GOTY 2016

December 11, 2016 5:58 PM

Wait in line. Move. Jump literal inches in the air. Try to stay awake by punching yourself in the face (but not too much). Waiting in Line 3D is the hot new 2.5D FPS by Rajeev Basu.
posted by codacorolla (23 comments total)

Is the joke that it's just the Start Screen with the screech music? Or should I be using a different browser?

Edit: Works in IE but not Chrome.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:03 PM on December 11, 2016

Got 2:09... Is punching yourself the only effective way to stay awake? Moving and jumping don't seem to do anything significant.

I also managed to lose by beating myself to death in 4 seconds.
posted by FallowKing at 6:10 PM on December 11, 2016

This is the line to get on that bus that runs through the desert?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:16 PM on December 11, 2016 [24 favorites]

Holy shit that music with no easily accessible off button.
posted by Talez at 6:23 PM on December 11, 2016

I think 2:09 is basically the maximum possible time, given that health seems to regenerate at a consistent pace and sleepiness happens at a consistent pace.

0:04 also seems to be the minimum time, for the speedrunners out there.
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:23 PM on December 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

I've come to the conclusion that this game is a prank to get the ignorant to turn on Sticky Keys and not be able to turn it off.
posted by Talez at 6:24 PM on December 11, 2016 [9 favorites]

There was a section in one of Illusion of Gaia's larger cities where you can wait in line to get a particular item. One of the magazine previews for the game at the time highlighted this amazing Line Waiting Simulator tucked away into a shiny upcoming action RPG. I guess, in the early 90s, that was a little hint of the kind of incredible immersive game worlds we'd be playing in now, here in 2016, where we finally have a game that is nothing but waiting in a line.
posted by byanyothername at 6:27 PM on December 11, 2016 [2 favorites]

Also 2:36 I could have gone longer but my masochism has a pretty low bar I guess
posted by byanyothername at 6:28 PM on December 11, 2016

Steam Greenlight, this time you've gone too far!
posted by mikek at 7:43 PM on December 11, 2016

Ow, my poor face.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:47 PM on December 11, 2016

idkfa does nothing.
posted by radwolf76 at 7:48 PM on December 11, 2016

Go left!
posted by sourcequench at 7:55 PM on December 11, 2016

Managed 2:19 with a strategy of punching myself in the face strictly every ten seconds until my health got below 50, then winging it. I am not sure what an optimum strategy would be.
posted by motty at 8:19 PM on December 11, 2016

FPS in this case means first person stander.
posted by codacorolla at 8:21 PM on December 11, 2016 [3 favorites]

Or first person sucker.
posted by mochapickle at 8:56 PM on December 11, 2016

Optimal strategy is to background the tab. Javascript slows down on non-active tabs, but the timer is counting since the start of the game.

Got 3:06 on accident.
posted by Imperfect at 8:59 PM on December 11, 2016 [5 favorites]

Optimal strategy is to background the tab. Javascript slows down on non-active tabs, but the timer is counting since the start of the game.

It appears health recovers faster or sleep diminishes slower when you're still green, which suggests a possible optimal strategy for this strategy. But this may not be true; it may just be on the RNG of how much damage you do to yourself, which goes between 7 - 15 that I've seen.

I got 11:23 tabbing and that only ended because of a 14 point punch I shouldn't have done; 12 minutes would be easy.

Strategy appears in the most mundane.
posted by solarion at 10:06 PM on December 11, 2016 [1 favorite]

I also managed to lose by beating myself to death in 4 seconds.

Still sounds better than cookie clicker.
posted by sebastienbailard at 11:20 PM on December 11, 2016

Previously: Sweden Simulator 2015
posted by effbot at 11:57 PM on December 11, 2016 [5 favorites]

The Sweden Simulator is hysterical.
posted by MythMaker at 4:15 AM on December 12, 2016

IDSPISPOPD... nope.
posted by Splunge at 5:30 AM on December 12, 2016

The old school version of this is early Final Fantasy games where you could get stuck behind NPC villagers whose random motions wedged them into a shop entrance and you'd have to wait for them to decide to move the hell out of the way
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:04 AM on December 12, 2016 [1 favorite]

It took me several weeks but I finally understand the punchline to this.
posted by solarion at 2:16 PM on January 4, 2017 [1 favorite]