and deliberately scheming to walk away with the vast majority of investment funding in your pocket. Color Labs got products out the door and made a genuine go of it. They just weren't the chosen ones because we all had Instagram and it was better.
posted by Talez at 10:48 AM on June 2, 2015
If you ship a me-too app in a crowded space and make kooky product decisions are you making a honest effort or are you just killing time until the money is all gone?
posted by GuyZero at 10:51 AM on June 2, 2015
posted by GuyZero at 10:51 AM on June 2, 2015
I know plenty of Senior Citizens, people with mobility problems, and people who own rental properties who pay the trash company a little bit extra to fetch their cans from the top of their driveway.
I don't understand why this needs to be appified, but it's a legitimate service that some people definitely need (and almost certainly already exists in San Francisco).
posted by schmod at 10:52 AM on June 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
I don't understand why this needs to be appified, but it's a legitimate service that some people definitely need (and almost certainly already exists in San Francisco).
posted by schmod at 10:52 AM on June 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
If you ship a me-too app in a crowded space and make kooky product decisions are you making a honest effort or are you just killing time until the money is all gone?
You should really ask Mark Zuckerberg that question. "Myspace? With real names?" And yet here we are a decade later with dumbasses making racist comments on tabloid news sites with their real names attached.
People think that some features will change the world, revolutionize the market, become indispensable. Sometimes they're wrong, sometimes they're right.
posted by Talez at 10:55 AM on June 2, 2015
You should really ask Mark Zuckerberg that question. "Myspace? With real names?" And yet here we are a decade later with dumbasses making racist comments on tabloid news sites with their real names attached.
People think that some features will change the world, revolutionize the market, become indispensable. Sometimes they're wrong, sometimes they're right.
posted by Talez at 10:55 AM on June 2, 2015
In some ways I think it's really easy to draw a pretty straight line from cheap consumer goods--manufactured overseas where you don't see the conditions or have to think about what they're paid, all you care about is your new tshirt or cellphone or whatever--to cheap consumer services where you're assured they're making decent money and the working conditions are good, and any 'independent contractor' who is anything other than perky and cheerful will lose their job.
I do think this is an ideological process - especially the requirement that employees have a "good attitude" while doing increasingly shitty and marginal work. Basically the process whereby we put onto the employees the burden of concealing their own exploitation for the comfort of their exploiters. Not unlike staff in, say, a wealthy Victorian household, but on a society-wide level.
It's mystification of the commodity but the commodity is the person.
posted by Frowner at 10:58 AM on June 2, 2015 [11 favorites]
I do think this is an ideological process - especially the requirement that employees have a "good attitude" while doing increasingly shitty and marginal work. Basically the process whereby we put onto the employees the burden of concealing their own exploitation for the comfort of their exploiters. Not unlike staff in, say, a wealthy Victorian household, but on a society-wide level.
It's mystification of the commodity but the commodity is the person.
posted by Frowner at 10:58 AM on June 2, 2015 [11 favorites]
I can't tell if you're serious or not
I'm a five foot woman with little upper body strength. I'm sorry I'm not in good enough shape to avoid derision on the internet.
posted by politikitty at 10:59 AM on June 2, 2015 [17 favorites]
I'm a five foot woman with little upper body strength. I'm sorry I'm not in good enough shape to avoid derision on the internet.
posted by politikitty at 10:59 AM on June 2, 2015 [17 favorites]
"what's to stop me from making a token go at a working business, then going under and pocketing $1.7mil after it crashes"
My god, it's like under the right circumstances, you could make more money with a flop than with a hit! Try my new app, "SpringTmForHtlr".
posted by mrgoat at 11:03 AM on June 2, 2015 [19 favorites]
My god, it's like under the right circumstances, you could make more money with a flop than with a hit! Try my new app, "SpringTmForHtlr".
posted by mrgoat at 11:03 AM on June 2, 2015 [19 favorites]
You can't walk away with the money from early and mid stage VC because venture capital at those stages are structured as convertible preferred stock. Until and unless converted to common stock (usually when the equity value of your company well exceeds the notional post-money valuation used in the venture round), the VCs are entitled to paid back 100 cents on the dollar before common shareholders (i.e., founders and employees whose options have vested and been exercised) get a penny.
