Updating the Voyager spacecraft Golden Record idea for 2016

September 16, 2016 12:25 PM

Nearly 40 years ago, the two Voyager spacecraft left Earth. Aboard each was a time capsule of humanity for extraterrestrials: a golden record containing sounds and images portraying the diversity of life and culture on Earth, including a diagram of DNA, greetings in 55 languages, a map of our solar system's position relative to stellar landmarks, the sound of a kiss, Louis Armstrong's "Melancholy Blues" and "Dark Was the Night -- Cold Was The Ground" by Blind Willie Johnson. Since culture and technology don’t stand still, Science Friday asks: "If humanity were to send another Golden Record to the stars, what would it contain?" An expert panel will review submissions from the public, and a new Golden Record will be unveiled on October 7.

Science Friday's expert panel includes SETI senior astronomer Seth Shostak, Brain Pickings editor Maria Popova, and science fiction author Kim Stanley Robinson.

posted by zarq (70 comments total)

GWAR.

To make sure the recipients are at least a little frightened.
posted by ocschwar at 12:26 PM on September 16, 2016 [20 favorites]

Any broadcast by Vin Scully would be fine with me.
posted by DrAstroZoom at 12:27 PM on September 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

Something by Bill Evans? Or would that just be showing off?
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:32 PM on September 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

The scream from Won't Get Fooled Again, the sound of Pac-Man dying, and a 30 minute supercut of Axl Rose losing his shit on stage.
posted by bondcliff at 12:36 PM on September 16, 2016 [10 favorites]

"Dark Was the Night -- Cold Was The Ground" because it's the greatest piece of music ever recorded. I'm not sure anything else needs to be on there.
posted by bongo_x at 12:38 PM on September 16, 2016 [10 favorites]

More Laurie Spiegel duh
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 12:40 PM on September 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

a supercut of all the insane NPCs in Dark Souls laughing at the player
posted by prize bull octorok at 12:42 PM on September 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

I assume Congress would insist on nothing but a reading of the complete works of Ayn Rand.
posted by figurant at 12:45 PM on September 16, 2016 [8 favorites]

Surely we need to go in strong on first encounter, so start with this, follow with this, and end with this. Anything less than that will make us look like some kind of intergalactic cheese-eating surrender monkeys to other alien life-forms.
posted by Wordshore at 12:45 PM on September 16, 2016

I think the most accurate way to represent contemporary culture would be to dump all the previous entries in favor of one of those ten-hour YouTube videos. Like, the Windows startup sound slowed down to ten hours, or Sam from Lord Of The Rings singing that song about potatoes for ten hours. I think that would sum it up nicely...

So are we now releasing Earth's Greatest Hits every few decades? We're like the K-Tel of planets.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 12:45 PM on September 16, 2016 [13 favorites]

That's What We Call Earth! Volume 2
posted by octobersurprise at 12:47 PM on September 16, 2016 [49 favorites]

"Total Eclipse" by Klaus Nomi
posted by larrybob at 12:47 PM on September 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

We need to include some music with a bit more ass to it. Like maybe Motorhead's "Love Me Like a Reptile."
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 12:51 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

The Nearness of You by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Amstrong
posted by y2karl at 12:52 PM on September 16, 2016

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Key and Peele's "Non-Stop Party" will convince higher intelligences that we are worth preserving.
posted by Etrigan at 12:54 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

The Voynich Manuscript and the Wow! Signal to send them back home.
posted by Clinging to the Wreckage at 12:55 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

"It's a Small World," surely. That recording with all the children's choirs in different languages.

The sound of laughter.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:56 PM on September 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

All of the director's commentary tracks from Werner Herzog's films.
posted by rocket88 at 12:57 PM on September 16, 2016 [9 favorites]

I nominate the Metafilter presidential election threads. You know, so the aliens will keep their distance.
posted by vverse23 at 12:58 PM on September 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

The whole of Koyaanisqatsi followed by the first part of Popol Vuh's L'acrime di rei so they can reflect on the future of mankind with the appropriate soundtrack.
posted by lmfsilva at 12:59 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Maybe we just send them a free U2 album. Everyone loves a free U2 album.
posted by bondcliff at 1:02 PM on September 16, 2016 [26 favorites]

Really, you could just send Skin's "Ten Songs For Another World" and be done with it.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:05 PM on September 16, 2016

Quite frankly, we should send nothing but a map to Mars, so we can see what they're up to before introducing ourselves. Any civilization that would have the power and will to visit us is one we want to be wary of.

