Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue.

October 5, 2016 9:49 PM

What do you do when your company's commercial sparks urban legends about a curse? Why, replace it with one that isn't creepy at all.

Bonus: Mount Osore is said to mark the entrance of hell.

posted by Johnny Wallflower (38 comments total)

I thought it was Bjork.
posted by scalefree at 10:19 PM on October 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

OPUS III
posted by roger ackroyd at 10:24 PM on October 5, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sweet dreams.
You can't resist.
N. E. S. T. L. E. S.
A dream as sweet as this.
N. E. S. T. L. E. S.
Creamy white.
Dreamy white.
Nestle makes the very best.
N. E. S. T. L. E. S.
Sweet dreams.
You can't resist.
posted by boo_radley at 10:24 PM on October 5, 2016 [24 favorites]

As long as they spell the name right...
posted by tspae at 10:49 PM on October 5, 2016 [2 favorites]

some people say if you listen to the alpine white commercial at 11:11 PM, it will spell out the names of the person who loves you the most, the person who hates you the most, and the name of the your first victim
posted by boo_radley at 10:51 PM on October 5, 2016 [3 favorites]

Johnny Carson?
posted by clavdivs at 10:53 PM on October 5, 2016

The article doesn't really get across how really incredibly creepy the ad is. You really have to watch it. They say "If you see something, say something". The people who complained about the ad were just doing their civic duty.
posted by bleep at 11:02 PM on October 5, 2016 [5 favorites]

Ok, I saw string on the Kleenex.

And the young to raspy old voice at night is some 'White Noise/Grudge' shit going on there.
posted by clavdivs at 11:26 PM on October 5, 2016

I have walked on Mount Osore, all confusion has disapeared since, i̳̺̟̤̰͟ͅͅt̳̙͙̘̰ ̷̗̲i̧̮̼͓̲̺s̻ ҉̪͚̯̯f̜͚̼͘í̯̠̞͍̺͖l̞̫̱͎͉̹l̫̘e̙̦͝d̸̤͙͕ ͈͉̩͚w̟i͏̪͍̯̭͎ͅͅt̛h̛̭̜̭ ̺͖̟̦̼̘a̡̺̲ń̥̣̻̯̘̩̺ ̝̬̻̬͕͖a͎̮͇n͈͜c̰͇͍͖͠i͙̟̘̣͚̙e͢n̳̖̥̩͎̘̙t̟͔̤̙̻͍͞ ̶̯̻̬l̷̪̲i̠̖̩͟g̷̦ht̨̙͖̫̗̻ ̡̲͖̘̠̲̲͔t̮̩̣̻̜h̭͈̦̹͇̺̹͠a̟̭̮̬͉̠̭t̹̳̜͡ ̵̖̫͖̩c̨l̴̞e̝̪̖a͓͇̭ṟ̬̮̙̜̱̪s̥͙͉͍ ͉̪̭̩̮͕͟t͙̖̲ͅh͍͟e̹ p̲̜͕̮̭̱a̗̱̬̜̰̯t̤̜̥̲̮̺͞h̵̻.̢͍̤
posted by SageLeVoid at 2:51 AM on October 6, 2016 [9 favorites]

This feels like a cultural context thing.

As if I'm fundamentally missing something.

Like the woman with the Troll baby is code for something else?. Or perhaps the visuals are a representation of something that's very subtly made up of layers of cultural history I have no context/connection to/for?

The Angel Baby also feels like there is major context missing which adds to the creepyness.

I mean what are they trying to communicate? That Kleenex is pure enough to be used by magical creatures? That Kleenex is soft and light enough to float on air? I mean I just fail to understand what they are trying to communicate other than 'Kleenex - it is a product that exists.'
posted by Faintdreams at 4:52 AM on October 6, 2016 [5 favorites]

I can only conclude that the advert market in 1980s Japan was just much more interesting than anything that's happened in this cultural backwater known as the U.S.
posted by allthinky at 5:11 AM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't find the ads creepy, just annoying. I would support a bill that mandates that advertisements must contain actual (and factual) information about the product. Ads like this make me think that some ad exec believes that I'll buy a product based on a "feeling" I get watching the commercial. Being treated as if I don't have a headful of functioning brain cells bugs the crap out of me. (Fwiw, I really liked the song in the first ad, which was new to me. So, the ad may move me to buy her music, but I'm not anymore likely to buy Kleenex brand tissues.)