Founders and angels can (albeit not without controversy) structure later round venture investments to have a cash-out component.
posted by MattD at 11:30 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Founders and angels can (albeit not without controversy) structure later round venture investments to have a cash-out component.
posted by MattD at 11:30 AM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
>>Too tired to masturbate? Our independent contractors will come to your home and jack you off (clean up after release is extra).
>Wankr
Thankfully, their new location independent pricing model assures that the price ($20) remains the same in both urban and rural localities.
posted by mosk at 11:30 AM on June 2, 2015 [31 favorites]
>Wankr
Thankfully, their new location independent pricing model assures that the price ($20) remains the same in both urban and rural localities.
posted by mosk at 11:30 AM on June 2, 2015 [31 favorites]
Your mother doesn't work here -- But what if she did? And what if she got paid in something more important then money?
The Grandmapocolypse is coming.
posted by maryr at 11:40 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
The Grandmapocolypse is coming.
posted by maryr at 11:40 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
If you ship a me-too app in a crowded space and make kooky product decisions are you making a honest effort or are you just killing time until the money is all gone?
What is the sound of one hand apping? Does Mark Zuckerberg shit in the woods? If a VC calls in for us, does it fund a round?
posted by maryr at 11:53 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
What is the sound of one hand apping? Does Mark Zuckerberg shit in the woods? If a VC calls in for us, does it fund a round?
posted by maryr at 11:53 AM on June 2, 2015 [3 favorites]
Let's just cut to the chase and have Livr. You give them all of your assets and then you can just die already!
posted by mondo dentro at 12:03 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by mondo dentro at 12:03 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
We choose not to take out the trash ourselves in this decade, and not do the other things, not because they are hard, but because they are easy, and we just can't be arsed.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:10 PM on June 2, 2015
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:10 PM on June 2, 2015
a) The VC comes along after you've dumped your blood, sweat, tears, and life savings into the venture and comes along as a shining white knight who can keep the business alive until it becomes viable
Well, you'd think, but a shitload of stupid ideas seem to get funded in the pursuit of the next Big One. All I want is to be a shitty one and walk away with the cash.
b) The VC will require that you bring on their people as part of the bargain
If I retain 51% control in a state with shitty minority shareholder protections, what now?
You can't walk away with the money from early and mid stage VC because
I was more thinking about running the flawed concept into the ground and absconding with the operating funds vs any kind of stock arrangement for a legit cash out. So far the main impediment seems to be, "your name will be shit". If that's the only consequence, a) I'm in the wrong business and b) a ton of these businesses must be scams.
I'm starting a new business, it's called "ClnCat". It's an app where you just push a button, and an independent contractor comes over to wash your cat! Series A funding round expected next week.
posted by T.D. Strange at 12:14 PM on June 2, 2015
Well, you'd think, but a shitload of stupid ideas seem to get funded in the pursuit of the next Big One. All I want is to be a shitty one and walk away with the cash.
b) The VC will require that you bring on their people as part of the bargain
If I retain 51% control in a state with shitty minority shareholder protections, what now?
You can't walk away with the money from early and mid stage VC because
I was more thinking about running the flawed concept into the ground and absconding with the operating funds vs any kind of stock arrangement for a legit cash out. So far the main impediment seems to be, "your name will be shit". If that's the only consequence, a) I'm in the wrong business and b) a ton of these businesses must be scams.
I'm starting a new business, it's called "ClnCat". It's an app where you just push a button, and an independent contractor comes over to wash your cat! Series A funding round expected next week.
posted by T.D. Strange at 12:14 PM on June 2, 2015
I wonder if the living conditions in Silicon Valley have just led to a widespread epidemic of depression. I know that at low points in my life I would have loved services like this, because I could barely leave my home, let alone take out the trash or cook a meal.
posted by indubitable at 12:15 PM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by indubitable at 12:15 PM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]
I was more thinking about running the flawed concept into the ground and absconding with the operating funds vs any kind of stock arrangement for a legit cash out.
This is called embezzlement. You could go to jail.