It's like a woman on a blind date, you don't want give out all your information because you don't know if the date is crazy or not. Let's keep our cards close to our collective chest, and tell dolphins who we're meeting and where, so they can send the giant eagles if they don't hear from us after a few minutes.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:05 PM on September 16, 2016 [11 favorites]

Well, the last one got us a naked Jeff Bridges, so we better do at least as well this time around.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 1:05 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

My vote is for the Super Mario Bros theme
posted by Catblack at 1:09 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

We truly are living in a time of sequels.
posted by swift at 1:20 PM on September 16, 2016 [5 favorites]

I'd send them some new images (there are 116 images on the record).

I'd tell them the trajectories and dates on the first Golden Records.
I'd work up an illustration of CO2 concentrations in our atmosphere since the time the last record was launched until this one was.
I'd work out the same sort of thing for the population of human beings on the planet, over the same time span, with some biomass estimates.
I'd show them some piston engines, some turbines, and some generators, and some electric motors, and an electricity distribution network.

It might help somebody in the future with Fermi's Paradox.
posted by the Real Dan at 1:22 PM on September 16, 2016 [9 favorites]

Etrigan, while you may be right about the reaction to Non-Stop Party, wouldn't Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell be a more accurate reflection of who we really are?
posted by janey47 at 1:22 PM on September 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

Because our selections should be as varied as humanity:

Solo la frunza de nuc

kd lang Hallelujah
posted by nubs at 1:23 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

If we want it to be truly contemporary, we should send instructions for making a playback device with no headphone jack. All the aliens with headphones will be like, 'What the fuck...?!"
posted by Sing Or Swim at 1:25 PM on September 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

"If humanity were to send another Golden Record to the stars, what would it contain?"

Maybe not a naked selfie like we're a planet full of Anthony Weiners, that's what.
posted by GuyZero at 1:41 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Even just some actual LMFAO like Shots might convince them. (I refuse to link that here)

COME ON I HAVE THINGS TO DO

I can't just go and clear out every damn earworm...

ugh.

SHOTS SHOTS SH-SH SHOTS

EVERYBODY

ugh
posted by GuyZero at 1:43 PM on September 16, 2016

A list of the impressive names given to our most eminent medieval doctors.
posted by Segundus at 1:53 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

A Blu-Ray of Star Trek: The Motion Picture, just to fuck with them.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:58 PM on September 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

We can do so much better than a record. Honestly, if you gave me a record right now I'd have no way to play it. We need to send a spokesman. Someone who will tell the aliens that Earth is the best planet, with the best people. Real good people, great planet. Someone that wears an alien ambassador as a hairpiece.

please launch him into space please please
posted by adept256 at 2:05 PM on September 16, 2016 [4 favorites]

Every episode of the popular science fiction television series "Galaxy Quest".
posted by vverse23 at 2:05 PM on September 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

The brilliance of sending a record into space is because of its utter simplicity.

With the qualification that aliens might not use sound to communicate or, if they do, might not hear in the same range that we do.
posted by 1adam12 at 2:25 PM on September 16, 2016

this has to be on there - you know it just has to
posted by pyramid termite at 2:35 PM on September 16, 2016

"Dark Was the Night -- Cold Was The Ground" because it's the greatest piece of music ever recorded. I'm not sure anything else needs to be on there.

Well, yes.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:48 PM on September 16, 2016

Step one: Rickroll aliens
Step two: get annihilated
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:12 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Maybe not a naked selfie like we're a planet full of Anthony Weiners, that's what.

excuse you, this is a classy way to indicate to our alien friends that we are dtf : "here is our anatomy. perhaps it is compatible with your anatomy. we'd like to learn more. also here is a selection of our great sights and sounds, come give us a visit some time, we have more where that came from."

EARTH: THE PARTY PLANET. EARTH: THE RAUCOUS YET CHARMING BEACH TOWN OF A GALACTIC BACKWATER.

This has been a message from the Earth Tourism Board.
posted by yasaman at 3:24 PM on September 16, 2016 [12 favorites]

this is a classy way to indicate to our alien friends that we are dtf

yeah well it'll end up being "down to face-hug" and we know how that goes
posted by GuyZero at 3:31 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

"Each record is encased in a protective aluminum jacket, together with a cartridge and a needle. Instructions, in symbolic language, explain the origin of the spacecraft and indicate how the record is to be played."

