"I Googled it, baby!"

May 12, 2016 8:15 PM

TO THIS DAY, Caldwell isn't sure how authorities took down his drug cartel so swiftly. Perhaps it was the poorly stuffed shoebox-sized package wrapped in elaborate Chinese markings that sounded like a Molly-stuffed maraca moving down the post office's conveyor belt. "Good lord that boy was a bad criminal," says his mom, "and thank Jesus for that."

How Reche Caldwell Googled his way from the Patriots to prison.
posted by Existential Dread (11 comments total)

"He had been caught red-handed," Matassini says, "and by that I mean the drugs were literally found, by police, in the hands of my client, who was also tracking them on his phone."

Man, talk about calling em like you see em.
posted by Itaxpica at 9:32 PM on May 12, 2016 [8 favorites]

I think, without ever realizing it, one of my goals in life is to never have my mother utter the words, "Good lord that boy was a bad criminal". In any context.

This is really a fascinating story on many levels. The story itself is sort of surrealistic. And, he is so inept at being a criminal that you almost have sympathy for him. The way he was discarded by the NFL after two dropped passes is also at once, not surprising, but surprising at how much it affected him from a psychological standpoint.

The article itself is quite entertaining on just a story telling level, and also brings up some good points about sports, athletes and their psyches, the way the NFL treats people, sibling comparisons, etc.

Thanks for posting. Well worth the read.

Oh, and to not even flinch or make a link to your actions when not one, but two flash-bangs go off in your office, is pretty amazing too. "You shoulda just knocked, I would have let you in."
posted by AugustWest at 9:38 PM on May 12, 2016 [15 favorites]

This is the first time in a long time that I read a story about someone in an American prison and smiled afterwards.

I hope he has a good life, and I think he will.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:55 PM on May 12, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'm confused what the flashbangs were for? Were they expecting weapons inside?
posted by Omnomnom at 5:07 AM on May 13, 2016

I am ride or die for my Gators, but honestly it's getting harder and harder to ignore that UF has a problem with team discipline. I'd like to blame Urban Meyer but the reality is that there have been significant criminal issues under several other coaches as well between Spurrier and McElwain. Jeremy Foley sets the entire tone for athletics at UF and something changed after Spurrier left.
posted by hollygoheavy at 6:12 AM on May 13, 2016

Flashbangs are a standard SWAT thing, to disorient and operate under shock and awe. Yes, it's very stupid.
posted by scruss at 6:34 AM on May 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

I read this yesterday then started watching Peace Officer on Independent Lens last night and couldn't help but notice the similarity. When you tool up the police for war, it changes their perception of what they do from policing citizenry to war with criminals. And then you get, "Damn, man, you blasted the door with a tank? Why didn't ya just knock? I woulda let y'all in."
posted by yerfatma at 7:28 AM on May 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

That is a great story; just this throwaway aside, "the preternatural chill that is shared by the greats but often mistaken for aloofness," is worth the click. Thanks for the post!
posted by languagehat at 8:16 AM on May 13, 2016

I read this yesterday then started watching Peace Officer on Independent Lens last night and couldn't help but notice the similarity. When you tool up the police for war, it changes their perception of what they do from policing citizenry to war with criminals. And then you get, "Damn, man, you blasted the door with a tank? Why didn't ya just knock? I woulda let y'all in."

Yeah, I found that part of the article chilling. Just the sheer normalization of militarized policing—as though getting his door rammed in by a tank and a platoon of armed police was just another pratfall, like those crucial, career-ending dropped passes back in the NFL.
posted by Sonny Jim at 8:32 AM on May 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

I really enjoyed the article, but was annoyed by the subtext that he got off easy by doing his time in a "country club" prison; complete with a golf course reference. Given the medieval conditions in so many prisons in this country, we need more prisons like his. That he seems to be leaving the prison a better person than when he went in supports this.
posted by TedW at 8:38 AM on May 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

I read this yesterday then started watching Peace Officer on Independent Lens last night and couldn't help but notice the similarity.

I watched that the other night and it is a great documentary. If it hasn't shown up here as an FPP it should.
posted by TedW at 8:40 AM on May 13, 2016