Re that Nestles Alpine ad: everybody know that this is how you sing N.E.S.T.L.E.S. The melody in the ad is as disconcerting to my ears as if they had actually misspelled the brand name.
posted by she's not there at 5:35 AM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

Like the woman with the Troll baby is code for something else?. Or perhaps the visuals are a representation of something that's very subtly made up of layers of cultural history I have no context/connection to/for?

I don't think you're missing all that much, really. It's just a weird ad with a creepy song. Though it's worth pointing out that the "demon" look of the baby is very specifically oni-ish rather than being necessarily a Western demon, and oni naturally have a lot of superstitions associated with them, of the "they bring bad luck" variety. But it's not like there's a taboo on depicting oni; they're pretty common in anime, manga and video games from Japan. So I think it's really mostly the creepy song.

It does amuse me, though, that Kleenex countered their demon baby with an angel baby. Cancels it right out!
posted by tobascodagama at 5:45 AM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

I probably hadn't seen or thought about that first Nestles ad since it originally aired, but it turns out every single frame is somehow seared into my memory. *man in turtleneck looks to the sky*
posted by phooky at 5:46 AM on October 6, 2016 [5 favorites]

WHAT IS WITH THE TITLE OF THIS POST

Something about many 80s commercials triggers a fight or flight response in me, like they've somehow managed to lace video with psychotropic drugs that make you incredibly paranoid and fearful of everything. I've read books that suggest the 80s were when advertisers started to tap more directly into dream-like imagery in a continuing trend away from direct salesmanship towards emotional appeals, which would explain why so many feel like creepy nightmares.
posted by chrominance at 6:09 AM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Actually helpful, useful YT comments! On the Angel one the music is "Geinoh Yamashirogumi - Kleenex. The same group who did the Akira soundtrack."
posted by now i'm piste at 6:15 AM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Ads like this make me think that some ad exec believes that I'll buy a product based on a "feeling" I get watching the commercial.

Maybe because they do?
posted by Mchelly at 6:20 AM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

Eh, it's still better than this Japanese ad for band-aids.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 6:23 AM on October 6, 2016 [6 favorites]

In other creepy advertising, there is a (regional?) bratwurst company in these parts called Tiefenthaler, and their thing is brats without the casings. I just noticed yesterday that their marketing phrases include "GO SKINLESS!" and "ONCE YOU’VE GONE SKINLESS…YOU CAN’T GO BACK!"
posted by jason_steakums at 6:26 AM on October 6, 2016 [5 favorites]

More of the original song/recording. "It's a Fine Day" by Jane & Barton
Edward Barton (as Owain Barton) would be credited for the melody being reworked it into Kylie Minogue's Confide In Me
Barton has an interesting catalogue aside from this hit. See I've Got No Chicken But I've Got Five Wooden Chairs
The Kirsty Hawkshaw/Opus III version of "Fine Day".
Remixed and texturized by Orbital in Orbital - Halcyon On and On. Also used in the opening scene to Hackers, which had a great soundtrack. Halcyon is an amazing song, and even better live.
posted by now i'm piste at 6:43 AM on October 6, 2016 [12 favorites]

Oh my god. That Nestle's ad. I would have been 8 years old when it was airing. The whole thing is archived in my brain like something I watched yesterday, even though I haven't accessed that memory for 30 years. What is the art work they're satirizing? It now occurs to me it was also on the cover of Bloom County's Penguin Dreams collection.
posted by qxntpqbbbqxl at 7:26 AM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

I'm going to be hearing those synthesizer chords all day, now.
posted by a lungful of dragon at 7:29 AM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

Sweet dreams Faith No More can't resist.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:11 AM on October 6, 2016 [4 favorites]

What is the art work they're satirizing?

Maxfield Parrish
posted by methinks at 8:14 AM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

There was something ... off ... about the first Kleenex ad beyond just that it was weird and the song was kind of creepy. It was like the opposite of ASMR videos.

