XOXO NAKED PISSAR DENIED

June 29, 2015 11:15 AM

License plates Massachusetts won't let you have.
posted by jessamyn (95 comments total)

I didn't look at them all but I was amused that they denied GGGGGG. (I wish it said, Reason: Too ambiguous)
posted by latkes at 11:21 AM on June 29, 2015

The spirit of America: REJECTED OBSCENE
posted by a lungful of dragon at 11:23 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

That "IOQU" rule is a real motherfucker of a wrench in the already sort of silly gears.
posted by cortex at 11:25 AM on June 29, 2015 [5 favorites]

Rejected: BONG

Registry's reason: OFFENSIVE
posted by griphus at 11:25 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

I like your third tag. I wonder how many people will get it.
posted by benito.strauss at 11:25 AM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

Rejected: BUMS

Registry's reason: DENIED

Can't decide whether the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles are badasses or total squares, yo.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 11:27 AM on June 29, 2015 [4 favorites]

Rejected: KIM708

I... why?? Is a "Kim" something in Massachusetts that I don't know about, like a bubbler?
posted by saturday_morning at 11:27 AM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

I don't even understand a bunch of these. "IOQU" - this is about your I/O queues? What?
posted by GuyZero at 11:27 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Rejected: DEVILS

Registry's reason: VIOLENT
posted by yellowbinder at 11:27 AM on June 29, 2015 [5 favorites]

I just drove to NH the other day and saw two NH vanity plates, SEXIMOM and GUN-GUY. Even if it was allowed in MA, the guy would be tarred and feathered. (IIRC, it's cheaper to get vanity plates in NH and therefore there are more of them.)
posted by Melismata at 11:27 AM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

I wonder who got LOLBUTTS.
posted by GuyZero at 11:28 AM on June 29, 2015 [6 favorites]

Rejected: PSSSST

Registry's reason: DENIED - POOR TASTE
posted by saturday_morning at 11:29 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Like half the vehicles in Virginia have these, my favorite one being H8U DMV.
posted by Navelgazer at 11:29 AM on June 29, 2015 [9 favorites]

I... why??

KIM709 works for the RMV and will not be upstaged.
posted by cortex at 11:30 AM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

Rejected: UPDOG

Registry's reason: HENWAY
posted by komara at 11:30 AM on June 29, 2015 [30 favorites]

"The letters "I," "O," "Q," and "U" can ONLY be used as part of a word that is clearly defined and correctly spelled. For example, "LQQK" would not be an acceptable registration number because it is not a correctly spelled word."

And "No periods, spaces, or punctuation marks are allowed."? Wow, these folks are real STCKLRS.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:30 AM on June 29, 2015

Rejected: STONR (Stoner)
Registry's reason: DENIED - VIOLENT

Um, I don't think that means what you think it means...
posted by overeducated_alligator at 11:31 AM on June 29, 2015 [10 favorites]

Rejected: ADIDAS

Registry's reason: NOT A YEAR

Of all the options, like "Do you seriously love shoes/clothes that much?" or "WHY NO NIKE LOVE," they tried to view it as a failed attempt at roman numerals.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:33 AM on June 29, 2015 [4 favorites]

Rejected: THINK
Registry's reason: CUSTOMER DENIED

? ? ?
posted by Sys Rq at 11:33 AM on June 29, 2015 [6 favorites]

Um, I don't think that means what you think it means...

