What you talkin' about Willis?

March 14, 2002 8:00 PM

What you talkin' about Willis? I'm talkin' about bitches and guns and kicking Vanilla Ice's ass so hard he's gonna look like Mr Drummond!
posted by skinsuit (38 comments total)

In the under-under card, Bonaduce hit Williams so hard so many times he suffered a double concussion and a dislocated shoulder.

I can't wait for Celebrity Boxing II. Suggestions for participants, anyone?
posted by dack at 8:30 PM on March 14, 2002

Suggestions for participants, anyone?

Bill Gates vs. Linus Torvalds
posted by jonmc at 8:34 PM on March 14, 2002

Al Gore v. Ralph Nader
Regis v. Kathy Lee
Letterman v. Koppel
posted by dogmatic at 8:42 PM on March 14, 2002

Howard Stern vs. Conan
Matt Drudge vs. Carson Daly
Oprah vs. Rosie
posted by Eric Lloyd NYC at 8:49 PM on March 14, 2002

Kottke vs. Kottke.
posted by dong_resin at 8:50 PM on March 14, 2002

Emmanuel Lewis vs. Gary Coleman (three feet of fury!)
Ricky Schroeder vs. Kirk Cameron (former teen screams!)
Tom Green vs. Pauly Shore (anything to see them both hurt)
posted by mathowie at 8:53 PM on March 14, 2002

Ariel Sharon vs. Kofi Annan (Winner take all of the West Bank)
Conan O'Brien vs. Craig Kilborn (Late Night Rival Fight)
Lucy Lawless vs. Gena Lee Nolin (Syndicated Kick-Ass Chick Has-Been vs. Never Was)
Don Imus vs. Rush Limbaugh (Blowhard Blowout)
posted by Dreama at 8:57 PM on March 14, 2002

Howard Stern vs. Garrison Kellior

from mrs. jonmc:
oprah winfrey vs. jerry springer
posted by jonmc at 9:01 PM on March 14, 2002

rupert murdoch vs. satan... oh, wait, nevermind.
posted by machaus at 9:05 PM on March 14, 2002

oldmanmurray vs. John Romero
Sylvia Poggioli vs. Diane Rehm
Ben & Jerry vs. Ragnar Haagen-Dazs
posted by GriffX at 9:06 PM on March 14, 2002

I was hoping somebody would post about this. I've gotta tell you -- this was just about the silliest program I've seen on TV in a long time.

I have to admit, though -- I had better hopes for Vanilla Ice. Is he really calling himself "Bipolar" now? The commentators seemed really confused about it...
posted by ph00dz at 9:17 PM on March 14, 2002

Britney Spears vs. Hymen Slymenstra from Gwar.
Dennis Miller vs. Rush Limbaugh
Little Debbie vs Twinkie The Kid

and a special grudge match:

Gene Simmons vs. Terry Gross
posted by jonmc at 9:19 PM on March 14, 2002

Ooh, I forgot one -

Michael Moore vs. Ann Coulter
posted by GriffX at 9:22 PM on March 14, 2002

For the art-house boxing crowd:

Noam Chomsky vs. David Horowitz
posted by dack at 9:28 PM on March 14, 2002

I'd pay to see George Will fight just about anybody. There's some caged heat for ya. Nobody with a weak chin and a bowtie doesn't have pent up homicide in `im.

Also, I'd love to see Bill Mahr fight a truck.
posted by dong_resin at 9:29 PM on March 14, 2002

Gore Vidal vs. William F. Buckley
posted by sherman at 9:35 PM on March 14, 2002

I'd fight Ghandi...
posted by Neale at 10:14 PM on March 14, 2002

Wasn't Celebrity Deathmatch enough? Now we have to act it out for real?

I'd like to see the butthead Fox executive who greenlighted this idea with Dick Clark, whose production company said yes to producing it. Or better yet corral everyone who's responsible into a small warehouse and just set the damn thing on fire, with thirty cameras trained on the whole tragic thing so we can make an HBO special about it.

