Kurt Vonnegut Apocryphally Has Doomed Us All!

October 20, 2015 10:16 AM

Though it was erroneously attributed to Vonnegut, Mary Schmich first lit the flame, imploring the youth today to wear sunscreen. Baz Luhrman fanned the fire with his hit rallying anthem, Everyone's Free (To Wear Sunscreen). And today? Well, today it was announced that all that sunscreen is massacring coral reefs around the world.
posted by tittergrrl (57 comments total)

Typical. Snorkelers, beachgoers and children ruin things for everyone again.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:18 AM on October 20, 2015 [10 favorites]

Well, crap.

But what does one do? I wear sunscreen every single day, because Skin Cancer.
posted by Windigo at 10:19 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

Facekinis for everyone!
posted by FJT at 10:21 AM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

I'm sort of amazed I don't have skin cancer yet
posted by thelonius at 10:25 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

That's the sort of morbid twist you would expect in a Vonnegut book.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:28 AM on October 20, 2015 [25 favorites]

Long pants. Long sleeves. Wide brimmed hats. Zinc oxide.
posted by Bee'sWing at 10:29 AM on October 20, 2015 [8 favorites]

Related: NOAA declares third ever global coral bleaching event.

As record ocean temperatures cause widespread coral bleaching across Hawaii, NOAA scientists confirm the same stressful conditions are expanding to the Caribbean and may last into the new year, prompting the declaration of the third global coral bleaching event ever on record. Waters are warming in the Caribbean, threatening coral in Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands, NOAA scientists said. Coral bleaching began in the Florida Keys and South Florida in August, but now scientists expect bleaching conditions there to diminish. “The coral bleaching and disease, brought on by climate change and coupled with events like the current El Niño, are the largest and most pervasive threats to coral reefs around the world,” said Mark Eakin, NOAA’s Coral Reef Watch coordinator. “As a result, we are losing huge areas of coral across the U.S., as well as internationally. What really has us concerned is this event has been going on for more than a year and our preliminary model projections indicate it’s likely to last well into 2016.”

posted by Fizz at 10:30 AM on October 20, 2015

Yeah, we have many options beyond sunscreen, but damn.
posted by Chuffy at 10:30 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

The link implies that oxybenzone, which some sunscreen manufacturers avoid, is the primary culprit. Does anyone know whether or not that's actually the case?
posted by chicainthecity at 10:31 AM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

That's why I only wear ice-nine to the beach.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:32 AM on October 20, 2015 [39 favorites]

Read and learn...there are sunscreens that don't use harmful ingredients. Throwing up your hands is the option though, if you don't care about the ocean dying.
posted by agregoli at 10:32 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

I have long embraced an alternative, chemical-free tactic to avoid sunburn and melanoma without contributing to water pollution, which I call "fuck the outdoors."
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:33 AM on October 20, 2015 [56 favorites]

Turns out not destroying that ozone layer would have been a good idea.
posted by Artw at 10:38 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

When I was in Mexico on holiday last year all the local eco-tourism sites specifically banned non-physical sunscreens, particularly at the cenotes. But if you go to any of the beachfront hotels along the Yucutan you can see the fact that any place there are large amounts of swimmers, the coral is completely bleached out. I'm sure there are other contributing factors but that is wild.
posted by SassHat at 10:39 AM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

I'm curious how of this is a 'sunscreen is toxic to coral' problem and how much of this is a 'maybe we shouldn't just dump untreated wastewater into the ocean to let the fish sort out?' problem

Anything to blame irresponsible consumers rather than heads of industry for the problems caused by capitalism. See also: the corn industry and the problem of obesity.
posted by theraflu at 10:40 AM on October 20, 2015 [26 favorites]

You've got the original author's name incorrect: it's Mary Schmich, not Schmidt, who implored us to wear sunscreen.
posted by Theophrastus Johnson at 10:40 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

So, Some People I know are followers of Kevin Trudeau, who has been saying for years that the sun doesn't cause skin cancer -- sunscreen causes skin cancer. Thankfully, I've been able to avoid Some People for a while now because once they hear about this, they will once again be all over me about the Government Conspiracy to silence poor innocent Trudeau.
posted by janey47 at 10:40 AM on October 20, 2015