Think again. Everybody must get stoned.
posted by The Zeroth Law at 11:35 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Also: Someone should try getting a plate reading VULGUR and see if their U-only-okay-if-word-spelled-right people catch it.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:35 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Rejected: DINKYS

Registry's reason: Offensive. (The term DINKY refers to "Dual Income, No Kids Yet")

Registry went on to say "Your family decal is sufficient, you don't have to rub it in our exhausted, child-rearing faces."
posted by filthy light thief at 11:36 AM on June 29, 2015 [5 favorites]

Rejected: DENIED

Registry's reason: UNIVERSE-COLLAPSING PARADOX
posted by cortex at 11:37 AM on June 29, 2015 [19 favorites]

Rejected: ASSMAN

Registry's reason: 2015
posted by griphus at 11:38 AM on June 29, 2015 [14 favorites]

Rejected: DEVILS
Registry's reason: VIOLENT

But

Rejected: DOC666
Registry's reason: DENIED - RELIGIOUS

Now you're being inconsistent.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:39 AM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

Somehow FURIOSA and WAR-RIG are both still available in NC, and I am seriously considering it.
posted by Rock Steady at 11:39 AM on June 29, 2015 [12 favorites]

The Smoking Gun used to have a pretty regular feature of letters people would write the state DMV to complain about a vanity plate being obscene or what not.
posted by k5.user at 11:40 AM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Just last week I saw (here in MA) a Chevy Volt with "LOLGAS".
posted by rollbiz at 11:41 AM on June 29, 2015 [10 favorites]

Plate: IKEELU
Rejection Reason: Jeff Dunham blows
posted by dr_dank at 11:42 AM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

Rejected: BAGIT

Registry's reason: the Registry may have considered the combination vulgar in that it is in poor taste.

I love both the air of speculation about their own decision ("we may have"), and the circular reasoning. The Registry may have considered it to have induced sleepiness in that it has the soporific power...
posted by Beardman at 11:43 AM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

I was passed by BURNS2P the other day. Must be a urologist.
posted by Brodiggitty at 11:44 AM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

k5.user: The Smoking Gun used to have a pretty regular feature of letters people would write the state DMV to complain about a vanity plate being obscene or what not.

I knew an anime fan in college who had DRGNSLV on her car. Her parents thought it meant "Drugs and Love" (mixing a few letters around, which makes sense if you love drugs), but it really meant Dragon Slave.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:45 AM on June 29, 2015 [4 favorites]

Rejected: BUMS

Registry's reason: DENIED

The bums will always lose!
posted by rollbiz at 11:45 AM on June 29, 2015 [8 favorites]

I had an acquaintance who tried to get 'HACKER' as a plate, but was denied on the grounds you couldn't advocate criminal behavior. He apparently explained to a judge that he was actually an avid golfer, and that's why he wanted it. He was granted his request.*

* It should be noted that like many hackers, he was an unreliable narrator, so this story might be bullshit.
posted by el io at 11:51 AM on June 29, 2015 [11 favorites]

Happily, your footnote works even if he actually is a golfer.
posted by cortex at 11:54 AM on June 29, 2015 [15 favorites]

Navelgazer: "Like half the vehicles in Virginia have these, my favorite one being H8U DMV."

I thought this was the canonical best custom plate in Virginia. It's the handprints that do it.
posted by exogenous at 11:55 AM on June 29, 2015 [41 favorites]

I'm wondering if there's a combination of allowable characters that either a) are indecipherable by the automated plate readers or b) will cause some sort of fatal error in a DROP TABLES( kind of way. Seems like something bored MIT students should be working on.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:57 AM on June 29, 2015

Also, I used to park next to a Jeep with a "TROLL" vanity plate, so that's on the list things the Registry is A-OK with.
posted by rollbiz at 12:04 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

I can be misread as 1
O and Q can be misread as 0
U as well, if a camera were placed above the vehicle

It's probably automated plate readers, as suggested.
posted by tempestuoso at 12:06 PM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

backseatpilot: "I'm wondering if there's a combination of allowable characters ... "

Sort of related - "NO PLATE"
posted by Gev at 12:19 PM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

Rejected: PWRLES (Powerless)
Registry's Reason: DENIED

Hahahahahha
posted by Oxydude at 12:26 PM on June 29, 2015 [9 favorites]

I lived in VA where plenty was allowed, moved to MA and suffered from the lack of options, and now reside in NC where they seemingly don't care at all. Up to 8 characters, some symbols count as half a character, the only thing to remember is that only the (minimum 2) alphanumerics determine uniqueness. So if AB is available, A!!!!!!!!!!!!B is theoretically allowed.