There have definitely been instances where startups have burnt through money so incredibly wastefully so as to raise real questions, but outright walking off with the cash is likely going to get you law enforcement attention.
posted by zachlipton at 12:27 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is called embezzlement. You could go to jail.
There have definitely been instances where startups have burnt through money so incredibly wastefully so as to raise real questions, but outright walking off with the cash is likely going to get you law enforcement attention.
posted by zachlipton at 12:27 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
This is called embezzlement. You could go to jail.
It's a hack! He's just disrupting startup culture!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:32 PM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]
It's a hack! He's just disrupting startup culture!
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:32 PM on June 2, 2015 [7 favorites]
One of the nieces was selling stuff for school fundraising earlier this year, so my wife and I bought a few things to help out. One of the things she was selling was magazine subscriptions, so we got a few magazines to pad our order. I chose Wired and Fast Company, because I remembered them from the mid to late 90s when they had interesting content, and ads for Compaq computers on sale at CompUSA. Now..? I can't tell the magazines apart, and I can't tell the content from the ads.
That's how a lot of these new economy companies look to me - I can't tell the really well done parodies from the actual businesses and outright scams. Every time I think: surely no one would pay for that.. is when I find out it's a real business on its second round of VC funding and the founders are the newest tech billionaires.
posted by ralan at 12:38 PM on June 2, 2015
That's how a lot of these new economy companies look to me - I can't tell the really well done parodies from the actual businesses and outright scams. Every time I think: surely no one would pay for that.. is when I find out it's a real business on its second round of VC funding and the founders are the newest tech billionaires.
posted by ralan at 12:38 PM on June 2, 2015
ClnCat
I expected it to be "The CueCat for your colon!"
posted by frimble at 12:57 PM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
I expected it to be "The CueCat for your colon!"
posted by frimble at 12:57 PM on June 2, 2015 [6 favorites]
Schmod makes an excellent point above; although it does appear these kinds of services are targeted toward the young and affluent, as an old and at least somewhat solvent person I would gladly pay to have a reliable, background-checked, organized provider of those small chores that are just out of my capacity to handle solo, rather than random sketchy characters hired off of Craigslist. (And oh, man, if I could sign up once and then subsequently deal with everything via a website instead of having to call people on the goddamned phone...)
posted by Kat Allison at 1:04 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Kat Allison at 1:04 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I expected it to be "The CueCat for your colon!"
Disrupting the home colonoscopy market!
posted by T.D. Strange at 1:09 PM on June 2, 2015
Disrupting the home colonoscopy market!
posted by T.D. Strange at 1:09 PM on June 2, 2015
Disrupting the home colonoscopy market!
Worst. Twitch. channel. EVER.
posted by GuyZero at 1:53 PM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
Worst. Twitch. channel. EVER.
posted by GuyZero at 1:53 PM on June 2, 2015 [4 favorites]
San Francisco is weird. I would need to be making at least 250k USD to start being able to afford the services I had when I was almost broke in some poor parts of Mexico. I see the following startups in the next few years:
- Mlkmn: eave empty glass milk and soda bottles on the curb, find full ones next morning. The milk/soda man will show up every couple weeks to settle the account.
-HydraBunny: By-weekly home delivery of 5 gallon drinking water carboys. Includes up to 3 flights of stairs.
-TrashDay: Give a tip to the garbage man on Christmas, he will take the gargabe out of your garage every day.
-Green Eco Artisanal Home Sharpening: Someone rides a bike around the neighborhood once every few weeks playing a scale on a pan flute. You hear the flute approaching and take all your knives and scissors to the curb. They sharpen them to a mirror finish using, get this, a bicycle powered grinding wheel.
-SteamPunktato: Around sunset you hear a loud steam whistle approaching. It is a guy selling steamed yams, sweet potatoes and bananas. From a scrap wood fueled steam boiler on wheels.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 2:17 PM on June 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
- Mlkmn: eave empty glass milk and soda bottles on the curb, find full ones next morning. The milk/soda man will show up every couple weeks to settle the account.
-HydraBunny: By-weekly home delivery of 5 gallon drinking water carboys. Includes up to 3 flights of stairs.
-TrashDay: Give a tip to the garbage man on Christmas, he will take the gargabe out of your garage every day.
