How to spend your commissary money wisely

October 11, 2016 8:34 AM

Make Chi Chi: just combine ramen, hot pickle, spicy sausage, jalapeno squeeze cheese, canned chili, honey, spicy cheese puffs, minute rice, hot sauce, and a billion dollar industry. Don't worry, you can buy the chips.
posted by phlyingpenguin (24 comments total)

The jail I used to visit clients in called their version of stuff from the commissary mixed in a bag "The Hook Up." I do wish the stuff about the Keefe Group was more than a side part of a human interest piece about crazy prison food, though.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:52 AM on October 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

I'd just like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. For the past week I've been trying to remember the name of the chain restaurant we used to eat at when I was a kid and.... it's Chi Chi's! (of hep A infamy)
posted by selfnoise at 8:55 AM on October 11, 2016

This is a good time to note that "chichi" is generally not a term you should sling around, and is an especially bad name for a food chain. I think I can see why it was used for such a concoction in prison though.
posted by phlyingpenguin at 8:59 AM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Soylent Orange is the new Green?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:04 AM on October 11, 2016

Huh. Puts Chi Chi Rodriguez in a different light, I guess.
posted by indubitable at 9:05 AM on October 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

Sounds like all dressed chips.
posted by quaking fajita at 9:17 AM on October 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

I've done a bit of research into Union Supply Direct, JL Marcus and Keefe Group previously.

Some of the products you'll pretty much only see in prison include Swintec clear typewriters, the Sony SRF-39FP, the Keefe Access to Entertainment Player, and hot pots and immersion heaters that will warm (but not boil) water.

I first got interested in the prison commodity industry as part of this post, where we got into the effects of the Zimmer Amendment.
posted by zamboni at 9:18 AM on October 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

Damn, that sounds pretty tasty compared to some of the shit I used to eat when I was a student. Then again, the inmates probably have more money than I did when I was a student.
posted by strelitzia at 9:27 AM on October 11, 2016

Chi Chis was our go to "mexican" food place in college. No, I can't explain that. We were young, and in NW Indiana.
posted by COD at 9:36 AM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Note to self: obey all laws.
posted by Mr.Me at 10:10 AM on October 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

Jalapeno squeeze cheese? Holy smokes, I gotta get to the commissary!
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:38 AM on October 11, 2016

wont someone think of the amount of sodium in that bag? good lord.
posted by ShawnString at 11:07 AM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

A Chi-Chi is also a Pina Colada made with vodka instead of rum. So if you like getting caught in the rain, but can't handle rum you are in luck.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:29 AM on October 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

The MSNBC show Lockup runs fairly frequent segments on prison "spreads" like this (and Pruno). There was an interesting behind-the-scenes segment once where the crew discussed the etiquette and ethics of being invited to share the food of inmates (i.e., it's rude to turn down what people who have little offer you, but at the same time you can't eat too much or appear to notice when the food turns out to be the quality you'd expect given the limited ingredients and nonexistent cooking facilities available).
posted by praemunire at 11:47 AM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

"This is a good time to note that "chichi" is generally not a term you should sling around, and is an especially bad name for a food chain. I think I can see why it was used for such a concoction in prison though."

There's much more to it than that.
posted by klangklangston at 12:10 PM on October 11, 2016

phlyingpenguin: "This is a good time to note that "chichi" is generally not a term you should sling around, and is an especially bad name for a food chain. I think I can see why it was used for such a concoction in prison though."

See also fi-fi. Or maybe not.
posted by Splunge at 1:29 PM on October 11, 2016

I never went to the restaurant Chi-Chi's, but I was on a College Bowl team that traveled from Houston to Minneapolis, and one of our team members was pushing very hard to go there. "Come on, let's go see what they think Tex-Mex is up here, it'll be hilarious!"
posted by Four Ds at 1:31 PM on October 11, 2016

See Also: Skyline Chili, in Ohio. Ragu Spaghetti Sauce is a better chili.
posted by jenkinsEar at 1:44 PM on October 11, 2016

I went to a Chi-Chi's once. I don't recall what I ordered, but I would describe what I got as a cream of mushroom soup burrito.
posted by neilbert at 3:16 PM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

Is there anyone here that has tasted both Shabang chips and Canadian All-Dressed chips? Is there a big difference?
posted by CCBC at 3:44 PM on October 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

While we're off-topic.. Mr. Coffeemate and I live about a mile and a half from the site of the original Chi-Chi's in Richfield. That was Mexican food for my family in the early 1990s.
After Chi-Chi's, closed, the building was a dim sum restaurant for a few years before being knocked down to make way for Menard's.
posted by Coffeemate at 6:01 PM on October 11, 2016

Huh. Puts Chi Chi Rodriguez in a different light, I guess.

I can't see that name without mentally pronouncing it like Les Nessman's "Chai Chai Rodri-gweeze".
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:27 PM on October 11, 2016 [4 favorites]

Chi Chi is also a brand of economically priced but very good Australian cosmetics, and frankly I'd rather eat a bowl of lipstick than this rameny disaster.
posted by Jilder at 2:11 AM on October 12, 2016

As a lover of all things loaded with sodium and ambiguously flavored, I would love to buy these chips but it feels really unsavory (sorrynotsorry) buying them from a company profiting off the prison system.
posted by sherief at 7:55 AM on October 12, 2016