I've got a car that needs a new plate, thinking about "UM...OK!", yes, including the quotes which are an allowed symbol for some reason.
posted by jermsplan at 12:33 PM on June 29, 2015 [4 favorites]

Is there any research on the relationship between vanity plates and atrocious driving skills? Or is just that the plates make it easier for me to remember the assholes?
posted by monospace at 12:53 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

The available plate I keep toying with here in NY is GRUNTIES.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:54 PM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

now reside in NC where they seemingly don't care at all.

Since you're in the Triangle, keep an eye out for /DEV/CAR and /DEV/TRK.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:55 PM on June 29, 2015 [6 favorites]

I've seen 6IN POO. Go figure.
posted by Gungho at 12:55 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

SEAASINKAT
posted by griphus at 12:56 PM on June 29, 2015

Rejected: THINK
Registry's reason: CUSTOMER DENIED

That was the one that was the most cryptic, to me.
posted by jessamyn at 12:57 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

seen EAT THE on a Kids First specialty plate. However not in MA.
posted by Gungho at 12:58 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

That IOQU rule mostly just makes me wonder if QI is taken, and, then, shortly after, if I'm a little too into Scrabble.
posted by box at 1:06 PM on June 29, 2015 [9 favorites]

OPM = Other People's Money? I thought it meant Office of Personnel Management.

Or, OPIUM.
posted by not_on_display at 1:17 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

A friend of mine who's a unix lab admin has the plate "dev car". Sadly the state of PA doesn't allow forward slashes on their plates.
posted by octothorpe at 1:18 PM on June 29, 2015

Years ago in Virginia I saw two guys selling tool kits out of the trunk of a brown Cadillac at a convenience store. They explained that they had lost the lease on their warehouse and needed to liquidate their inventory. I might have believed them, except that the plate on the Cadillac read HUSTLE.

I saw SCHLONG on car in Denver.
posted by Bruce H. at 1:25 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

Why is ADIDAS no good? Because it's not considered a word?
posted by smackfu at 1:42 PM on June 29, 2015

I assume because they are interpreting it as "A.D. IDAS" and then saying "IDAS" is not a year.
posted by griphus at 1:43 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

I thought everyone knew ADIDAS stands for All Day I Dream About Sex.
posted by terrapin at 1:44 PM on June 29, 2015 [3 favorites]

Their online checker doesn't enforce the "The first number used cannot be a 0" rule, which is probably why there are so many failures on that one.
posted by smackfu at 1:51 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Knuth once wrote an article on mathematical vanity plates.
posted by madcaptenor at 2:08 PM on June 29, 2015 [4 favorites]

In high school one of my close friends was randomly given the plate 666-SEX. Someone at the Texas DOT was surely funnin'.

Driving to work in Dallas last year I saw this beat to shit work truck with AW8-666 and thought it was amusing. It did not appear to be a vanity plate, so I think they ARE having fun at the DMV.
posted by Benway at 2:09 PM on June 29, 2015

Saw one once that was an unreadable combo of W, M, and V, like "MWVMWVM" or what-have-you.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:14 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Saw one once that was an unreadable combo of W, M, and V, like "MWVMWVM" or what-have-you.

Basically the license plate analogue of minimum in paleography.
posted by madcaptenor at 2:17 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Rejected: AUTSM

Registry's reason: DEROGATORY

Huh? Arguably the registry's reason is itself derogatory.
posted by univac at 2:17 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

In many places you can get just about anything you want in Japanese. Texas won't let you have one that says BREAD8 (in Mexican Spanish panocha is slang for pussy) but BUKKAKE isn't flagged as bad, and neither is OMANKO, OPPAI, or CHINCHIN.