-Green Eco Artisanal Home Sharpening: Someone rides a bike around the neighborhood once every few weeks playing a scale on a pan flute. You hear the flute approaching and take all your knives and scissors to the curb. They sharpen them to a mirror finish using, get this, a bicycle powered grinding wheel.
-SteamPunktato: Around sunset you hear a loud steam whistle approaching. It is a guy selling steamed yams, sweet potatoes and bananas. From a scrap wood fueled steam boiler on wheels.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 2:17 PM on June 2, 2015 [8 favorites]
EvestroughsOnline.com: Competing clans will bid for the right to spend an inordinate amount of resources and time planning, building tools, and then cleaning out your gutters.
posted by Kabanos at 2:43 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Kabanos at 2:43 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Is it me, or does TrashDay's website seem like a pretty brilliant way to case a home for break-in without leaving your couch?
posted by maryr at 2:45 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 2:45 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
My brother once had a young, ambitious lawyer for a neighbor when he lived in Baton Rouge. This fellow was ever worried about his suits and getting them mussed on trash day. He solved the problem by leaving two cold beers on his bin on trash day morning as he left for work. Did this for years and never had to roll his can down.
posted by pearlybob at 2:46 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by pearlybob at 2:46 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would need to be making at least 250k USD to start being able to afford the services I had when I was almost broke in some poor parts of Mexico.
1 - I think most people actually like talking to other people unlike SF techies (although all the ones I know seem nice enough)
2 - as an anecdote I once knew a woman while living in Canada who always talked about how awesome it was living in Bahrain because you could hire someone to do anything for next to no money. She'd get her car washed for a dollar. She had multiple gardeners. A near-infinite supply of dirt-poor people makes for a good service economy, sure. That's not San Francisco.
posted by GuyZero at 3:31 PM on June 2, 2015
1 - I think most people actually like talking to other people unlike SF techies (although all the ones I know seem nice enough)
2 - as an anecdote I once knew a woman while living in Canada who always talked about how awesome it was living in Bahrain because you could hire someone to do anything for next to no money. She'd get her car washed for a dollar. She had multiple gardeners. A near-infinite supply of dirt-poor people makes for a good service economy, sure. That's not San Francisco.
posted by GuyZero at 3:31 PM on June 2, 2015
"It's a hack! He's just disrupting startup culture!"
Our new app Embezzlr will generate new poorly thought out technologies and fleece investors on the fly, all from the comfort of your couch. Pledge the "Premium Tir" of our Kickstarter and get access to our new "FlauntLw" and "RegulatoryCaptr" plugins at launch!*
*Does not include access to Embezzlr's "SueLocalityIntoCompli.ance" service.
posted by mrgoat at 4:00 PM on June 2, 2015
Our new app Embezzlr will generate new poorly thought out technologies and fleece investors on the fly, all from the comfort of your couch. Pledge the "Premium Tir" of our Kickstarter and get access to our new "FlauntLw" and "RegulatoryCaptr" plugins at launch!*
*Does not include access to Embezzlr's "SueLocalityIntoCompli.ance" service.
posted by mrgoat at 4:00 PM on June 2, 2015
I don't see what's supposed to be ridiculous about TrashDay. How is it any stranger than hiring someone to mow your lawn or clean your gutters or wash your car or any number of other boring tasks people routinely delegate to local entrepreneurs? Hauling the bins out to the curb is an annoying job that's easy to forget, and for many people it might well be physically taxing, too. At my house we have four bins to take out - trash, compost, 2x recycling - so it's not quite a trivial job. Every now and then we have a communication fail and nobody takes the bins out, leaving us with inadequate bin space for a week, which is no fun and smells bad. We'd absolutely pay $40/month to make this problem go away.
posted by Mars Saxman at 4:06 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Mars Saxman at 4:06 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Why is this a problem in Noe Valley but not the Outer Sunset?
posted by GuyZero at 4:46 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by GuyZero at 4:46 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
That's not San Francisco.
But really, it is. These services are marketed to the new-royalty of the tech sector, the few engineer types that can actually afford to live in San Francisco. They're staffed by low wage independent contractors, some of whom are undoubtedly the exact same people pushed out of the San Fran market by skyrocketing costs. It's exactly comparable to hiring a whole retinue of servants in the developing world, recreating the same trappings of extreme wealth inequality, just slap a token iphone interface on the negotiations so no one has to feel like they're exploiting the have nots.