The world doesn't want to see these six people perform in any respectable manner, but sure we'll watch them beating each other's brains out and flushing what little dignity they may have had left down the toilet... Well actually, the people who agreed to this had nothing to lose because over the years the media shark frenzy has stripped them of any dignity. Anyone who signs on for Celebrity Boxing is trapped in desperation mode.

"Are we not men? We are DEVO"lving into protoplasm with sticks.
posted by ZachsMind at 10:24 PM on March 14, 2002

Holgate vs. LJR
posted by thirteen at 10:37 PM on March 14, 2002

mary kate and ashley vs. cheech and chong
posted by zenhues at 10:50 PM on March 14, 2002

John Ashcroft vs. Janet Reno
Joshua Davis vs Jakob Nielsen
Transformers vs. Go-Bots
posted by panopticon at 11:01 PM on March 14, 2002

The reincarnated ghost of Herve Villchaise vs. the reincarnated ghost of Andre the Giant. Now that's sensationalism for ya.
posted by Ufez Jones at 11:12 PM on March 14, 2002

Kevin Smith vs. Tim Burton
Bill & Ted vs. Wayne & Garth
posted by riffola at 11:31 PM on March 14, 2002

Paul Reubens vs. Alan Cumming
posted by dogmatic at 11:49 PM on March 14, 2002

Pretzel vs. George "dubya" Bush
hehe
posted by adnanbwp at 11:58 PM on March 14, 2002

Screw mary kate and ashley vs. cheech and chong...
straight mary kate vs. ashley would be much better.
posted by patrickje at 12:49 AM on March 15, 2002

Hegel vs. Malaclypse the Younger

seek professional help immediately if you understand that.
posted by rhizome23 at 2:53 AM on March 15, 2002

Fischer Price Little People vs. Legos
Internet Explorer vs. Netscape
mac vs. pc
vegans vs. carnivores
a Ford Expedition vs. a Mini Cooper
posted by iconomy at 5:16 AM on March 15, 2002

Oh, and a nice threeway would be Blogger, Movable Type, and GreyMatter. Covered with jello.
posted by iconomy at 5:23 AM on March 15, 2002

Mr Bean with knucks vs. Ernest with a sap
posted by pekar wood at 6:30 AM on March 15, 2002

I say we all just dog-pile Miguel...
posted by jpoulos at 7:42 AM on March 15, 2002

side-note, off-topic: I grew up calling it a "pig-pile", but I'm now under the impression that it more commonly called a "dog-pile".
posted by jpoulos at 7:43 AM on March 15, 2002

actually, Anne Coulter vs. Ted Rall would be a kick.
posted by xochi at 8:12 AM on March 15, 2002

Bob Dole vs. the Def Leppard drummer
posted by schlyer at 9:14 AM on March 15, 2002

G. Gordon Liddy vs. Geraldo Rivera

Oh, and Ken Starr vs. Bill Clinton. If you thought Tonya Harding whacking Paula Jones in the back of the head was bad - I'd love to see what Clinton would do to Starr.
posted by schlyer at 9:16 AM on March 15, 2002

The Afghan girl-from-the-cover-of-National-Geographic vs the girl-who-fell-down-the-well. Refereeing the match would be Herb from the failed "Where's Herb" Burger King ad campaign. The winner would go on to fight Tracy Gold.
posted by sharksandwich at 10:49 AM on March 15, 2002

Bob Dole vs. the Def Leppard drummer

Oh man, you're going straight to hell for that one.
posted by Bluecoat93 at 12:57 PM on March 15, 2002

I dunno. I guess I'm just lowbrow enough to get a real charge out of seeing people debase themselves for fame and fortune. I got a lovely frisson at seeing Barry Williams getting his shit kicked by that creepy Danny Partridge guy. It even beat seeing Donny Osmond's head covered in scorpions and millipedes ( on Celebrity Fear Factor).

It would be more fun though if they'd just have one low-rent celebrity versus a real boxer. bip bip bip bip bip thud.

(They should have a show where they take a dozen people and treat them like royalty for six months or something and film it all and then the TV audience votes on which player the other players have to catch, torture, kill, and eat, all on live TV. (Fox executives: call me now!))

Moby vs Lemmy
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:16 AM on March 16, 2002