As a fair skinned person who never has found a casual hat he's liked for sun protection, I've been threatening to bring back the parasol for a while now and now I feel I must.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 10:42 AM on October 20, 2015 [13 favorites]

Oh I'm so sorry! If an admin could change the last name in the post, that would be awesome!
posted by tittergrrl at 10:49 AM on October 20, 2015

Mod note: Edited the name in the post.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:51 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

There really are a number of sunscreens that don't contain oxybenzone. The active ingredient in the sunscreen I use on my ghostly pale, sensitive-skinned, red-headed kid is zinc oxide, and it definitely works. I don't know whether any harmful environmental effects are associated with zinc oxide but it is a mineral that exists naturally in soil, etc. so I have some hope it's not as awful.
posted by BlueJae at 10:53 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

This is really good news, though, isn't it? Not only have they have they identified the cause of this global problem, but the cause is something well within our power (and even in the financial best interests of manufacturers and tourist economies) to fix and not just "the oceans are fucked beyond redemption so we don't get to have coral reefs anymore."
posted by contraption at 10:56 AM on October 20, 2015 [9 favorites]

As a fair skinned person who never has found a casual hat he's liked for sun protection, I've been threatening to bring back the parasol for a while now and now I feel I must.

But please be sure never to spin your parasol, as it has been known to hypnotize birds, causing them to fly into telephone poles.
posted by Atom Eyes at 10:57 AM on October 20, 2015 [8 favorites]

Not only have they have they identified the cause of this global problem, but the cause is something well within our power (and even in the financial best interests of manufacturers and tourist economies) to fix and not just "the oceans are fucked beyond redemption so we don't get to have coral reefs anymore."

No, that's still also true
posted by clockzero at 11:02 AM on October 20, 2015 [7 favorites]

Finally, something we Baby Boomers can't be blamed for! I'm going to get another little bit of basal cell carcinoma sliced from my flesh tomorrow.
posted by kozad at 11:19 AM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

Anyone have a list of sunscreens that don't use oxybenzone?
posted by Stynxno at 11:25 AM on October 20, 2015

I suppose it's too soon to be optimistic that this might mean more SPF products on the market that don't contain oxybenzone, or my arch-nemesis avobenzone?
posted by Andrhia at 11:32 AM on October 20, 2015 [4 favorites]

I am really, really skeptical of the whole "you should wear sunscreen at all times" concept that is going around. It has a "sunlight is poison" sort of vibe to it.
posted by grumpybear69 at 11:33 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

If you like going outside for regular walks but don't want to mess around with sunscreen I can personally recommend these. I discovered them when I thought I had a sunscreen allergy (It turned out to be more like a sun allergy that the sunscreen I was using didn't protect against).
posted by rifflesby at 11:33 AM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

it has a "sunlight is poison" sort of vibe to it

ahahaha no, sunlight is a toxin
posted by sandettie light vessel automatic at 11:42 AM on October 20, 2015 [9 favorites]

ahahaha no, sunlight is a toxin

Ironically, sunlight is also the best disinfectant, so the cure for 5 hours of direct sun exposure is an additional 5 hours in the sun.
posted by Atom Eyes at 11:50 AM on October 20, 2015 [9 favorites]

Stynxno: what you want to look for are physical sunblocks instead of chemical sunblocks. Here's a primer. The problem with physical sunblock is that at higher SPFs they tend to be goopier and harder to spread and leave a white cast on the skin.

rifflesby, ask the Australians about whether sunlight is poison or not.
posted by Andrhia at 11:51 AM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

(Andrhia: I think you mean grumpybear69, the post above mine? for the record)
posted by rifflesby at 11:59 AM on October 20, 2015

Cerave's AM moisturizer and their sunscreens don't use oxybenzone. The moisturizer does not lead to stinging/burning eyes for me, so it's been my go to for a while now.
posted by yasaman at 12:00 PM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

rifflesby, ask the Australians about whether sunlight is poison or not.

