MAKE IT PERMANENT.
November 7, 2015 9:07 AM Subscribe
You send us your most ephemeral and worthless communications, and we'll carefully transcribe them into the most long-lasting medium known to man - a clay tablet. It's Dumb Cuneiform.
I love it, pet rocks for the digital age.
posted by vrakatar at 9:15 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by vrakatar at 9:15 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
"Who was President Deez Nuts, and how long did he reign? This tablet, recently unearthed in the former United States of America, may be all we, the archeologists of the future, have to go on."
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:23 AM on November 7, 2015 [23 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:23 AM on November 7, 2015 [23 favorites]
future archeologists get REKT (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:24 AM on November 7, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:24 AM on November 7, 2015 [10 favorites]
So, is there a Google Translate for this? OCR fonts?
This language isn't dead, it's just been resting.
Now it's rested and ready to boogie.
posted by hank at 9:24 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
This language isn't dead, it's just been resting.
Now it's rested and ready to boogie.
posted by hank at 9:24 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Can I submit my washing bill for Babylonic cuneiform?
posted by dannyboybell at 9:26 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by dannyboybell at 9:26 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Now we just need an Akkadian declaration-of-war-by-tweet auto generator, and this thing might have a future!
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:27 AM on November 7, 2015
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:27 AM on November 7, 2015
They're actually doing them in Old Persian, which as far as cuneiform goes is a cop-out. Why not just use Ugaritic if you're going to cheat somebody out of $20 for “cuneiform”? It's like nobody appreciates authenticity any more...
posted by Emma May Smith at 9:28 AM on November 7, 2015 [58 favorites]
posted by Emma May Smith at 9:28 AM on November 7, 2015 [58 favorites]
Gaze upon my tweets, ye mighty, and despair!
posted by droro at 9:29 AM on November 7, 2015 [34 favorites]
posted by droro at 9:29 AM on November 7, 2015 [34 favorites]
This is going to be the opposite of those tattoos where people think they're getting the Chinese for "strong" and they actually get "fartboy".
In this case, you'll ask for "fartboy" and find they couldn't be bothered to transliterate it, but copied out a genuine passage describing the victories of Tiglath-Pileser or something.
posted by Segundus at 9:32 AM on November 7, 2015 [27 favorites]
In this case, you'll ask for "fartboy" and find they couldn't be bothered to transliterate it, but copied out a genuine passage describing the victories of Tiglath-Pileser or something.
posted by Segundus at 9:32 AM on November 7, 2015 [27 favorites]
You send us your most ephemeral and worthless communications
$20 later...
posted by phunniemee at 9:33 AM on November 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
$20 later...
posted by phunniemee at 9:33 AM on November 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
Does Greg Nog have something to do with this?
posted by mwhybark at 9:47 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by mwhybark at 9:47 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
why post an ad?
It made me laugh and I thought other people might be interested in seeing it.
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:47 AM on November 7, 2015 [15 favorites]
It made me laugh and I thought other people might be interested in seeing it.
posted by davidjmcgee at 9:47 AM on November 7, 2015 [15 favorites]
One of the better answers to the question, "What the hell are you supposed to do when you're $40K in debt because you went to college and studied cuneiform?"
posted by Sing Or Swim at 9:56 AM on November 7, 2015 [29 favorites]
posted by Sing Or Swim at 9:56 AM on November 7, 2015 [29 favorites]
Well, Greg Nog did make a nice rustic pre-internet twitter thing ("good to get off the grid and get into the rustic craftsmanship of my forebears") [via, via]
posted by filthy light thief at 10:04 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by filthy light thief at 10:04 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Who was President Deez Nuts, and how long did he reign? This tablet, recently unearthed in the former United States of America, may be all we, the archeologists of the future, have to go on."
Jokes about the Amarna Letters are a-OK.
I do some ceramics sometimes, and have been interested in tiles for a while, so I've been thinking about something like this, but with a typewriter and a slab roller.
posted by wormwood23 at 10:11 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Jokes about the Amarna Letters are a-OK.
I do some ceramics sometimes, and have been interested in tiles for a while, so I've been thinking about something like this, but with a typewriter and a slab roller.
posted by wormwood23 at 10:11 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Is it bad that I just want to use this to send mysterious death threats to people?
posted by Slinga at 10:33 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Slinga at 10:33 AM on November 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
OMG my husband is TOTALLY GETTING ONE FOR CHRISTMAS.
Now I just have to decide what to say ...
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:48 AM on November 7, 2015
Now I just have to decide what to say ...
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:48 AM on November 7, 2015
I kind of love this just because, isn't this most of the cuneiform tablets we have? Accounting ledgers, ephemera about beer brewing, and the like?
posted by Sara C. at 11:13 AM on November 7, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Sara C. at 11:13 AM on November 7, 2015 [7 favorites]
Now I just have to decide what to say ...
"This is written in cuneiform."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:17 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
"This is written in cuneiform."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:17 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
It's not actually Old Persian either, if I understand correctly-- they're basically doing transliteration (syllable by syllable) instead of translation.