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:39 PM on June 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
But really, it is. These services are marketed to the new-royalty of the tech sector, the few engineer types that can actually afford to live in San Francisco. They're staffed by low wage independent contractors, some of whom are undoubtedly the exact same people pushed out of the San Fran market by skyrocketing costs. It's exactly comparable to hiring a whole retinue of servants in the developing world, recreating the same trappings of extreme wealth inequality, just slap a token iphone interface on the negotiations so no one has to feel like they're exploiting the have nots.
posted by T.D. Strange at 5:39 PM on June 2, 2015 [5 favorites]
The real irony here is that Recology SF (garbage company for most of residential San Francisco) has been offering essentially this service for years -- but since most newcomer techies aren't directly paying garbage fees, they're unaware. Plus you actually have to contact a live human being to find out the associated cost, because it varies from building to building.
At my former condo, our garbage truck driver had a remote that opened our garage door. The series of flats before that, they would just let themselves into the back yard through the gate and grab the bins from back there.
posted by toxic at 6:14 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
At my former condo, our garbage truck driver had a remote that opened our garage door. The series of flats before that, they would just let themselves into the back yard through the gate and grab the bins from back there.
posted by toxic at 6:14 PM on June 2, 2015 [2 favorites]
Well, San Francisco wealth inequality levels are equivalent to a developing country "But when it comes to income equality - or lack thereof - we're far less Sweden and Denmark and far more Central America and sub-Saharan Africa."
posted by wuwei at 10:15 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by wuwei at 10:15 PM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]
Well, you'd think, but a shitload of stupid ideas seem to get funded in the pursuit of the next Big One.
Ideas don't get funded, teams do. If your team is Snidley Whiplash with a dumb idea, good luck! There's probably 3 other teams pitching the same investor with the same dumb idea but also the naivety to think it's a good one.
posted by thedaniel at 12:51 AM on June 3, 2015
Ideas don't get funded, teams do. If your team is Snidley Whiplash with a dumb idea, good luck! There's probably 3 other teams pitching the same investor with the same dumb idea but also the naivety to think it's a good one.
posted by thedaniel at 12:51 AM on June 3, 2015
Why is this a problem in Noe Valley but not the Outer Sunset?
Because the people who come up with these services never go west of Stanyan or south of Cesar Chavez.
(Note: I haven't lived in SF in over a year, so my knowledge of Where People Live is probably woefully out of date. Someone's about to tell me, I suspect, that all the cool kids live in the Bayview now.)
posted by madcaptenor at 6:31 AM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
Because the people who come up with these services never go west of Stanyan or south of Cesar Chavez.
(Note: I haven't lived in SF in over a year, so my knowledge of Where People Live is probably woefully out of date. Someone's about to tell me, I suspect, that all the cool kids live in the Bayview now.)
posted by madcaptenor at 6:31 AM on June 3, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think I did not get the tine right in my comment.
What I was trying to say is that San Francisco is starting to look more and more like the third world cities I worked hard to escape.
Developed country: The people driving you places or taking out your trash make a living wage and have benefits like vacations and medical. They can afford to live close to work.
Third world and San Francisco: The people driving you places and taking out tour trash have to work 80 hours a week to make a decent living, have no benefits, and live hours away from work.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 3:22 PM on June 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
What I was trying to say is that San Francisco is starting to look more and more like the third world cities I worked hard to escape.
Developed country: The people driving you places or taking out your trash make a living wage and have benefits like vacations and medical. They can afford to live close to work.
Third world and San Francisco: The people driving you places and taking out tour trash have to work 80 hours a week to make a decent living, have no benefits, and live hours away from work.
posted by Doroteo Arango II at 3:22 PM on June 3, 2015 [4 favorites]
Apparently I need someone to read Metafilter posts for me. Is there a startup for that?
posted by madcaptenor at 7:03 PM on June 3, 2015
posted by madcaptenor at 7:03 PM on June 3, 2015
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posted by T.D. Strange at 9:15 AM on June 2, 2015 [1 favorite]