See what happens when you blithely move your DNA to places to which it hasn't adapted?

Anyway, this is no surprise at all. We have been blithely poisoning our environment (and paying the price) for over 150 years:

1856: 18-year-old English chemist William Henry Perkin applies for a patent for the first synthetic organic dye, a purple aniline dye he calls Tyrian purple, now mauveine. Soon the Ruhr Valley erupts with aniline factories, which would later become giant companies like CIBA, Geigy, Agfa and BASF. Their waste was dumped into rivers, along which Frankfurt surgeon Ludwig Rehn noticed many bladder cancer clusters in 1895.

The Swiss move their operations to Toms River and Cincinnati. Bladder cancer appears from the 1950s to the 1990s. No problem: they move operations to China.
posted by Twang at 12:32 PM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

The oxybenzone-free sunscreen I mentioned using on my kid above is Badger brand. (It also does not contain arachis oil / arachis powder / groundnut oil, aka SECRET PEANUTS, as an ingredient, in case anyone else out there is also trying to avoid putting their kid's deadly food allergen directly on their kid's skin.)
posted by BlueJae at 12:32 PM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

It's okay, I've got this. *bobbles vial of Ice-9*

*tink*


....oops.
posted by Devils Rancher at 12:36 PM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

I am really, really skeptical of the whole "you should wear sunscreen at all times" concept that is going around.

Yeah, well, you may not be so blithe when you're 50+ and you and many of your friends are routinely having to have carcinomas and melanomas gouged off various parts of your frequently-exposed anatomy.

ahahaha no, sunlight is a toxin
Ironically, sunlight is also the best disinfectant,

No irony at all. That's why it kills bacteria as well.
posted by aught at 12:53 PM on October 20, 2015 [4 favorites]

But please be sure never to spin your parasol, as it has been known to hypnotize birds, causing them to fly into telephone poles.

And you wouldn't want to get Jonathan Franzen all worked up.
posted by aught at 12:54 PM on October 20, 2015

But what does one do?

The Night Time is the Right Time



Lah-doo-day
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:55 PM on October 20, 2015

grumpybear69: "I am really, really skeptical of the whole "you should wear sunscreen at all times" concept that is going around. It has a "sunlight is poison" sort of vibe to it."

I'm pretty sure you've never had sun poisoning. It's really awful and pretty easy for me to get without sunscreen.

I need good sunscreen (50+ SPF), but I will seek a better one than I use now.
posted by double block and bleed at 1:02 PM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

I am really, really skeptical of the whole "you should wear sunscreen at all times" concept that is going around.

Yeah, well, you may not be so blithe when you're 50+ and you and many of your friends are routinely having to have carcinomas and melanomas gouged off various parts of your frequently-exposed anatomy.


I don't mean to say we shouldn't wear sunscreen during periods of prolonged exposure, I mean if you're going to walk 15 minutes to the grocery store or a coffee shop or whatever, you probably don't need sunscreen unless you have extremely sensitive skin. I know people who wear sunscreen all day, every day - people who spend the majority of time indoors. That's what I'm talking about.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:03 PM on October 20, 2015

As a fair skinned person who never has found a casual hat he's liked for sun protection, I've been threatening to bring back the parasol for a while now and now I feel I must.

I bought a Blackhawks hat and the next week Patrick Kane was being investigated for rape and receiving the support of the organization "based on their investigation" and then getting wildly cheered by fans for what? Possibly getting away with rape?

All I wanted was to avoid skin cancer on my bald spot and I end up associated with rape and people who cheer potential rapists.

I'm now shopping for an all black Montreal Expos hat in my size because an extinct sports team seems unlikely to produce unintended associations and consequences.
posted by srboisvert at 1:04 PM on October 20, 2015 [3 favorites]

My s/o has me using this brand which apart from a lot of scenty hokum contains zinc oxide and titanium oxide (in case you want to look like a powdered donut).
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 1:09 PM on October 20, 2015

I'm now shopping for an all black Montreal Expos hat in my size because an extinct sports team seems unlikely to produce unintended associations and consequences.