Though I suppose in Massachusetts all would be rejected for having I or O in a non-properly spelled English word.
posted by sotonohito at 2:18 PM on June 29, 2015

Rejected: ASKME
Registry's reason: Reserved for librarians
posted by not_on_display at 2:18 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

Man, those guys at the RMV are really DENIED

Yes, yes I am bookmarking that graphic for future Masshole driving discussions.
posted by maryr at 2:21 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

I saw "IMAWSUM" plates recently, on a bright yellow jeep, and I scoffed until I got alongside the guy and saw that he really did look like he'd be really fun to hang out with, so then I changed my mind and decided he was indeed awesome.
posted by aka burlap at 2:30 PM on June 29, 2015 [9 favorites]

The worst one I've seen is when they issued the 9/11 Memorial Plates in Virginia, with an image of the Pentagon on the left side. Some asshat had managed to get "P0WND".
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 2:39 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

You can withhold your reasons for denial and have people wonder whether you're idiots, or give your reasons and remove all doubt.
posted by Segundus at 2:48 PM on June 29, 2015

My favourite license plate I've ever seen on a car (a Beetle) was "LOLCAR".

My least favourite was "BE EVIL" on some kind of hotted-up black Mercedes, parked across the road from my work a while back. I've been keen to take that advice ever since by keying the side of it next time I see it, but so far no luck.
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:55 PM on June 29, 2015

My favorite was an expensive little red sportscar, driven by a woman in her mid-50s with grey hair, with the plate "HOTFLASH."

WINNING AT MENOPAUSE!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 2:56 PM on June 29, 2015 [10 favorites]

Oh my, the plate I've always wanted "may be available as of the first of this month", which I'm taking to mean "Isn't already registered and just has to be approved by the people who keep us safe from FXYLDY and DINKYS".

Now all I need is a car.
posted by Spatch at 3:03 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

What if my last name is Lqqk?
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:05 PM on June 29, 2015

Based on my experience working with the folks at the [state redacted] DMV who write this kind of software, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if "'--; DROP TABLE LIC_PLATE;'" came through as ... "valid". This stuff is written mostly by junior developers, just out of college, and I've never even heard them use the phrase "code review".
posted by mrgoat at 3:08 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

Someone in Montgomery Co, MD has the plate YPKIAMF. (Sadly, across the District line that string is on the [very long & amusing] forbidden DC tag list [pdf].)
posted by Westringia F. at 3:09 PM on June 29, 2015

In California you can get ILUV911.
posted by madcaptenor at 3:22 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

My favourites that I've documented around Toronto the last few years:

2ND BASE
SO LOST
SWEARJAR
posted by yellowbinder at 3:41 PM on June 29, 2015

Wow, DC. A quick sampling shows ROADSTR, RLLTIDE and S2000 (a Honda roadster) on the list. Why even offer vanity plates?
posted by indubitable at 3:49 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

On the other hand, sometimes the system works [Virginia]
posted by indubitable at 3:57 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

My cousin managed to get THC 4ME in I think Virginia by convincing someone (at the DMV? a judge? not sure) his girlfriend's initials were THC.
posted by misskaz at 5:00 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

We are much more laissez-faire in New Hampshire. I've seen CHOAD and BURN1 here.
posted by in278s at 5:08 PM on June 29, 2015

My favourite license plate I've ever seen on a car (a Beetle) was "LOLCAR".
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:55 PM on June 29

Hey! I know a MeFite in Massachusetts with that plate!
posted by not_on_display at 6:32 PM on June 29, 2015 [1 favorite]

My favorite license plate has been IH8WRK2
posted by bluesapphires at 8:20 PM on June 29, 2015

A friend in CA had MOBIL I and the meter maids in SF would always read it as MOBIL 1 (and write that on the ticket, so he just ignored all those tickets.
posted by boilermonster at 8:21 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

Another Virginia plate: I OWN U, on a black BMW repeatedly parked in a Wells Fargo parking lot.

