Get on mah belly if you want to live, seal

August 10, 2016 12:19 PM

Humpback whales are rescuing seals and other animals from orcas. Are the humpbacks being altruistic? Or do they just really hate orcas? National Geographic tries to explain.
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. (44 comments total)

That's magical.
posted by rebent at 12:23 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

i don't even want to read it because the allure of believing that science has proven that all sea creatures think orcas are huge fucking jerkwads is just too seductive.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:26 PM on August 10, 2016 [55 favorites]

I like to think they are on friendly terms with the talkative fish-eating orcas and therefore consider the silent, mammal-eating ones as in desperate need of an intervention.
posted by Ashenmote at 12:33 PM on August 10, 2016 [11 favorites]

Judging on the level of mass abuses of animal kind and destruction of resources and habitats- humans are probably not well equipped to judge the altruism of any species towards others.
posted by xarnop at 12:35 PM on August 10, 2016 [8 favorites]

I'd be tempted to say "because fuck orcas," but I'm an orca fan. But this is a cool finding. But I like orcas...

Nature is crazy and awesome.
posted by MrGuilt at 12:36 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

WHALE WAR
posted by The Whelk at 12:39 PM on August 10, 2016 [17 favorites]

Meanwhile, whale scientists studying human behavior find it equally unlikely that the species is capable of genuine altruism.
posted by 912 Greens at 12:39 PM on August 10, 2016 [44 favorites]

"Cool it, toothy! You're worse than a walking dolphin."
posted by notyou at 12:52 PM on August 10, 2016 [8 favorites]

National Geographic tries to explain.

And mostly fails. Still, fascinating behavior anyway.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:56 PM on August 10, 2016

All I know is that Richard Harris and Bo Derek better watch their ass.
posted by maxsparber at 12:59 PM on August 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

It's possible that Humpback's just have a really low EQ and are unaware they're getting in the way.
posted by My Dad at 1:12 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

Orcas attack humpback calves. It could be mobbing behaviour, the way birds mob predators.

(Whoever edited the Wikipedia article on mobbing seems to think it's related, but it's Wikipedia so who the hell knows.)
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:12 PM on August 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

It's almost as if - and I know I'm going out on a limb here, but stay with me - we don't have a clue why animals do things because we perceive them as inherently unable to make decisions like we do.
posted by grumpybear69 at 1:14 PM on August 10, 2016 [13 favorites]

This is like hippos intervening when crocodiles attack zebras or birds mobbing bobcats or hawks. No one likes a creature that wants to eat you or your babies.
posted by Bee'sWing at 1:15 PM on August 10, 2016 [4 favorites]

i hope this is actually a side quest in dishonored 2
posted by poffin boffin at 1:19 PM on August 10, 2016 [12 favorites]

" we don't have a clue why animals do things because we perceive them as inherently unable to make decisions like we do."

So ethology doesn't exist?
posted by I-baLL at 1:19 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

All I know is that my girlfriend and I watch our dog with endless fascination. He went into the next room! He's sniffing some curtains! What little decision will he make next? He's a little decider!

I have a feeling my experiences of trying to figure out why a humpback whale does things would be even spacier.
posted by maxsparber at 1:32 PM on August 10, 2016 [33 favorites]

For myself, I am going with the whales hate orcas theory, since they kept the orcas from eating their kill for six hours. Six hours people, that's some serious spite.
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. at 1:33 PM on August 10, 2016 [16 favorites]

It's a game. It's called keep away. Three year olds do it. There ain't no way an adult humpback is not as cognitively powerful as a three year old homo sapien.
posted by bukvich at 1:35 PM on August 10, 2016 [4 favorites]

humpback whales, the griefers of the sea
posted by prize bull octorok at 1:36 PM on August 10, 2016 [18 favorites]

More orcas just now, on Radio 4 - The Whale Menopaise - on why they're practically the only animal apart from us to have the menopause, and what it all means, man. Rather pleased to know the oldest known orca is called Granny.
posted by Devonian at 1:45 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