So you would celebrate a team that once played in a city that intends to dump billions of gallons of untreated sewage into the St Lawrence??? You monster.
posted by aught at 1:19 PM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm now shopping for an all black Montreal Expos hat in my size because an extinct sports team seems unlikely to produce unintended associations and consequences.

I'm afraid that elapsed time is no guarantee of the absence of bad behavior. See Bill Cosby or any of several Catholic priests. I suggest that if you need an affiliation on your hat that you go with something geographic. For instance, I have a great Nova Scotia cap with an embroidered ship on it. I stopped wearing it because it got kind of threadbare, and that's not my style. I never had any fear that the Canadian province was going to do something to make me cringe.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:32 PM on October 20, 2015

I seem to react to most all sunscreens, even most of the supposedly sensitive skin ones, but California Baby no fragrance works for me. It's one of the physical barrier ones, no oxybenzone. It does leave a whitish caste to your skin.
posted by gudrun at 1:45 PM on October 20, 2015

Look, the outdoors is clearly trying to kill us, why shouldn’t we try to kill it?

“they will once again be all over me about the Government Conspiracy to silence poor innocent Trudeau.”
Saw him in a urinal at the fed court building and it occurs to me how pacifists always say things like “I’m a pacifist, but this time…” but I’m not a pacifist…
Irony can really kick your ass sometimes.
So it goes.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:47 PM on October 20, 2015

I have a naturally dark complexion and tan rather than burn so I never wear sunscreen. I'll die of skin cancer at 40 but I'll do so secure in the knowledge that I didn't kill any coral along the way.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 1:49 PM on October 20, 2015 [2 favorites]

Oxybenzone is not only in sunscreen. It's in a myriad number of personal care and plastic products because it helps prevent UV damage. If you read the study it's clear the "sunscreen" angle is emphasized to make it familiar to consumers. I'll bet the issue of chemical waste and dumping are far bigger ones.
posted by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on October 20, 2015

Oops! Sorry, rifflesby, you are correct. So sorry!
posted by Andrhia at 2:42 PM on October 20, 2015 [1 favorite]

I too am tan by nature, and almost never burn, so I don't wear sunscreen too often, but we have a pool, and I have a cabinet of a dozen or more sunscreens for visitors. I'll be sure to go thru them and replace the bad ones.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 3:27 PM on October 20, 2015

ahahaha no, sunlight is a toxin
Ironically, sunlight is also the best disinfectant, so the cure for 5 hours of direct sun exposure is an additional 5 hours in the sun.

So you're saying you'd be happy to drink this Mercury / Arsenic / Polonium cocktail so long as I've boiled it first to get rid of the germs?
posted by straight at 8:27 PM on October 20, 2015

What's that? This is the thread about hats as black as Jeff Loria's heart?

Well, heck, Rusty, we got your Black on Black 59fifty right here, your Black with White 39thirty on the next shelf, or the classically pretty-despite-being-a-snapback* Black with Charcoal option.

Of course, my own personal favo(u)rite is actually very dark navy variant, if you're all right with that, eh?

[Source: I own way too many esoteric ballcaps.]

(* not a racial slur)
posted by rokusan at 7:28 AM on October 21, 2015

BlueJae: avoid putting their kid's deadly food allergen directly on their kid's skin.

Speaking as someone with a serious allergy to peanuts, it's worth remembering that people are allergic to the proteins in peanuts, not the oil. There may be some people who are so sensitive that peanut oil is a problem, but in general just because a product has peanut oil in it doesn't mean it's "deadly".
posted by sneebler at 7:32 AM on October 21, 2015

I'm all for protecting the environment. I'm also all for not getting skin cancer. I've already had it once. So sunscreen it is.
posted by prepmonkey at 8:17 AM on October 21, 2015

Sorry, coral, but if it's me or you, I'm choosing me.

Sincerely,
PMLE sufferers everywhere.
posted by gloriouslyincandescent at 12:34 AM on October 22, 2015