You can imagine the sort of person I imagined would display themselves in such a thing. But then I saw it driven -- by a rather frazzled young woman, appearance neither professional nor wealthy.

Was it a gift, with U referring to the driver?

I just can't come up with any happy scenarios in which to place this car.
posted by feral_goldfish at 9:23 PM on June 29, 2015

KAR 120C: rejected.

Reason: Copyright infringement.

Action: more oozy smoke.

Status: XXXXXXXXXXX
posted by clavdivs at 9:54 PM on June 29, 2015 [2 favorites]

Unfortunately someone already snagged "HOLY" but HLYDVR is still available, for some reason. I might have to press a button or two. MMSTEAK is also available, as is MMSOUP. Although "STEAK" and "SOUP" are already gone, presumably to those plates. If not someone missed a hell of an opportunity. At least the fee money goes toward helping actually save the animals. By the way, just look at how insane my state is...
posted by mcrandello at 11:28 PM on June 29, 2015

By the way, just look at how insane my state is...

Yeah, it's like that up here, too. A couple of them -- the Argos and Redblacks logos -- are just waiting to be used nefariously, along the lines of the infamous [University of Virginia logo] AGINAS.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:47 PM on June 29, 2015

I remember when California first started allowing vanity plates (in the 1960s). They let you pick three choices in case your first choice was taken (you couldn't easily check beforehand).

One guy only wanted his first choice, so he put NONE in the second and third spots.

He was rather surprised when his licence plates arrived.
posted by eye of newt at 1:01 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

And even more surprised when he began to get thousands of parking tickets.
posted by box at 5:30 AM on June 30, 2015 [4 favorites]

backseatpilot: I'm wondering if there's a combination of allowable characters that either a) are indecipherable by the automated plate readers or b) will cause some sort of fatal error in a DROP TABLES( kind of way.

Years ago in NY, I saw a custom plate that was a series of 1's, L's, and I's arranged in such a way, that you didn't read it the same way twice if you glanced at it.

I imagine it was a clever way to get tickets thrown out by having a license plate that was easy to misspell. OCR cameras would make short work of that now.
posted by dr_dank at 6:28 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

Somebody I see a lot on my commute has a plate that's a bunch of M's and W's--I imagine they have the same idea (I also imagine that LEO types are not unaware of these kinds of things, and so that this approach might inadvertently backfire).

(The car is, go figure, a Subaru WRX--it's also debadged and has an aftermarket grille and taillights, which, come on, dude, I like heist novels and I still think that's over the top.)
posted by box at 7:42 AM on June 30, 2015

Meter maids here just scan the barcode on your registration sticker and thus avoid the confusion between 0s and Os, 1s and Is etc.

Any MeFite have DTMFA?
posted by AugustWest at 7:48 AM on June 30, 2015 [1 favorite]

One local city here has a system where you can pay your meter via a smartphone app. It's surprisingly common for people to enter their own license plate number wrong (I for 1 or O for 0), and they get a ticket. Always amusing when the error is pointed out.
posted by smackfu at 8:45 AM on June 30, 2015

Years ago in NY, I saw a custom plate that was a series of 1's, L's, and I's arranged in such a way, that you didn't read it the same way twice if you glanced at it.

I mentioned on the blue once before that a friend of mine has a name that contains two capital letters in both his first and last names (I will not reveal it so as to preserve his privacy but D'Angelo MacMillan would be a close variant). He remarked to me once that he can weasel out of a lot of traffic tickets because the cop has not written his name correctly. I suggested he could live as a great traffic scofflaw if he got plates that read MMNMMNNM or something similar.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:33 AM on July 1, 2015

It's a bit of a tangent, but here is a thoughtful piece on players ("agents") of the game Ingress adopting nearly indistinguishable "barcode" names like llIllIIl, lIIlIIl, etc.
posted by exogenous at 7:51 AM on July 1, 2015