There's such lovely humanity in the original 55 recorded greetings. Such as:

Arabic: "Greetings to our friends in the stars. May time bring us together"
Bengali: "Hello! Let there be peace everywhere"
Mandarin: "How's everyone? We all very much wish to meet you, if you're free please come and visit"
Latin: "Greetings to you, whoever you are; we have good will towards you and bring peace across space"
Hindi: "Greetings from the inhabitants of this world"
Ukranian: "We are sending greetings from our world, wishing you happiness, goodness, good health and many years"
Persian: "Greetings to the residents of far skies"
Welsh: "Good health to you now and forever"
Nguni (Zulu): "We greet you, great ones. We wish you longevity"
Esperanto: "We strive to live in peace with the peoples of the whole world, of the whole cosmos."
--
There's always one person who doesn't follow the instructions:
Indonesian: "Good night, ladies and gentlemen. Goodbye and see you next time"
--
Contrasted with the person who took the instructions way literally:
Swedish: "Greetings from a computer programmer in the small university town of Ithaca on (the) planet Earth"
--
And of course, this person probably should have been shown The Twilight Zone's "To Serve Man" before they offered:
Amoy (Min dialect): "Friends of space, how are you all? Have you eaten yet? Come visit us if you have time"
posted by zarq at 3:32 PM on September 16, 2016 [11 favorites]

This has been a message from the Earth Tourism Board.

P.S. - Sorry about the weather, it's been a bit warm lately
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:36 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

Welsh: "Good health to you now and forever"

I know they needed to cover their bases, but what if aliens do speak Welsh? Can we handle that?
posted by GuyZero at 3:37 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

Nguni (Zulu): "We greet you, great ones. We wish you longevity"

More like

Nguni (Zulu): Don't trust the white ones.
Ojibway: Don't trust the white ones.
Nahuatl: Don't trust the white ones.
Inuktitut: Don't trust the white ones.
posted by GuyZero at 3:40 PM on September 16, 2016 [8 favorites]

yeah well it'll end up being "down to face-hug" and we know how that goes

DON'T KINKSHAME ME. but seriously, someone on this planet is probably into that. That's why we're the party planet.

Also we're the party planet because we'd totally do this:

vulcan science academy: why do you need another warp core

humans: we’re going to plug two of them together and see if we go twice as fast

vsa: last time we gave you a warp core you threw it into a sun to see if the sun would go twice as fast

humans: hahaha yeah

humans: it did tho

vsa: IT EXPLODED

humans: it exploded twice as fast

posted by yasaman at 3:42 PM on September 16, 2016 [7 favorites]

yasaman that is awesome. As is:

klingons: okay we don’t get it

vulcan science academy: get what

klingons: you vulcans are a bunch of stuffy prisses but you’re also tougher, stronger, and smarter than humans in every single way

klingons: why do you let them run your federation

vulcan science academy: look

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores they don’t do experiments on one and save the other for if the first one blows up

vulcan science academy: this is a species where if you give them two warp cores, they will ask for a third one, immediately plug all three into each other, punch a hole into an alternate universe where humans subscribe to an even more destructive ideological system, fight everyone in it because they’re offended by that, steal their warp cores, plug those together, punch their way back here, then try to turn a nearby sun into a torus because that was what their initial scientific experiment was for and they didn’t want to waste a trip.

vulcan science academy: they did that last week. we have the write-up right here. it’s getting published in about six hundred scientific journals across two hundred different disciplines because of how many established theories their ridiculous little expedition has just called into question. also, they did turn that sun into a torus, and no one actually knows how.

vulcan science academy: this is why we let them do whatever the hell they want.

klingons: …. can we be a part of your federation

posted by zarq at 3:53 PM on September 16, 2016 [7 favorites]

I listened to the Science Friday thing today and one thing Drake noted ruefully was NASA was really nervous about being accused of sending "smut into space"; so no nudity in the imagery. Which is a bit awkward if your intent is to convey anatomy unambiguously. They had a strict rule that any image of generative organs had to come from a textbook, not be produced for NASA, so the image they used has English labels. Drake laughed at what a challenge that would be to some imagined exolinguist, figuring out what those weird symbols might mean.
posted by Nelson at 3:54 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

I'm just impressed that a Canadian hip-hop artist was being interviewed on Science Friday!

He's got more gold records than Voyager.
posted by GuyZero at 4:01 PM on September 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

In addition to the music, there are also images encoded in the audio. A few years ago I ran across the audio file on archive.org, so I wrote filters to extract the images. Unfortunately it was captured with AGC turned on, which results in strong banding around any features.

I also noted that the solar location map, image #2, appears upside down compared to the official version. This worries me -- how will ET know how to find out planet if the image is rotated? NASA should send a follow-up probe with a correction as soon as possible. They can also update the image with Pluto in the list of planets.
posted by autopilot at 4:11 PM on September 16, 2016 [2 favorites]

We already sent them a golden record.

Now we should send them something comfortable to sit on while listening to it. Clearly that has to be the solid 24k gold toilet from the other thread.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 4:19 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

We already sent them a golden record.