Also-- I thought clay tablets are only long lasting when they got burned? Otherwise they're kind of reusable-- you wet the clay again and make a slurry and new clay. But if your storehouse of tablets manages to get set on fire-- well, then we can read about how your bureacratic nonsense a couple thousands years later. Or your schoolwork , which maybe you liked to chew on (there are some great teethmarked tablets out there, but I couldn't find a picture-- evidently 10 year olds have chewed on their school gear forever).
Somewhere around I've got a practice tool for writing cuneiform-- when I did a tutorial on ancient math, we spent quite a while on the math taught in scribe school, and my teacher though I should learn what it felt o actually write that way (weird, but I'm not so great at writing with pen, either). This math was mostly used to keep track of who owned what land and owed what taxes, or traded how many of this for how much of that -- so your washing bill, dannyboybell, is perfect.
So my major question, if I got one of these things-- can I get it with toothmarks?
posted by nat at 11:19 AM on November 7, 2015 [8 favorites]
Also-- I thought clay tablets are only long lasting when they got burned? Otherwise they're kind of reusable-- you wet the clay again and make a slurry and new clay. But if your storehouse of tablets manages to get set on fire-- well, then we can read about how your bureacratic nonsense a couple thousands years later. Or your schoolwork , which maybe you liked to chew on (there are some great teethmarked tablets out there, but I couldn't find a picture-- evidently 10 year olds have chewed on their school gear forever).
Somewhere around I've got a practice tool for writing cuneiform-- when I did a tutorial on ancient math, we spent quite a while on the math taught in scribe school, and my teacher though I should learn what it felt o actually write that way (weird, but I'm not so great at writing with pen, either). This math was mostly used to keep track of who owned what land and owed what taxes, or traded how many of this for how much of that -- so your washing bill, dannyboybell, is perfect.
So my major question, if I got one of these things-- can I get it with toothmarks?
posted by nat at 11:19 AM on November 7, 2015 [8 favorites]
I ordered one (with inside family jokes) for my husband for Christmas, I will post a picture of it when it arrives. Haven't decided if I'll use it as a fancy, whole-family-watching-while-you-open Christmas morning present, or a goofy stocking present. I'm leaning towards everybody watching, though!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:52 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:52 AM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hm...$20. Same as in town.
It looks like a really good "what do you get for the nerd who has everything??"
Secret Quonsar, solved.
posted by Miko at 11:59 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
It looks like a really good "what do you get for the nerd who has everything??"
Secret Quonsar, solved.
posted by Miko at 11:59 AM on November 7, 2015 [3 favorites]
I kind of love this just because, isn't this most of the cuneiform tablets we have? Accounting ledgers, ephemera about beer brewing, and the like?
Customer service complaints...
posted by Jacqueline at 12:01 PM on November 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
Customer service complaints...
posted by Jacqueline at 12:01 PM on November 7, 2015 [6 favorites]
They couldn't even get themselves a stylus that makes a Winkelhaken in one impression? In that "bling" example they're pretty clearly doing a / and a \...
posted by finka at 12:44 PM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by finka at 12:44 PM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's not actually Old Persian either, if I understand correctly-- they're basically doing transliteration (syllable by syllable) instead of translation.
If you're so inclined, you can translate it yourself and then have it conveniently made for you in tablet form.
posted by baconaut at 3:55 PM on November 7, 2015
If you're so inclined, you can translate it yourself and then have it conveniently made for you in tablet form.
posted by baconaut at 3:55 PM on November 7, 2015
nat: “Also-- I thought clay tablets are only long lasting when they got burned?The site says they're fired in a kiln, so I would guess these will last.
⋮
So my major question, if I got one of these things-- can I get it with toothmarks?”
I think I'd rather have paw prints than bite marks.
posted by ob1quixote at 4:35 PM on November 7, 2015
I think it's kind of cheating to send it back by mail.
posted by carter at 6:11 PM on November 7, 2015
posted by carter at 6:11 PM on November 7, 2015
Can I submit my washing bill for Babylonic cuneiform?
Only if you first tell them every detail of Caractacus's uniform. And you still have to pay the $20.
posted by fedward at 6:26 PM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Only if you first tell them every detail of Caractacus's uniform. And you still have to pay the $20.
posted by fedward at 6:26 PM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Now I just have to decide what to say ...
*Ctrl-F Ovaltine*
MeFi, I am disappointed in you all!
posted by wenestvedt at 8:08 PM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
*Ctrl-F Ovaltine*
MeFi, I am disappointed in you all!
posted by wenestvedt at 8:08 PM on November 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
Written in stone,
Wisdom forever,
Burma Shave.
(Yeah, I know it doesn't scan right, but I couldn't sleep last night, so bite me.)
posted by Samizdata at 6:27 AM on November 8, 2015
Wisdom forever,
Burma Shave.
(Yeah, I know it doesn't scan right, but I couldn't sleep last night, so bite me.)
posted by Samizdata at 6:27 AM on November 8, 2015
Mine too. On the customs declaration they categorised it as 'documents'.
posted by Segundus at 8:13 AM on November 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
posted by Segundus at 8:13 AM on November 28, 2015 [6 favorites]
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i love spanish y'all. i think i might pick it as my major y'all. WOOO i am FEELIN these mah-ga-REEE-tas y'all.
posted by chasles at 9:14 AM on November 7, 2015 [16 favorites]