They go after Orcas because humans like Orcas and they can't come up with a way to go after human cities? The closure of Sea World might help mitigate this dispute.
posted by Hactar at 2:18 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

i bet those whales wouldn't leave a tiny seal alone guarding the payload
posted by poffin boffin at 2:27 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

More pics of whale & seal shenanigans!
posted by crepesofwrath at 2:28 PM on August 10, 2016

Whale... Whale never changes...
posted by PROD_TPSL at 2:29 PM on August 10, 2016 [6 favorites]

Is this viral marketing for Aquaman
posted by beerperson at 2:50 PM on August 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

Hey - this just happened recently again - Humpbacks and Killer Whales facing off in the waters near Vancouver Island. My own personal theory is that the Humpbacks take every opportunity to deny the Orcas food. Being a predator is extremely taxing and a failed hunt is another blow to the pod.
posted by helmutdog at 4:40 PM on August 10, 2016 [3 favorites]

They learned from Greenpeace. Or they're just totally pissed at Orcas. Likely because of their association with the Vancouver Canucks.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 5:16 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

Hey - this just happened recently again - Humpbacks and Killer Whales facing off in the waters near Vancouver Island.

It's not "near" Vancouver Island. Jordan River is less than an hour by car up West Coast Road from Victoria. We go to the area all the time, whether it be French Beach (went camping there last week), China Beach, Mystic Beach or Botanical.

There is a Humpback population explosion in the Salish Sea (Georgia Strait and Puget Sound), so these whales are pretty common here... for the moment.
posted by My Dad at 6:54 PM on August 10, 2016

I'm pretty sure it's just an outlet for the frustration of being marine mammals and therefore unable to have a proper dance-fight. (You ever tried to snap a flipper?)
posted by No-sword at 8:48 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

No, but I've flipped a snapper. And once I met a snippy flapper.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:22 PM on August 10, 2016 [2 favorites]

Just last weekend a 39' juvenile Humpback whale expired on a beach here in Seattle. Post-mortem revealed that it had been very sick, but also had Orca bitemarks along its jaw. The whale war is on.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 10:14 PM on August 10, 2016 [1 favorite]

humpback whales, the griefers of the sea

Fun fact: up to thirty percent of all humpback whale songs are variations on "Y U MAD THO? TROLOLOLOLOLOL".
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:32 AM on August 11, 2016 [7 favorites]

My own personal theory is that the Humpbacks take every opportunity to deny the Orcas food.

I too find because fuck those guys to be a gratifying explanation.

I'm pretty sure it's just an outlet for the frustration of being marine mammals and therefore unable to have a proper dance-fight. (You ever tried to snap a flipper?)

Your restraint in not explicitly saying Sharks and Blowholes Jets is impressive.
posted by phearlez at 7:31 AM on August 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

So tired of the whale savior complex.
posted by rosken at 8:15 AM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

God forbid we assume whales are just nice.
posted by sonascope at 8:23 AM on August 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

Though I guess I do like to imagine that turtles write detailed thinkpieces about why I will screech to a stop on my motorcycle and dash through traffic to put a box turtle in roughly the place it was pointing at whilst plodding through rush hour traffic on a toll road.
posted by sonascope at 8:26 AM on August 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

Motorcycles have always been at war with cars. The box turtle incident is just the most recent example.
posted by maxsparber at 8:38 AM on August 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

humpback whales, the griefers of the sea

No, humpbacks are like the sort of player that goes out of their way to stop griefers and other asshole gamers.
posted by D.C. at 3:13 PM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

ok so humpbacks are in Darkmoon covenant and orcas are Darkwraiths
posted by prize bull octorok at 3:45 PM on August 11, 2016

Humpbacks are Gryffindor and orcas are Slytherin.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:18 PM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Now I'm imagining a whale wearing the Sorting Hat.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:18 PM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

humpbacks are team mystic and orcas are team valor
posted by prize bull octorok at 4:26 PM on August 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Pretty sure Orcas are the griefers.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 10:12 PM on August 11, 2016