Can we hibernate Marilyn McCoo and send her with the Solid Gold dancers?
posted by octobersurprise at 4:32 PM on September 16, 2016

Or holographic AI Solid Gold dancers in a ship the size of a Coke can.
posted by octobersurprise at 4:36 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

On further reflection, I have three suggestions for packages:

(1) Kumar and Melamid's "Most Unwanted" and most wanted tracks, plus some recordings from their collaborator, David Soldier's Thai Elephant Orchestra.

(2) The entire Cremaster series, plus the complete works of Shonda Rhimes.

(3) About 30 gigs of YouTube's most popular zit-popping videos, and an Enya album.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 4:38 PM on September 16, 2016

Now I want to create a zit-popping supercut video set to the soothing neo-Celtic stylings of Enya.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:57 PM on September 16, 2016

I think we should keep that one to ourselves though. No point in showing all our quirks right off the bat, eh? First Impressions Last and all that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:58 PM on September 16, 2016

Slow down the video portion, to give it a proper dreamy solemn quality. We want something our species can be proud of!
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:25 PM on September 16, 2016

Another project like this, which is currently orbiting the earth (and is likely to continue to do so forever), is Trevor Paglen's The Last Pictures.
posted by twsf at 5:28 PM on September 16, 2016

I thought it was well-established that the aliens wanted us to send more Chuck Berry.
posted by wabbittwax at 6:09 PM on September 16, 2016 [1 favorite]

The first thing on the record should be a thirty-page EULA they have to click through in order to see the rest. Everything else on the record should be ads. If there's space, maybe we include an uninstaller that doesn't work.
posted by Riki tiki at 6:22 PM on September 16, 2016 [6 favorites]

The complete works of Jackie Chan and the Hydraulic Press Channel.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 6:37 PM on September 16, 2016

Any broadcast by Vin Scully would be fine with me.

Put Gibson's 88 World Series home run call on there, and the aliens would be sure to love humanity, guaranteed.
posted by sideshow at 6:45 PM on September 16, 2016

"Mostly Harmless"
posted by ZeusHumms at 9:06 PM on September 16, 2016 [3 favorites]

"Don't Be Like Us"
posted by nubs at 9:12 PM on September 16, 2016

Bel Biv Devoe- Poison
posted by drinkyclown at 1:12 AM on September 17, 2016

I'm surprised to discover that I'd never actually seen the images from the record before. What an incredibly strange collection: a badly framed shot of the incomplete bodies of jumping dophins (really? that's the one you chose?), a snapshot of an open book describing projectile motion in wordy English text, unreal looking water drops around the perimeter of a leaf, line drawings showing ENORMOUS birds and frogs next to humans, a seashell that's been cut open and all the cut-off bits removed leaving no indication they were there, a dead alligator lying on its back in the mud, a drill press with all the interesting bits hidden from view, a factory floor with all the interesting bits hidden from view, a continental drift diagram with a continent-sized human hand placed randomly next to one of the globes. . . what the hell?

Given the degree to which the original image-selection committee clearly just phoned it in, it's hard to imagine a new version wouldn't be an improvement.

The original music selections - which I'm much more familiar with - are more reasonable than I would naively have expected. It definitely feels like someone stopped by an American record store and only bothered with the Bach, Beethoven, and "world music" categories. But, at least the world music category actually does make up the majority of the tracks. I'd be hard pressed to put together an appropriate alternative list with any confidence.
posted by eotvos at 10:04 AM on September 17, 2016

Thinking about this a bit further - I wondered if the human hand on the continental drift image might be a strangely encoded attempt to show when humans evolved or something.

But, actually it's a bit more interesting than that. It appears to be a diagram showing the continents 3 billion years ago, one today with a giant floating human hand apparently meant to indicate the present, and some sort of projection of what the continents are expected to look like in 10 million years. Which is kind of neat, and if you believe in the accuracy of that projection possibly even useful to the aliens who find the record.

I take back my criticism of that image. (But there's still no excuse for the dolphins.)
posted by eotvos at 10:27 AM on September 17, 2016

Science Friday asks: "If humanity were to send another Golden Record to the stars, what would it contain?"

I normally don't like nostalgia and thinking about the 'good old days'. Maybe I'm getting old, because here's my grumpy old man:

Goddamit you don't ask what you'd put on another golden record. You make another record and send it off to space!

Kids these days! They just don't have it. All talk and no action.
posted by eye of newt at 1:03 AM on September 18, 2016 [2 favorites]

"every generation of humanity sends a new golden record to space to supplant the previous generation's lame music"
- me on twitter
posted by moonmilk at 4:07 PM on September 19, 2016