I tend to love urban legends/etc. but generally roll my eyes at them, too. I don't really feel surprised that this commercial got a bunch attached to it, though.
posted by darksong at 8:50 AM on October 6, 2016

I want a white chocolate bar so fucking bad right now
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:28 AM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

Selling tissues in Japan has to be fairly difficult, since so many of them are given away for free.
posted by bgrebs at 10:02 AM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

Maxfield Parrish

Duluth, MN is a popular "mini-vacation" spot for folks based in other places in MN. Mr. Motion and I were enjoying a much needed break from the Twin Cities, and one evening featured a particularly beautiful sunset. All pastel blues and pinks and purples and yellows and layers of cumulus and cumulonimbus clouds stretching across Lake Superior. I remarked on it to Mr. Motion, which produced the following exchange:

Mr. Motion: It looks like a Maxfield Parrish painting
sparklemotion: A who-what now?
MM: You've never heard of Maxfield Parrish?
sm: nope, should I have?
MM: Well, he paints pictures that look like this sunset (and have naked ladies)
sm: ...

I pictured in my head Heavy Metal magazine style sci-fi covers with pretty sunsets in the background, and decided to file it away with 1st gen Mazda RX-7s and Pamida and the other strange artifacts of Mr. Motion's youth.

It so happened that we were enjoying this sunset while walking to the restaurant where we planned to have dinner. It was so nice out that we chose to sit outside. After we were seated, our waitress came by to get drink orders and make small talk:

Waitress: It's such a nice evening to sit outside!
sm: Yes, the sunset is beautiful.
Waitress: Yeah, it looks just like a Maxfield Parrish painting!
sm: ...

At which point, I was convinced that there was a conspiracy going on. Especially since she didn't seem like a Heavy Metal magazine reader or Mazda RX-7 enthusiast at all.

Anyways, that's why I got a copy of a Maxfield Parrish coffee table book for Christmas that year. There were entirely fewer swords, fembots, and metal tigers with laser eyes than I had expected.
posted by sparklemotion at 10:07 AM on October 6, 2016 [10 favorites]

Ads like this make me think that some ad exec believes that I'll buy a product based on a "feeling" I get watching the commercial.

Maybe because they do ?

I think in a lot of ways it's easier to understand the strategy as it applies to big ticket items like cars. You want to have a really good feeling about something that you'll be both using and paying off for years to come.

It's harder to understand how the same kind of emotional manipulation sells something that you literally blow snot into and then throw away.
posted by tobascodagama at 10:10 AM on October 6, 2016

Anyways, that's why I got a copy of a Maxfield Parrish coffee table book for Christmas that year. There were entirely fewer swords, fembots, and metal tigers with laser eyes than I had expected.

So it was a crummy gift, is what you're saying?
posted by tobascodagama at 10:11 AM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

It's harder to understand how the same kind of emotional manipulation sells something that you literally blow snot into and then throw away.

Ah, but what about when the emotion evoked is DEMON SPAWN! DEMON SPAWN LURKING RIGHT UNDER YOUR VERY NOSE! ...
posted by Mchelly at 10:24 AM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]

The purpose of an ad is to get you to remember the name of the product. Invoking a bunch of feels in the ad helps do this.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 10:31 AM on October 6, 2016

Why is that whole house full of dogs excited about chocolate???? DOGS ARE ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE. Merry freaking Christmas, your whole dog family died because you were entranced by special holiday wrapping. I'm so retroactively upset at nestle now.
posted by Mizu at 11:01 AM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]

Well, I really like it. A surreal little vignette is much more enjoyable to me than a regular commercial. It's got creepy imagery and eerie music and it's not loud or boring, and I might let that influence a minor purchasing decision like what brand of tissues to get.

And my opinion matters more than other people's because I have a cold right now.
posted by ernielundquist at 11:24 AM on October 6, 2016

Uh, Mizu... those are puppets.
posted by queensissy at 4:47 PM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

Just because they're puppets doesn't mean they can't be allergic to chocolate. Next you'll be telling me Miss Piggy's favorite holiday treat is pineapple glazed ham.
posted by Mizu at 5:06 PM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]

I don't understand other people's criteria for creepy.
posted by bongo_x at 9:59 PM on October 6, 2016

I thought it was a unicorn baby.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:25 PM on October 8, 2016